6. Do yoo consider the keepin out uv Congris eleven sovrin
states a unconstooshnel and unwarrantid assumption uv power by a
secshnal Congris?
7. Do yoo bleeve the present Congris a rump, and that (eleven
states bein unrepresented) all their acts are unconstooshnel and
illegal, ceptin them wich provides for payin salaries?
8. Do yoo bleeve that the Memphis and Noo Orleans
unpleasantnesses wuz brot about by the unholy machinashens uv
them Radical agitators, actin in conjunction with ignorant and
besotted niggers, to wreak their spite on the now loyal citizens
uv those properly reconstructed cities.
9. Are yoo not satisfied that the African citizens uv Amerikin
descent kin be safely trusted to the operations uv the universal
law wich governs labor and capital?
10. Are yoo willin to contribute a reasonable per cent. uv yoor
salary to a fund to be used for the defeat uv objectionable
Congrismen in the disloyal states North?
To all uv these inquiries I not only answered yes, but went afore a
Justis uv the Peace and took an affidavit to em, forwarded it back, and
my commission wuz forthwith sent to me.
There wuz a jubilee the nite it arriv. The news spread rapidly through
the four groceries uv the town, and sich anuther spontaneous outbust uv
joy I never witnessed.
[Illustration: SUPPORTERS OF "MY POLICY" IN PROCESSION.]
The bells rung, and for an hour or two the Corners wuz in the wildest
stait uv eggsitement. The citizens congratoolated each other on the
certainty uv the acceshun uv the President to the Dimocrisy, and in
their enthoosiasm five nigger families were cleaned out, two uv em, one
a male and the tother a female, wuz killed. Then a perceshun wuz
organized as follers:--
Two grocery keepers with bottles.
Deekin Pogram.
ME, with my commishun pinned onto a banner, and under it written, "In
this Sign we Conker."
Wagon with tabloo onto it: A nigger on the bottom boards, Bascom, the
grocery keeper, with one foot onto him, holdin a banner inscribed, "The
Nigger where he oughter be."
Citizen with bottle.
Deekin Pogram's daughter Mirandy in a attitood uv wallopin a wench.
Banner: "We've Regained our Rites."
Two citizens with bottles tryin to keep in perceshun.
Two more citizens, wich hed emptyd their bottles, fallin out by the way
side.
Citizens, two and two, with bottles.
Wagon, loaded with the books and furnitur uv a nigger skool, in a stait
uv wreck, with a ded nigger layin on top uv it, wich hed bin captoored
within the hour. Banner: "My Policy."
The perceshun mooved to the meetin hous, and Deekin Pogram takin the
Chair, a meetin wuz to wunst organized.
The Deekin remarked that this wuz the proudest moment uv his life. He
wuz gratified at the appintment uv his esteemed friend, becoz he
appreciated the noble qualities wich wuz so conspikuous into him, and
becoz his arduous services in the coz uv Dimokrisy entitled him to the
posishun. All these wuz aside uv and entirely disconnected from the fact
that thare wood now be a probability uv his gittin back a little matter
uv nine dollars and sixty-two cents ("Hear! hear!") wich he hed loaned
him about eighteen months ago, afore he had knowed him well, or larned
to luv him. But thare wuz anuther reason why he met to rejoyce to-nite.
It showed that A. Johnson meant bizness; that A. Johnson wuz troo to the
Dimokrasy, and that he hed fully made up his mind to hurl the bolts uv
offishl thunder wich he held in his Presidenshal hands at his enemies,
and to make fight in earnest; that he wuz goin to reward his
friends--them ez he cood trust. Our venerable friend's bein put in
condishun to pay the confidin residents uv the Corners the little sums
he owes them is a good thing ("Hear!" "Hear!" "Troo!" "Troo!" with
singular unanimity from every man in the bildin), but wat wuz sich
considerashuns when compared to the grate moral effect uv the decisive
movement? ("A d----d site!" shouted one grocery keeper, and "We don't
want no moral effect!" cried another.) My friends, when the news uv this
bold step uv the President goes forth to the South, the price uv
Confedrit skript will go up, and the shootin uv niggers will cease; for
the redempshun uv the first I consider ashoored, and the redoosin uv the
latter to their normal condishun I count ez good ez done.
Squire Gavitt remarked that he wuz too much overpowered with emoshun to
speak. For four years, nearly five, the only newspaper wich come to that
offis hed passed thro' the polluted hands uv a Ablishnist. He hed no
partikler objecshun to the misguided man, but he wuz a symbol uv
tyranny, and so long ez he sot there, he reminded em that they were
wearin chains. Thank the Lord, that day is over! The Corners is
redeemed, the second Jaxson hez risin, and struck off the shackles. He
wood not allood to the trifle uv twelve dollars and a half that he
loaned the appintee some months ago, knowin that it wood be paid out uv
the first money--
Bascom, the principal grocery keeper, rose, and called the Squire to
order. He wanted to know ef it wuz fair play to talk sich talk. No man
cood feel a more hart-felt satisfaction at the appintment uv our honored
friend than him, showin, ez it did, that the President hed cut loose
from Ablishnism, wich he dispised, but he protestid agin the Squire
undertakin to git in his bill afore the rest hed a chance. Who furnisht
him his licker for eight months, and who hez the best rite for the first
dig at the proceeds uv the position? He wood never--
The other three grocery keepers rose, when Deekin Pogram rooled em all
out uv order, and offered the followin resolutions:--
Whereas, the President hez, in a strikly constooshnel manner,
relieved this commoonity uv an offensive Ablishunist, appinted
by that abhorred tyrant Linkin, and appinted in his place a
sound constooshnel Demokrat--one whom to know is to lend;
therefore, be it
_Resolved_, That we greet the President, and, ashoor him uv our
continyood support and confidence.
_Resolved_, That we now consider the work uv Reconstruction, so
far ez this community is concerned, completed, and that we feel
that we are wunst more restored to our proper relations with the
federal government.
_Resolved_, That the glorious defence made by the loyal
Democracy uv Noo Orleans agin the combined conventioners and
niggers, shows that freemen kin not be conkered, and that white
men shel rule America.
_Resolved_, That, on this happy occasion, we forgive the
Government for what we did, and cherish nary resentment agin
anybody.
The resolutions wuz adopted, and the meetin adjourned with three cheers
for Johnson and his policy.
Then came a scene. Every last one uv em hed come there with a note made
out for the amount I owed him at three months. Kindness of heart is a
weakness of mine, and I signed em all, feelin that ef the mere fact of
writin my name wood do em any good, it wood be crooel in me to object to
the little laber required. Bless their innocent soles! they went away
happy.
The next mornin I took possesshun uv the offis.
[Illustration: NASBY'S DREAM OF PERFECT BLISS.]
"Am I awake, or am I dreamin?" thought I. No, no! it is no dream. Here
is the stamps, here is the blanks, and here is the commisshun! It is
troo! it is troo!