that a master should be your companion, and I have one or two ideas
about education I am anxious to have my boys interested in. Now, for
instance, take politics; what do you know about politics?"
"Why, nothing," said Hickey in acquiescent surprise.
"And yet that is the most vital thing you will have to face as men.
Here's a great national election approaching, and yet, I am certain not
one in four hundred of you has any clear conception of the political
system."
"That's so, Egghead," said Hickey, nodding impressively at his
companion. "It _is_ so."
"I have a scheme I'm going to talk over with you," continued Baldwin,
"and I want your advice. Sit down; make yourselves comfortable."
Later in the afternoon Mr. Baronson, Baldwin's superior in the
Griswold, dropped in with a friendly inquiry. Young Mr. Baldwin
was gazing out of the window in indulgent amusement. Mr. Baronson,
following his gaze, beheld, in the far campus, Hickey and Egghead
rolling over each other like two trick bears.
"Well, Baldwin, how goes it?" said Baronson genially.
"Splendidly. The boys are more than friendly. We shall get on famously."
"'_Danaos timeo et dona ferentes_,'" said Baronson shrewdly.
"Oh----" Baldwin objected.
"Yes, yes--I'm an old fogy--old style," said Baronson, cutting in, "but
it's based on good scientific researches, Baldwin. I just dropped in
for a hint or two, which you won't pay attention to--never mind. When
you've lived with the young human animal as long as I have, you won't
have any illusions. He doesn't want to be enlightened. He hasn't the
slightest desire to be educated. He isn't educated. He never will be.
His memory simply _detains_ for a short while, a larger and larger
number of facts--Latin, Greek, history, mathematics, it's all the
same--facts, nothing but facts. He remembers when he is compelled to,
but he is supremely bored by the performance. All he wants is to grow,
to play and to get into sufficient mischief. My dear fellow, treat him
as a splendid young savage, who breaks a rule for the joy of matching
his wits against yours, and don't take him seriously, as you are in
danger of doing. Don't let him take you seriously or he will lead you
to a cropper."
Ernest Garrison Baldwin did not deign to reply--the voice of the
older generation, of course! He was of the new, he would replace old
prejudices with new methods. There were a great many things in the
world he intended to change--among others this whole antagonistic
spirit of education. So he remained silent, and looked very dignified.
Baronson studied him, saw the workings of his mind, and smiled.
"Never were at boarding-school, were you?" he asked.
"No," said Baldwin, drily.
Baronson gave a glance at the study, remarked the advanced note in the
shelves, and went to the door.
"After all," he said, with his hand on the knob, "the first year,
Baldwin, we learn more than we teach."
"Gee! I think it's an awful bore," said the Gutter Pup.
"I don't see it either," said the Egghead.
"Who started it?" asked Turkey Reiter.
"Hickey and Elder Brother Baldwin," said the Egghead. "Hickey's
improving his stand."
"Hickey, boy," said Butcher Stevens, professionally, "you're consorting
with awful low company."
"Hickey, you are getting to be a greasy grind," said the Gutter Pup.
"I am, am I," said Hickey indignantly. "I'd like to know if I'm not a
patriot. I'd like to know if I'm not responsible for the atmosphere
of brotherly love and the dove of peace that floats around Baldwin's
classroom. I'd like to know if I'm not responsible for his calling
us up alphabetically, regular order, every other day, no suspicion,
perfect trust--mutual confidence. Am I right?"
"You are right, Hickey, you are right," said Turkey apologetically.
"The binomial theorem is a delight and a joy, when, as you say, the
master has mutual trust in the scholar. But where in blazes, Hickey,
did you get this political shindy into your thinker?"
"It's Elder Brother's theory of education," said Hickey carefully,
"_one_ of his theories. Elder Brother is very much distressed at the
ignorance, the political ignorance, of the modern boy. Brother is
right."
"Come off," said the Egghead, glancing at him suspiciously, but Hickey
maintained a serious face.
"What's up?" said Macnooder, sauntering over to the crowd on the lawn.
"Hickey's fixed up a plan with Brotherly Love to have a political
campaign," said the Gutter Pup, "and is trying to rouse our enthusiasm."
"A campaign here in the school, in the Lawrenceville School, John C.
Green Foundation!" said Macnooder incredulously.
"The same!"
"No? I won't believe it. It's a dream--it's a beautiful, satisfying
dream," said Macnooder, shaking his head. "A political campaign in
school; Hickey, my bounding boy, I see your cunning hand!"
"Now Doc's gone nutty," said the unimaginative Egghead. "What the deuce
do you see in it?"
"Hickey, you old, rambunctious, foxy, prodigious Hickey, I knew
something was brewing," said Doc, not deigning to notice the Egghead.
"You have been quiet, most quiet of late. Hickey, how did you do it?"
"Sympathy, Doc," said Hickey blandly. "I've been most sympathetic
with Elder Brother, sympathetic and most encouraging. Sympathy is a
beautiful thing, Doc, beautiful and rare."
"Hickey, don't torture me with curiosity," said Doc. "Where are we at?"
"At the present moment, Brother is asking the Doctor for permission to
launch the campaign, and the sympathetic, popular and serious Hickey
Hicks is proceeding to select a preliminary conference committee."
"And what then?" said Turkey, with sudden interest.
"What then?" said Hickey. "Bonfires, parades, stump speeches,
proclamations, et cetera, et ceteray."
"Oh, Hickey," said the now enthusiastic Gutter Pup, "do you think the
Doctor ever will permit it?"
"What's the use of getting excited?" said the Egghead contemptuously.
"You don't fancy for a moment, do you, there's a chance of fooling the
Doctor?"
"Sure, Egghead's right," said Butcher Stevens; "you won't get the
Doctor to bite. Baldwin is green, but the Doctor is quite ripe, thank
you!"
Even Macnooder looked dubiously at Hickey, who assumed an air of
superhuman wisdom and answered:
"I have two chances, Baldwin and the Decoy Ducks!"
"The what?"
"Decoy Ducks; the committee that will confer to-morrow afternoon with
the Doctor."
Turkey emitted a long, admiring whistle.
"I have given the matter thought--serious thought, as Baldwin would
say," said Hickey. "The following collection of Archangels and young
High Markers will be rounded up for the Doctor's inspection to-morrow."
"As Decoy Ducks?"
"As Decoy Ducks, you intelligent Turkey. High Markers: Red Dog, Poler
Fox, Biddy Hampton and Ginger Pop Rooker, Wash Simmons--the Doctor
would feed out of Wash's hand--Crazy Opdyke--he reads Greek like Jules
Verne. Everything must be done to make this a strictly ed-u-cational
affair. Now to demonstrate that it has the sanction of the religious
element of this community the following notorious and flagrant
Archangels will qualify: Halo Brown, Pink Rabbit, Parson Eddy, the
Saphead and the Coffee Cooler--the Doctor is real affectionate with the
Coffee Cooler."
"What a beoo-ti-ful bunch!" said the Gutter Pup rapturously.
"It is," said Hickey, proudly; "the Doctor would let any one of them
correct his own examination papers and raise the mark afterward on the
ground of overconscientiousness."
"Well, where's the fun?" said the Egghead obstinately. "If Crazy Opdyke
and that bunch is to run the campaign, where do we come in?"
"There will be a small preliminary representation of professional
politicians," said Hickey, smiling, "very small at present, limited to
the handsome and popular Hickey Hicks, who will represent the large
body of professional politicians who will be detained at home by hard
work and serious application, but----"
"But what?" said Macnooder.
"But who will find time to ac-tively assist this quiet, orderly
campaign of education, _after_ their presence will not be
misunderstood!"
* * * * *
At half-past one the next day, the Doctor, sympathetically inclined by
the enthusiastic, if inexperienced, Mr. Baldwin, received the Decoy
Ducks in his study at Foundation House.
The Doctor, while interested, had not been convinced, and had
expressed a desire to know into whose guidance the nurturing of such a
tender plant had been intrusted. As the impressive gathering defiled
before him, his instinctive caution vanished, his glance warmed with
satisfaction, and assuming the genial and conversational attitude he
reserved for his favourites, he began:
"Well, boys, this appears to be a responsible gathering, an unusually
responsible one. It is gratifying to see you approaching such subjects
with serious purpose and earnestness. It is gratifying that the leaders
of this school" (here his glance rested fondly on Wash Simmons, Crazy
Opdyke and the Coffee Cooler, prominently placed) "that the earnest,
purposeful boys show this interest in the political welfare of the
nation. Mr. Baldwin's plan seems to me to be a most excellent one.
I am in hearty accord with its motive. We cannot begin too soon to
interest the youth, the intelligent, serious youth of our country in
honest government and clean political methods." (Hickey, in noble
effacement by the window-seat, here gazed dreamily over the campus to
the red circle of houses.) "Much can be accomplished from the earnest
and purposeful pursuit of this instructive experiment. The experiment
should be educational in the largest sense; the more I study it the
more worthy it appears. I should not be surprised if your experiment
should attract the consideration of the educational world. Mr. Baldwin,
it gives me pleasure to express to you my thanks and my gratification
for the authorship of so worthy an undertaking. I will leave you to a
discussion of the necessary details."
"Well, boys," said Baldwin briskly, "let me briefly outline the plan
agreed upon. The election shall be for a school council, before which
legislation affecting the interests of the school shall come. Each
of the four forms shall elect two representatives, each of the ten
houses shall elect one representative, making a deliberative body of
eighteen. In view of the fact that the approaching national election
might inject unnecessary bitterness if the election should be on
national issues, we have decided, on the very excellent suggestion
of Hicks, who has indeed given many valuable suggestions" (Hickey
looked preternaturally solemn), "to have the election on a matter of
school policy, and have settled upon the athletic finances as an issue
of sufficient interest and yet one that can be calmly and orderly
discussed. At present, the management of the athletic finances is in
the hands of selected officers from the fourth form. The issue, then,
is whether this method shall be continued or whether a member of the
faculty shall administer the finances. I should suggest Federalists and
Anti-Federalists as names for the parties you will form. One week will
be given to campaigning and the election will take place according to
the Australian ballot system. Now, boys, I wish you success. You will
acquire a taste for public combat and a facility in the necessary art
of politics that will nurture in you a desire to enter public life,
to take your part in the fight for honest politics, clean methods,
independent thinking, and will make you foes of intimidation, bribery,
cheating and that demagoguery that is the despair of our present
system. At present you may be indifferent, a little bored, perhaps, at
this experiment, but you will like it--I am sure you will like it. I
prophesy it will interest you once you get started."
Hickey lingered after the meeting to explain that the duties incident
to the organising of such an important undertaking had unfortunately
deprived him of the time necessary to prepare his advanced algebra.
"Well, that is a little matter we'll overlook, Hicks," said the
enthusiast genially. "I congratulate you on your selection, an
admirable committee, one that inspires confidence. Keep me in touch
with developments and call on me for advice at any time."
"Yes, indeed, sir."
"Good luck."
"Thank you, sir."
A half hour later Hickey announced the addition of the following
professional politicians: Tough McCarthy, Doc Macnooder, The Triumphant
Egghead, Slugger Jones, Turkey Reiter, Cheyenne Baxter, Jock Hasbrouck,
Butcher Stevens, Rock Bemis and Bat Greer.
The reinforced committee then met, divided equitably, and having tossed
for sides, announced their organisation, as follows:
FEDERALIST PARTY
_Chairman_: THE HON. TOUGH MCCARTHY
_Vice-Chairman_: THE HON. GINGER POP ROOKER
ANTI-FEDERALIST PARTY
_Chairman_: HON. CHEYENNE BAXTER
_Vice-Chairman_: HON. HICKEY HICKS
The school was at first apathetic, then mildly interested. The scheme
was examined with suspicion as perhaps being a veiled attempt of the
faculty to increase the already outrageous taxes on the mind. It looked
prosy enough at first glance--perhaps an attempt to revive the interest
in debating and so to be fiercely resisted.
For an hour the great campaign for political education hung fire and
then suddenly it began to catch on. A few leading imaginations had seen
the latent possibilities. In another hour apathy had disappeared and
every house was discussing the momentous question whether to go Fed or
Anti-Fed.
The executive committee of the Federalist party met immediately, on a
call from the Honourable Cheyenne Baxter, in the Triumphant Egghead's
rooms for organisation and conference.
"We've got the short end of it, all right, all right," said Butcher
Stevens gloomily. "The idea of our standing up for the faculty."
"That's right, Cheyenne," said Turkey, shaking his head. "We'll be left
high and dry."
"We won't carry any house outside the Dickinson and the Woodhull," said
Slugger Jones.
"I'd like to make a suggestion," said Crazy Opdyke.
"We've got to plan two campaigns," said Cheyenne, "one for the election
from the forms and one for the control of the houses. Let's take up the
forms--the fourth form will go solidly against us."
"Sure," said Doc Macnooder, "because if we win they lose control of the
finances."
"I have a suggestion," said Crazy Opdyke for the second time.
"Now," said Cheyenne, "we've got to make this a matter of the school
against the fourth form, and it oughtn't to be so hard, either. Now,
how're we going to do it? First, what have we got?"
"The Dickinson and the Woodhull," said Hickey.
"Yes, we can be sure of those, but that's all. Now, those Feds, with
Jock Hasbrouck and Tough McCarthy, will swing the Kennedy and the
Griswold."
"The Davis House will be against us," said Macnooder, with conviction.
"They're just aching to get back at the Dickinson."
"That's so," said Turkey. "They're still sore because we won the
football championship."
"The Davis will pull the Rouse House with it," said Hickey gloomily.
"They're forty in the Davis and only twelve in the Rouse. The Davis
would mangle them if they ever dared go our way."
"We've got to counteract that by getting the Green," said Cheyenne.
"They're only ten there, but it makes a vote. The fight'll be in the
Hamill and the Cleve."
"The Cleve is sore on us," said Turkey of the Dickinson, "because we
swiped the ice cream last year for their commencement dinner."
"I've got an idea," said Crazy Opdyke, trying to be heard.
"Shut up, Crazy," said Doc. "You've served your purpose; you're a Decoy
Duck and nothing else."
"Harmony!" said Cheyenne warningly. "The way to get the Green is to
give Butsey White, down there, the nomination from the second form, if
he'll swing the house."
"And put up Bronc Andrews in the Hamill," added Macnooder.
"Where do I come in?" said Crazy Opdyke, who had aspirations.
"You subordinate yourself to the success of your party," said Cheyenne.
"The devil I do," said Opdyke. "If you think I'm a negro delegate,
you've got another thing coming. I may be a Decoy Duck, but either I'm
made chairman of a Finance Committee or I lead a bolt right out of this
convention."
"A Finance Committee?" said Butcher Stevens, mystified.
"Sure," said Cheyenne Baxter. "That's most important."
"I'll take that myself, then," said Macnooder aggressively. "I'd
like to know what claim Crazy's got to a position of trust and
responsibility."
"Claim or no claim," said Opdyke, pulling his hat over his eyes and
tilting back, "either I handle the funds of this here campaign or the
Anti-Federalist party begins to split."
"Shall a half-plucked rooster from the Cleve House hold up this
convention?" said Wash Simmons militantly. "If we're going to be
black-jacked by every squid that comes down the road, _I'm_ going to
get out."
"I have spoken," said Crazy.
"So have I."
"Gentlemen, gentlemen," protested the Honourable Cheyenne Baxter, "we
must have harmony."
"Rats!" said Opdyke. "I demand a vote."
"I insist upon it," said Wash.
The vote was taken and Macnooder was declared chairman of the Finance
Committee. Crazy Opdyke arose and made them a profound bow.
"Gentlemen, I have the honour of bidding you farewell," he said,
loftily. "The voice of freedom has been stifled. This great party
is in the hands of commercial interests and private privilege. This
is nothing but a Dickinson House sinecure. I retire, I withdraw, I
shake the dust from my feet. I depart, but I shall not sleep, I shall
not rest, I shall neither forget nor forgive. Remember, gentlemen of
the Anti-Federalist party, this hour, and when in the stillness of
the night you hear the swish of the poisoned arrow, the swirl of the
tomahawk, the thud of the secret stone, pause and say to yourself,
'Crazy Opdyke done it!'"
"It is unfortunate," said Cheyenne, when Crazy had departed, "most
unfortunate, but that's politics."
"Crazy has no influence," said Wash, contemptuously.
"He has our secrets," said Cheyenne gloomily.
"Let's get to work," said Macnooder. "You can bet Tough McCarthy's on
the job; his father's an alderman."
At six o'clock the campaign was off with a rush. At seven the head
master, all unsuspecting, stepped out from Foundation House, cast
one fond glance at the familiar school, reposing peacefully in the
twilight, and departed to carry the message of increased liberty in
primary education to a waiting conference at Boston. Shortly after,
a delegation of the school faculty, who had just learned of the
prospective campaign, hurried over in amazed, indignant and incredulous
protest. They missed the head master by ten minutes--but ten minutes
make history.
"Jiminy crickets!"
"Suffering Moses!"
"Call Hickey!"
"Tell Hickey!"
"Hickey, stick your head out of the window!"
Hickey, slumbering peacefully, in that choicest period between the
rising bell and breakfast, leaped to the middle of the floor at the
uproar that suddenly resounded through the Dickinson.
He thrust his head out of the window and beheld from the upper
stories of the Griswold an immense white sheet sagging in the breeze,
displaying in crude red-flannel letters the following device:
NO APRON-STRINGS FOR US
THE FEDERAL PARTY
WILL FIGHT TO THE END
FACULTY USURPATION
Hardly had his blinking eyes become accustomed to the sight when a
fresh uproar broke out on the other side of the Dickinson.
"Hully Gee!"
"Look at the Kennedy!"
"Great cats and little kittens!"
"Snakes alive!"
"Look at the Kennedy, will you!"
"Hickey, oh you, Hickey!"
At the sound of Macnooder's voice in distress, Hickey realised the
situation was serious and rushed across the hall. He found Macnooder
with stern and belligerent gaze fixed out of the window. From the
Kennedy House another banner insolently displayed this amazing
proclamation:
DOWN WITH THE GOO-GOOS
LAWRENCEVILLE SHALL NOT BE
A KINDERGARTEN.
RALLY TO THE FEDERALISTS AND
DOWN THE DICKINSON GOO-GOOS
Hickey looked at Macnooder. Macnooder looked at Hickey.
"Goo-Goo," said Hickey, grieved.
"Goo-Goo," repeated Doc sadly. "Goo-Goo and Apron-strings. Hickey, my
boy, we have got to be up and doing."
"Doc," said Hickey, "that's Tough McCarthy's work. We never ought to
have let him get away from us."
"Hickey, we must nail the lie," said Doc solemnly.
"The Executive Committee of the Anti-Fed party will meet in my rooms,"
said Hickey determinedly, "directly after first recitation. We have
been caught napping by a gang of ballot stuffers, but we will come
back--Doc, we _will_ come back!"
The Executive Committee met with stern and angry resolve, like battling
football players between the halves of a desperate game.
"Fellows," said Hickey, "while we have slept the enemy has been busy.
We are muts, and the original pie-faced mut is yours truly."
"No, Hickey, if there's going to be a competition for muts," said
Cheyenne Baxter, "I'm the blue ribbon."
"Before we bestow any more bouquets," said Macnooder sarcastically,
"let's examine the situation. Let's see the worst. The Feds have the
jump on us. They've raised the cry of 'Apron-strings' on us, and it's
going to be a mighty hard one to meet."
"We'll never answer it," said the gloomy Egghead; "we're beaten now.
It's a rotten issue and a rotten game."
At this moment the Gutter Pup rushed in like a white fuzzy dog, his
eyes bulging with importance as he delivered the bombshell, that Crazy
Opdyke had organised a Mugwump party and carried the Cleve House for
it.
"No."
"A Mugwump party!"
"What the deuce is he up to?"
"Order," said Hickey, stilling the tumult with a shoe vigorously
applied to a wash-basin. "This meeting is not a bunch of undertakers.
We are here to save the party."
"Hickey's right," said Turkey; "let's get down to business."
"First," said Hickey, "let's have reports. What has Treasurer Macnooder
to report?"
The Mark Hanna of the campaign rose, tightened his belt, adjusted his
glasses, and announced amid cheers that the Finance Committee had to
report sixty-two dollars and forty cents in promissory notes, twelve
dollars and thirty-eight cents in cash, three tennis rackets, two
jerseys, one dozen caps, a bull's-eye lantern (loaned) and a Flobert
rifle.
"We can always have a banquet, even if we're beaten," said the
Triumphant Egghead. The gloom began to dissipate.
"What has the Honourable Gutter Pup to report?" said Cheyenne Baxter.
The Rocky Mountain Gazelle proudly announced the establishment of a
thorough system of espionage, through the corrupting of Mr. Klondike
Jackson, the coloured gentleman who waited on the table at the Kennedy,
and Mr. Alcibiades Bonaparte, who shook up the beds at the Griswold. He
likewise reported that young Muskrat Foster, who was not overpopular
at the Davis House, had perceived the great truths of Anti-Federalism.
He then presented a bill of two dollars and forty-five cents for the
corrupting of the Messrs. Jackson and Bonaparte, with an addition of
fifty cents for the further contaminating of young Muskrat Foster.
"The Honourable Wash Simmons will report," said Cheyenne Baxter.
"Fellows," said Wash, "I ain't no silver-tongued orator, and all I've
got to say is that Butsey White, down at the Green House, is most
sensible to the honour of representing this great and glorious party of
moral ideas, as congressman from the second form, but----"
"But what?" said Slugger Jones.
"But he kind of fears that the other members of the Green House aren't
quite up on Anti-Federalism, and he reckons it will take quite a little
literature to educate them."
"Literature?" said Cheyenne, mystified.
"About eight volumes," said Wash. "Eight green-backed pieces of
_literature_!"
"The robber!"
"Why, that's corruption."
"Gentlemen," said Cheyenne, rapping for order, "the question is, does
he get the literature? Ayes or noes."
"I protest," interrupted Hickey. "Remember, gents, this is a campaign
for clean politics. We will not buy votes, no! we will only encourage
local enterprises. The Green is trying to fit themselves out for the
baseball season. I suggest contributing toward a catcher's mit and a
mask, and letting it go at that."