Do not lightly give or promise letters of introduction. Always
remember that when you give a letter of introduction you lay yourself
under an obligation to the friend to whom it is addressed. If she
lives in a great city, such as Paris or London, you in a measure
compel her to undergo the penalty of escorting the stranger to some of
those places of public entertainment in which the capital abounds. If
your friend be a married lady, and the mistress of a house, you put
her to the expense of inviting the stranger to her table. We cannot be
too cautious how we tax the time and purse of a friend, or weigh too
seriously the question of mutual advantage in the introduction. Always
ask yourself whether the person introduced will be an acceptable
acquaintance to the one to whom you present her; and whether the
pleasure of knowing her will compensate for the time or money which
it costs to entertain her. If the stranger is in any way unsuitable in
habits or temperament, you inflict an annoyance on your friend instead
of a pleasure. In questions of introduction never oblige one friend to
the discomfort of another.
Those to whom letters of introduction have been given, should send
them to the person to whom they are addressed, and enclose a card.
Never deliver a letter of introduction in person. It places you in the
most undignified position imaginable, and compels you to wait while it
is being read, like a servant who has been told to wait for an answer.
There is also another reason why you should not be yourself the bearer
of your introduction; i.e., you compel the other person to receive
you, whether she chooses or not. It may be that she is sufficiently
ill-bred to take no notice of the letter when sent, and in such case,
if you presented yourself with it, she would most probably receive you
with rudeness. It is, at all events, more polite on your part to give
her the option, and, perhaps, more pleasant. If the receiver of the
letter be a really well-bred person, she will call upon you or leave
her card the next day, and you should return her attentions within the
week.
If, on the other hand, a stranger sends you a letter of introduction
and her card, you are bound by the laws of politeness and hospitality,
not only to call upon her the next day, but to follow up that
attention with others. If you are in a position to do so, the most
correct proceeding is to invite her to dine with you. Should this
not be within your power, you can probably escort her to some of the
exhibitions, bazaars, or concerts of the season; any of which would be
interesting to a foreigner or provincial visitor. In short, etiquette
demands that you shall exert yourself to show kindness to the
stranger, if only out of compliment to the friend who introduced her
to you.
If you invite her to dine with you, it is a better compliment to ask
some others to meet her than to dine with her _tête-à-tête_. You are
thereby giving her an opportunity of making other acquaintances, and
are assisting your friend in still farther promoting the purpose for
which she gave her the introduction to yourself.
Be careful at the same time only to ask such persons as she will feel
are at least her own social equals.
A letter of introduction should be given unsealed, not alone because
your friend may wish to know what you have said of her, but also as
a guarantee of your own good faith. As you should never give such
a letter unless you can speak highly of the bearer, this rule of
etiquette is easy to observe. By requesting your friend to fasten the
envelope before forwarding the letter to its destination, you tacitly
give her permission to inspect its contents.
Let your note-paper be of the best quality and the proper size. Albert
or Queen's size is the best for these purposes.
It has been well said that "attention to the punctilios of politeness
is a proof at once of self-respect, and of respect for your friend."
Though irksome at first, these trifles soon cease to be matters for
memory, and become things of mere habit. To the thoroughly well-bred
they are a second nature. Let no one neglect them who is desirous of
pleasing in society; and, above all, let no one deem them unworthy of
attention. They are precisely the trifles which do most to make social
intercourse agreeable, and a knowledge of which distinguishes the
gentlewoman from the _parvenue_.
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