The Situation.--The Attempt of the President to wheedle Democrats into
Supporting his Policy without giving them the Offices commented
upon.--The Democracy warned.
CONFEDRIT × ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
February 15, 1866.
I hev had hopes uv Androo Johnson. My waitin sole hez bin centred onto
him for a year back. He wuz the Moses wich I spected wood lead the
Democrisy out uv the desolate Egypt into which we hev bin making bricks
without straw for five long weary and dreary years. O, how I hev yearned
for Johnson! O, how I hev waited, day after day, and week after week,
and month after month, for some manifestation uv Dimocrisy wich is
satisfactory--suthin tangible--suthin that I cood take hold on.
Faith is the substance uv things hoped for, and the evidence of things
not seen; wich is all right so fur ez religion ez concerned, but uv no
account in politix. A friend uv mine, who wuz a monomaniack on the
subjick uv faith, undertook to live on it, under the insane belief that
ef a man had faith pork wuz unnecessary. Wuz the experiment a success?
Not any. When he commenst the trial he weighed 200; in a week he wuz
down to 125; and in fourteen days he slep in the valley!
I hev bin livin on faith for a year or more, and I too am thin. My bones
show; light shines through me; I am faint and sick. Oh, for suthin that
I can see and feel--suthin solid!
Our Dimocratic noosepapers are supportin Androo Johnson. They claim that
his polisy is our polisy; that he is ourn, and we are hizn. They are
singin hosanners to him. At his every act they exclaim Halleloogy! in
chorus. What is it all about? In what partikeler hez Androo Johnson
showed hisself to be a Dimokrat? In the name uv Dimocrisy let me ask,
"WHERE IS THE OFFICES?" Who's got em? What is the politikle convickshuns
uv the wretch who is post master at the Corners, and who only last nite
refused, in the most heartless manner, to trust me for postage stamps?
Who is the Collectors, the Assessors, et settry? Are they constitooshnel
Dimokrats? Is Stanton, and Seward, and Welles histed out uv the cabinet,
and Vallandigum, and Brite, and Wood apinted in their places? Not onct.
Every post master, every collector, every assessor, every officer, is a
ablishinist, dyed deeply and in fast colors.
Faith without works is a weak institution; its like a whisky punch with
the whisky omitted, wich is a disgustin mixter uv warm water and sugar.
What is it to me (who hev bin ready to accept any position uv wich the
salary wuz sufficient to maintain a individooal uv simple habits) who is
beheaded, so ez I don't get a place? Androo Johnson may cut off offishl
heads ez dexterously and proofoosely ez he chooses; but my sole refuses
to thrill when I know that Ablishnists, though uv a different stripe,
will be apinted. So long ez Dimocrats are kept out, what care I who hez
the places? Paul may plant and Apollus water; but uv what account is the
plantin and waterin to me ef I don't get the increase? I take no delight
in sich spectacles. Ef Androo Johnson proposes to be a Dimockrat,--ef he
desires the honest, hearty support of the party,--let him seel his faith
with works.
I visited Washington with the express purpose uv seein the second
Jackson. I am a frank man, and I laid the matter afore him without
hesitation. I told him that the Postmaster at the Corners wuz opposin
his policy and aboosin him continually; that it wuz a outrage that men
holdin place under the Administration should not sustain the
Administration. In the name uv Right, I demanded a change.
I sposed that to wunst the position would be offered to me; and after
protestin a sufficient time that I did not wish it, and would prefer the
apintment of some more worthy man, I should accept it, and go home
provided for three years. Imagine my deep, my unutterable disgust, when
he told me that he wood investigate the matter, and probably wood make a
change, PROVIDED HE COULD FIND, IN THE VICINITY, SOME ORIGINAL UNION MAN
WHO WOULD ACCEPT THE PLACE!
Then the iron entered my soul. Then I felt that in him we had no lot nor
part.
Our principles are uv a very comprehensive nature. We are willin to
endorse Androo Johnson, or any other man. We will endorse his theories
uv Reconstruction, or any man's theories. We are elastic, like Injy
rubber. The boy who set a hen on a hundred eggs acknowledged to his
maternal parent that she could not kiver em; but he remarked he wanted
to see the old thing spred herself. We have that spreadin capacity. We
kin accommodate the prejudices uv the people uv all the various
localities. In Connecticut we are singin John Brown's body lies a
mouldrin in the grave, in a modritly loud tone, and supporting a
Ablishnist who voted for doin away with slavery in the District of
Columby and for the Constooshnel Amendment. In Kentucky we are hangin
men uv the John Brown style, and mobbin all uv the persuasion uv the
Connecticut nominee. Sich a variety uv principle,--a party uv sich
adaptability,--kin hev but one great central idee, on wich there is no
diversity uv opinion, and to which all other ideas is subordinate. That
idea is POST OFFICE! and ef Androo Johnson could be got rite on that
question, we'd care not wat else he required uv us.
We hev our arms around Androo. We are huggin him to our buzzums; but he
hez left his baggage to hum. That baggage is wat we want; and we shel
fling him off shortly, onless he changes his policy in this respeck. He
kin hev us on easy terms; but he must furnish the ammunishun with which
to fight his battles. Will he do it? That's the question a hundred
thousand hungry soles, who hanker even ez I do, are daily askin.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.