_Mrs. Markham_. And now, dear little FRANK, can you tell me why the
Battle of Waterloo was lost?
_Frank_. Because, dear Mamma, it was removed from its resting-place in
the Panorama close to Victoria Street.
_Mrs. Markham_. That is a most intelligent reply, but I do not think
you are quite right. I fancy the Battle must have been lost because,
out of the couple of dozen or so of French soldiers who took part in
the Victory in Wych Street, a considerable number had to be told off
to see that NAPOLEON's charger behaved himself.
[Illustration: Waterloo in Play; or, the Charge of a Charger.]
_George_. And yet, dear mother, after the performances, I myself saw
the noble steed trotting most good-naturedly in rear of a hansom cab.
_Mrs. Markham_. When you are all older, I will take you myself to
examine the Model of the celebrated Battle in the Royal United
Service Institution; in the meanwhile, you may rest satisfied with the
explanation I have afforded you.
_Mary_. But mother, dear, do you not think that NAPOLEON and his Army
may possibly have trembled at the red fire and the picture of carnage
on the painted canvas, that, on the occasion under discussion,
confronted them?
_Mrs. Markham_. It is not improbable; and now, CHARLES, can you tell
me anything about NAPOLEON?
_Charles_. Yes, dearest Mamma. He was strikingly like Mr. BOLTON the
excellent Member of Parliament, who represents so ably a portion of
St. Pancras, and had a curious and clever way of hugging his elbows
when his arms were crossed behind his back.
_Mrs. Markham_. That was indeed the case, and I am glad to see that
you have paid so much attention to historical accuracy. And you,
MARY, what do you know about the Ladies-in-waiting upon the Empress
JOSEPHINE?
_Mary_. That even in the direst straits they were fond of practical
joking. One of them, for instance, on the eve of the Battle of
Waterloo, finding a general's uniform, that for some unaccountable
reason was hanging up in an inn at Jenappes, assumed the costume, and,
thus disguised, had a great deal of fun with her husband, the Marshal
AUGEREAU, who was then on his way to the front, with the avowed
purpose of engaging the allied armies of England and Prussia in mortal
combat.
_Mrs. Markham_. And you, FRANK--what do you know of TALLEYRAND?
_Frank_. That there seemed to be some doubt about his proper title.
Some called him "Monseigneur," some "Monsieur," and some even "My
shoe" and "My sheer."
_Mrs. Markham_. Well, my dear children, you all seem to have been very
observant, and let me hope that if _A Royal Divorce_ does not exactly
add to the reputation of NAPOLEON, JOSEPHINE, Mr. WILLS, or MARIE
LOUISE, it may yet fill the coffers of Miss GRACE HAWTHORNE.
* * * * *
NAVAL NOTE.--The Shibboleth of international courtesy in these days of
big Iron-clad Fleets should surely be, "May it please your Warships!"
* * * * *
SONG OF THE SHAMPOOED ONE (AFTER TENNYSON),--"Sweet after showers
ambrosial (h)air!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: CAUSE AND EFFECT.
"MY LITTLE BOY, SIR, DIED WHEN HE WAS ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD, JUST AFTER
HE HAD BEEN VACCINATED."
"HOW VERY SAD! HAD HE BEEN BAPTISED?"
"YES, SIR; BUT IT WAS THE _VACCINATION_ AS CARRIED HIM OFF, SIR!"]
* * * * *