into harness when he was three off. He nearly killed me; ran away
with me and my dog-cart among the scrub at the racecourse swamp, and
smashed it against a honeysuckle."
"Is that long ago?" I enquired.
"Long ago? Let me see. That horse is twenty year old if he's a day.
He'll not run away with you now; no fear; he's quite safe. Good-day,
Mister. Come on, Star;" and Bill touched his leader with his whip.
When I arrived at the court-house, I made a search in the cause list
book, and found that Johnny-come-lately had been sent to gaol just
sixteen years before for stealing Old Punch, so I restored that
venerable trotter to its owner.
I had soon more horses offered to me for trial, every old screw
within twenty miles being brought to me for inspection. The next
animal I harnessed belonged to Andrew Jackson, and was brought by
Andrew Jackson, junior, who said his father could let me have it for
a month on trial. Jackson, junior, was anxious to go away without
the horse, but I told him to wait a bit while I put on the harness.
The animal was of a mouse colour, very tall, something like a
giraffe; and by the time I got him between the shafts, I could see
that he was possessed by a devil of some kind. It might be a winged
one who would fly away with me; so, in order to have a clear course,
I led him through the gateway into the middle of the road, and while
Jackson, junior, held his head, I mounted carefully into the trap. I
held the lines ready for a start, and after some hesitation the
giraffe did start, but he went tail foremost. I tried to reverse the
engine, but it would only work in one direction. He backed me into
the ditch, and then across it on to the side path, then against the
fence, bucking at it, and trying to go through and put me in the
Tarra. I told Andrew, junior, to take the giraffe home to his
parent, and relate what he had seen.
My next horse was a black one from Sale, and he also was possessed of
a devil, but one of a different species. He was named Gilpin, and
the very name ought to have been a warning to me if I had had sense
enough to profit by it. Just as I sat down, and took the reins, and
was going to observe what he would do, he suddenly went away at full
gallop. I tried to pull him in, but he put his chin against his
chest, and the harder I pulled the faster he flew. The road was full
of ruts, and I was bumped up and down very badly. My hat went away,
but, for the present, my head kept its place. I managed to steer
safely as far as the bridge across the Tarra but, in going over it,
the horse's hoofs and whirling wheels sounded like thunder, and
brought out the whole population of Tarraville to look at me. It was
on a Sunday afternoon; some good people were singing hymns in the
local chapel, and as I passed the turn of the road, they left the
anxious benches, came outside in a body, and gazed at me, a
bare-headed and miserable Sabbath-breaker going swiftly to perdition.
I also was on a very anxious bench. But now there was a long stretch
of good road before me, and I made good use of it. Instead of
pulling the horse in, I let him go, and encouraged him with the whip
to go faster, being determined to let him gallop until either he or
the sun went down. Then the despicable wretch slackened his pace,
and wanted to come to terms. So I wheeled him round and whipped him
without mercy, making him gallop all the way home again. I did not
buy him.
But the next horse I tried was comparatively blameless, so I bought
him, and at the end of the first month sent in a claim to the Law
Department for the usual allowance. I was curtly informed that the
amount had been reduced from fifty pounds to ten pounds for my horse,
although sixty pounds was still allowed to the other horse for
travelling the same distance, the calculation evidently being based
on the supposition that the police magistrate's horse would eat six
times as much as mine. Remonstrance was vain, and I found I had
burdened myself with an animal, possessing no social or political
influence whatever. I knew already that the world was governed
without wisdom, and I now felt that it was also ruled with extreme
meanness.
And even after my horse was condemned to starve on ten pounds per
annum, the cost of justice was still extravagant. Without reckoning
the expense incurred in erecting and maintaining three court houses,
and three police stations, and paying three policemen for doing next
to nothing, I ascertained from the cause lists that it cost the
Government fourteen pounds sterling every time we fined Terry, the
cobbler, five shillings for being drunk; and Terry did not always pay
the fines. What ails British law is dignity, and the insufferable
expense attending it. The disease will never be cured until a
strong-minded Chief Justice shall be found, who has sense enough to
sit on the bench in his native hair, and to take off his coat when
the thermometer rises to eighty degrees. It was in that manner Judge
Winstanley kept court at Waterloo in Illinois, and we had there
quicker justice, cheaper laws, and better manners than those which
this southern hemisphere yet exhibits. As to the lawyers, if we did
not like them, we could lynch them, so they were sociable and civil.
Moreover, Prairie de Long was discovered and settled nearly twenty
years before Australia Felix was heard of.
The three villages had a life-long feud with, and a consuming
jealousy of, each other. Until my arrival I was not aware that there
were three such places as Palmerston, Alberton, and Tarraville,
claiming separate and rival existences. I had a notion that they
were merely straggling suburbs of the great city and seaport, Port
Albert. But it was a grievous mistake. I asked a tall young lady at
the hotel, who brought in some very salt fish that took the skin off
the roof of my mouth, if she could recommend the society of these
villages, and if she would favour me with her opinion as to which
would be the best place to select as a residence, and she said, "The
people there are an 'orrid lot." This was very discouraging; but, on
making further enquiries, I found she only expressed the opinion
which the inhabitants of these centres of population held of each
other; and it was evident that I should have to demean myself with
prudence, and show no particular affection for one place more than
for another, or trouble would ensue. Therefore, as soon as occasion
offered, I took a house and paddock within easy distance of all the
three corners, so that when the Government allowance had reduced my
horse to a skeleton, I might give him a spell on grass, and travel to
the courts on foot. The house was on a gentle rise, overlooking a
rich river flat. It had been built by a retainer of Lord Glengarry,
who had declined to follow any further the fortunes of his chief when
he had closed his dairying operations at Greenmount. A tragedy had
been enacted in it some years before, and a ghost had often since
been seen flitting about the house and grounds on moonlight nights.
This gave an aristocratic distinction to the property, which was very
pleasing, as it is well known that ghosts never haunted any mansions
or castles except such as have belonged to ancient families of noble
race. I bought the estate on very reasonable terms, no special
charge being made for the ghost.
The paddock had been without a tenant for some time, but I found it
was not unoccupied. A friendly neighbour had introduced his flock of
sheep into it, and he was fattening them cheaply. I said, "Tityre,
tu patulae recubans sub tegmine fayi, be good enough to round up your
sheep and travel." Tityrus said that would be all right; he would
take them away as soon as they were ready for the butcher. It would
be no inconvenience to me, as my horse would not be able to eat all
the grass. The idea of paying anything did not occur to him; he was
doing me a favour. He was one of the simple natives. As I did not
like to take favours from an entire stranger, the sheep and the
shepherd sought other pastures beyond the winding Tarra.
The dense tea-tree which bordered the banks of the river was the home
of wild hogs, which spent the nights in rooting up the soil and
destroying the grass. I therefore armed myself with a gun charged
with buckshot, and went to meet the animals by moonlight. I lay in
ambush among the tussocks. One shot was enough for each hog; after
receiving it he retired hastily into the tea-tree and never came out
again.
After I had cleared my land from sheep and pigs, the grass began to
grow in abundance; and passing travellers, looking pensively over the
fence, were full of pity for me because I had not stock enough to
eat the grass. One man had a team of bullocks which he was willing
to put in; another had six calves ready to be weaned; and a third
friend had a horse which he could spare for a spell. All these were
willing to put in their stock, and they would not charge me anything.
They were three more of the simple natives.
I would rather buy forty cows than one horse, because, even allowing
for the cow's horns, the horse has so many more points. I wanted a
good cow, a quiet milker, and a farmer named Ruffy offered to sell me
one. He was very rough indeed, both in words and work. He showed me
the cow, and put her in the bail with a big stick; said she was as
quiet as a lamb, and would stand to be milked anywhere without a
leg-rope. "Here Tom," he roared to his son, "bring a bucket, and
come and milk Daisy without the rope, and show the gentleman what a
quiet beast she is." Tom brought a bucket, placed the stool near the
cow, sat down, and grasped one of the teats. Daisy did not give any
milk, but she gave instead three rapid kicks, which scattered Tom,
the bucket, and the stool all over the stockyard. I could not think
of anything that it would be safe to say under the circumstances, so
I went away while the farmer was picking up the fragments.
GOVERNMENT OFFICERS IN THE BUSH.
"Satan finds some mischief still
For idle hands to do."
Although I had to attend at three courts on three days of each week,
my duties were very light, and quite insufficient to keep me out of
mischief; it was therefore a matter of very great importance for me
to find something else to do. In bush townships the art of killing
time was attained in various ways. Mr. A. went on the street with a
handball, and coaxed some stray idler to join him in a game. He was
a young man of exceptional innocence, and died early, beloved of the
gods. Mr. B. kept a pair of sticks under his desk in the court
house, and made a fencing school of the space allotted to the public.
Some of the police had been soldiers, and were quite pleased to prove
their skill in arms, and show how fields were won. As a result there
were more breaches of the peace inside the court than outside. Mr.
C. tried to while away his lonely hours by learning to play on a
violin, which he kept concealed in a corner between a press and the
wall of his office. He executed music, and doubled the terrors of
the law. Intending litigants stood transfixed with horror when they
approached the open door of his office, and listened to the wails and
long-drawn screeches which filled the interior of the building; and
every passing dog sat down on its tail, and howled in sympathetic
agony with the maddening sounds.
But the majority of the officials condemned to live in the dreary
townships tried to alleviate their misery by drinking and gambling.
The Police Magistrate, the Surveyor, the Solicitor, the Receiver of
Revenue, the Police Inspector, and the Clerk of Courts, together with
one or two settlers, formed a little society for the promotion of
poker, euchre, and other little games, interspersed with whiskies.
It is sad to recall to mind the untimely end at which most of them
arrived. Mr. D. was found dead on the main road; Mr. E. shot himself
through the head; Mr. F. fell asleep in the bush and never woke; and
Mr. G. was drowned in a waterhole. One officer was not quite so
unfortunate as some of his friends. His score at the Crook and Plaid
became so long that he began to pass that hotel without calling.
Polly, the venerable landlady, took offence at such conduct, and was
daily on the watch for him. When she saw him passing, which he
always did at a rapid pace, she hobbled to the door, and called after
him, "Hey, hey!" Then the gentleman twirled his cane, whistled a
lively tune, looked up, first to the sky, and then to the right and
left, but never stopped, or looked back to Polly behind him. At last
his creditors became so troublesome, and his accounts so
inexplicable, that he deserted the public service, and took refuge
across the Murray.
Mr. H. fell into the habit of borrowing his collections to pay his
gambling debts. He was allowed a certain number of days at the
beginning of each month to complete his returns, and send in his
cash. So he made use of the money collected during the days of grace
to repay any sums he had borrowed from the public cash during the
preceding month. But the cards were against him. One morning an
Inspector of Accounts from Melbourne appeared unexpectedly in his
office.
In those days there were no railways and no telegraphs. Their
introduction was an offensive nuisance to us. The good old times
will never come again, when we could regulate our own hours of
attendance, take unlimited leave of absence, and relieve distress by
having recourse to the Government cash. When Grimes was
Auditor-General every officer was a gentleman and a man of honour.
In the bush no bank account was kept, as there was no bank within
fifty or a hundred miles; and it was an implied insult to expect a
gentleman to produce his cash balance out of his pocket. As a matter
of courtesy he expected to be informed by letter two or three weeks
beforehand when it was intended to make an official inspection of his
books, in order that he might not be absent, nor taken unawares.
When the Inspector appeared, Mr. H. did not lose his presence of
mind, or show any signs of embarrassment. He said he was glad to see
him (which was a lie), hoped he had had a pleasant journey through
the bush; asked how things were going on in Melbourne, and made
enquiries about old friends there. But all the while he was
calculating chances. He had acquired the valuable habit of the
gambler and speculator, of talking about one thing while he was
thinking about another. His thoughts ran on in this style: "This
fellow (he could not think of him as a gentleman) wants to see my
cash; haven't got any; must be near five hundred pounds short by this
time; can't borrow it' no time to go round' couldn't get it if I did'
deuced awkward; shall be given in charge; charged with larceny or
embezzlement or something; can't help it' better quit till I think
about it." So apologising for his absence for a few minutes on
urgent business, he went out, mounted his horse, and rode away to the
mountains.
The inspector waited five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes. He
made enquiries, and finding that Mr. H. had gone away, he examined
the books and vouchers, and concluded that there should be a cash
balance of more than four hundred pounds payable to revenue. He
looked about the office for the cash, but did not find any. Then the
police began to look for Mr. H., but week after week passed by, and
Mr. H. was neither seen nor heard of.
There were only two ways of leaving South Gippsland that could be
considered safe; one was by sea from Port Albert, the other by the
road over the mountains. If anyone ventured to desert the beaten
track, and tried to escape unseen through the forest, he was likely
to be lost, and to be starved to death. The only man ever known to
escape was an eccentric farmer, a "wandering outlaw of his own dark
mind," as Byron so darkly expressed it. He deserted his wife one
morning in a most systematic manner, taking with him his horse and
cart, a supply of provisions, and all the money he was worth. A
warrant for his arrest was issued, and the police were on the
look-out for him at all the stations from Port Albert to Melbourne,
but they never found him. Many weeks passed by without any tidings
of the man or his team, when one day he drove up to his own gate,
unhitched his horse, and went to work as usual. On enquiry it was
found that he had gone all the way to Sydney overland, on a visit to
an old friend living not far from that city. It was supposed that he
had some reason for his visit when he started, but if so, he lost it
by the way, for when he arrived he had nothing particular to say.
After a few days' rest he commenced his return journey to South
Gippsland, and travelled the whole distance without being observed by
the watchful police. When asked about his travels, his only remark
was, "Splendid horse; there he is between the shafts; walked twelve
hundred miles; never turned a hair; splendid horse; there he is."
But Mr. H. lacked the intellect or the courage to perform a similar
fool's errand successfully. He rode up to the police station at
Alberton, and finding from the officer in charge that he was wanted
on a warrant, he supplied that want. He stated that he had been on a
visit, for the benefit of his health, to a friend in the mountains, a
rail-splitter, who had given him accommodation in his hut on
reasonable terms. He had lived in strict retirement. For a time he
was in daily and nightly fear of the appearance of the police coming
to arrest him; every sound disturbed him. In about ten days he began
to feel lonely and disappointed because the police did not come;
neither they or anybody else seemed to be looking for him, or to care
anything about him. Heroic self-denial was not his virtue, and he
felt no call to live the life of a hermit. He was treated with
undeserved neglect, and at the end of four weeks he resolved that, as
the police would not come to him, he would go to the police.
He unburdened his mind, and made a confession to the officer who had
him in charge. He explained how he had taken the money, how he had
lost it, and who had won it. It relieved his mind, and the policeman
kept the secret of confession until after the trial. Then he broke
the seal, and related to me confidentially the story of his penitent,
showing that he was quite as unfit for the sacerdotal office as
myself.
Mr. H. on his trial was found not guilty, but the department did not
feel inclined to entrust him with the collection or custody of any
more cash. In succeeding years he again served the Government as
State school teacher, having received his appointment from a minister
of merciful principles. A reclaimed poacher makes an excellent
gamekeeper, and a repentant thief may be a better teacher of youth
than a sanctimonious hypocrite.
SEAL ISLANDS AND SEALERS.
"Am I my brother's keeper?"
The islands in Bass' Straits, Hogan's Group, Kent's Group, the
Answers, the Judgment Rocks, and others, are visited at certain
seasons of the year by seals of three different kinds--viz., the
hair seals, which are not of much value except for their oil; the
grey seals, whose skins are valuable; and the black seals, whose furs
always command the highest price. When these animals have not been
disturbed in their resorts for some years they are comparatively
tame, and it is not difficult to approach them. Great numbers of the
young ones are sometimes found on the rocks, and if pushed into the
water they will presently come out again, scramble back on to the
rocks, and begin crying for their dams. But the old seals, when
frequently disturbed, become shy, and, on the first alarm, take to
the water. The flesh of the young seals is good to eat, and seamen
who have been cast away on the islands have been sometimes saved from
starvation by eating it.
I once made the acquaintance of an old sealer. He had formerly been
very sensitive on the point of honour; would resent an insult as
promptly as any knight-errant; but by making an idol of his honour
his life had been a grievous burden to him. And he was not even a
gentleman, and never had been one. He was known only as "Jack."
It was in the year 1854, when I had been cast ashore in Corio Bay by
a gale of hostile fortune, and had taken refuge for a while at the
Buck's Head Hotel, then kept by a man named McKenzie. One evening
after tea I was talking to a carpenter at the back door, who was
lamenting his want of timber. He had not brought a sufficient supply
from Geelong to complete his contract, which was to construct some
benches for a Presbyterian Church. Jack was standing near listening
to the conversation.
"What kind of timber do you want?" he said. "There is a lot of
planks down there in the yard, and if you'll be outside about eleven
o'clock, I'll chuck over as many as you want."
The contractor hesitated. "Whose planks are they?" he asked.
"I don't know whose they are, and I don't care," replied Jack. "Say
the word, and you can have them, if you like."
The contractor made no reply, at least in words, to this generous
offer. It is not every man that has a friend like Jack; many men
will steal from you, but very few will steal for you, and when such a
one is found he deserves his reward.
We adjourned to the bar parlour, and Jack had a glass of brandy, for
which he did not pay. There was among the company a man from Adelaide,
a learned mineralogist, who commenced a dissertation on the origin of
gold. He was most insufferable; would talk about nothing but
science. Darwin wrote a book about "The Origin of Species," and it
has been observed that the origin of species is precisely what is not
in the book. So we argued about the origin of gold, but we could get
nowhere near it.
When the rest of the company had retired, Jack observed to me: "You
put down that Adelaide chap gradely; he had not a leg to stand on."
I was pleased to find that Jack knew a good argument when he heard
it, so I rewarded his intelligence with another glass of brandy, and
asked him if he had been long in the colonies. He said: