THE MARRIAGE.
“TO DRESS ONE’S OWN DOLL[144].”
Spoken of a father who defrays the whole expense of his daughter’s
marriage, her dress, ornaments, &c., without any charge to the bridegroom
or his family.
“HE WHO BUILDS A HOUSE AND TAKES A WIFE HEAPS SEVENTY AFFLICTIONS ON HIS
HEAD[145].”
Pedigree of the Bride and Bridegroom—Reports concerning the
Beauty of the Bride—Anxiety of English Gentlemen to marry
into Colonel Gardner’s family—Mirza Unjun Shekō—The first
Procession—The Bride’s Dress—Necessity of Weeping—The Oily
Mixture—Strict Seclusion—Dress of the Bridegroom—The Oily
Mixture Complimentary—The Hoolī—Bridal Songs—The Sāchak—The
Bridegroom’s Procession—Nāch Girls on platforms—The Menhdi—The
grand Display in the Bride’s Procession—The Parda—The
Prince dyed with hinnā—Midnight the fashionable hour for
Dinner—Wedding Dishes—Silvered Food—Conclusion of the Day—Mr.
James Gardner—Mulka Begam highly respected; her will is law.
1835, _March 18th_.—Before entering on a description of the marriage
ceremonies, it may be as well to explain the singular manner in which
Colonel Gardner’s family has intermarried with that of the Emperor of
Delhi, which the annexed pedigree will exemplify.
William Gardner, Esq., of Coleraine, left a son.
William Gardner, Esq., Lieut.-Colonel in the 11th regiment of Dragoons.
He married Elizabeth, daughter of Valentine Farrington, Esq., and had
issue Valentine, born 1739, Allan, and other children. Allan was created
a baronet, and afterwards elevated to the peerage in Ireland in 1800; and
created a peer of the United Kingdom, 1806.
[Illustration: Pedigree of Colⁿ. William Linnæus Gardner.
فاني پارکس]
Valentine, the eldest son, a Major in the army, married, first, Alaida,
daughter of Robert Livingstone, Esq., by whom he had a son, William
Linnæus, Captain in the army; and, secondly, Frances, daughter of Samuel
Holworthy, Esq., by whom he had another son, Valentine.
Colonel William Linnæus Gardner married Nawab Matmunzel-ool-Nissa Begam
Delme, and by her had two sons, Allan and James, and a daughter; the last
mentioned died young.
Allan, the eldest son, married Beebee Sāhiba Hinga, and left one son,
Mungo, who died young, and two daughters, Hirmoozee and Susan. Hirmoozee
married her relative, Stewart William Gardner, Esq., son of Rear-Admiral
Francis Gardner, the brother of Allan Hyde Lord Gardner. Susan, the
second daughter, or Shubbeah Begam as she is called, is the one whose
marriage is on the _tapis_.
James Gardner, the second son of Colonel William Linnæus Gardner,
married, first, Beebee Sāhiba Banoo, by whom he had one son, Hinga,
and two daughters, Alaida, the Morning Star, and the Evening Star. He
married, secondly, Mulka Humanee Begam, and by her had four children, two
sons and two daughters: Sulimān and William Linnæus; Nashaba Begam, and
another girl.
Mirza Sulimān Shekō, son of Shāh Allum, the late Emperor of Delhi, and
brother of Akbar Shāh, the present Emperor, has a numerous family. Two
of the daughters were celebrated for their beauty: one of them, Mulka
Humanee Begam, married her cousin, Mirza Selīm, the son of Akbar Shāh,
from whom she was divorced: she married, secondly, Mr. James Gardner.
Sultana Bōa, the other daughter, married Nusseer-ood-Deen Hydur, the King
of Oude. Mirza Unjun Shekō, son of Mirza Suliman Shekō, and half-brother
of Mulka Begam, is engaged to Susan Gardner, as before-mentioned.
Colonel Gardner was exceedingly unwilling to allow of the marriage of
his grand-daughter with the young prince, but the old Begam, his wife,
had set her heart upon it. He would rather have seen her married to a
European gentleman; but the Begam, who is an adopted daughter of the
Emperor of Delhi, is delighted with the match,—in _her_ eyes a fine
alliance.
I must describe the bride, Susan Gardner, or, as she is called in the
zenāna, Shubbeah Begam, every lady having her name and title also. She
had been cried up by the people at Agra as a great beauty, and Colonel
Gardner had received several proposals for her, both from European
and native gentlemen. She was also described as very accomplished for
the inhabitant of four walls, being able to read, and write, and keep
accounts with gram. She is about twenty years of age, very old for a
bride in this country, where girls marry at eleven or twelve, and the
proverb describes them as “shrivelled at twenty.”
My surprise was great when I saw her in the zenāna. Her complexion is
pale and sallow, her face flat, her figure extremely thin, and far
from pretty. Her flatterers called her “so fair!” but she has not the
fairness of a European, or the fine clear brown of some Asiatic ladies:
her manners were also admired, but I did not like them, nor did she move
stately as an elephant, an epithet applied to a woman having a graceful
gait.
Unjun Shekō, the bridegroom, who is about twenty years of age, is a
remarkably handsome man; his black curling hair hangs in long locks on
each side his face; his eyes very large, long, and bright; his features
fine; his complexion a clear brown; his figure the middle size; and
like all natives, he wore a beard, moustache, and whiskers. His three
brothers, who came to the wedding with him, are ugly, low caste looking
men. Unjun’s manners are good, theirs are cubbish. For four or five years
he has been trying to bring about this marriage; but Colonel Gardner
opposed it on account of his extravagance. His father, Sulimān Shekō,
has refused to give one rupee to the young couple, so that the whole
expense of the wedding falls upon Colonel Gardner: he pays for both
sides. The young prince has only an allowance of 100 rupees a month!
Natives, especially native women, are curious beings; the whole pride of
their lives consists in having had a grand wedding: they talk of it, and
boast of it to the hour of their death. Colonel Gardner said, “If I were
to give Shubbeah the money that will be fooled away in display at this
marriage, I should make her miserable; she would think herself disgraced;
and although by custom she is not allowed to stir from her room, or to
see the sight, still it will charm her to hear the road was lighted up
for so many miles, the fireworks were so fine and the procession so
grand! She would have this to talk of in preference to the money, even if
she were forced to deprive herself of half her food all her life; she is
a pakkā Hindostānee!” They were horrified at my description of an English
marriage. A carriage and four, attended by five or six other carriages,
made a good wedding; when the ceremony had been performed by the padre,
the bride and bridegroom drove away: no procession, no fireworks; the
money put in the banker’s hands, the parents gave a dinner and ball, and
all was finished.
The Begam was in a perfect agony from morning till night, lest any one
thing should be forgotten,—lest any, even the smallest gift might be
omitted; if it were, the people would say, “What a shabby wedding!” and,
in spite of all the expense, she would lose her good name.
It would be utterly impossible for me to recount the innumerable
ceremonies performed at the wedding of a Muhammadan; the following are a
few of the most remarkable.
_March 12th._—The ceremonies began: In the first place, the bridegroom’s
party, consisting of Mr. James Gardner, Mulka Began, Mrs. B⸺, and
Mr. V⸺, went into tents four miles distant; while the bride’s party,
consisting of Colonel Gardner, his Begam, the bride, and myself, remained
at Khāsgunge. We had also, in the outer house, Mr. Valentine Gardner,
a party of English gentlemen, and the old Nawab of Cambay. It appeared
curious to me to sit down to dinner with these gentlemen, who were all
attired in native dresses, and do the honours, at times when my dear
Colonel Gardner was too unwell to quit the zenāna, and join the dinner
party in the outer house. The turban is not a necessary appendage to
Asiatic attire; in all friendly or familiar intercourse the skull cap is
worn,—the turban in company; it is disgraceful to uncover the head.
But to return to my story. About 3 P.M., Mulka Begam came in procession
to bring the bride’s dress, which is a present from the bridegroom. The
procession consisted of elephants, raths (four-wheeled native carriages
drawn by bullocks), palanquins, led horses, &c.; and one hundred trays,
carried on men’s heads, containing the dress for the bride, sweetmeats,
and basun (flour of gram), wherewith to wash the lady. Mulka Begam came
in a covered palanquin, screened from the gaze of men.
I, as in duty bound, had made my salām to Shubbeah Begam, and was in
attendance in the zenāna, to receive the bridegroom’s party.
“Women of the lower class, on entering the female assembly, must not say
‘salām;’ if the hostess be a lady of rank, they perform kudumbosee (the
ceremony of kissing the feet) to her, and merely make salām to the rest.
When going away they request permission, in the same way as the men in
the male assembly, and take their departure.
“Kudumbosee, or the ceremony of kissing the feet, is, rather, to touch
the feet of the hostess with the right hand, and then kiss the latter,
or, more generally, make salām with it; while her ladyship, scarce
allowing it to be done, out of politeness and condescension, withdraws
her foot; and, taking hold of her hands, says, ‘Nay, don’t do that!’ or
‘Enough!’ ‘Long may you live!’ ‘Come, be seated!’ Or, if she be married,
‘May God render your _sohag_ durable!’ _i.e._ May God preserve your
husband: if he be dead, ‘May God cause your end to be happy!’
“The men of the better ranks of society, however, when coming in or going
away, say, ‘Salām, bundugee tuslemat!’ _i.e._ ‘My blessing, service, or
salutation to you!’ according to the rank of the lady of the house.
“The salām made by females is not like that of the males—touching the
forehead with the right hand—but it consists in touching the _puttee_, or
hair above the right temple[146].”
Speaking of men entering a zenāna, the place is considered so sacred,
that, in a native family, only the nearest male relatives, the father and
grandfather, can unrestrainedly obtain admission; the uncles and brothers
only on especial occasions. The bride was once allowed to be seen by the
brothers of Mirza Selīm, her betrothed husband; but he requested that no
other persons but Colonel and Mr. James Gardner might behold her, and
said, after marriage, he should not allow her to be seen even by his own
brothers.
The trays containing the presents, brought in procession from the Prince,
were received by the female slaves, conveyed by them into the zenāna,
and placed before Colonel Gardner’s Begam and the Princess Mulka. It is
a custom never to send back an empty tray; if money be not sent, part of
the contents of the tray is left, fruit, flowers, &c. The presents were
displayed on the ground before the bride, who was sitting on a charpāī,
wrapped in an Indian shawl, hiding her face, and sobbing violently; I
thought she was really in distress, but found this violent sorrow was
only a part of the ceremony. Mulka Begam took a silver bowl, and putting
into it sandal-wood powder and turmeric and oil, mixed it up, whilst both
she and Colonel Gardner’s Begam repeated with great care the names and
titles on both sides; it being unlucky if any name be forgotten, as any
evil that may chance to befall the bride hereafter would be occasioned by
forgetfulness, or mistaking the name over this oily mixture. The bride
was then rubbed from head to foot with it; how yellow it made her, the
turmeric! The natives say it makes the skin _so beautiful, so yellow_,
and so soft: it certainly renders the skin deliciously soft, but the
yellow tinge I cannot admire. After this operation was performed, all
the mixture was scraped up, put into the bowl, and mixed with more oil,
to be sent to the Prince, that his body might be rubbed with it—this is
considered a compliment!
The bridal dress was then put on Shubbeah; it was of yellow gauze,
trimmed with silver; the pajamas of red satin and silver. The faces of
the attendants were smeared by way of frolic with the oily mixture, and
the bridegroom’s party returned to their tents. I must not forget to
mention that from the moment the bride is rubbed with this turmeric, she
is a prisoner for ten days; not allowed to move from her charpāī, on
which she sits up or sleeps. Twice a day she is rubbed with almond soap,
mixed with turmeric, &c. All this time she is never allowed to bathe. She
is fed on sweetmeats, and not allowed to touch acids, or vinegar, &c.:
even pān is almost denied; but I fancy, without it an Asiatic lady would
fret herself to death. And in this horrible state, a girl is kept during
all the gaiety of the wedding; never allowed to move; to make her skin
soft and yellow, and to render her sweet-tempered, I suppose, by feeding
her with lumps of sugar!
As soon as the bridegroom’s party were gone, Colonel Gardner requested me
to go in procession, with his pretty grand-daughter, Alaida (the Morning
Star), to the Prince’s tents, to escort the dress of the bridegroom, sent
as a present by the bride. We went accordingly in full procession, as
described before, taking back the oily mixture. Mulka Begam received us
at the Prince’s tent; he was placed on a silver footstool; Mulka took off
his upper dress, and rubbed his face and arms with the mixture; she then
arrayed him in a dress of yellow and orange muslin, a red turban, and red
silk pajamas, in which attire he looked very handsome.
Before him sat three women, the Domnee, playing and singing bridal
songs; I saw the Prince turn very red; he looked at the women, and said
something in a low tone to Mulka Begam, who answered,—“The mem sāhiba
knows they are singing gālee (abuse); but she does not understand
Hindostanee sufficiently to comprehend their songs.” The language of the
songs is complete _slang_. Yellow powder, mixed with water, was then
thrown in frolic at all the people; I made my salām, quitted the tent,
and finding a gentleman in waiting ready to drive me back, returned to
Colonel Gardner’s, leaving the rest of the party to play and sing all
night. Thus ended the first day of the ceremonies.
At the festival of the Hūlī, which is particularly dedicated to Krishnŭ,
images of the deity are carried about on elephants, horses, in palkees,
&c. The songs are exclusively in honour of Krishnŭ, and hailing the
return of the season, personified under the name of Vasanta, generally
pronounced Bessant. Kama, the god of love, is the son of Krishnŭ.
The Hoolī was celebrated by the natives with due glee; they threw abeer
(red powder) into each other’s faces, and then squirted orange-coloured
water over it; people were also sent on April-fool errands. Colonel
Gardner avoided appearing amongst the people during this festival, and
I imitated his example. The orange-coloured water is tinged with the
flowers of the dhāk tree; the abeer is flour made from the singharra
(water nut), and dyed with red sanders; the roots of the singharra are
loosened by means of ropes fastened between two boats, with several men
in each; and iron prongs are used in collecting them.
I mentioned to Colonel Gardner the songs of the women, the Domnee,
who were in the tent, and the distress of the Prince. He said, “When
marriages are negotiating, in particular, they are of the most unchaste
description; they are admitted on such occasions, but the nāch girls
never; the songs of the Domnee are indecent beyond the conception of an
European.”
Nāch women dance and sing before men, and are not allowed to enter
zenānas of respectability; but in all great establishments, such as
Colonel Gardner’s, and that of his son, the slave girls are formed into
sets of dancing girls, to sing and play for the amusement of the Begams.
Colonel Gardner remarked, “The songs of the nāch girls are never
indecent, unless ‘by particular desire,’ and then in representing the
bearer’s dance,—a dance which is never performed before ladies.”
The following tradition may account for the great noise made with
native instruments at a wedding:—“The difference between the lawful
and unlawful, in marriage, is proclamation and the beating of drums
for them.” “Aa’yeshah gave a woman, who was nearly related to her, in
marriage to one of the assistants; and the prophet came and said, ‘Have
you sent the young woman to her husband?’ She said, ‘Yes.’ The prophet
said, ‘Have you sent any singers with her?’ She said, ‘No.’ On which
the prophet said, ‘Verily the assistants are a tribe fond of singing;
therefore, had you sent any one with her to have sung A’taina’cum,
A’taina’cum, then he would have prayed for your life and mine.’”
A’taina’cum, a’taina’cum,—_we come to you, we come to you_, are the words
of a song sung in marriage processions.
Aamīr-bin-sad said, “I went to Kardhah-bin-cab, and Abu Masuud Ansarī, in
an assembly, in which was a bridal feast; and some women were singing;
and I said, ‘O ye two companions of the prophet of God! and O ye men
of Bedr! (_i.e._ combatants in that battle) shall this act (that is,
singing), be done near you?’ They said to me, ‘Sit down if you please,
and hear with us; but, if you please, go away, because the prophet
permitted us to hear nuptial songs.’”
Domra is the name of a caste of Musalmāns, the males of which are
musicians, and the females sing and dance in the company of females only.
THE SĀCHAK.
“WHEN THERE IS A MARRIAGE THEY MAY SING ALL NIGHT[147].”
_March 28th._—The bride is denominated dulhān on the day of Sāchak,
and the bridegroom dūlha. The poor dulhān is kept in strict parda on
her charpāī; the dūlha ought by law to be equally confined, but he
generally contrives to amuse himself during the time. After the bride
and bridegroom had been rubbed a certain number of days with the oily
mixture, the time appointed for the second day’s ceremonies arrived;
which is called the Sāchak. Mulka Begam and the prince arrived in
procession. The bridegroom’s party were dressed out in all their bravery.
The party of the bride wore their old clothes, and looked as deplorable
as possible. This was according to custom, and therefore strictly
observed. On this day it is the fashion for the bride’s mother to
appear in an undress, and even that soiled! The procession consisted of
elephants in all their crimson and gold trappings, led horses, English
and Arab; nalkīs, a sort of litter used by people of rank, palanquins,
and raths, (native bullock carriages,) &c. A number of men dressed up as
horses were prancing about, kicking and playing antics, and two hundred
gharās (earthen vessels) filled with sweetmeats, which looked very gay
from being covered with silver-leaf, were carried on the heads of two
hundred men.
The platforms for the nāch women were the most curious part of the
procession, they are called takhti-rawān, a sort of travelling throne,
formed of bamboo, square in form, over which was spread an awning
ornamented with crimson, and gold, and silver, and supported by four
bamboos, one at each angle of the platform. On each travelling throne
sat a native musician, playing on a kettle-drum, and before him danced
two nāch women; the girls twirled and nāched with all their might and
skill. The platforms were _carried on the heads_ of a number of men in
the procession, and had a curious and singular effect; the situation was
a very unsteady one for the dancing girls, one of whom became giddy and
tumbled down upon the heads of the crowd of people below. In this fashion
ten stands, containing twenty nāch girls and ten musicians, were carried
on men’s heads to the sound of kettle-drums. When Mulka had brought
in the procession, and the company were seated, atr of sandal-wood
was put on each person’s face, and a necklace of silver tissue around
their necks. The same three vile old women began their songs of abuse;
abusing the prince, the Begams, and myself; but as it was the custom, no
one could be angry. I could only guess the sort of abuse; I could not
understand it, never having heard it before. The prince’s yellow dress,
now quite dirty, was on him still; according to custom, _over_ it was
put on a dress of cloth of gold and crimson. In front of his turban the
jewelled jika was placed, and on his arms valuable bazubunds—armlets of
precious stones. All this time the poor little bride was kept in her oily
attire on her charpāī, and not allowed to stir. She only heard the noise
and uproar of the procession. Mulka’s dress was very elegant.
THE MENHDĪ—THE THIRD DAY.
_29th._—The menhdī is the tree, Lawsonia inermis, from the leaves of
which the hinnā dye is produced: the leaves are gathered and pounded;
when put on the hands and feet, and allowed to remain an hour or two, it
produces a dark brownish red dye, which is permanent for four or five
months; the hands and feet, both of men and women, thus dyed are reckoned
beautiful. It is remarkable that female mummies have the nails stained
with menhdī.
A number of trays of this prepared menhdī were carried on men’s heads,
covered with embroidered velvet; they were sent from the bride to dye
the bridegroom. This was the grand display on the part of the bride’s
friends; who all, dressed in all their most costly attire, went, at
eleven at night, in procession from Khāsgunge to the Prince’s tents. The
road was enclosed with bamboo screens, all lighted up with thousands
of small lamps; fireworks were let off in profusion, and the triumphal
arches across the road were all illuminated; five thousand torches were
carried by men, to light the procession. The Begam herself was there in
her nālkee, the curtains all down and fastened; the ladies in a long line
of native carriages, called raths; the boys in different sorts of native
palkees; the men, handsomely dressed, on elephants. I went in an amārī,
on an elephant; the amārī is a litter with two seats, covered by two
canopies; when the seat on an elephant is open, without a canopy, it is
called a howdah. Mr. T⸺, a friend, accompanied me; we sat in the front
seat, and a native gentleman occupied the seat at the back. The elephant
was a very large one; we were a great height from the ground, and had a
good view, being above the smoke of the blue lights. The native gentleman
amused us by his astonishment at Mr. T⸺’s not being a married man; my
friend told him he wished to marry, but how could he without seeing the
lady? The Asiatic said that was impossible; but could he not depend on
his female friends to see and select for him? Mr. T⸺ deputed me to select
a wife for him; the native gentleman thought him in earnest, and said,
when every thing was arranged, I might show Mr. T⸺ her picture before
they were married. In this manner weddings are made up; it would be the
height of indelicacy to suppose a girl could have a choice, she marries
just any one whom her friends select. The led horses, in their gay native
caparison, looked so well amongst the blue lights; and the handsomest of
all was Candidate, an imported English horse, formerly the property of
Major P⸺; Rattler, another English horse, sixteen hands high, whom I had
ridden several times, was also there. They were so quiet and well-behaved
in the crowd and amongst the fireworks, much more quiet than the native
horses.
The ten platforms, containing the twenty nāch girls and the kettle-drum
players carried on men’s heads were also there. The effect of the gay
dresses of the women, as they twirled and attitudinized was good by
torch-light. Some of the girls, who were horrors by daylight, looked
pretty by the artificial light, at a distance. It took two hours to go
with the procession the four miles, through the village of Khāsgunge to
the tents. All the inhabitants were either on the road or on the roofs
of their houses, and we were attended by thousands of people: such a
crowd, we could scarcely move forwards. On our arrival at the tents we
found Mulka Begam’s tent prepared for the reception of the females of
our party. It was in utter darkness. In front fine bamboo screens were
let down, which, inside, were covered with thin white muslin. Through
this parda, from the inside of the tent, you could see what was going on
without, where every thing was brilliantly lighted, whilst we were in
complete darkness. From without you could not see into the tent in the
slightest degree. These screens are called pardas, and the women who live
within them, parda nishīn, secluded behind the curtain. In front of the
tent was pitched a very large shamiyana, a canopy, supported on every
side by high poles; white cloths were spread on the ground. In the centre
was seated the young Prince on his gaddī (throne of the sovereign), most
beautifully dressed, and looking very handsome. His four ill-looking
brothers were next to him. On a plain gaddī, by his side, sat Colonel
Gardner and myself, and all the English and native gentlemen were seated
on either side. In front, were one hundred nāch women, the best to be
procured, brought, at an immense expense, from great distances; six or
eight of these girls danced at a time, and were relieved by another set.
Around were countless numbers of natives, in all their gayest dresses:
and still further back were many elephants, on which people had mounted
to get a sight of the tamāshā. When the preparations within were ready,
Colonel Gardner took me, his son, and the five princes, within the tent;
a parda (screen) was drawn across part of the tent, behind which were
some native ladies, whom it would have been improper the men should have
seen, they not being their relatives. The Prince was placed on a low
silver seat, and fed with sugar; the amusement appeared to be, as you
offered the sugar, and the Prince attempted to take it in his mouth, to
snatch away your hand. The ladies behind the parda also put forth their
hands to feed him with sugar; he tried to catch their hands, and having
succeeded in catching the hand of one of the girls who was teazing him,
he tried to draw off her ring, and in the struggle she was nearly pulled
through the parda!
A silver bason was brought, and from it, Mulka Begam, Alaida, and her
sister, the Evening Star, put the menhdī on the Prince’s hands and feet,
and washed it off with water, which they poured from a silver vessel, of
the most classical and beautiful shape I almost ever beheld. A turban
of green and gold, ornamented with brilliants and precious stones, was
placed on his head; he was then dressed in a dress of kimkhwāb (gold
brocade), a red and gold kamarband, and green pājāmas; and a ring and
armlets of great value and beauty were also put upon him. Sherbet was
given to him, and all the guests, to drink, and their mouths were wiped
with a sort of napkin of red and gold cloth by the cup-bearer.
Into the sherbet tray each guest put a gold mohur, the perquisite of the
girls who had put the menhdī on the Prince. Afterwards, a slave-girl
brought a silver vessel with water; water was poured over the hands of
the guests, each of whom put four or five rupees into the bowl; this was
given the Domnee, the same three old women who in one corner were singing
all the time. Necklaces of the fresh flowers of the yellow jasmine were
thrown over the neck of the prince and the guests. After these ceremonies
were completed, the prince and Colonel Gardner quitted the tent. I
remained with the Begam. A ceremony was then performed that surprised me
considerably; the native ladies laughed, and appeared to think it high
tamāshā.
It was now dinner time, being midnight. The inner pardas of the tent were
let down, and lights were brought in. A white cloth was spread on the
ground in front of the Begam’s gaddī, upon which eight large round dishes
of earthenware were placed. These were filled with boiled rice mixed with
almonds and many good things, very pleasant food. These dishes are always
prepared at Asiatic weddings, as bride-cake is always an attendant on the
same ceremony in Europe. The rice was piled up high, and silvered all
over with silver leaf, and a tuft of silver ornamented the top. Silvered
food is much used by natives; and in helping a dish, if you wish to pay a
compliment, you send as much gold and silver leaf as you can. At weddings
the food is served in earthen vessels, instead of the silver vessels
commonly used, because, when the repast is over, the remainder of it,
vessels and all, are given away.
Of course, according to Asiatic custom, we all sat on the ground. The
Begam said, “What shall we do? we have no knives and forks for the bībī
sāhiba.” I assured her my fingers were more useful than forks. She
sent me a large dish, well filled and well silvered. I bowed over it,
saying in an undertone to myself, “Jupiter omnipotens digitos dedit ante
bidentes.” The Begam _explained_ to the guests, “English ladies always
say grace before meals.” After holding forth my right hand to have water
poured upon it, I boldly dipped my fingers into the dish, and contrived
to appease my hunger very comfortably, much to the amusement of the
Asiatic ladies: but I found I could not get my fingers half so far into
my mouth as they contrived to do; certainly the mode is ungraceful, but
this may be prejudice. I looked at Mulka Begam, how far she pushed her
delicate fingers down her throat—wah! wah!
“The prophet used to eat with three fingers, the thumb, the fore-finger,
and the middle finger; and after eating he used to lick his blessed
fingers before touching any thing else.” The prophet said, “Repeat the
name of God, and eat with your right hand; the devil has power over that
meat which is eaten without remembering the name of God.” “Verily God is
pleased with a servant who eats a mouthful and says God’s praise, and
drinks a draught of water, and says God’s praise.” “When any one of you
eats, he must do it with his right hand; and when any one of you drinks,
he must take hold of his water-pot with the right hand, because the devil
eats and drinks with his left.”
After the repast silver vessels were handed round, and our mouths and
fingers underwent ablution. Besan, the flour of gram, as good for the
purpose as almond-paste, was presented to each guest; with it the grease
was removed from the fingers, and water was poured over them.
Necklaces most beautifully made of silver tissue were now given to the
whole of the company, both within and without the tent; the lights were
carried away, a portion of the parda was removed, and we, unseen, could
then observe what was going on without the tent, the nāching, and the
company. Seeing the Begam apparently fatigued, I requested she would give
me my dismissal, which, having received, I made my salām and returned to
Colonel Gardner, with whom I sat looking at the nāch until 3 P.M., at
which hour the prince, by taking his departure, broke up the assembly.
“On retiring, the senior guest, addressing the host, says, ‘Be pleased
to, or will you, give us leave, or permission, to depart?’ Adding, ‘May
God bless and prosper you! I have made a hearty meal, or dined heartily
(orig. eaten a belly full)!’ To which the other replies, ‘It is the will
of God and Muhammad,’ _i.e._ not mine; or, ‘Very well:’ ‘Certainly.’
Then the whole company rise, calling out, ‘As salām alaikum!’ ‘Peace be
unto you,’ and take their departure[148].” I returned to Khāsgunge in a
palanquin, in which I slept all the way home, being fatigued and overcome
with the exertions of the day.
It was a sight worth seeing; the thousands of well-dressed natives
in picturesque groups, and the dancing girls under the brilliantly
illuminated trees. I was delighted to sit by my dear Colonel Gardner, and
to hear his explanations. In conversation he was most interesting, a man
of great intelligence, and in mind playful as a child. I often begged
him to write his life, or to allow me to write it at his dictation. The
description of such varied scenes as those through which he had passed
would have been delightful; and he wrote so beautifully, the work would
have been invaluable. He used to tell me remarkable incidents in his
life, but I never wrote them down, feeling that unless I could remember
his language, the histories would be deprived of half their beauty. I
have never described Mr. James Gardner, his son. He is a remarkably
shrewd, clever, quick man. He has never been in England: he commenced his
education at a school in Calcutta; and the remainder he received at home,
from Colonel Gardner and his friend Mr. B⸺. Persian he reads and writes
as fluently as a native, and transacts all his business in that language.
He is very quick, and so deep, they say he even outwits the natives.
He is very hospitable—expert in all manly exercises—a fine horseman—an
excellent swordsman—skilled in the lance exercise—an admirable shot with
the bow and arrow—excels in all native games and exercises. I fancy the
Begam, his mother, would never hear of her son’s going to England for
education; and to induce a native woman to give way to any reasons that
are contrary to her own wishes is quite out of the power of mortal man.
A man may induce a European wife to be unselfish and make a sacrifice
to comply with his wishes, or for the benefit of her children. A native
woman would only be violent, enraged, and sulky, until the man, tired and
weary with the dispute and eternal worry, would give her her own way.
Such at least is my opinion from what I have seen of life within the four
walls of a zenāna. James Gardner is most perfectly suited to the life he
leads: the power of the sun does not affect him so much as it does other
people: he rides about his estates and farms all day: he has a great
number of villages of his own, of which he is lord and master, and is
able to conduct his affairs and turn his indigo and farming to profit. In
all this he is assisted by the advice of Mulka Begam, to whom the natives
look up with the highest respect. She is a clever woman, and her word is
regarded as law by her villagers and dependents.