And so on. It's susceptible uv many changes. I thot uv that when I writ
that speech, and divided it up into sections on purpose."
JOHNSTOWN, PA.--A bridge fell down, onto wich wuz 400 voters, killin a
dozen uv em. His Eggslency felt releeved when heerin uv the axident, at
bein asshoored that there wuzn't wun uv his supporters on the bridge. He
considered it a speshl Providence. The condukter overheerd the remark,
and answered, that ef any uv his supporters wuz killed in that seckshun
they'd have to import wun for the purpose.
MIFFLIN, PA.--A enthoosiastic indivijjle who wants the Post Office at
this place very much, fell on the President's neck, and wept, hailin him
ez the "Preserver uv the Union." The President thanked him for this
spontaneous triboot, and left in his hands the Constitooshun, the flag,
and the appintment he desired.
BALTIMORE.--There wuz a spontaneous recepshun here, wich wuz gratifying
to us. The perceshun wuz immense, and the mottoes expressive. One
division wuz headed by the identikle indivijooel who fired the first
shot at the Massachusetts men in 1861. He is a ardent supporter uv
President Johnson's policy. One flag wuz capchered from a Injeany
regiment at the first Bull Run, at wich the President wept. "Things is
becomin normal," sed he, "when the people will stand that. Wat
love!--wat unity! The flags uv both secshuns, wich was lately borne by
foes, now minglin in the same proceshun, and all uv em cheerin ME."
At last we arrived at Washinton, hevin swung entirely round the cirkle,
and found traitors North and South. The demonstrashen to greet the
President on his arrival was immense. The clerks in all the departments
wuz out (at least them ez wuzn't will wish they hed bin, ez their names
wuz all taken), the solgers on duty wuz ordered out, and altogether it
wuz the most spontaneous exhibition I ever witnest. The Mayor made a
speech. The President asked if he was Joodis Iscariot who wuz the
Saviour--told him he had swung around the entire cirkle, and hed found
traitors on all sides uv it, though sence he left Cleveland, Chicago,
and Indianapolis he wuz satisfied there wuz the heft uv them in the
North; but be this ez it may, he left the Constooshn, and the 36 States,
and the flag with 36 stars onto it, in his hands. He had bin Alderman uv
his native village, and Congressman, and United States Senator, and
Vice-President, and President, wich latter circumstance he considered
forchinit, but wuz, after all, an Humble Indivij'le. He didn't feel his
oats much, and wood do his dooty agin traitors North, ez well as agin
his misguided friends South.
And so ended the Presidential excursion.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster),
and likewise Chaplin to the expedishn.
P.S. I forgot to menshun that at Chicago we laid the corner-stone uv a
monument to Douglas. The occurence hed entirely slipped my memory.