10. Repulsion - Attraction/Domineering
(Could have the same results as axis 6)
11. Repulsion - Attraction/Doting
(Could have the same results as axis 9)
This, of course, is a very rough draft-matrix. Many of the axes can be
combined to yield more complex clinical pictures.
It provides an initial, coarse, map of the possible interactions
between the PO and the SO in early childhood and the unsavoury results
of bad objects internalised.
The results of this POSO matrix continue to interact with AO to form a
global self-evaluation (self-esteem or sense of self-worth). This
process - the formation of a coherent sense of self-esteem - starts
with POSO interactions within the matrix and continues roughly till the
age of 8, all the time gathering and assimilating interactions with AO
(=meaningful others). First, a model of attachment relationship is
formed (approximately the matrix above). This model is based on the
internalisation of the Primary Object (later, the self).
The attachment interaction with SO follows and following a threshold
quantity of interactions with AO, the more global self is formed.
This process of the formation of a global self rests on the operation
of a few critical principles:
1. The child, as we said earlier, develops a sense of
"mother-constancy". This is crucial. If the child cannot predict the
behaviour (let alone the presence) of his mother from one moment to
another - it would find it hard to believe in anything, predict
anything and expect anything. Because the self, to some extent (some
say: to a large extent), is comprised of the adopted and internalised
outcomes of the interactions with others - negative outcomes get to be
incorporated in the budding self as well as positive ones. In other
words, a child feels loveable and desirable if it is indeed loved and
wanted. If it is rejected, it is bound to feel worthless and worthy
only of rejection. In due time, the child develops behaviours which
yield rejection by others and the outcomes of which thus conform with
his self-perception.
2. The adoption and assimilation of the judgement of others and its
incorporation into a coherent sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
3.
The discounting or filtering-out of contrarian information. Once
Bowlby's "working models" are at work, they act as selective membranes.
No amount of external information to the contrary alters these models
significantly. Granted, shifts in RELATIVE positions may and do occur
in later stages of life. A person can feel more or less accepted, more
or less competent, more or less integrated into a given social setting.
But these are changes in the values of parameters WITHIN a set equation
(=the working model). The equation itself is rarely altered and only by
very serious life crises.
Reprinted with permission from:
"For Want of a Better Good" (In process)
Author: Alan Challoner MA (Phil) MChS
(Attachment Theory Researcher Counsellor in Adoption & Fostering, and
associated child development issues. MA awarded by thesis on the
psychology of handicap - A Culture of Ambiguity; 1992):
"A developmental line for narcissism has been devised by Temeles, and
it consists of twelve phases that are characterised by a particular
relationship between self-love and object-love and occur in a precise
order."
(Temeles, M.S. - A developmental line for narcissism: The path to
self-love and object love. In Cohen, Theodore, B.; Etezady, M. Hossein;
& Pacella, B.L. (Eds.) The Vulnerable Child. Volume 1; The Vulnerable
Child. International Univ. Press; Madison, CT, USA - 1993.)
PROTO-SELF AND PROTO-OBJECT
As the infant is incapable of distinguishing either the self or the
object as adults do, this phase is marked by their absence. However he
is competent in certain attributes particularly those that allow him to
interact with his environment. From birth his moments of pleasure,
often the instrument of infant-mother interaction, are high points in
the phase. He will try to avoid the low points of un-pleasure by
creating a bond that is marked by early maternal intervention to
restore the status quo.
BEGINNING SELF-OBJECT DIFFERENTIATION AND OBJECT PREFERENCE
The second phase can begin as early as the third week, and by the
fourth month the infant has prescribed his favourite individuals (apart
from mother). However he is still not really discriminating between
self and subject. He is now ready to engage in a higher state of
interaction with others. He babbles and smiles and tries to make some
sense out of his local environment. If he should fail to make the sort
of contact that he is seeking then he will turn away in a manner that
is unequivocal in its meaning. His main social contact at this stage is
by the eye, and he makes no bones about his feelings of pleasure or
displeasure.
His bond with his mother, at best, is now flowing and, if he is
fortunate, there is a mutual admiration society established. This is
not however an isolated practice for there is a narcissistic element on
both sides that is reinforced by the strength of the attachment. His
continued development allows him to find an increasing number of ways
in which he might generate, autonomously, personal pleasure. He finds
delight in making new sounds, or indeed doing anything that brings him
his mother's approbation. He is now almost ready to see himself in
contrast to others.
SELF-CONSTANCY AND OBJECT-CONSTANCY
The infant is now becoming able to know himself as "me", as well as
being able to know familiar others as "them". His fraternisation with
father, siblings and grandparents or any other closely adjacent person,
endows this interaction with a tone of special recognition as "one of
the gang". This is of vital importance to him because he gains a very
special feedback from these people. They love him and they shown their
approbation for his every ploy that he constructs in an effort to seal
this knot. He is now at the beginning of a period when he starts to
feel some early self-esteem. Again if he is lucky, he will be delighted
at being himself and in his situation. Also at this stage he can often
create a special affinity for the same-sex parent. He throws up
expansive gestures of affection, and yet can also become totally
self-absorbed in his growing confidence that he is on a "winning
streak".
AWARENESS OF AWARENESS: SELF-CENTREDNESS
This is an extension of the third phase and he is continuously becoming
more aware of himself and is adept at gaining the pleasures he seeks.
The phase also coincides with the beginning of the decline of maternal
feeling that he is the best thing on this earth. His activities both
positive and negative have started to draw on maternal resources to the
point where they may at times be sapping. Thus at the beginning of the
child's second year the mother starts to realise that the time has come
when she must "shout the odds". She begins to make demands of him and,
at times, to punish him, albeit in a discrete way. She may not now
respond as quickly as she did before, or she may not seem quite so
adoring as she was three months ago.
The most dynamic intervention that a child can have at this time is the
fear of the loss of love. He needs to be loved so that he can still
love himself. This beginning of a time of self-reflection needs him to
be aware of being aware. It is now possible for him to be injured
narcissistically, for example, perhaps through sibling rivalry. His
relationship with his same-sex parent takes on a new importance. It now
goes beyond just a "mutuality club". Because he is becoming aware of
his limitations, he needs to know through this relationship with the
same-sex parent, just what he may become. This allows his narcissistic
image of himself to be regularly re-polished after any lapses that
might have tarnished it.
OBJECT-CENTRED PHASE: THE FIRST LIBIDINAL DISAPPOINTMENT
This is what has been described as the Oedipal period, when genital and
object-directed sexuality comes to the fore. He must continue to
recover whenever he receives a blow to his self-esteem; but more, he
must learn not to over-compensate. As Temeles puts it, narcissistic
supplies from both the adored Oedipal object and also the loved rival
are threatened as the child's libidinal investments are sporadically
supplanted by negative impulses. [Idem.]
The child will refresh his relationships on a different platform, but
nevertheless maintains and is sustained by his attachments to his
parents, and other subsidiary figures. At a time when he begins to
divest himself of some of the libidinal baggage he may enter into a new
"love affair" with a peer. The normal pattern is for these to
disintegrate when the child enters the period of latency, and for the
interregnum to be typified with a period of sexual segregation. By now
he is going to school and is acquiring a new level of self-sufficiency
that continues to enhance his narcissism.
BEGINNING PROMINENCE OF PEER GROUPS: NEW OBJECTS
This phase, which begins sometime in the third year, is marked by a
resolution of the Oedipal period and a lessening of the infant ties
with the parents as the child turns his attention towards his peers and
some other special adults (such as teachers or other role models). In
some respects these new objects start to replace some of the
narcissistic supplies that he continues to gain from his parents.
This of course has its dangers because other objects can be notoriously
fickle, especially peers. He is now at a stage where he has journeyed
into the outside world and is vulnerable to the inconstancies of those
who now are around him in greater numbers. However all is not lost for
the world revolves in circles and the input that he requires from
others is shared by the input that they need from him.
On an individual basis therefore if he "falls out" with one person then
he very quickly will "fall in" with another. The real potential problem
here is for him to be disliked by so many others of his peers that his
self-esteem is endangered. Sometimes this can be rectified by his
mastery of other elements; particularly if they contribute a steady
flow of narcissistic supplies. However the group-ideal is of great
significance and seems to have become more so in recent times.
The development of a burgeoning independence together with a sense of
group recognition are both in the nature of self-preservation issues.
The parental influence, if it has been strong and supportive and
consistently streaked with affection and love, will be the launching
pad for an adequate personality and a move towards eventual
independence.
BEGINNING PROMINENCE OF SELF-ASSESSMENT: IMPACT ON SELF-LOVE
This pre-adolescent phase encompasses a child who still needs the
reassurance of his peers, and hereabouts his attachments to certain
individuals or groups will intensify. The assaults on his self-esteem
now come from a different quarter.
There is an increased concentration on physical attributes, and other
comparisons will be made that might diminish or raise his narcissistic
supplies. His self-confidence can be strained at this time, and whilst
the same-sex peer is still dominant, the opposite-sex peer starts to
catch the corner of his eye.
At this time, when he needs all the support he can gather, he may find
to his chagrin that a certain ambivalence is coming to pass in his
relationships with his parents. They in turn are discovering a rapidly
changing, not so compliant, and more independent child. They may be
astounded by the group ideals that he has adopted, and whilst in
reality he still needs to receive from them abundant narcissistic
supplies, the affectionate ties may be strained and the expected or
desired support may be somewhat withered.
BEGINNING SEXUAL MATURITY: IMPORTANCE OF THE SEXUAL OBJECT
At this stage ties with parents continue to slacken, but there is an
important change taking place as the affectionate characteristics are
converging with libidinal ones. The need to be loved is still there and
the adolescent version of narcissism begins to trail its coat.
Gradually the narcissistic element is enhanced as the subject becomes
more self-assured and develops the need to win the frank admiration of
a sexual object. Hormonal mood swings can underlie the degree to which
rejection reduces the narcissistic supplies.
Where there is a blatant over-valuation of the self it is often the
result of a defence mechanism coming in to play to protect the subject.
Individual subjects compare themselves with others in their group and
may become aware of either shortcomings or advantages that add to the
feelings in self-assessment. Over-inflated Ego ideals may bring about a
negative assessment, and the need arises for young people to confront
themselves with reality. A failure to do this will result in a much
more severe assault on their narcissism later.
RESURGENCE OF MASTER ISSUES: IMPACT OF SELF-LOVE
Having now experienced the change of love object, and tasted the new
relations that stem from it, there is a need to resume the issues of
mastery. These are no longer childhood fantasies but are the basic
requirements for a successful future. On them depend the acquisition of
a successfully completed education, skill training and employment. At
this stage narcissistic supplies depend upon success, and if this is
not obtained legitimately then it may be sought by other means. His
culture and to some extent his peer group will tend to dictate what the
criteria of success will be. Within some societies there is still a
gender difference here but it is reducing with time. Temeles suggests
that, If the woman's narcissistic supplies are, in fact, more dependent
on maintaining a relationship with the libidinal object, then perhaps
it reflects a greater need to maintain more affectionate ties
reminiscent of the past. [Idem.]
When the time comes for parenthood earlier ties tend to be
reinvigorated; parents become grandparents and the cycle begins again.
THE BALANCE BETWEEN SELF- AND OBJECT-GENERATED NARCISSISTIC SUPPLIES
Each culture has its unit of social characteristics. These often
revolve around family, work, leisure and on the extent to which they
are successful will depend the amount of contentment and pride that is
generated. A continuance of narcissistic supplies will continue to flow
from partners, colleagues, children, parents etc. The more success the
greater the flow; and the greater the flow the more success can be
achieved and the better the subject will feel about life. The downside
of this is when things go wrong. We are in a situation generally where
many people have lost jobs and homes; where marriages have broken up
and children are separated from one of the parents. This causes great
stress, a diminution of self-esteem and a loss of narcissistic
supplies. This may result in the loss of the power to sustain an
effective life style and with a continuing diminution of narcissistic
supplies the result may bring about a negative aspect to life.
ACCOMMODATION VERSUS SELF-CENTREDNESS
The subject has now arrived at middle age. Whatever success has been
achieved it may well be that he will be at the summit of his personal
mountain, and the only way forward is down. From here on mastery is
waning and there is a tendency to rely more and more on relationships
to supply the good feelings. The arrival of grandchildren can herald a
return to earlier mutuality and may account for narcissistic supplies
for both generations. In the long-term the threat of, or the reality
of, a reduction in physical capacity or ill-health may play a part in
the reduction of narcissistic supplies.
SELF VERSUS OBJECT
Advancing age will develop its threat. Not only is this at a personal
and physical level, but often it is at an emotional level. Long gone
are the inter-generational family settings. Grand parents, parents and
children now not only reside in different houses, but in different
counties or even different countries. The more one is separated and
possibly alone the more one feels threatened by mortality which is of
course the ultimate in the loss of narcissistic supplies. When loved
ones disappear it is important to try to crate substitute associations
either through re-entering into group activities or perhaps the
solitary pleasure that can be gained from a domestic pet. Loss of the
good feelings that were present in earlier times can lead to
depression. This is countered by those who have developed a degree of
self-sufficiency and who have maintained interests that provide a
continuance of narcissistic supplies. Once any or all of these start to
disappear there enters a factor of dissimulation, and we can no longer
reconcile what we were to what we now are. We lose our self-esteem,
often our will to live, but even though this is not consonant with a
will to die it often leads to a failure to thrive.
Born Aliens
By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Neonates have no psychology. If operated upon, for instance, they are
not supposed to show signs of trauma later on in life. Birth, according
to this school of thought is of no psychological consequence to the
newborn baby. It is immeasurably more important to his "primary
caregiver" (mother) and to her supporters (read: father and other
members of the family). It is through them that the baby is,
supposedly, effected. This effect is evident in his (I will use the
male form only for convenience's sake) ability to bond. The late Karl
Sagan professed to possess the diametrically opposed view when he
compared the process of death to that of being born. He was commenting
upon the numerous testimonies of people brought back to life following
their confirmed, clinical death. Most of them shared an experience of
traversing a dark tunnel. A combination of soft light and soothing
voices and the figures of their deceased nearest and dearest awaited
them at the end of this tunnel. All those who experienced it described
the light as the manifestation of an omnipotent, benevolent being. The
tunnel - suggested Sagan - is a rendition of the mother's tract. The
process of birth involves gradual exposure to light and to the figures
of humans. Clinical death experiences only recreate birth experiences.
The womb is a self-contained though open (not self-sufficient)
ecosystem. The Baby's Planet is spatially confined, almost devoid of
light and homeostatic. The fetus breathes liquid oxygen, rather than
the gaseous variant. He is subjected to an unending barrage of noises,
most of them rhythmical. Otherwise, there are very few stimuli to
elicit any of his fixed action responses. There, dependent and
protected, his world lacks the most evident features of ours. There are
no dimensions where there is no light. There is no "inside" and
"outside", "self" and "others", "extension" and "main body", "here" and
"there". Our Planet is exactly converse. There could be no greater
disparity. In this sense - and it is not a restricted sense at all -
the baby is an alien. He has to train himself and to learn to become
human. Kittens, whose eyes were tied immediately after birth - could
not "see" straight lines and kept tumbling over tightly strung cords.
Even sense data involve some modicum and modes of conceptualization
(see: "Appendix 5 - The Manifold of Sense").
Even lower animals (worms) avoid unpleasant corners in mazes in the
wake of nasty experiences. To suggest that a human neonate, equipped
with hundreds of neural cubic feet does not recall migrating from one
planet to another, from one extreme to its total opposition - stretches
credulity. Babies may be asleep 16-20 hours a day because they are
shocked and depressed. These abnormal spans of sleep are more typical
of major depressive episodes than of vigorous, vivacious, vibrant
growth. Taking into consideration the mind-boggling amounts of
information that the baby has to absorb just in order to stay alive -
sleeping through most of it seems like an inordinately inane strategy.
The baby seems to be awake in the womb more than he is outside it.
Cast into the outer light, the baby tries, at first, to ignore reality.
This is our first defense line. It stays with us as we grow up.
It has long been noted that pregnancy continues outside the womb. The
brain develops and reaches 75% of adult size by the age of 2 years. It
is completed only by the age of 10. It takes, therefore, ten years to
complete the development of this indispensable organ - almost wholly
outside the womb. And this "external pregnancy" is not limited to the
brain only. The baby grows by 25 cm and by 6 kilos in the first year
alone. He doubles his weight by his fourth month and triples it by his
first birthday. The development process is not smooth but by fits and
starts. Not only do the parameters of the body change - but its
proportions do as well. In the first two years, for instance, the head
is larger in order to accommodate the rapid growth of the Central
Nervous System. This changes drastically later on as the growth of the
head is dwarfed by the growth of the extremities of the body. The
transformation is so fundamental, the plasticity of the body so
pronounced - that in most likelihood this is the reason why no
operative sense of identity emerges until after the fourth year of
childhood. It calls to mind Kafka's Gregor Samsa (who woke up to find
that he is a giant cockroach). It is identity shattering. It must
engender in the baby a sense of self-estrangement and loss of control
over who is and what he is.
The motor development of the baby is heavily influenced both by the
lack of sufficient neural equipment and by the ever-changing dimensions
and proportions of the body. While all other animal cubs are fully
motoric in their first few weeks of life - the human baby is woefully
slow and hesitant. The motor development is proximodistal. The baby
moves in ever widening concentric circles from itself to the outside
world. First the whole arm, grasping, then the useful fingers
(especially the thumb and forefinger combination), first batting at
random, then reaching accurately. The inflation of its body must give
the baby the impression that he is in the process of devouring the
world. Right up to his second year the baby tries to assimilate the
world through his mouth (which is the prima causa of his own growth).
He divides the world into "suckable" and "insuckable" (as well as to
"stimuli-generating" and "not generating stimuli"). His mind expands
even faster than his body. He must feel that he is all-encompassing,
all-inclusive, all-engulfing, all-pervasive. This is why a baby has no
object permanence. In other words, a baby finds it hard to believe the
existence of other objects if he does not see them (=if they are not IN
his eyes). They all exist in his outlandishly exploding mind and only
there. The universe cannot accommodate a creature, which doubles itself
physically every 4 months as well as objects outside the perimeter of
such an inflationary being, the baby "believes". The inflation of the
body has a correlate in the inflation of consciousness. These two
processes overwhelm the baby into a passive absorption and inclusion
mode.