There is no conversation so graceful, so varied, so sparkling, as that
of an intellectual and cultivated woman. Excellence in this particular
is, indeed, one of the attributes of the sex, and should be cultivated
by every gentlewoman who aspires to please in general society.
In order to talk well, three conditions are indisputable,
namely--tact, a good memory, and a fair education.
Remember that people take more interest in their own affairs than in
anything else which you can name. If you wish your conversation to be
thoroughly agreeable, lead a mother to talk of her children, a young
lady of her last ball, an author of his forthcoming book, or an artist
of his exhibition picture. Having furnished the topic, you need
only listen; and you are sure to be thought not only agreeable, but
thoroughly sensible and well-informed.
Be careful, however, on the other hand, not always to make a point of
talking to persons upon general matters relating to their professions.
To show an interest in their immediate concerns is flattering; but
to converse with them too much about their own arts looks as if you
thought them ignorant of other topics.
Remember in conversation that a voice "gentle and low" is, above all
other extraneous acquirements, "an excellent thing in woman." There is
a certain distinct but subdued tone of voice which is peculiar to only
well-bred persons. A loud voice is both disagreeable and vulgar. It is
better to err by the use of too low than too loud a tone.
Remember that all "slang" is vulgar. It has become of late
unfortunately prevalent, and we know many ladies who pride themselves
on the saucy _chique_ with which they adopt certain Americanisms,
and other cant phrases of the day. Such habits cannot be too severely
reprehended. They lower the tone of society and the standard of
thought. It is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any way a
substitute for wit.
The use of proverbs is equally vulgar in conversation; and puns,
unless they rise to the rank of witticisms, are to be scrupulously
avoided. A lady-punster is a most unpleasing phenomenon, and we would
advise no young woman, however witty she may be, to cultivate this
kind of verbal talent.
Long arguments in general company, however entertaining to the
disputants, are tiresome to the last degree to all others. You should
always endeavour to prevent the conversation from dwelling too long
upon one topic.
Religion is a topic which should never be introduced in society. It is
the one subject on which persons are most likely to differ, and least
able to preserve temper.
Never interrupt a person who is speaking. It has been aptly said that
"if you interrupt a speaker in the middle of his sentence, you act
almost as rudely as if, when walking with a companion, you were to
thrust yourself before him, and stop his progress."
To listen well is almost as great an art as to talk well. It is not
enough _only_ to listen. You must endeavour to seem interested in the
conversation of others.
It is considered extremely ill-bred when two persons whisper in
society, or converse in a language with which all present are not
familiar. If you have private matters to discuss, you should appoint
a proper time and place to do so, without paying others the ill
compliment of excluding them from your conversation.
If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small party, and does not
understand English sufficiently to follow what is said, good breeding
demands that the conversation shall be carried on in his own language.
If at a dinner-party, the same rule applies to those at his end of the
table.
If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the thread of a
previous conversation, you should briefly recapitulate to him what has
been said before he arrived.
Do not be _always_ witty, even though you should be so happily gifted
as to need the caution. To outshine others on every occasion is the
surest road to unpopularity.
Always look, but never stare, at those with whom you converse.
In order to meet the general needs of conversation in society, it is
necessary that a gentlewoman should be acquainted with the current
news and historical events of at least the last few years.
Never talk upon subjects of which you know nothing, unless it be for
the purpose of acquiring information. Many young ladies imagine that
because they play a little, sing a little, draw a little, and frequent
exhibitions and operas, they are qualified judges of art. No mistake
is more egregious or universal.
Those who introduce anecdotes into their conversation are warned
that these should invariably be "short, witty, eloquent, new, and not
far-fetched."
Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities.
In conversing with a woman of rank, do not too frequently give her her
title. Only a lady's-maid interlards every sentence with "My Lady," or
"My Lord." It is, however, well to show that you remember the station
of your interlocutor by now and then introducing some such phrase
as--"I think I have already mentioned to your Grace"--or, "I believe,
Madam, you were observing--"
A peer or baron may occasionally, as in an address, be styled "My
Lord," but a lady of equal rank must only be addressed as "Madam."
In general, however, a nobleman or lady of high rank should only be
addressed as you would address any other gentleman or lady. The Prince
of Wales himself is only styled "Sir" in conversation, and the Queen
"Madam."
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