I think, by the way, that it was on that very day that Mr. Dudley met
Pauline. She, of course, would know the exact date and hour, but I am
almost sure of it, for although it may mean a day of less ecstatic
joy to me than it does to her, it brought much peace and subsequent
happiness into my life, and therefore is writ in red letters in my book
of days. For the visits of Dick Dudley had latterly become more frequent
than I cared for, and much as I liked him, I began to wish that I
had remained in his estimation under the shadow of Diana's charming
personality, for so he had tolerated me until the fateful day on which I
had partaken of Betty's gray wad. That act of professional valor ignited
a spark of feeling for me in his breast, which, fostered by Hugh's
constant suggestion, sprang into something warmer than I could have
wished, and was fanned into flame on the day on which he found me paying
a visit of consolation to the small fat Thomas. Now, strangely enough,
that small fat person was nephew to Dick Dudley. How small the world is!
And the mother turned out to have been exactly the sort of mother I had
thought she must be. One of the nicest things about Dick Dudley was the
way he spoke of that sister, and we had long talks about her, until I
awoke to the fact that that sister and I must have been twins, so alike
were we; then I began to be afraid. For I couldn't tell him that there
was some one far away, for whom I was waiting from day to day. One
can hardly barricade one's self behind such an announcement. The
classification of women is incomplete. There are those who are engaged
and who care; there are those who are engaged and who don't care; there
are those who don't care and, who are not engaged; then there are those
who care and who are not engaged, so cannot say. It is not their
fault if, sometimes, they wound a passing lover. Mercifully there are
Pauline's in this world to relieve one of unsought affections, and I
liked Dick Dudley well enough, and not too much to be glad when I saw
him give ever such a small start when he walked into my drawing-room and
saw Pauline sitting there, clothed in cool green linen and looking her
very best. I had done her glorious hair on the top--that, I think is
the expression--and she sat in the window so that her hair shone like
burnished gold, and she was saying in a voice fraught with emotion,
"If I had my way, there should be no sorrow or suffering," which of all
sentiments was the most likely to appeal to Dick Dudley, for he is one
of those who look upon sorrow and suffering as bad management on the
part of some one, since the world is really such an awfully jolly place,
if only people didn't make a muddle of their lives. He says it is all
very well to talk of high ideals, you can't live up to them, the best
you can do is to live up to the highest practical ideal. But then his
standard of ideal is very much higher since he saw Pauline for the first
time. Pauline blushed when a strange man walked into the room, which was
all for the best, and made the day a happier one for me. Not that Dick
Dudley was not very loyal to me. He tried, I could see it was an effort
not to talk too much to Pauline, although the topic of bearing-reins,
under certain circumstances, was a very engrossing one, and spaniels a
never-ending one. Pauline expressed her surprise that Mr. Dudley should
ask her if she lived in London.
"I thought every one could see I lived in the country," she said. "Did
you mean it for a compliment?" she asked kindly.
Dick Dudley was a little overcome by this, and he said he would hardly
have dared to pay her a compliment, since every one knew that girls who
lived in the country away from bearing-reins and other hardening and
worldly influences, and in close proximity to spaniels, black, liver and
white, cocker, clumber, and otherwise, were so vastly superior to their
London sisters. Here Dick got a little deep and Pauline kindly rescued
him.
"A compliment to my clothes, I meant," she said; "because all my friends
in London tell me my clothes are so countrified."
Dick listened very, very seriously to the reasons why Pauline was
obliged to have most of her clothes made in the country, and I could see
that every moment he thought less of the importance of clothes and
their makers, and more and more of the qualities essential in woman,
simplicity, goodness, frankness, and an absence of artificiality. I saw
it all on his face, dawning slowly and surely. By the time we had had
tea, I could see it was a matter of mutual satisfaction to both Dick and
Pauline to find that they were going to the same dance that night. The
responsibility of chaperoning Pauline was not mine.
My anxiety as to the ball dress emerging from the small box was relieved
by Pauline telling me that it was to come from the dressmaker just
in time for her to dress for the ball; which it did. She came to be
inspected by Nannie and me before she started, and she really looked
delicious. Her assets as a country girl counted heavily that night, she
looked so fresh, so natural, and so full of the joy of living. Her hair
counted, every hair of it. Nannie was so touched that she wept aloud and
said it was what I ought to be doing. But I told her professional
aunts went only to children's parties, where they could be of some use.
Pauline wished I was going. "Betty," she said and paused, "I am sure Mr.
---- is his name Dudley? feels very much your not going." I laughed,
and marked it down against her that she should have said, "Is his name
Dudley?" It was the first evidence of feminine guile I had detected in
her. Men are answerable for a very great deal.
I woke to greet Pauline when she came into my sunlit room at five
o'clock in the morning, looking still fresh, untired, and more than ever
full of the joy of living. "Oh, it was lovely," she said, sitting down
on my bed.
"Who saw you home?" I asked professionally.
"Oh, Aunt Adela to the very door; she even waited till I shut it."
"Who did you dance with?" I asked.
"Heaps and heaps of people. I was lucky; all Thorpshire seemed to be
there; and then Mr. Dudley. Betty, I understand now."
"What?" I said, alarmed by the note of tragic kindness in her voice.
"About Mr. Dudley, he talked about you so beautifully. He agrees with
me absolutely about your character, and he told me about his sister."
Pauline's voice became hushed.
"Did he say she was just a little like you, Pauline?"
"Yes, he did. You knew her, then? He said I reminded him of her so
strangely. I think he would make a woman very happy. I do really."
"So do I, dear Pauline, really."
"Then won't you?"
"No, darling goose."
"Why?"
"Because I am not the woman. Go to bed, Pauline."
She went--to sleep? I cannot say. I forget whether a girl goes to sleep
the first night after she has fallen in love. Night? I suppose I should
say morning. But it depends on the hour when she takes the first step
into that bewildering fairyland of first love. For a fairyland it
assuredly is, if she is lucky enough to find the right guide. He must,
to begin with, believe in the fairyland. He must know that the path may
be rough at times, stony and overgrown with weeds, but he will know that
all the difficulties will be worth while when he brings her out into the
open, and they look away to the limitless horizon of happiness.
A few hours later, Pauline said to me at breakfast, "Betty, I think I
shall tell that bootmaker to make me two pairs of boots and two pairs
of shoes. It is better to have enough while one is about it, don't you
think so?"
So began the regeneration of Pauline, regeneration in the matter of
footgear, I mean, and to wear good boots did her character no harm, nor
the pocket of the country shoemaker either, I am sure. Good boots could
not turn her feet from the pathway of truth and goodness which from her
earliest childhood she had set out to tread, never pausing except to
pick up some one who lagged behind, or to help some one who had strayed
from the path.
Dick Dudley, whose pathway through life had zigzagged considerably, was
astonished to find how easy the pathway was to keep, guided by Pauline,
and how alluring the goal of goodness. He gave himself up gladly to her
guidance, and was touched to find how much there was of latent goodness
in him. He had never before realized, that was all, how much he loved
his fellow-creatures, how he longed to help them all, how the conditions
of the laboring-classes made his blood boil with indignation, how he
idolized babies, loved old women, reverenced old men.
It was all a revelation to him. It was, moreover, delightful to be told
by Pauline how wonderful she found all these things in him, and how
unexpected. This, she explained, was nothing personal. "But I often
wondered if I should ever meet a man like you."
"Darling," he answered humbly, "I don't think I am that sort of man;
really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary."
Then Pauline, to prove the contrary, would ask him if he didn't feel
this or that or the other? And of course he could truthfully say he did,
because he felt all and everything Pauline wished him to feel, with her
beautiful eyes fixed upon him and the flush of enthusiasm on her
cheeks. Here was something to inspire a man, this splendidly generous,
magnanimous creature. Of course he had always felt all these things; he
had been groping after goodness. It was the goodness in Diana, and he
was kind enough to say in the professional aunt, which had appealed to
him. He had been feeling after, it for years, but it was only Pauline
who had revealed it to him, in himself. Well, he was very much in love.
Most men engaged to charming girls feel their own unworthiness, and
the girl is sweetly content that they should do so. Not so Pauline. She
revealed to her astonished lover a depth of goodness in his character
that he had least suspected, and he gradually began to feel how little
he had been understood.
Now this is an excellent basis on which to start an engagement. I forget
exactly how and when they became engaged, but it was certainly before
Dick said humbly, "Darling, I don't think I am that sort of man; really,
I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary," because, with all Pauline's
kindness to sinners, there was none hardened enough to address her as
"darling" without being first engaged to her; so by that I know they
were engaged that evening at the opera, because it was in a Wagnerian
pause that Dick said those words, in a loud voice from the back of the
box. How else should a professional aunt know these things?
Between meeting Dick and becoming engaged to him, Pauline went home and
came back with a larger box and stayed quite a long time, as time goes,
although, as a time in which to become engaged, it was very short, and
Nannie, feeling this, asked Pauline if she knew much about Mr. Dudley,
and was she wise? In spite of this anxiety on Nannie's part, she enjoyed
it all immensely, and wept to her heart's content when the engagement
was announced. Now Dick Dudley was a rich young man, and I wondered
whether other people wept too from motives less pure and simple than
Nannie's.
Pauline wanted me to join a society called "The Deaf Dog Society." The
obligation enforced on members was that they should kneel down, put
their arms round the neck of any deaf dog they should chance to meet,
and say, "Darling, I love you."
"You see," she said, "a deaf dog doesn't know he is deaf, he only
wonders why no one ever speaks to him, why no one ever calls him. So you
see what a splendid society it is, and there is no subscription."
Dick made a stipulation that the benefits of the society should be
conferred on dogs only. He made a point of that.