[Illustration]
In discussing the important subject of etiquette as connected with
weddings and wedding anniversaries, it may be mentioned here that the
forms for invitations to all occasions of this sort, and acceptances
and regrets of the same, card-sending, etc., have been fully treated
in their respective departments. The observances immediately
preceding, during, and following the ceremony, are now to receive
consideration.
Paying for the Cards.
The form, size and use of these important bits of pasteboard having
been before stated, it only remains for us to say here that all the
expenses relative to their purchase and distribution are to be borne
solely by the parents or other guardians of the bride. To have it
otherwise implies a lack of delicacy on the part of the bride, and
lays upon her a certain amount of obligation which every right-minded
girl would desire, above all things, to avoid. Hence when the parents
are financially unable to incur the expense, good taste demands that
all display be abandoned and the couple be quietly married in the
presence of the family only.
The bride should always remember that until the fateful words are
spoken that make the twain one flesh, she has no claim whatever on the
purse of her future husband, and conduct herself accordingly.
Hence it is that a very plain _trousseau_ is more commendable to the
self-respect of the wearer, than the elaborate outfittings, toward
the purchase of which the groom-expectant has largely contributed, and
which, in case of the oft-recurring "slip twixt the cup and the lip,"
must weigh heavily upon the maiden's pride.
Even the "after cards" are usually ordered by the parents with the
others, and paid for at the same time. If, however, they are ordered
after marriage, they are paid for by the groom.
There is only one exception to the rule of the bride's parents paying
for the wedding cards, and this occurs when the wedding ceremony is
performed quietly in church and the reception, for some reason, is
held at the home of the groom's parents, in which case they, as the
entertainers, properly pay for, and issue, the cards of invitation.
The groom, in England, always pays for the carriage that conveys
himself and bride to the station after the ceremony and reception are
past, but in this country the fashionable father usually claims the
privilege of sending them on this first stage of their married life in
his own carriage. However, the groom buys the ring and a bouquet for
the bride, furnishes dainty presents for the bridemaids, remembers the
best man and the ushers, pays the clergyman's fee, the size of which
is to be regulated only by his inclination, or the length of his
purse-strings, and furnishes the marriage license.
Naming the Day.
This privilege belongs by right to the lady herself, but, in reality,
the business engagements of the groom, and the time when he can best
leave for the bridal tour have much to do in settling the exact date
for which the invitations shall be issued. In very fashionable circles
it is the mother that names the day of her daughter's marriage.
Time was when during the two weeks, or longer, elapsing between the
issuing of the invitations and the occurrence of the wedding, the
bride-expectant was not to be seen in public, nor by chance callers at
the house, a custom which still prevails to some extent, but is
superseded in the most fashionable circles by a series of especial
entertainments given during this interval.
It frequently happens that one, or each, of the bridemaids entertains
the bride and other bridemaids at a lunch or dinner, either informally
or on a large scale. Some married friend of the family may give a
large farewell dinner to Miss ---- and her bridemaids; and the bride
herself, or her mother, may give a rehearsal dinner. Ordinary
invitations, however, are not to be accepted.
If the presents are not to be exhibited at the wedding reception, the
bride frequently gives an informal tea the day before to her lady
friends for the purpose of displaying them. She should also, for her
health's sake, take a daily drive.
Announcing the Engagement.
An engagement is now frequently announced in rather a formal manner.
This, however, is not usually done until a short time previous to the
marriage itself. Sometimes it comes out in the society papers
immediately after it has been made known to the kinfolk and intimate
friends. Felicitations follow as a matter of course.
Sometimes a dinner-party is given by the parents of the bride-elect
and the announcement is made by the host just before leaving the
table. Congratulations follow. Sometimes notes are written by the
young lady or her mother in announcement.
If the families of the contracting parties have been strangers
heretofore it is expected that the gentleman's family will make the
first call. Any friends that choose may give entertainments in honor
of the couple.
The lady does not make any ceremonious calls after this announcement
has been made, it being supposed that before this occurs she shall
have left cards upon all her friends. If no formal announcement is
made the bride-to-be must, before invitations are issued, leave cards
with her friends and acquaintances. In the city she need not enter to
make a personal call, in the country she will probably find it
necessary so to do.
Wedding Gifts.
There is much to be said for and against the custom of wedding
presents. And while the fact remains that they too often become the
vehicle for an expenditure so uncalled-for as to encroach upon
vulgarity in its excess, another fact still exists, that the simple
remembrances of friends are very grateful to the bride, who, perhaps,
is bound for a distant home where every loving token will recall a
well-known face.
Then remember your friends on their wedding day, wisely, and according
to their tastes and your own resources, for:
"Policy counselleth a gift,
Given wisely and in season,
And policy afterward approveth it,
For great is the power of gifts."
By those so desiring, the words, "No presents," or "No presents
received," may be engraved in the left hand corner of the card. This
is often a relief to many of the guests, and, at the same time does
not prevent the very intimate friends, as well as members of the
family, from sending quietly such gifts as they may choose, which, of
course, are not exhibited.
Where presents are to be given they are frequently sent some time in
advance, and the bride often takes much pleasure in arranging them for
exhibition in some upstairs room. Each article is accompanied by the
card of the giver; these are removed or not, as may be desired before
exhibition.
The bride acknowledges the reception of each gift by a graceful little
note of thanks. Some of them doubtless will come from persons unknown
to her, friends of the groom, and to these she must be especially
prompt in returning her acknowledgments.
List of Invitations.
Making up the list of invitations should be attended to carefully. The
engaged couple should carefully prepare their respective lists and the
mother of the bride should attentively scan names, for from this is to
be made up the future visiting list of her daughter, and she cannot
but hesitate at burdening her at the outset of her new life with a
host of calling acquaintances, hence is forced to exclude every
ineligible name; a cutting painful but oftimes necessary.
Ushers.
The duties of the ushers in a church wedding are very important. At
large weddings as many as half a dozen, or more, ushers are sometimes
needed to manage the great number of guests. They usually appoint one
of their number as head usher, and to him falls the duty of deciding
on the space to be reserved for near relatives, which is to be divided
from the remainder of the church by white ribbons. He makes sure that
the organist is in place, indicates the approach of the bridal party
that the Wedding March may greet them, and instructs the other ushers
as to their respective duties.
Ushers must escort guests to their seats, and as relatives of the
groom are seated on the right of the main aisle, or center of the
church, and those of the bride on the left, it is proper for an usher
to ask any one with whom he may be unacquainted whether their
relationship is to the bride or groom.
In escorting guests to their seats an usher gives his right arm to a
lady. A gentleman who may be in her company should follow after.
The guests assembled, part of the ushers should leave the church at
once and drive to the bride's residence in order to be there to
receive the bridal party upon their return.
"The Best Man."
The "best man" is usually an intimate friend or relative of the groom.
He drives to the church with him, stands by his side at the
altar-rails while he awaits the approach of the bride, and, stepping
back, it is he that holds the groom's hat during the ceremony and
hands it to him at its close. To him is confided the payment of the
wedding fee, and if there is a marriage register he signs as a
witness. He then drives by himself to the bride's home, reaching there
in time to receive the bridal party and to assist the ushers in the
presentation of guests to the newly-married couple. He also makes the
necessary arrangements about their departure, secures the tickets,
and, if their destination is to be kept a secret, to him alone is it
confided.
It occasionally happens that there are as many groomsmen as there are
bridemaids, but this is the exception and the "best man" takes their
place.
The ushers frequently form, two and two, and precede the bridal party
up the aisle.
Bridemaids.
The number of these is optional, from one to twelve being allowable.
Four, six or eight are usually chosen. Unmarried sisters of the bride
and groom are frequently selected. Custom emphatically declares that
they must be younger than the bride. For an elder sister thus to
officiate would be extremely inappropriate.
Indeed, the favored fashion of the present time is for little tots,
all the way from three or four to eight, clad in bewitchingly quaint
and picturesque costumes and crowned by the largest of Gainsboro'
hats, to precede the bridal couple to the chancel. In addition to
these, the bride is followed by a chosen number of bridemaids as well,
but often the children are all. Frequently they carry baskets of
flowers, and, preceding the newly-made wife in her progress down the
church aisle, they scatter the blossoms in her pathway.
Sometimes this order is changed, and children rise in groups from
seats near the front, and, preceding the bridal _cortege_ to the door,
scatter flowers before them. Children selected for this purpose should
be under ten. Young boys, selected from among relatives, are sometimes
dressed as pages and accompany the bride as train-bearers.
Bridemaids usually consult the bride as to their toilets, and each
other as well, that there may be no unfortunate combinations of color
to mar the effect of the whole. They usually dress in colors, unless
the bride choose some faint tint for her costume; then it is customary
for them to wear pure white, and sometimes the whole group are clad in
spotless purity.
The bridemaids' gowns are walking length, as a rule, and they wear
large, picturesque hats, overshadowed with plumes or adorned with
flowers, and carry huge bunches, or baskets, of fragrant blossoms.
Wealthy brides, who have some special fancy to carry out, often
provide the gowns for their maids. Historic styles are frequently
chosen, making every gown after the exact mode of the epoch selected,
but adopting a different color for each.
Where there is but one bridemaid, if she be escorted at all, which is
not always done, it should be by some friend, not the "best man,"
whose duties in attendance on the groom are all-sufficient.
Bridemaids should not refuse the proffered honor, if possible for them
to accept. If, after acceptance, unforeseen circumstances should occur
to prevent participation in the festivities, no time should be lost in
sending a regret and full explanation, so that her place may be
supplied in time to prevent disarrangement of the entire plan.
A Church Wedding.
A church wedding is more picturesque and solemn than any other form of
celebrating the marriage rite and the etiquette of all full-dress
affairs of this nature is essentially the same.
The groom drives first to the church, accompanied by his "best man"
and enters either vestry or church parlor. The relatives, the mother
of the bride and the bridemaids now drive to the church in carriages,
closely followed by the carriage of the bride and her father.
By this time it is supposed that the carpet and awning, if it is a
city church, are in place, the invited guests assembled, and the
bridal procession immediately forms, entering the church and passing
up the aisle to the strains of the wedding march. In England a lovely
innovation is made on this threadbare custom by having a chorus of
boy-voices sing an epithalamium, or wedding ode, during their
progress. This custom has found its way here in some ritualistic
churches where the vested choir march, two and two, at the head of the
bridal procession, singing as they march. Sometimes as high as forty,
and even seventy, in number swell the _cortege_.
The order of progression is as follows: first the ushers, (unless
there are choristers to take the lead) who march up the aisle by
twos, keeping step with the music, then, if there are child-bridemaids,
they follow in the same order. Some brides have two, some four or six
of these dainty dots of maids. The children are followed by the grown
bridemaids, also two by two. Sometimes children alone fill the place,
there being no grown maids. The maids, both children and grown folk,
are arranged according to their height and the harmony of color in
their gowns.
[Illustration: THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY.]
After them comes the bride leaning on the right arm of her father. It
sometimes happens that she walks up the aisle alone, and again that
she is accompanied by some male relative who is to take a father's
place in giving her away. Occasionally young brothers, mere boys in
age, are permitted to assume this touching duty.
At the altar steps the ushers separate and pass to the right and left,
the bridemaids also separate in a similar manner, leaving space for
the bridal couple. The groom, having come from the vestry, accompanied
by the "best man," should be standing in readiness to advance, take
the bride by her right hand and turn to the clergyman, who proceeds
with the marriage formula sanctioned by his faith.
At that point in the service where the question is asked, "Who giveth
this woman to be married to this man?" the father, or whoever takes
his place, should bow, and then in a moment leave the group and seat
himself beside the bride's mother in the front pew at the left.
In a ritualistic church the bride and groom at once kneel before the
officiating clergyman, who will signify to them at what point of the
service to rise. Hassocks should be provided for the occasion.
The first bridemaid, or maid of honor, takes her stand close to, and
slightly back of, the bride, that she may be ready to take her
bouquet, if she has one, remove her glove, or, as is the better custom
in this day of many-buttoned gloves, to turn back the neatly-ripped
glove-finger that the ring may be adjusted, and to hold her bouquet or
prayer-book when necessary. In the meantime, it is the "best man" who
hands the ring to the clergymen in readiness for use.
After the Ceremony.
The service over, which may or may not have been accompanied by low,
slow music, the clergyman shakes hands with and congratulates the
newly-wedded couple (kissing being no longer permissible), the groom
draws the bride's right hand within his left arm and conducts her to
the carriage, taking the center aisle if the church have one; if not,
taking the opposite from that by which they entered, the bride, her
veil over her face, neither recognizing nor paying the slightest
apparent heed to any one in the church. The organ peals forth, the
procession re-forms and follows to the door, first the bridemaids,
next the ushers. If there have been choristers, they lead the line,
chanting as before, until their voices die out of hearing in the
vestibule. Often, too, the child-bridemaids precede the couple as they
leave the church, scattering flowers before them, the whole forming a
very pretty pageant to the eye. The church may have been richly
decorated with flowers and potted plants.
Where there is but one bridemaid or maid of honor, as she is then
called, she attends to all the duties necessary, but the bridal
procession is shorn somewhat of its fair proportions.
The vestibule reached, certificate or church register signed, the
bride is cloaked, and, entering a carriage with her husband, is
quickly driven home, the guests remaining in their seats until the
cessation of the wedding march, when they, too, enter their carriages.
Meanwhile the "best man" takes the shortest route possible to the same
destination in order to assist the head usher, who with, perhaps, some
of the other ushers, is supposed to be already there, in receiving the
bridal party and guests as they reach the house. The remaining ushers
busy themselves in assisting the bridemaids to their carriages and
speeding them onward that they, if possible, may reach the house in
time to receive the bride and groom.
If the church wedding be in the evening the same order will be
observed, save that the gentlemen wear evening dress.
The Reception.
At the house the ushers introduce the guests to the newly-married
couple who, together with the bridemaids, form a group to receive the
good wishes of the company. The parents of the bride stand a little
apart from this party and receive the felicitations of their guests in
behalf of their daughter's welfare. The parents of the groom, if
present, form part of this group.
If the company is very large it is well to divide the centers of
attractions by placing the young couple in one room and the parents in
another, thus compelling a freer circulation of the guests, who else
would crowd the bridal party to suffocation.
The house may be profusely decorated with flowers, and the rooms
though daylight reign without, may have been carefully darkened only
to be re-illuminated by the softer radiance of waxen candles or shaded
gas jets.
Refreshments.
The banquet may be as elaborate as desired, but is usually served in
the refreshment room from the _buffet_, guests repairing thither at
any time where they are served by attendants, ushers seeing that
ladies unattended by gentlemen are invited to partake and properly
served.
Tea or coffee is not considered a necessity, though, in compliance
with tastes that do not yield easily to fashion's decree, it is
usually to be had, but in winter bouillon, in cups, is usually
offered. Wine, of course, depends upon the scruples of the
entertainers. Salads, lobster, salmon, etc., birds and dainty rolled
sandwiches, do duty for meats. Fancy cakes, such as maccaroons,
kisses, etc., are always offered, together with ices. The variety of
other cakes is always at the option of the hostess, save the
regulation rich black fruit, or groom's cake, and the bride's snowy
loaf. These are necessities, and if the bride so far conform to the
old custom of "cutting the cake" as to make one incision therein with
a wonderful silver knife, "ye ancient superstition" is satisfied, and
the work of cutting it and packing in dainty boxes to be carried home,
if this be wished, is deputed to attendants. These boxes are deposited
in some convenient place within reach of the departing guests.
When there are a number of elderly guests it is generally thought best
to set two or more small tables in the refreshment-room, or an
ante-room, where they may be comfortably accommodated with seats, and
one of the ushers should see that they are so seated and promptly
served.
Rehearsals.
In view of the complicated arrangements made necessary for the proper
carrying out of a fashionable church wedding, and in consideration of
the large number of people involved in the ceremony and the necessity
of each one being in the right place at the right moment, in order to
prevent confusion, it will be seen that some preparation is necessary
before all can act in concert.
The needed drill is usually given by an exact rehearsal of the entire
affair, to give which, the whole party meet at the church and
rehearse, so to speak, their respective parts; the forming into
procession, the parting right and left at the chancel and the
re-forming to return to the vestibule, being all gone through with to
the sound of music, until every part of the long procession moves like
clockwork.
The grouping of the bridemaids, the appointed duties of maid of honor
and "best man," even to the smallest details, are all made perfect,
until even the principal actors in the scene can retire without fear
of any disaster to come.
This rehearsal is frequently made the occasion of a rehearsal dinner,
given by the mother of the bride, at which the intimate participants
of the wedding-to-come entertain and refresh themselves.
The Wedding Breakfast.
Wedding breakfasts are an exclusively English fashion, but are
gradually creeping into favor here. The breakfast does not differ from
the ordinary reception, save that it is usually at an earlier hour and
is more frequently a "sit-down affair."
The guests all go into the refreshment room at the same time, even
though it sometimes happens that the assembly is so large that no one
but the bridal party and immediate relatives are provided with seats
at small tables. In this case, the gentlemen help the ladies and
themselves from a long table in the center of the room, the whole
affair, under these circumstances, being simply a cold collation.
Gentlemen leave their hats in the hall; ladies retain bonnet and
gloves.
After the usual greetings to the bridal pair and a few minutes general
conversation, the repast is announced and the guests proceed to the
appointed room in the usual fashion--bride and groom, bride's father
and groom's mother, groom's father and bride's mother, "best man" and
maid of honor, other bridemaids and gentlemen appointed, usually
ushers, etc.
A "stand-up" breakfast has many things in its favor. It is more easily
served than one where all the guests are seated at a table that, in
everything but name, is a dinner table; it is less formal and
therefore pleasanter, and far more guests can be accommodated. The
refreshments are the same as for a reception.
Departure.
After mingling with the guests for a short time the bride quietly
withdraws to don her traveling garb, and soon descends the stairway.
She is met at the foot by her bridemaids, who part and form in line on
either hand, through which dainty pathway she passes to join the
groom.
Quick good-bys are said, the carriage is entered and whirls rapidly
away, followed by showers of rice and cast-off slippers, and the
pretty scene is ended.
Home Weddings.
Home weddings are attended with much less trouble, fatigue and expense
than fashionable church weddings. The clergyman enters the room and
stands facing the people; the bridal couple follow and stand facing
him. Hassocks are provided for kneeling, if desired. The father, or
some near male relative, stands ready, in sight of the clergyman, to
give away the bride. He should simply bow his affirmation when the
question is asked.
There are many additions that may be made to this simple ceremony,
such as a troop of pretty children holding white ribbons each side to
mark the path the bridal pair must walk to reach the minister, while
the sweet strains of a hidden band of musicians may accompany their
footsteps.
Floral decorations, within limits, are beautiful and appropriate, but
where they are so lavishly displayed as to remind more of the
florist's bill than the beauty of the blossoms, their effect is lost
in a certain vulgarity that attends all too-visible evidences of
outlay.
One pretty idea is to carry out the fancy of having one kind of
flower, massed according to the chosen design, serve for the
decorations, at flower weddings; for example, rose weddings, lily
weddings, daffodil weddings, etc. The design itself is according to
the taste of the florist or the family, and is a subject changing so
easily with the season or the fashion as to merit no mention here.
The supper may be as elegant an affair as one chooses to make it. If
served by caterers, all care is removed from the hostess as to
possible accidents, and she is left free to entertain her guests.
At evening weddings the company remains late or not, according to the
hour of the bride's departure. Sometimes dancing is arranged as one
of the evening's amusements. If so, the bride may, if she choose, open
the first quadrille with the "best man." Should she do this, the groom
is expected to dance with the first bridemaid.
The bride can slip away at any time, to reappear in traveling costume,
and bidding a quick farewell, disappear from the company, who, after
this, begin to disperse.
One most pleasant custom, English in its origin, should not be
forgotten; it is that of remembering all the servants with some little
gift as a souvenir of the occasion.
Invitations to Church Weddings.
There is a good deal of dispute in regard to the etiquette of
acknowledgment of a card for a church wedding. Some high authorities
assert that the invitation is so general and means so little
particular attention that no notice need be taken of it except in the
regular line of future visits to the bride and to the bride's mother.
But one of our American social oracles declares that a card is
obligatory at the hour of the wedding, if one cannot attend, and that
if the house address is unknown, this card should be sent to the
church. If this is necessary, most people err woefully, for few
non-attendants send the card.
For church weddings everything pertains to formality, and the
invitation as well as the ceremony is impressive in all details. The
names of the parents heading the invitation are now more often written
in full, thus insuring a good-looking line at the top of the note. The
line, "request the honor of your presence," almost invariably appears
on a church invitation with "honor" spelled with a "u."
The names of bride and groom are separated by the little word "to,"
although some consider "and" quite as proper.
The omission of the prefix "Miss" from the daughter's name is
customary on an invitation but should never occur when the bride is a
sister, cousin or niece of the people issuing the invitations. If a
widow is re-marrying, she uses the prefix "Mrs." with her Christian
names and the surname of her deceased husband. If the bride is an
orphan, with no one to issue the invitations for her, the heading
reads, "The honor of your presence is requested," etc. When the bride
has more names than one it is customary to use all.
The address of a well-known church is generally omitted, although it
is frequently a convenience for out-of-town friends to know it. Names
of churches ending with "s," as Saint Thomas, are written with an
apostrophe "s"--thus, Saint Thomas's.
Dress for the Occasion.
The Bride's Dress may be as elegant as desired, or as simple, but it
is to be hoped that the custom of using pure white in the composition
of the toilet will not be superseded by any passing freak of Dame
Fashion's for softly tinted bridal robes. This innovation should be
stoutly resisted by all brides-to-be. If the white robe is simple in
material, a simple style should be chosen for the making; richer goods
allow of more elaboration. The bride wears no jewels, and the typical
orange-blossoms and myrtle are supposed to crown her brow. As a fact,
however, other white flowers, such as roses, lilacs, lilies-of-the-valley,
are more frequently chosen.
Where the wedding decorations are of one flower exclusively, that
blossom alone figures in the bridal wreath and bouquet. Some High
Church brides carry an ivory or silver-bound prayer-book in preference
to flowers; thus associating it with the most sacred vows of their
life and hoping to preserve it as an heirloom in the family.
White shoes and gloves are to be worn with this toilet. The best taste
prescribes a high corsage for the bridal costume, and sleeves either
to the elbow or longer, in either case to be met by the long kid
gloves. This gives a certain modesty to the toilet that is in keeping
with the occasion. By many brides who expect to wear their bridal
costume to after evening entertainments, the wedding gown is
frequently supplied with two corsages; the high for the wedding day
and the low for evening wear.
The Veil is usually of thin, sheer tulle, as this is most becoming to
the face, but those brides who can display fine old point on this
occasion will be very apt so to do. If the bridal costume is to be
worn on any other occasion, it must be divested of orange-blossoms and
worn without the veil.
The above-described costume is appropriate for either a morning or
evening wedding. Brides, who are married in traveling costume, should
wear a bonnet rather than a hat.
The Groom's Dress is decided by the hour at which the wedding takes
place. If it is in the evening, the conventional evening dress is
imperative. Black suit, dress coat, low-cut waistcoat, white tie,
white or pale pearl-colored gloves, thin patent leather shoes and
possibly a white flower in the buttonhole, constitute proper costume.
Morning Costume.
At a morning wedding, that is, one taking place at any hour between
ten and seven (before which time a dress suit can by no possibility
appear) full morning costume is worn by the groom. This consists of a
dark frock coat, dark waistcoat and lighter trousers; a stiff hat, a
light scarf and gloves if desired. The gloves should be light but not
evening tints; pale tan or gray being suitable. The Groomsmen's Dress
is decided by the hour and by the dress of the groom, of which it is a
faithful copy.
The Usher's Dress follows the same law as that of the groomsmen, save
that if wedding favors are worn it is by the ushers only. The other
gentlemen present will find it well to copy the same styles, save that
those only who are immediately connected with the ceremony are
expected to wear white gloves.
The Bridemaid's Dress has been already described.
Friends in Mourning are expected to lay aside their somber robings for
this hour. Even the widowed mother is bound to don either a pale gray,
or a deep purple, costume for the occasion, the presence of black at
so joyous a moment always casting a certain shadow over the party.
The Traveling Dress. This is occasionally worn by brides who do not
wish to incur the haste and annoyance of changing their costume
before leaving for the bridal tour. This is done at times even when
the ceremony is performed in church, but is almost always resorted to
where the wedding is quiet. Sometimes this dress is as elaborate as is
at all consistent with good taste for traveling, and when this is the
case it is usually exchanged for the regulation traveling gown at the
first stopping place in their journey. More frequently, and more
appropriately, the plain tailor-made suit, with gloves and hat in
harmony, is made to do duty. In any case where the bride chooses to
wear a traveling costume, even should the ceremony be performed in the
evening, the groom will wear a morning costume.
A Quiet Wedding.
To many people the idea of so much splendor and ceremony on the
occasion of their marriage has in it something distasteful, and to
others the physical weariness thereby incurred is almost an
impossibility. In this case the quietest of ceremonies may be chosen.
It may take place in church if the bride desire this further seal of
solemnity set upon the service, with parents and one or two friends
for witnesses; or at home with the family and clergyman only present,
the bridal couple being driven from thence directly to the depot if
the stereotyped wedding tour is to follow.
Re-marriage.
A widow, re-marrying, no matter how youthful she may be, is prohibited
from wearing the white gown, veil and orange-blossoms of the bride.
Neither may she surround herself with a bevy of bridemaids. Her
wedding, to be absolutely correct, should be quietly solemnized and
her garb a traveling dress.
Still, if she should wish, she may wear the most elegant of tinted
silks, the most elaborate in make-up, and have a large and elegant
assembly to witness her marriage and participate in its festivities,
but no bridemaids are allowable.
At a church wedding she should be attended by her father, brother,
other male relative, or some friend. She should always remove the
first wedding ring from her finger before the service and not again
assume it. Invitations to the marriage of a widow are engraved with
her whole name, maiden and married, thus: ELIZABETH STUART FIELDING.
If she have sons or unmarried daughters at the time of her second
marriage she should prefix their last name to her new one on all
ceremonious occasions in which they also are interested, thus: MRS.
STUART FIELDING GRANT and MISS FIELDING, At Home. 20 Grosvenor Square.
The Ring.
The fourth finger of the left hand, counting from the thumb, is the
finger upon which the engagement and wedding rings are worn. The
engagement ring varies in extravagance according to the means of the
groom, and has almost always a set of some description; the wedding
ring is always the same, a plain, round-edged band of gold. Initials
and dates may be engraved in both.
The engagement ring is usually worn afterward as a guard for the
wedding ring. As to its setting there is a wide latitude given wherein
all the pretty conceits and superstitions attached to precious stones
may be exercised at will. The German consider pearls unlucky for
brides, as significant of tears. Birth-month stones may be used, even
the fateful opal losing its power for harm when worn by an October
maiden. The turquoise is perhaps the favored of precious stones for
this purpose. The old Persian proverb says that "He that hath a
turquoise hath a friend." Its known power of turning pale under
certain climatic influences has invested it in story with the power of
not only warding off evil influences, rendering its wearer constant
and assuring success in love, but still more of revealing by a certain
pallor of coloring, coming danger or the existence of inconstancy in
its wearer. It is also said that in case of a fall the turquoise takes
all injury upon itself; the stone being fractured and the owner being
uninjured. Add to this the item that the stone must be a gift, not a
purchase, to possess these marvelous powers, and it will be seen that
it is admirably suited to adorn an engagement ring. The diamond is
another very appropriate stone for this purpose, either _solitaire_ or
in cluster.
[Illustration: THE WEDDING GIFT.]
Reception Days.
It is necessary for the bride to include her new address with her
wedding invitations, unless, as is still more "chic," cards for
several reception days are issued after her return. These dates being
fixed, it is then that first calls may be made upon her at her new
residence with the happy certainty of finding her at home.
At these quiet, informal receptions, she receives simply as a member
of society, wearing usually a rich, dark silk without any reminders of
her recent bridehood.