CHAPTER XI.

"Meanwhile large deductions had been made from my stock of money, and

the remnant would be speedily consumed by my present mode of life. My

expenses far exceeded my previous expectations. In no long time I should

be reduced to my ancient poverty, which the luxurious existence that I

now enjoyed, and the regard due to my beloved and helpless companion,

would render more irksome than ever. Some scheme to rescue me from this

fate was indispensable; but my aversion to labour, to any pursuit the

end of which was merely gain, and which would require application and

attention, continued undiminished.

"I was plunged anew into dejection and perplexity. From this I was

somewhat relieved by a plan suggested by Mr. Thetford. I thought I had

experience of his knowledge and integrity, and the scheme that he

proposed seemed liable to no possibility of miscarriage. A ship was to

be purchased, supplied with a suitable cargo, and despatched to a port

in the West Indies. Loss from storms and enemies was to be precluded by

insurance. Every hazard was to be enumerated, and the ship and cargo

valued at the highest rate. Should the voyage be safely performed, the

profits would be double the original expense. Should the ship be taken

or wrecked, the insurers would have bound themselves to make ample,

speedy, and certain indemnification. Thetford's brother, a wary and

experienced trader, was to be the supercargo.

"All my money was laid out upon this scheme. Scarcely enough was

reserved to supply domestic and personal wants. Large debts were

likewise incurred. Our caution had, as we conceived, annihilated every

chance of failure. Too much could not be expended on a project so

infallible; and the vessel, amply fitted and freighted, departed on her

voyage.

"An interval, not devoid of suspense and anxiety, succeeded. My

mercantile inexperience made me distrust the clearness of my own

discernment, and I could not but remember that my utter and

irretrievable destruction was connected with the failure of my scheme.

Time added to my distrust and apprehensions. The time at which tidings

of the ship were to be expected elapsed without affording any

information of her destiny. My anxieties, however, were to be carefully

hidden from the world. I had taught mankind to believe that this project

had been adopted more for amusement than gain; and the debts which I had

contracted seemed to arise from willingness to adhere to established

maxims, more than from the pressure of necessity.

"Month succeeded month, and intelligence was still withheld. The notes

which I had given for one-third of the cargo, and for the premium of

insurance, would shortly become due. For the payment of the former, and

the cancelling of the latter, I had relied upon the expeditious return

or the demonstrated loss of the vessel. Neither of these events had

taken place.

"My cares were augmented from another quarter. My companion's situation

now appeared to be such as, if our intercourse had been sanctified by

wedlock, would have been regarded with delight. As it was, no symptoms

were equally to be deplored. Consequences, as long as they were involved

in uncertainty, were extenuated or overlooked; but now, when they became

apparent and inevitable, were fertile of distress and upbraiding.

"Indefinable fears, and a desire to monopolize all the meditations and

affections of this being, had induced me to perpetuate her ignorance of

any but her native language, and debar her from all intercourse with the

world. My friends were of course inquisitive respecting her character,

adventures, and particularly her relation to me. The consciousness how

much the truth redounded to my dishonour made me solicitous to lead

conjecture astray. For this purpose I did not discountenance the

conclusion that was adopted by some,--that she was my daughter. I

reflected that all dangerous surmises would be effectually precluded by

this belief.

"These precautions afforded me some consolation in my present

difficulties. It was requisite to conceal the lady's condition from the

world. If this should be ineffectual, it would not be difficult to

divert suspicion from my person. The secrecy that I had practised would

be justified, in the apprehension of those to whom the personal

condition of Clemenza should be disclosed, by the feelings of a father.

"Meanwhile, it was an obvious expedient to remove the unhappy lady to a

distance from impertinent observers. A rural retreat, lonely and

sequestered, was easily procured, and hither she consented to repair.

This arrangement being concerted, I had leisure to reflect upon the

evils which every hour brought nearer, and which threatened to

exterminate me.

"My inquietudes forbade me to sleep, and I was accustomed to rise before

day and seek some respite in the fields. Returning from one of these

unseasonable rambles, I chanced to meet you. Your resemblance to the

deceased Lodi, in person and visage, is remarkable. When you first met

my eye, this similitude startled me. Your subsequent appeal to my

compassion was clothed in such terms as formed a powerful contrast with

your dress, and prepossessed me greatly in favour of your education and

capacity.

"In my present hopeless condition, every incident, however trivial, was

attentively considered, with a view to extract from it some means of

escaping from my difficulties. My love for the Italian girl, in spite of

all my efforts to keep it alive, had begun to languish. Marriage was

impossible; and had now, in some degree, ceased to be desirable. We are

apt to judge of others by ourselves. The passion I now found myself

disposed to ascribe chiefly to fortuitous circumstances; to the impulse

of gratitude, and the exclusion of competitors; and believed that your

resemblance to her brother, your age and personal accomplishments,

might, after a certain time, and in consequence of suitable

contrivances on my part, give a new direction to her feelings. To gain

your concurrence, I relied upon your simplicity, your gratitude, and

your susceptibility to the charms of this bewitching creature.

"I contemplated, likewise, another end. Mrs. Wentworth is rich. A youth

who was once her favourite, and designed to inherit her fortunes, has

disappeared, for some years, from the scene. His death is most probable,

but of that there is no satisfactory information. The life of this

person, whose name is Clavering, is an obstacle to some designs which

had occurred to me in relation to this woman. My purposes were crude and

scarcely formed. I need not swell the catalogue of my errors by

expatiating upon them. Suffice it to say that the peculiar circumstances

of your introduction to me led me to reflections on the use that might

be made of your agency, in procuring this lady's acquiescence in my

schemes. You were to be ultimately persuaded to confirm her in the

belief that her nephew was dead. To this consummation it was

indispensable to lead you by slow degrees and circuitous paths.

Meanwhile, a profound silence, with regard to your genuine history, was

to be observed; and to this forbearance your consent was obtained with

more readiness than I expected.

"There was an additional motive for the treatment you received from me.

My personal projects and cares had hitherto prevented me from reading

Lodi's manuscript; a slight inspection, however, was sufficient to prove

that the work was profound and eloquent. My ambition has panted, with

equal avidity, after the reputation of literature and opulence. To claim

the authorship of this work was too harmless and specious a stratagem

not to be readily suggested. I meant to translate it into English, and

to enlarge it by enterprising incidents of my own invention. My scruples

to assume the merit of the original composer might thus be removed. For

this end, your assistance as an amanuensis would be necessary.

"You will perceive that all these projects depended on the seasonable

arrival of intelligence from ----. The delay of another week would seal

my destruction. The silence might arise from the foundering of the ship

and the destruction of all on board. In this case, the insurance was not

forfeited, but payment could not be obtained within a year. Meanwhile,

the premium and other debts must be immediately discharged, and this was

beyond my power. Meanwhile, I was to live in a manner that would not

belie my pretensions; but my coffers were empty.

"I cannot adequately paint the anxieties with which I have been haunted.

Each hour has added to the burden of my existence, till, in consequence

of the events of this day, it has become altogether insupportable. Some

hours ago, I was summoned by Thetford to his house. The messenger

informed me that tidings had been received of my ship. In answer to my

eager interrogations, he could give no other information than that she

had been captured by the British. He was unable to relate particulars.

"News of her safe return would, indeed, have been far more acceptable;

but even this information was a source of infinite congratulation. It

precluded the demand of my insurers. The payment of other debts might be

postponed for a month, and my situation be the same as before the

adoption of this successless scheme. Hope and joy were reinstated in my

bosom, and I hasted to Thetford's counting-house.

"He received me with an air of gloomy dissatisfaction. I accounted for

his sadness by supposing him averse to communicate information which was

less favourable than our wishes had dictated. He confirmed, with visible

reluctance, the news of her capture. He had just received letters from

his brother, acquainting him with all particulars, and containing the

official documents of this transaction.

"This had no tendency to damp my satisfaction, and I proceeded to peruse

with eagerness the papers which he put into my hand. I had not proceeded

far, when my joyous hopes vanished. Two French mulattoes had, after much

solicitation, and the most solemn promises to carry with them no

articles which the laws of war decree to be contraband, obtained a

passage in the vessel. She was speedily encountered by a privateer, by

whom every receptacle was ransacked. In a chest, belonging to the

Frenchmen, and which they had affirmed to contain nothing but their

clothes, were found two sabres, and other accoutrements of an officer of

cavalry. Under this pretence, the vessel was captured and condemned, and

this was a cause of forfeiture which had not been provided against in

the contract of insurance.

"By this untoward event my hopes were irreparably blasted. The utmost

efforts were demanded to conceal my thoughts from my companion. The

anguish that preyed upon my heart was endeavoured to be masked by looks

of indifference. I pretended to have been previously informed by the

messenger not only of the capture, but of the cause that led to it, and

forbore to expatiate upon my loss, or to execrate the authors of my

disappointment. My mind, however, was the theatre of discord and agony,

and I waited with impatience for an opportunity to leave him.

"For want of other topics, I asked by whom this information had been

brought. He answered, that the bearer was Captain Amos Watson, whose

vessel had been forfeited, at the same time, under a different pretence.

He added that, my name being mentioned accidentally to Watson, the

latter had betrayed marks of great surprise, and been very earnest in

his inquiries respecting my situation. Having obtained what knowledge

Thetford was able to communicate, the captain had departed, avowing a

former acquaintance with me, and declaring his intention of paying me a

visit.

"These words operated on my frame like lightning. All within me was

tumult and terror, and I rushed precipitately out of the house. I went

forward with unequal steps, and at random. Some instinct led me into the

fields, and I was not apprized of the direction of my steps, till,

looking up, I found myself upon the shore of Schuylkill.

"Thus was I, a second time, overborne by hopeless and incurable evils.

An interval of motley feelings, of specious artifice and contemptible

imposture, had elapsed since my meeting with the stranger at Wilmington.

Then my forlorn state had led me to the brink of suicide. A brief and

feverish respite had been afforded me, but now was I transported to the

verge of the same abyss.

"Amos Watson was the brother of the angel whom I had degraded and

destroyed. What but fiery indignation and unappeasable vengeance could

lead him into my presence? With what heart could I listen to his

invectives? How could I endure to look upon the face of one whom I had

loaded with such atrocious and intolerable injuries?

"I was acquainted with his loftiness of mind; his detestation of

injustice, and the whirlwind passions that ingratitude and villany like

mine were qualified to awaken in his bosom. I dreaded not his violence.

The death that he might be prompted to inflict was no object of

aversion. It was poverty and disgrace, the detection of my crimes, the

looks and voice of malediction and upbraiding, from which my cowardice

shrunk.

"Why should I live? I must vanish from that stage which I had lately

trodden. My flight must be instant and precipitate. To be a fugitive

from exasperated creditors, and from the industrious revenge of Watson,

was an easy undertaking; but whither could I fly, where I should not be

pursued by the phantoms of remorse, by the dread of hourly detection, by

the necessities of hunger and thirst? In what scene should I be exempt

from servitude and drudgery? Was my existence embellished with

enjoyments that would justify my holding it, encumbered with hardships

and immersed in obscurity?

"There was no room for hesitation. To rush into the stream before me,

and put an end at once to my life and the miseries inseparably linked

with it, was the only proceeding which fate had left to my choice. My

muscles were already exerted for this end, when the helpless condition

of Clemenza was remembered. What provision could I make against the

evils that threatened her? Should I leave her utterly forlorn and

friendless? Mrs. Wentworth's temper was forgiving and compassionate.

Adversity had taught her to participate and her wealth enabled her to

relieve distress. Who was there by whom such powerful claims to succour

and protection could be urged as by this desolate girl? Might I not

state her situation in a letter to this lady, and urge irresistible

pleas for the extension of her kindness to this object?

"These thoughts made me suspend my steps. I determined to seek my

habitation once more, and, having written and deposited this letter, to

return to the execution of my fatal purpose. I had scarcely reached my

own door, when some one approached along the pavement. The form, at

first, was undistinguishable, but, by coming, at length, within the

illumination of a lamp, it was perfectly recognised.

"To avoid this detested interview was now impossible. Watson approached

and accosted me. In this conflict of tumultuous feelings I was still

able to maintain an air of intrepidity. His demeanour was that of a man

who struggles with his rage. His accents were hurried, and scarcely

articulate. 'I have ten words to say to you,' said he; 'lead into the

house, and to some private room. My business with you will be despatched

in a breath.'

"I made him no answer, but led the way into my house, and to my study.

On entering this room, I put the light upon the table, and, turning to

my visitant, prepared silently to hear what he had to unfold. He struck

his clenched hand against the table with violence. His motion was of

that tempestuous kind as to overwhelm the power of utterance, and found

it easier to vent itself in gesticulations than in words. At length he

exclaimed,--

"'It is well. Now has the hour, so long and so impatiently demanded by

my vengeance, arrived. Welbeck! Would that my first words could strike

thee dead! They will so, if thou hast any title to the name of man.

"'My sister is dead; dead of anguish and a broken heart. Remote from her

friends; in a hovel; the abode of indigence and misery.

"'Her husband is no more. He returned after a long absence, a tedious

navigation, and vicissitudes of hardships. He flew to the bosom of his

love; of his wife. She was gone; lost to him, and to virtue. In a fit of

desperation, he retired to his chamber and despatched himself. This is

the instrument with which the deed was performed.'

"Saying this, Watson took a pistol from his pocket, and held it to my

head. I lifted not my hand to turn aside the weapon. I did not shudder

at the spectacle, or shrink from his approaching hand. With fingers

clasped together, and eyes fixed upon the floor, I waited till his fury

was exhausted. He continued:--

"'All passed in a few hours. The elopement of his daughter,--the death

of his son. O my father! Most loved and most venerable of men! To see

thee changed into a maniac! Haggard and wild! Deterred from outrage on

thyself and those around thee by fetters and stripes! What was it that

saved me from a like fate? To view this hideous ruin, and to think by

whom it was occasioned! Yet not to become frantic like thee, my father;

or not destroy myself like thee, my brother! My friend!--

"'No. For this hour was I reserved; to avenge your wrongs and mine in

the blood of this ungrateful villain.'

"'There,' continued he, producing a second pistol, and tendering it to

me,--'there is thy defence. Take we opposite sides of this table, and

fire at the same instant.'

"During this address I was motionless. He tendered the pistol, but I

unclasped not my hands to receive it.

"'Why do you hesitate?' resumed he. 'Let the chance between us be equal,

or fire you first.'

"'No,' said I, 'I am ready to die by your hand. I wish it. It will

preclude the necessity of performing the office for myself. I have

injured you, and merit all that your vengeance can inflict. I know your

nature too well to believe that my death will be perfect expiation. When

the gust of indignation is past, the remembrance of your deed will only

add to your sum of misery; yet I do not love you well enough to wish

that you would forbear. I desire to die, and to die by another's hand

rather than my own.'

"'Coward!' exclaimed Watson, with augmented vehemence, 'you know me too

well to believe me capable of assassination. Vile subterfuge!

Contemptible plea! Take the pistol and defend yourself. You want not the

power or the will; but, knowing that I spurn at murder, you think your

safety will be found in passiveness. Your refusal will avail you little.

Your fame, if not your life, is at my mercy. If you falter now, I will

allow you to live, but only till I have stabbed your reputation.'

"I now fixed my eyes steadfastly upon him, and spoke:--'How much a

stranger are you to the feelings of Welbeck! How poor a judge of his

cowardice! I take your pistol, and consent to your conditions.'

"We took opposite sides of the table. 'Are you ready?' he cried; 'fire!'

"Both triggers were drawn at the same instant. Both pistols were

discharged. Mine was negligently raised. Such is the untoward chance

that presides over human affairs; such is the malignant destiny by which

my steps have ever been pursued. The bullet whistled harmlessly by

me,--levelled by an eye that never before failed, and with so small an

interval between us. I escaped, but my blind and random shot took place

in his heart.

"There is the fruit of this disastrous meeting. The catalogue of death

is thus completed. Thou sleepest, Watson! Thy sister is at rest, and so

art thou. Thy vows of vengeance are at an end. It was not reserved for

thee to be thy own and thy sister's avenger. Welbeck's measure of

transgressions is now full, and his own hand must execute the justice

that is due to him."

Arthur Mervyn; Or, Memoirs of the Year 1793 · 第 11 / 48 章