all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain
human prospect for one single shilling; so that, even as it regards
temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting
according to the dictates of my conscience; and, as it regards spiritual
things, the Lord had indeed dealt bountifully with me, and led me on in
many respects, and, moreover, had condescended to use me as an instrument
in doing His work.
On January 6th, 7th, and 8th, 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord for
money, but received none. On the evening of January 8th I left my room for
a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord, though He had
been so gracious to us, in that He not only up to that day had supplied
all our wants, but had given us also those answers of prayer, which have
been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for about five minutes, as
to think it would be of no use to trust in the Lord in this way. I also
began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone too far in living in this
way. But, thanks to the Lord! this trial lasted but a few minutes. He
enabled me again to trust in Him, and Satan was immediately confounded;
for when I returned to my room (out of which I had not been absent ten
minutes), the Lord had sent deliverance. A sister in the Lord, who resided
at Exeter, had come to Teignmouth, and brought us £2. 4s.; so the Lord
triumphed, and our faith was strengthened.
Jan. 10. Today, when we had again but a few shillings, £5. was given to
us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all, told the
brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have the kindness
to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved brethren either
forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring it in such small
sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or five weeks. As I
had stated to them, however, from the commencement, that I desired to look
neither to man nor the box, but to the living God, I thought it not right
on my part, to remind them of my request to have the money weekly, lest it
should hinder the testimony which I wished to give, of trusting in the
living God alone. It was on this account that on January 28th, when we had
again but little money, though I had seen the brethren on January the 24th
open the box and take out the money, I would not ask the brother, in whose
hands it was, to let me have it; but, standing in need of it, as our coals
were almost gone, I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it, and
but a little time afterwards it was given to us, even £1. 8s. 6d.
I would here mention, that since the time I began living in this way, I
have been kept from speaking, either directly or indirectly, about my
wants, at the time I was in need. But whilst I have refrained, and do
still habitually refrain, from speaking to my fellow creatures about my
wants at the time, I desire to speak well of the Lord's goodness, after He
has delivered me; not only in order that He thus may get glory, but also
that the children of God may be encouraged to trust in Him.
On February 14th we had again very little money, and, whilst praying, I
was led to ask the Lord, graciously to supply our wants; and the instant
that I rose from my knees, a brother gave me £1., which had been taken
out of the box.
On March 7th I was again tempted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the
Lord, and though I was not miserable, still I was not so fully resting
upon the Lord, that I could triumph with joy. It was but one hour after,
when the Lord gave me another proof of His faithful love. A Christian lady
at Teignmouth had been from home for some time, and on her return she
brought from the sisters in the Lord, with whom she had been staying, five
sovereigns for us, with these words written in the paper;--"I was an
hungered, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink. Lord,
when saw we Thee an hungered, and fed Thee? or thirsty, and gave Thee
drink? The King shall answer and say unto them, "Verily, verily, I say
unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my
brethren, ye have done it unto me."
On March 16th I went to Axminster, and preached in several places in that
neighbourhood, besides holding a meeting at Axminster. Whilst staying
there I was requested to preach at Chard; but as I had never been away
from Teignmouth on the Lord's day, I had to pray much, before I came to
the conclusion to comply with the request. At last I had the fullest
assurance that I ought to preach at Chard. I have since heard that the
Lord used me in edifying the brethren, and through a general exhortation
to all, to read the Scriptures with earnestness, a woman was stirred up to
do so, and this was the means of her conversion. As to myself, I had a
most refreshing season. I mention this circumstance to show how important
it is to ascertain the will of God, before we undertake any thing, because
we are then not only blessed in our own souls, but also the work of our
hands will prosper.--One of the brethren at Chard forced a sovereign upon
me, against the acceptance of which I strove much, lest it should appear
as if I had preached for money. Another would give me a paper with money.
I refused it for the same reason. At last he put it by force into my
pocket, and ran away. The paper contained 11s. 6d.
April 16th. This morning I found that our money was reduced to 3s., and I
said to myself, I must now go and ask the Lord earnestly for fresh
supplies. But before I had prayed, there was sent from Exeter £2, as a
proof that the Lord hears before we call.
I would observe here, by the way, that if any of the children of God
should think that such a mode of living leads away from the Lord, and from
caring about spiritual things, and has the effect of causing the mind to
be taken up with the question, What shall I eat? What shall I drink?--and
Wherewithal shall I be clothed? and that on that account it would be much
better to have a stated salary, particularly for one who labours in the
word and doctrine, in order that he may be above these cares; I say,
should any believer think so, I would request him, prayerfully to consider
the following remarks:--1. I have had experience of both ways, and know
that my present mode of living, as to temporal things, is connected with
less care. 2. Confidence in the Lord, to whom alone I look for the supply
of my temporal wants, keeps me, at least whilst faith is in exercise, when
a case of distress comes before me, or when the Lord's work calls for my
pecuniary aid, from anxious reckoning like this: Will my salary last out?
Shall I have enough myself the next month? &c. In this my freedom, I am,
by the grace of God, generally at least, able to say to myself something
like this:--My Lord is not limited; He can again supply; He knows that
this present case has been sent to me; and thus, this way of living, so
far from leading to anxiety, as it regards possible future want, is rather
the means of keeping from it. And truly it was once said to me by an
individual,--You can do such and such things, and need not to lay by, for
the church in the whole of Devonshire cares about your wants. My reply
was: The Lord can use not merely any of the saints throughout Devonshire,
but those throughout the world, as instruments to supply my temporal
wants. 3. This way of living has often been the means of reviving the work
of grace in my heart, when I have been getting cold; and it also has been
the means of bringing me back again to the Lord, after I have been
backsliding. For it will not do,--it is not possible, to live in sin, and,
at the same time, by communion with God, to draw down from heaven every
thing one needs for the life that now is. 4. Frequently, too, a fresh
answer to prayer, obtained in this way, has been the means of quickening
my soul, and filling me with much joy.
About April 20th I went to Chumleigh. Here and in the neighbourhood I
preached repeatedly, and from thence I went to Barnstaple. Whilst we were
at Barnstaple, there was found in my wife's bag a sovereign, put there
anonymously. A sister also gave us £2. On our return to Teignmouth, May 2,
when we emptied our travelling bag, there fell out a paper with money. It
contained two sovereigns and threepence, the latter put in, no doubt, to
make a noise in emptying the bag. May the Lord bless and reward the giver!
In a similar way we found 4s. put anonymously into one of our drawers, a
few days after.
June 6. Having prayed much on the previous days, that, when we wanted
money, the Lord would be pleased to send some, today, after I had again
asked for it, a poor sister brought half a sovereign, 5s. from herself,
and 5s. from another very poor sister. This is not only a fresh proof that
the Lord hears prayer, but also that He sends by whom He will. Our money
had been reduced to 8s.
June 12. Lord's day. On Thursday last I went with brother Craik to
Torquay, to preach there. I had only about 3s. with me and left my wife
with about 6s. at home. The Lord provided beds for us through the
hospitality of a brother. I asked the Lord repeatedly for money; but when
I came home my wife had only about 3s. left, having received nothing. We
waited still upon the Lord. Yesterday passed away, and no money came. We
had 9d. left. This morning we were still waiting upon the Lord, and
looking for deliverance. We had only a little butter left for breakfast,
sufficient for brother E. and a relative living with us, to whom we did
not mention our circumstances, that they might not be made uncomfortable.
After the morning meeting, brother Y. most unexpectedly opened the box,
and, in giving me quite as unexpectedly the money at such a time, he told
me that he and his wife could not sleep last night on account of thinking
that we might want money. The most striking point is, that, after I had
repeatedly asked the Lord, but received nothing, I then prayed yesterday,
that the Lord would be pleased to impress it on brother Y. that we wanted
money, so that he might open the box. There was in it £1. 8s. 10 1/2d. Our
joy on account of this fresh deliverance was great, and we praised the
Lord heartily.
June 18. Brother Craik called on us today, and he then had only 1 1/2d.
left. A few minutes after, he received: a sum of money, and in returning
to us on his way home, he gave us 10s., when we had but 3s. left.
July 20. A shoulder of mutton and a loaf were sent to us anonymously.--I
understood some time afterwards, that Satan had raised the false report
that we were starving, in consequence of which a believer sent these
provisions. I would mention by the way, that various reports have been
circulated, on account of this our way of living. Sometimes it has been
said that we had not enough to eat, and that surely such and such an
infirmity of body we had brought on us, because we had not the necessaries
of life. Now, the truth is, that, whilst we have been often brought low;
yea, so low, that we have not had even as much as one single penny left;
or so as to have the last bread on the table, and not as much money as was
needed to buy another loaf;--yet never have we had to sit down to a meal,
without our good Lord having provided nourishing food for us. I am bound
to state this, and I do it with pleasure. My Master has been a kind Master
to me, and if I had to choose this day again, as to the way of living, the
Lord giving me grace, I would not choose differently. But even these very
reports, false as they were, I doubt not the Lord has sometimes used as a
means, to put it into the hearts of His children, to remember our temporal
necessities.
About July 25th I preached several times at Collumpton, and in a
neighbouring village, in the open air. My experience as it regards
preaching in the open air has been very different from what I might have
expected. I have often preached out of doors, and but once has it been
blessed, as far as I know, and that was in the case of an officer in the
army, who came to make sport of it; whilst almost in every place, if not
in every place, where I have preached in rooms or chapels, the Lord has
given testimony to the Word. Perhaps the Lord has not been pleased to let
me see fruit from this part of my work, though I have been many times
engaged in it; or it may be, that, because I did not pray so earnestly
respecting my out-door preaching as respecting my in-door preaching, the
former has not been so much blessed as the latter. But this testimony I
cannot but bear, that, though I do not consider it at present my work, on
account of want of bodily strength, yet it is a most important work, and I
should delight in being so honoured now, as to be allowed to be engaged in
it.
August 9. After extreme suffering, which lasted about seventeen hours, my
wife was this day delivered of a still-born child.--Who of my readers
would suppose, that whilst I was so abundantly blessed by God, and that in
so many respects, my heart should have been again many times during
several months previous to this day, cold, wretched, carnal? How
long-suffering is the Lord! Repeatedly, during this time, I
could let hours run on, after I had risen in the morning, before
I prayed; at least, before I retired for prayer. And at that
time when I appeared most zealous for God, perhaps more
so than at any time before or since, I was often far from
being in a spiritual state. I was not now, indeed, indulging in gross
outward sins, which could be noticed by my brethren; but often--very
often, the eye of my kind loving Father must have looked on me with much
grief. On this account, I have no doubt, the Lord now, in great
compassion, sent this heavy blow. I had not seriously thought of the great
danger connected with childbearing, and therefore had never earnestly
prayed about it. Now came this solemn time. The life of my dear wife was
hanging, as it were, on a thread, and, in the midst of it, my conscience
told me, that my state of heart made such a chastisement needful. Yet, at
the same time, I was much supported.--When the child was still-born, I saw
almost immediately afterwards, that this could not have been expected
otherwise, for I had not looked on the prospect of having a child as on a
blessing, which I was about to receive from God, but rather considered it
as a burden and a hindrance in the Lord's work; for I did not know then,
that, whilst a wife and children may be in certain respects, on the one
hand, a hindrance to the servant of Christ, they also may fit him, on the
other hand, for certain parts of his work, in teaching him things which
are important to be known, especially for the pastoral work. The Lord now
brought, in addition to this, very great sufferings upon my beloved wife,
which lasted for six weeks, combined with a partial lameness of the left
side.--Immediately after the eventful time of August 8th and 9th, the Lord
brought me, in His tender mercy, again into a spiritual state of heart, so
that I was enabled to look on this chastisement as a great blessing. May
this my experience be a warning to believing readers, that the Lord may
not need to chastise them, on account of their state of heart! May it also
be a fresh proof to them, that the Lord, in His very love and
faithfulness, will not, and cannot let us go on in backsliding, but that
He will visit us with stripes, to bring us back to Himself!
There was one point, however, in which, by grace, I had continued to be
faithful to God, i.e. in my mode of living, and, therefore, in as far as I
had been faithfully sowing, I now reaped abundantly; for the Lord most
graciously supplied, in rich abundance, all our temporal wants, though
they were many. Another reason for this may have been, that the Lord never
lays more on us, in the way of chastisement, than our state of heart makes
needful; so that whilst He smites with the one hand, He supports with the
other.--We saw it to be against the Lord's mind to put by any money for my
wife's confinement, though we might have, humanly speaking, very easily
saved £20. or £30. during the six months previous to August 7th. I say,
humanly speaking, and judging from what we had received during all these
months, we might have laid by as much as the above sums; but I have every
reason to believe, that, had I begun to lay up, the Lord would have
stopped the supplies, and thus, the ability of doing so was only apparent.
Let no one profess to trust in God, and yet lay up for future wants,
otherwise the Lord will first send him to the hoard he has amassed, before
He can answer the prayer for more. We were persuaded, that, if we laid out
our money in the Lord's service, He would send more when we needed it; and
this our faith, His own gift, He graciously honoured, inasmuch as He not
merely gave us what we needed, but much more.
On August 6th, just before this time of need, the Lord sent us £5. from a
distance of about forty miles, and that from a sister, whom, up to this
day, neither of us know personally. On August 7th I received £1. 0s. 9
1/2d. out of the box. August 15th, from a distance of twenty-five miles
was sent £5., and from a distance of about seventy miles £1. August 18th,
whilst preaching at Chudleigh, £1. was sent to me, and a brother sent from
Exeter £2. August 21st was again sent from a distance of seventy miles
£5., and August 23rd another £5. from the same place. Also, August 22nd,
16s. 9d. was given out of the box. August 24th, a brother, who is a day
labourer, gave me 2s. 6d. August 31st, 5s. was given to me. September 3rd,
whilst preaching at Chudleigh, £3. 10s. was given to me by a brother and
three sisters. September 4th, a sister gave me a guinea, and also out of
the box was given 9s. 8d. September 10th, £6. was given to me. Thus,
within about one month, the Lord not only sent us nearly £40., but
likewise all sorts of suitable provisions and refreshments, needful at
such a time; and, in addition to this, the two medical gentlemen who
attended my wife would not take any remuneration for their unwearied
attention and kindness, during the space of six weeks. Thus the Lord gave
us even more than we could have saved, if we had endeavoured to do so.
November 16th. This morning I proposed united prayer respecting our
temporal wants. Just as we were about to pray, a parcel came from Exmouth.
In prayer we asked the Lord for meat for dinner, having no money to buy
any. After prayer, on opening the parcel, we found, among other things, a
ham, sent by a brother at Exmouth, which served us for dinner. Thus not
only our own family was provided for, but also a sister in the Lord then
staying with us.
November 17th. Today we had not a single penny left. We had asked the
Lord yesterday and today. We desired only enough money to be able to buy
bread. We were reduced more than ever we had been before. But our gracious
and faithful Lord, who never lays more upon His children than He enables
them to bear, delivered us again this time, by sending us £1. 10s. 6d.,
about an hour before we wanted money to buy bread.
November 19th. We had not enough to pay our weekly rent; but the Lord
graciously sent us again today 14s. 6d. I would just observe, that we
never contract debts, which we believe to be unscriptural (according to
Romans xiii. 8;) and therefore we have no bills with our tailor,
shoemaker, grocer, butcher, baker, &c.; but all we buy we pay for in ready
money. The Lord helping us, we would rather suffer privation, than
contract debts. Thus we always know how much we have, and how much we have
a right to give away. May I entreat the believing reader, prayerfully to
consider this matter; for I am well aware that many trials come upon the
children of God, on account of not acting according to Rom. xiii. 8.
November 27th, Lord's day. Our money had been reduced to 2 1/2d.; our
bread was hardly enough for this day. I had several times brought our need
before the Lord. After dinner, when I returned thanks, I asked Him to give
us our daily bread, meaning literally that He would send us bread for the
evening. Whilst I was praying, there was a knock at the door of the room.
After I had concluded, a poor sister came in, and brought us some of her
dinner, and from another poor sister, 5s. In the afternoon she also
brought us a large loaf. Thus the Lord not only literally gave us bread,
but also money.
In reading about all these answers to prayer, the believing reader may be
led to think that I am spiritually minded above most of the children of
God, and that, therefore, the Lord favours us thus. The true reason is
this. Just in as many points as we are acting according to the mind of
God, in so many are we blessed and made a blessing. Our manner of living
is according to the mind of the Lord, for He delights in seeing His
children thus come to Him (Matt. vi.); and therefore, though I am weak and
erring in many points, yet He blesses me in this particular, and, I doubt
not, will bless me, as long as He shall enable me to act according to His
will in this matter.
After we had, on December 31st, 1831, looked over the Lord's gracious
dealings with us during the past year, in providing for all our temporal
wants, we had about 10s. left. A little while after, the providence of God
called for that, so that not a single farthing remained. Thus we closed
the old year, in which the Lord had been so gracious in giving to us,
without our asking any one:--
1. Through the instrumentality of the box, £31. 14s.--
2. From brethren of the Church at Teignmouth, in presents of money, £6.
18s. 6d.
3. From brethren living at Teignmouth and elsewhere, not connected with
the Church at Teignmouth, £93. 6s. 2d. Altogether, £131. 18s. 8d.
There had been likewise many articles of provision and some articles of
clothing given to us, worth at least £20. I am so particular in mentioning
these things, to show that we are never losers by acting according to the
mind of the Lord. For had I had my regular salary, humanly speaking, I
should not have had nearly as much; but whether this would have been the
case or not, this is plain, that I have not served a hard Master, and that
is what I delight to show. For, to speak well of His name, that thus my
beloved fellow-pilgrims, who may read this, may be encouraged to trust in
Him, is the chief purpose of my writing.
We had now in the new year to look up to our kind Father for new mercies,
and during the year 1832 also we found Him as faithful and compassionate
as before, not laying more on us than He enabled us to bear, though space
will only permit me to mention a few particulars.
January 7, 1832. We had been again repeatedly asking the Lord today and
yesterday to supply our temporal wants, having no means to pay our weekly
rent; and this evening, as late as eleven o'clock, a brother gave us 19s.
6d., a proof that the Lord is not limited to time.
January 13. The Lord has again graciously fed us today. We have 5d. left,
some bread, rice, meat, potatoes, and other good things, and, above all,
the Lord Jesus. He who has provided will provide.
January 14. This morning we had nothing but dry bread with our tea; only
the second time since we have been living by simple faith upon Jesus for
temporal supplies. We have more than £40. of ready money in the house for
two bills,2 which will not be payable for several weeks; but we do not
consider this money to be our own, and would rather suffer great
privation, God helping us, than take of it. I thank the Lord, who gives me
grace to be more faithful in these matters than I used to be formerly,
when I would have taken of it, and said, that by the time the money was
actually due, I should be able to replace it. We were looking to our
Father, and He has not suffered us to be disappointed. For when now we had
but 3d. left, and only a small piece of bread, we received 2s. and 5s.,
the particulars concerning which would take up too much space.