alike, whenas they do behold in their walks abroad in their forests and
woods, their warrens, parks, meadows, gardens, shrubberies and other
pleasaunces, beasts and birds all a-making love together and sporting
in wanton wise, should feel strange prickings in their flesh, which do
make them fain to apply instant remedy for the smart. And this is just
one of the persuasive and moving things that a many lovers are wont
to say one to the other, when they see their mates lacking heat and
flame and zest; for then do they upbraid them, pointing to the example
of beasts and birds, the which whether wild or tame, as sparrows and
house-pigeons, are ever at some wanton sport, ever engendering and
conceiving, all nature at the work of reproduction, down to the very
trees and plants. Now this is what a fair Spanish lady found one day
to say to a cavalier who was over cold or over respectful: _Sa, gentil
cavallero, mira como los amores de todas suertes se tratan y triumfan
en este verano, y V. S. quada flaco y abatido_, that is to say, “See,
Sir cavalier, how every sort of love doth prevail and triumph in this
Spring-time; yet all the while you are slack and crest-fallen.”
Spring-time ended doth give place to Summer, which cometh after,
bringing its hot days with it. And seeing one heat doth provoke
another, fair dames do thereby double theirs; and truly no refreshment
can so well assuage the same as a _bain chaud et trouble de sperme
venerig_. ’Tis in no wise contrary to sense for an ill to be medicined
by its contrary, as like is medicined by like. For albeit a woman
should bathe her every day, and every day plunge in the clearest
fountain of a whole countryside, yet do this naught avail, nor yet
the lightest garments ever she can don, for to give her refreshing
coolness, though she tuck them up as short as she please, without
ever a petticoat, as many do in hot weather.[109*] And this is just
the worst of it; for in such costume are they drawn to look at
themselves, and take delight in their own beauty, and pore over their
own charms in the fair sunlight, and thus beholding their bodies so
fair, white, smooth, plump and in good case, do of a sudden feel the
heat of concupiscence and sore temptation. But indeed of such martyrs
of continence mighty few have ever been known; and silly fools would
they have been, had it been otherwise. And so they lie there in their
fine beds, unable to endure coverlet or sheet, but tucking up their
very shifts to display themselves half naked; then at daybreak, as the
rising sun doth shine in on them and they come to contemplate their
bodies more closely still and at their ease on all sides and in every
part, they grow exceeding fain after their lovers and fondly wait
their coming. And so, should these by any hap arrive at this moment,
lo! they are right welcome, and very soon clipped in their arms and
close embraced. “For then,” say they, “is the very best embracement and
enjoyment of any hour of day or night.”
None the less is there an old proverb which saith: “June and July,
mouth wet and body dry;” and to these may be added the month of August
likewise. The same is true also of men, who are in a parlous state
when they do get overheated at these seasons, and in especial when the
dog-star is in the ascendant,—a thing they should beware of. But if
they _will_ burn at their own candle, well! so much the worse for them!
Women run no such risk, for that every month, and every season, every
time and every planet, are good for them.
Then again the good summer fruits appear, that seem as if they must
refresh these worthy dames. Some I have noted to eat little of these,
others much. Yet for all this, scarce any change is seen in their heat,
whether they eat much or little, whether they refrain altogether or
eat thereof freely. For the worst of it is that, if there be sundry
fruits which have power to refresh, there are many others that have
just as powerful a heating effect,—to the which the ladies do most
often resort, as also to sundry simples that be of their nature good
and pleasant to eat in soups and salads, as for example asparagus,
artichokes, morels, truffles, mushrooms, and pumpkins. Then there be
sundry newfangled viands which the cooks, at their orders, do well know
how to contrive and accommodate at once to their gourmandise and their
wanton desires, and which doctors likewise are cunning in ordering
them. But if only some wise gallant, expert in these mysteries, would
undertake to complete this poor account of mine, he might well fulfil
the task far better than I can.
After all these fine dainties, look to yourselves, that’s all, poor
lovers and husbands! Verily if you be not well prepared, you are very
like to be disgraced, and find the fair ones have left you for pastures
new.
Nor is this all; for to these new fruits, and herbs of garden and
field, must be added great rich pasties, an invention of late times,
compounded of great store of pistachio nuts, pine-seeds and other
inflammatory drugs of the apothecary’s store, the which Summer doth
produce and give in greater abundance than Winter and the other
seasons. Moreover in Summer time is there usually a greater slaughter
of cockerels and young cocks; whereas in Winter ’tis rather the grown
birds, that are not so good or so fitting for this as the young ones,
these last being hotter, more ardent and more wanton than the other
sort. Here is one, amongst many, of the good pleasures and conveniences
that Summer-tide doth afford for lovers.
Now these pasties compounded in this wise of dainty trifles, of young
cocks and the tips of artichokes and truffles, or other heating viands,
are much used by many ladies, by what I hear said. And these same
ladies, when they are eating thereof and a-fishing in the platter,
putting their hand into the mess or plunging a fork therein, will
bring out and clap in their mouth now an artichoke or a truffle, now
a pistachio-nut or a cockscomb or other morsel, and at any of these
will cry out with a look of sad disappointment, “Bah! a blank.” But
when they come across one of the dear cock’s crests, and find these
under their teeth, lo! they do exclaim, “A prize, by’r lady!” and laugh
gaily. ’Tis like at the lottery in Italy; and a man might deem they
had drawn a real prize and won some rich and precious jewel.
Well! they surely owe good thanks to these same good little cockerels,
which Summer doth produce,—as doth the first half of Autumn likewise,
the which season I put along with Summer. The same time of each year
doth give us many other sorts of fruits and small fowl that are an
hundred times more hot than those of Winter-tide or the second half
of Autumn, the near neighbour of chill Winter. True this is reckoned
part of the season of Autumn; yet can we not gather therein all these
excellent simples at their best nor aught else as in the hot time of
the year. Yet doth Winter ever endeavour to supply what it may,—for
instance those good thistles which do engender an excellent heat
and concupiscence, whether raw or cooked, including the little hot
field thistles, on the which asses live and thrive and are vigorous
love-makers. These Summer doth harden and dry up, whereas Winter doth
make the same tender and delicate. Exceeding good salads are made of
these,—a new invented delicacy.
Furthermore, and beside all these things, so many other serviceable
drugs are sought out by apothecaries, dealers and perfumers, that
naught is overlooked, whether for these same pasties or for soups. And
of a surety good justification may be found by women for this keeping
up and maintaining of the heat in Winter time all ever they can. “For,”
say they, “just as we are careful to maintain the heat of the outside
of the body by heavy clothing and thick furs, why shall we not do the
same for the inside?” The men say on their side, “Nay! what availeth
it thus to add heat to heat, like putting silk on silk, contrary to
the Canons, seeing of their own selves they be hot enough already,
and that at whatsoever hour we are fain to assail them, they be always
ready by their natural complexion, without resort to any artificial aid
at all?” What would you have? Mayhap ’tis that they fear their hot and
boiling blood will lose strength and ebb in their veins, and grow chill
and icy, and if it be not kept hot, like that of an hermit that liveth
on roots alone.
Well! well! let them have their way. ’Tis all good for merry gallants;
for women being so constantly in ardour, at the smallest assailment
of love upon them, lo! they are taken at once, and the poor husbands
cuckold and horned like satyrs! Nay! sometimes they will go still
further, these worthy dames, for that they do sometimes share their
good pasties, broths and soups with their lovers out of compassion, to
the end these may be more doughty and not find themselves overexhausted
when it cometh to work, and so themselves may enjoy more exciting and
abundant pleasure. Likewise will they give them receipts to have dishes
compounded privately in their own kitchens. But herein have some been
sore deceived and disappointed. Thus a certain gallant gentleman I
have heard tell of, having in this wise taken his special soup and
coming all cock-a-whoop to accost his mistress, did threat her how
that he would give it her soundly, telling her he had taken his soup
and eat his pasty. She did merely answer him, “Well! you shall prove
your worth; at present I know naught about it.” Presently, when they
were now in each other’s arms and at work, these dainties did but serve
him poorly. Whereon the lady did declare that either his cook had
compounded them ill, or had been niggardly of the drugs and ingredients
needed, or else he had not made all due preparation before taking his
sovran medicine, or mayhap his body was for that while ill disposed to
take it and feel the proper effects thereof. Thus did she make mock of
the poor man.
Still ’tis to be remembered all simples and all drugs, all viands and
all medicines, are not suitable for all alike. With some they will
operate, while others do but draw blank. Moreover I have known women
which, eating of these viands, when ’twas cast up to them how they
would surely by this means have extraordinary and excessive enjoyment,
could yet declare, and affirm the same on oath, that such diet did
never cause them any temptation of any sort whatever. But God wot, they
must herein surely have been playing the pretended prude!
Now as to the claims of Winter, ladies that do champion this season,
maintain that for soups and hot viands, they do know as good receipts
for to make these every whit as good in Winter time as at any other
part of the year. They do possess ample experience, and do declare
this season very meet for love-making. True it is Winter is dim and
dark, close, quiet, retired and secret, yet so must love be, and be
performed in secret, in some retired and darkling spot,—whether in a
closet apart, or in a chimney corner near a good fire, the which doth
engender, by keeping close thereto and for a considerable while, as
much good heat as ever the Summer can provoke. Then how it is in the
dimly lit space betwixt bed and wall, where the eyes of the company,
provided they be near the fire a-warming of themselves, do but hardly
penetrate, or else seated on chests or beds in remote corners, so to
enjoy dalliance. For seeing man and maid pressing the one to the other,
folk deem ’tis but because of the cold and to keep them warm. Yet in
this wise are fine things done, when the lights are far withdrawn on a
distant table or sideboard.
Besides, which is best, Summer or Winter, when one is in bed? ’Tis the
greatest delight in all the world for lovers, man and maid, to cling
together and kiss close, to entwine one with other, for fear of the
nipping cold, and this not for a brief space but for a long while, and
so right pleasantly warm each other,—all this without feeling aught
at all of the excessive heat Summer doth provoke, and that extreme of
sweating that doth sore hinder the carrying out of love. For truly
in Summer time, instead of embracing tight and pressing together and
squeezing close, a pair must needs hold loosely and much apart. Then
Winter is best in this, say the ladies, according to the doctors: men
are more meet for love, more ardent and devoted thereto, in Winter than
in Summer.
I knew once in former days a very great Princess, who was possessed
of much wit, and both spake and wrote better than most. One day she
did set herself to compose verses in favour and praise of Winter, and
the meetness of that season for love. By this we may conceive herself
had found it highly favourable and fitting for the same. These stanzas
were very well composed, and I had them long preserved in my study.
Would I had valued them more, and could find them now, to give the same
here, to the end men might read therein and mark the great merits of
Wintertide and the good properties and meetness for love of that season.
I knew another very high-born lady, and one of the fairest women in
all the world, which being new widowed, and making pretence she cared
not, in view of her new weeds and state of widowhood, to go of evenings
after supper either to visit the Court, or the dance, or the Queen’s
_couchée_, and was fain not to seem worldly-minded, did never leave
her chamber, but suffering all and sundry of her attendants, male and
female, to hie them to the dance, and her son and every soul about
her, or even actually sending them thither, would retire to her secret
chamber. And thither her lover of old, well treated, loved and favoured
of her in her married life, would presently arrive. Or else, having
supped with her, he would stay on and never leave her, sitting out a
certain brother-in-law, who was much by way of guarding the fair lady
from ill. So there would they practise and renew their former loves,
and indulge in new ones preparatory to a second wedlock, the which was
duly accomplished the following Summer. Well! by all I can see after
duly considering the circumstances, I do believe no other season could
have been so favourable for their projects as Winter was, as indeed I
did overhear one of her dainty, intriguing maids also declare.
So now, to draw to an end, I do maintain and declare: that all seasons
be meet for love, when they be chosen suitably, and so as to accord
with the caprice of the men and women which do adopt the same. For
just as War, that is Mars’ pastime, is made at all seasons and times,
and just as the God doth give his victories as it pleaseth him, and
according as he doth find his fighting men well armed and of good
spirit to offer battle, so doth Venus in like wise, according as she
doth find her bands of lovers, men and maids, well disposed for the
fray. Indeed the seasons have scarce aught to do therewith, and which
of them is taken and which chosen doth make but little difference. Nor
yet do their simples, or fruits, their drugs, or drug-dealers, nor any
artifice or device that women do resort to, much avail them, whether to
augment their heat, or to refresh and cool the same.
For indeed, as to this last, I do know a great lady, whose mother,
from her childhood up, seeing her of a complexion so hot and lecherous
that it was like to take her one fine day straight on the road to the
brothel, did make her use sorrel-juice constantly by the space of
thirty years regularly at all her meals, whether with her meat or in
her soups and broths, or to drink great two-handled bowls full thereof
unmixed with other viands; in one word every sauce she did taste was
sorrel-juice, sorrel-juice, everlastingly. Yet were these mysterious
and cooling devices all in vain, for she ended by becoming a right
famous and most arrant harlot,—one that had never need of those pasties
I have spoke of above to give her heat of body, seeing she had enough
and to spare of her own. Yet is this lady as greedy as any to eat of
these same dishes!
Well! I must needs make an end, albeit I could have said much more
and alleged many more good reasons and instances. But we must not be
for ever gnawing contentedly at the same bone; and I would fain hand
over my pen to another and better writer than myself, to argue out the
merits of the divers seasons. I will only name the wish and longing a
worthy Spanish dame did once express. The same did wish and desire it
to be Winter when her love time should be, and her lover a fire, to
the end that when she should come to warm herself at him and be rid of
the bitter cold she should feel, he might enjoy the delight of warming
her, and she of absorbing his heat as she did get warm. Moreover she
would so have opportunity of displaying and exposing herself to him
often and at her ease, that he might enjoy the sight of her lovely
limbs hid before under her linen and skirts, as to warm herself the
more thoroughly, and keep up her other, internal, fire and heat of
concupiscence.
Next she did wish for Spring to come, and her lover to be a garden full
of flowers, with the which she might deck her head and her beautiful
throat and bosom, yea! and roll her lovely body among them between the
sheets.
Likewise she did oftimes wish it to be Summer, and her lover a clear
fountain or glittering stream, for to receive her in his fair, fresh
waters, when she should go to bathe therein and take sport, and so
fully and completely to let him see, touch over and over again, each of
her lovely, wanton limbs.
Finally she did desire it to be Autumn, for him to return once more
to his proper shape, and she to be a woman and her lover a man, that
both might in that season have wit, sense and reason to contemplate
and remember over all the by-gone happiness, and so live in these
delightsome memories and reveries of the past, and inquire and
discourse betwixt them which season had been most meet and pleasant for
their loves.
In such wise was this lady used to apportion and adjudge the seasons.
Wherein I do refer me to the decision of better informed writers than
myself to say which of the four was like to be in its qualities most
delightful and agreeable to the twain.
* * * * *
Now for good and all I do make an end of this present subject. If
any will know further thereof and learn more of the divers humours
of cuckolds, let him study an old song which was made at Court some
fifteen or sixteen years agone, concerning cuckolds, whereof this is
the burden:
Un cocu meine l’autre, et tousjours sont en peine;
Un cocu meine l’autre.
(One cuckoo maketh many, and all are in sorry case;
one cuckoo many maketh.)
I beg all honourable ladies which shall read any of my tales in this
chapter, if byhap they do pay any heed to the same, to forgive me
and if they be somewhat highly spiced, for that I could scarce have
disguised them in more modest fashion, seeing the sauce such must needs
have. And I will say further I could well have cited others still more
extravagant and diverting, were it not that, finding it impossible to
cover the same with any veil of decent modesty, I was afeared to offend
such honourable ladies as shall be at the pains and do me the honour to
read my books. Now will I add but one thing further, to wit, that these
tales which I have here set down are no petty stories of market-town
and village gossip, but do come from high and worthy sources, and deal
not with common and humble personages. I have cared not to have aught
to do but only with great and high subjects, albeit I have dealt with
such discreetly; and as I name no names, I think I have well avoided
all scandal and cause of offence.
Femmes, qui transformez vos marys en oyseaux,
Ne vous en lassez point, la forme en est très-belle;
Car, si vous les laissez en leurs premières peaux,
Ilz voudront vous tenir toujours en curatelle,
Et comme hommes voudront user de leur puissance;
Au lieu qu’estant oyseaux, ne vous feront d’offense.
(Ladies fair, which do transform your husbands into birds, weary not
of the task, the shape they so take is a right convenient one. For if
you do leave them in their first skins, they will for ever keep you
under watch and ward, and manlike will fain to use their power over
you; whereas being birds, they will do you no offence.)
Another Song:
Ceux qui voudront blasmer les femmes amiables
Qui font secrètement leurs bons marys cornards,
Les blasment à grand tort, et ne sont que bavards;
Car elles font l’aumosne et sont fort charitables.
En gardant bien la loy à l’aumosne donner,
Ne faut en hypocrit la trompette sonner.
(They that will be blaming well meaning wives which do in secret
give their husbands horns, these do much wrong by their reproaches,
and are but vain babblers; for indeed such dames are but giving alms
and showing good charity. They do well observe the Christian law of
almsgiving,—never, like the hypocrites, sound the trumpet to proclaim
your good deeds!)
An old Rhyme on the Game of Love,—found by the Author among some old
papers:
Le jeu d’amours, où jeunesse s’esbat,
A un tablier se peut accomparer.
Sur un tablier les dames on abat;
Puis il convient le trictrac préparer,
Et en celui ne faut que se parer.
Plusieurs font Jean. N’est-ce pas jeu honneste,
Qui par nature un joueur admoneste
Passer le temps de cœur joyeusement?
Mais en défaut de trouver la raye nette,
Il s’en ensuit un grand jeu de torment.
(The game of love, whereat youth takes its delight, may be likened
to a chess-board. On a chess-board we lay down the pieces,—_dames_,
ladies; then ’tis the time to marshal our men, and herein we have but
to make the best game we can. Many play the masterful king; and is it
not merely fair play, and an abomination of dame Nature, that a man
should make his game in hearty, joyous wise? But should he fail to
find a sound queen (quean), why! his game is like to end in woeful
pain and sorrow.[110])
[Illustration: Decorative scrollwork above chapter start]
SECOND DISCOURSE
On the question which doth give the more content in
love, whether touching, seeing or speaking.
INTRODUCTION
This is a question as concerning love that might well deserve a more
profound and deeper writer to solve than I, to wit: which doth afford
the more contentment in the fruition of love, whether contact or
attouchment, speech, or sight. Mr. Pasquier,[111] a great authority of
a surety in jurisprudence the which is his especial profession, as well
as in the polite and humane sciences, doth give a disquisition thereon
in his letters, the which he hath left us in writing. Yet hath he been
by far too brief, and seeing how distinguished a man he is, he should
not in this matter have shown himself so niggard of his wise words as
he hath been. For if only he had seen good to enlarge somewhat thereon,
and frankly to declare what he might well have told us, his letter
which he hath indited on this point had been an hundred times more
delightsome and agreeable.
He doth base his main discourse on sundry ancient rhymes of the Comte
Thibaut de Champagne,[111] the which verses I have never set eyes
on, save only the small fragment that M. Pasquier doth quote in his
letter. This same good and gallant Knight of yore doth, I conceive,
write exceeding well,—not certainly in such good set terms as do our
gallant poets of to-day, but still with excellent good sense and sound
reason. Moreover he had a right beauteous and worthy subject, to wit
the fair Queen Blanche of Castille, mother of Saint-Louis, of whom he
was not little enamoured, but indeed most deeply, and had taken her
for his mistress. But in this what blame or what reproach for the said
Queen? Though she had been the most prudent and virtuous of women, yet
could she in any wise hinder the world from loving her and burning at
the fire of her beauty and high qualities, seeing it is the nature of
all merit and high perfection to provoke love? The whole secret is not
to yield blindly to the will of the lover.
This is why we must not deem it strange, or blame this fair Queen,
if that she was too fondly loved, and that during her reign and
sovereignty there did prevail in France sore divisions and seditions
and much civil strife. For, as I have heard said by a very great
personage, seditions be oft stirred up as much for intrigues of love
as by embroilments of State; and in the days of our fathers was
current an old saw, which said that: All the world went mad after the
merry-hearted Queen.