[There is nothing whatever to hinder a civilian from
organising and managing an efficient army, and there are at
any given moment a score of men in the City of London, who
could carry out the work with perfect ease.--_Daily Paper,
November 19, 1891_.]
SCENE--_The Army Universal Provision Company Limited (Managing
Director, Mr. BLACKLEY). Enter Recruit in Department No.
1. He looks round him surprised at the business-like activity
that greets him on every side._
_Foreman_ (_politely_). Anything I can do for you, Sir, to-day?
We have an assortment of Queen's Shillings fresh from the Mint.
Curiosities, Sir, quite out of date, but interesting. Can I tempt you?
_Recruit_ (_with some hesitation_). Well, I thought of joining the
Army, and--
_Foreman_ (_interrupting_). Certainly, Sir. Doctor in that room.
Magistrate in that. Be medically passed and sworn to allegiance while
you wait. (_Ushers Recruit into various Departments--whence he emerges
duly enrolled_.) And now, Sir, which branch of the Service would you
like to see?
_Recruit_. Well, I did think of the Tenth Hussars.
_Foreman_ (_promptly_). Quite right, Sir. First-class Regiment,
commanded by His Royal Highness Field Marshal the Prince of
WALES. (_To Assistant._) Show this gentleman the way to the
outfitting-room--Tenth Hussars.
[_Recruit in less than no time is fitted out. On his return
to the Central Hall he is once more greeted by a principal
official._
_Foreman_. Now, Sir, you would like to learn your drill?
_Recruit_. Well, yes--
_Foreman_. Quite so. We teach it in six easy lessons, at twelve
shillings a lesson. You can pay for it either out of your reserved
pay, or now. If the latter, we allow five per cent. discount.
_Recruit_ (_without hesitation_). I think I will pay it later.
_Foreman_ (_putting up his receipt-book_). Certainly, Sir, No
difference to us. And now, Sir, perhaps you will take your lessons.
[_Recruit goes through a course which soon puts him to-rights.
At the end he shakes Foreman warmly by the hand._
_Recruit_. You are sure that I really know my drill?
_Foreman_. Quite. Why, Sir, you are letter perfect. And now, is there
anything more we can do for you?
_Recruit_. Well, I did join the Army with the intention of going to
the wars.
_Foreman_ (_apologetically_). Very sorry, Sir, but we haven't the
article on hand just at present. Sure to have some by-and-by. Is there
anything else we can do for you, Sir?
_Recruit_. Well, failing a war, I should like a passage to India.
_Foreman_ (_in a deprecatory tone_). Well, Sir, frankly, we cannot
recommend it. But if you have made up your mind, we must ask you
to step over to the Waste Department. They settle such-like matters
there. See over yonder, Sir, where that venerable General on crutches
is. He has just got a Colonelcy, but he can't hold it very long, as
he is over eighty! And now I must say adieu, as I have other pupils
claiming my assistance. Good day!
[_Starts off, and prepares food for powder in other quarters.
Curtain._
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[Illustration: "BREEZY BRIGHTON."]
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[Illustration: THE REVOLT OF THE RATEPAYERS AGAINST KING KOUNTY
KOUNCIL THE FIRST.
(TEMPLE, WEMYSS, AND SAVORY LEAD THE ATTACK.)]
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