_[Paris] October 1 [1794]._
It is a heartless task to write letters, without knowing whether they will
ever reach you.--I have given two to ----, who has been a-going, a-going,
every day, for a week past; and three others, which were written in a
low-spirited strain, a little querulous or so, I have not been able to
forward by the opportunities that were mentioned to me. _Tant mieux!_ you
will say, and I will not say nay; for I should be sorry that the contents
of a letter, when you are so far away, should damp the pleasure that the
sight of it would afford--judging of your feelings by my own. I just now
stumbled on one of the kind letters, which you wrote during your last
absence. You are then a dear affectionate creature, and I will not plague
you. The letter which you chance to receive, when the absence is so long,
ought to bring only tears of tenderness, without any bitter alloy, into
your eyes.
After your return I hope indeed, that you will not be so immersed in
business, as during the last three or four months past--for even money,
taking into the account all the future comforts it is to procure, may be
gained at too dear a rate, if painful impressions are left on the
mind.--These impressions were much more lively, soon after you went away,
than at present--for a thousand tender recollections efface the melancholy
traces they left on my mind--and every emotion is on the same side as my
reason, which always was on yours.--Separated, it would be almost impious
to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of character.--I feel that I
love you; and, if I cannot be happy with you, I will seek it no where
else.
My little darling grows every day more dear to me--and she often has a
kiss, when we are alone together, which I give her for you, with all my
heart.
I have been interrupted--and must send off my letter. The liberty of the
press will produce a great effect here--the _cry of blood will not be
vain_!--Some more monsters will perish--and the Jacobins are
conquered.--Yet I almost fear the last flap of the tail of the beast.
I have had several trifling teazing inconveniences here, which I shall not
now trouble you with a detail of.--I am sending ---- back; her pregnancy
rendered her useless. The girl I have got has more vivacity, which is
better for the child.