THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHERHOOD.
In a previous place we have spoken of the importance of industry and
activity as important elements in a young wife, and as essential in
securing success for the family, happiness in the home, and bodily
health and vigor for the wife. An idle woman is always an unhappy woman,
and she eventually succeeds in making every one unhappy about her. Her
household duties are no misfortune, but a blessing.
But there is also another side to the question. Unthoughtful husbands do
not always appreciate the magnitude of the duties which fall to the
successful homemaker and homekeeper. Her duties are legion. We do not
now speak of the wives who live in affluence, who never need to regard
expense, who have only to indicate their wish in order to have it
executed; but of the great multitude of wives and mothers who preside in
the homes of the great middle class and of those who struggle with the
economies and duties in homes of small means. The young husband should
appreciate the fact that if the beautiful poetry which adorns the
tombstones in our cemeteries could be translated into truthful prose
they would tell of the thousands of martyrs to mending, sewing, baking,
scrubbing--they would tell that the weapons by which hundreds of these
housekeepers were slain were the broom, the sewing-machine, the cradle
and the ladle. The Thirty Years' War was not so severe or so prolonged
as the warfare which is waged from early morning till late at night by
the great army of industrious wives, busy mothers and anxious
homekeepers. If the boy has lost his book or the girl her bonnet, mother
must help to find it. If the baby coughs or cries at night the father
sleeps on oblivious of the fact, but the infant cannot stir without
being heard by its anxious and attentive mother. If sickness compels,
she bends in anxious vigils over the little life that lies in the
cradle. If the breadwinner is brought home sick, it matters not how
manifold the duties of the mother, no trained nurse can take the place
of the wife at the bedside. In health and in sickness, in prosperity and
adversity, during the day and at night, the wife and the mother finds
herself the centre of duties, and very often of exactions.
In the demands which a young husband makes upon the young wife he should
remember what are her duties and requirements during the day, in the
home, in the church, in society, in the community; he should remember
that physically she is the weaker vessel, that even when in her best
physical condition sexual inclination is largely dormant, and when she
is weary and worn she deserves to be treated with more than usual
thoughtfulness and consideration.
Whatever demands the young husband makes upon his wife, whether as his
helper or the participant of his joys, he should remember that even from
the low standpoint of selfish interest and personal pleasure he wrongs
himself, in addition to being unjust and oftentimes cruel to his wife,
when he fails to take into consideration her physical condition and
manifold duties.
If the young husband and wife desire to be permanently happy they dare
not ignore the special purpose for which God instituted marriage. While
marriage has other purposes, yet the great final purpose is the raising
up of a family and the perpetuation of the human race. The injunction
which God gave to Noah, when he said, "Be ye fruitful and multiply,
bringing forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein," is
to-day, and ever will be, in force. Among the Israelites barrenness was
regarded as one of the greatest of misfortunes. In many instances it was
regarded as a cause of personal shame, and even of dishonor. When Hannah
went up to the Temple and prayed for a son she was only giving
expression to the longings and desires which filled the heart of every
barren Israelitish woman who had entered into the sacred bonds of
marriage, and when God promised Abraham and Sarah that their seed should
be in multitude as the stars in the heavens they regarded themselves as
the recipients of one of the greatest blessings which God could bestow.
The same is true in India, where the people are polygamists in theory,
but seldom in practice, except when the first wife is childless. The
family must not be left without a priest, or the parents without
descendants; therefore the husband is permitted by law to take two, or
even more, wives, in order that he may raise up children unto himself.
If marriage was instituted for the good of the man and the woman who
enter into this sacred relation, their highest good cannot be attained
in this relation until their union is blessed with children. It has been
aptly said that the man needs the woman and the woman needs the man, and
both need the children. The obligation to have children is not only
enjoined in the Scriptures, but written in the physical, social and
moral constitution of man and woman. This law is "rooted in the
unconscious law of life which bids us perpetuate our kind; which guards
over the conservation of life." "Love looks to marriage and marriage to
offspring as a natural sequence." Any entering into the bond of marriage
with the resolved purpose of avoiding the begetting and the bearing of
children constitutes a union which accepts lust in the place of love,
and converts the honorable estate of marriage into a form of legalized
prostitution.
An earnest writer aptly says: "I must counsel husbands and wives to
cherish the hope of becoming parents, and to let their hearts stand in a
holy attitude in this respect. You should allow neither moderate income,
financial pressure, sensual pleasure, nor evil forebodings, to cause
you to entertain unholy thoughts or induce you to engage in criminal
proceedings in this matter. No child should be considered an unwelcome
intruder in the home. The heart of the home is the cradle; it is the
cementing tie between husband and wife. God intends that husbands and
wives should become parents; and no pure woman nor honorable man will
enter upon matrimony with intentions to the contrary. If they do, God
will visit upon them degraded morals, ruined health, financial loss, or
other terrible inflictions. The world has millions of faithful wives and
mothers, but there are thousands of childless wives who are so because
they entered into that black crime of conspiring with the devil to
prevent them from being mothers. They regard children as an unmitigated
nuisance, and consequently darken, blast and damn their own lives with
an act of murder. On the other hand, God blesses the mothers, in that he
prolongs their days and brings up their children to reflect glory and
honor upon them."
Dr. Guernsey says: "The object of marriage is the ultimation of that
love which brings the two together and binds them together in the
procreation and rearing of children for heaven. This is the only true
aim and sole object about which every earthly desire, interest and plan
of the married pair should cluster. No greater crime in the sight of
heaven exists to-day than that of preventing the natural use of
marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which
is criminal, in whatever form practiced; and none will escape the
penalty--no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression,
therefore, is surely punished, even at the _climacteric period_, if not
before. The questions of failing health, or physical inability, or too
frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and
decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should
never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And to
the objection 'Can't afford to have children--they cost too much,' I
have faith enough to reply, 'Our heavenly Father never sends more mouths
than he can feed.' Let each one do his and her duty in life, and this
cavil falls to the ground--which, when spilled, cannot be gathered up.
"Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living
together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children.
How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this
respect. She accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and
gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of
the term. Although a queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did
not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of bearing
children. By her own personal strength her twelve children were brought
forth, and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the suffering. She
nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother, and she was a
_royal mother_! Other kings and queens have done likewise; other
husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fashion, have done and are
still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the humbler
walks of life, obey the divine command, 'Be fruitful and multiply'? If a
husband truly loves his wife, and if she truly loves him, they will live
for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they will
seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation."
We believe that every thoughtful man and considerate husband will
concede that motherhood may not justly or properly be forced upon a
resisting wife. That many wives do refuse to bear children, no
well-informed person can deny. Sometimes the reasons assigned are
unworthy of womanhood, base and ignoble. At other times the reasons
assigned by the wife are worthy of the most thoughtful consideration.
But whether the reasons which the wife entertains are honorable or
dishonorable, correct or criminal, it must nevertheless be acknowledged
that she is a free moral agent, and if she assumes the responsibility of
declining one of the main purposes for which marriage was instituted she
must herself bear the responsibility. To designedly inflict conception
upon an unwilling and resisting wife the husband makes himself guilty of
great injustice, invades the personal rights of his wife as an
individual, and is guilty of a great wrong.
Where a wife is unwilling to become a mother, the best way for a husband
to move her mind properly in this matter is to bring her under the
influence of such books and teachings as will help her to understand her
duty and obligation in this matter; help her to see that this is one of
the great purposes for which marriage is instituted, and that where
childbearing is intentionally and persistently evaded it becomes a crime
against man and against God.
Many wives are not willing to consent to become mothers because they are
unwilling to give up society; they prefer to live for the rounds of
fashionable life. With others there is a dread of childbearing. This is
not so common in brides or newly-married women; but with many, after
they have given birth to one child they are unwilling ever to consent to
a similar struggle. Had these young wives been made intelligent by their
mothers, and been properly instructed upon these subjects before
marriage, and lived according to the laws of hygiene and health during
the period preceding the birth of their child, their experience might
have been very different, and they would never have had the dread which
comes to so many. There are good books upon this subject, and those who
live hygienically and properly will find the terrors of childbearing
greatly mitigated; indeed, they may be almost wholly alleviated. There
are those who contend that childbearing may be rendered practically
painless, and those who desire information upon this subject would do
well to read the book entitled "Maternity Without Suffering," which is
worth many times its cost.[A]
[A] "Maternity Without Suffering," by Dr. Emma F. A. Drake. Cloth
binding. Price fifty cents. Published by the Vir Publishing Company.
There are other women who dread the care and rearing of children, and
there are still others whose aversion to childbearing is wholly due to
their false ideas of life. To us, one of the saddest sights is a woman
with a pronounced God-given mother-instinct who is unwilling to bear
children, or, if she is the mother of children, is not willing to care
for them, but thrusts them from her, committing them wholly to nurses
and attendants, and then allows the mother-instinct to find its
expression in petting a cat or mothering a dog.
No married woman should refuse to become a mother because of its perils.
Statistics go to show that more unmarried women between the ages of
twenty and forty-five die than of married women. God designed woman for
motherhood, fitted her for its physical requirements, and her largest
happiness, best health, greatest usefulness and longest life is attained
by conformity to this divine purpose. Among the greatest sufferers in
this world are the large numbers of those who have sought to defeat the
purposes of God and have brought upon themselves untold misery.
Obedience brings blessing. It is not only the end, but "the _way_ of the
transgressor" that is hard.
Parenthood is also essential to the rounding out of the moral nature.
That which is noblest and best in woman's nature is awakened and
quickened when for the first time is folded to her breast a new life
which is a part of herself. The child will teach her to be unselfish, to
live for the happiness and well-being of another. Its government and
discipline will awaken in her mind the principles which she desires to
instil into the mind of her child, and as she gathers her little ones
about her, tells them of God and heaven, and teaches them to lisp their
infant prayer, her religious nature will attain unto a perfection and
beauty which would not be possible under any other earthly influence.
The thoughtful and judicious wife also recognizes the fact that the
presence of children in the home will exert an influence over the father
which will refine, benefit and bless as no other influence on earth can.
The little ones that reach out their hands in dependence toward him will
inspire him to energy and effort in a higher, holier and nobler way than
could ever be done by any commercial consideration. The noblest and most
considerate manifestations of the father nature can in no other way be
called into so full and beautiful an exercise as by the presence of
children in the home. If the love for his children and the desire for
their well-being and blessing do not teach him larger lessons of
self-denial than he has ever known before, he will demonstrate that he
is incapable of feeling the influence of the most potent incentive which
God has permitted to come into human lives.
But the children will have an effect not only upon the parents
individually, but they will bless both by drawing the husband and wife
into a closer bond of sympathy and affection than would be possible
under any other conditions. It has aptly been said that children are
golden links that bind the husband and wife in a bond of closest
endearment. They also serve as a buffer to break the jars of family
life. These little ones awaken the best qualities in the natures of both
parents. They enlarge and round out those qualities which would
otherwise remain dwarfed and prematurely die. They afford a purpose in
life for the father and mother, such as can be found in no other object
upon earth.
In the study of their own children parents have an opportunity to learn
human nature as they can learn it nowhere else. When their children are
old enough they will criticise, suggest, and often help the parents to
correct faults which would otherwise go unnoted and which could be
properly criticised by no one else. It is the absence of this help which
children bring into the home which oftentimes renders childless married
people more faulty than others who have the advantage of such help. In
times of trouble and trial the children will be prepared to comfort and
sustain their parents. In times of sickness they will come with their
sympathy and assistance, and when advancing years and the infirmities of
age come they will be prepared to comfort and sustain their parents,
and in their declining years afford them a refuge and a home, and when
death comes they will shed the tear of sympathy and over their graves
will plant the flowers that shall bloom in beauty and fragrance.
That the mother-instinct exists in the hearts of infants is early seen
in the desire upon the part of little girls to mother their dolls,
whether they have been purchased at great cost or are made of a few old
clothes rolled up into the shape of a rag-baby. Where a stranger is
uncertain about the sex of a child it can usually be pretty certainly
determined by asking whether they prefer a doll or a horse.
It would be wrong, however, to suppose, because the little boy manifests
the preference for a horse, that therefore he will never be interested
in children. The pleasures and satisfactions of parenthood are as great
to the father as to the mother, and while there is a difference between
the mother-nature and the father-nature, yet, because of the terribly
perverting influences of modern society, the desire for children is
often stronger in the husband than in the wife. Where the natures of
both are as God intended, sterility and barrenness would be alike a
great disappointment for either. The desire for children is natural both
to men and women, and in the home, as in universal nature,
unfruitfulness and barrenness are a great misfortune.
About one marriage in eight or ten is usually barren of children. In the
animal kingdom, and among insects especially, an abundance of food is
indispensable to a rapid increase of numbers by reproduction. In the
human family the question of food as it stands related to the question
of reproduction is an important one. If the food is insufficient, either
in quantity or quality, to maintain good physical conditions, or if it
is too abundant or too rich, a tendency to sterility and barrenness is
alike the result. Illustrations are not wanting of persons who,
possessing large wealth and allowing themselves great indulgence in
eating, became fat and corpulent and remained childless, but when
financial reverses came their corpulence departed with their wealth, and
they became the parents of children.
While the question of food is very important, it is not the only cause
of barrenness. Sterility may be due to excessive sexuality in the
marriage relation, or it may be due to such ante-nuptial indulgence of
the husband as has resulted in a depleted condition of the reproductive
organs. Sometimes it is due to apathy on the part of the wife, and at
other times, although less frequent, it may be the result upon her part
of too intense pleasure during coition.
It may also be due to abnormal conditions produced by tampering with the
reproductive function. In some instances there is a lack of such
physiological compatibility as is necessary to result in conception.
Instances are not wanting where barrenness has existed and the
subsequent remarriage of both parties have demonstrated that neither
were personally sterile, but that unitedly they were physiologically
incompatible.
Barrenness is oftentimes the result of displacement of the womb or other
unfavorable conditions in the female. It would be wrong, however, to
suppose that the difficulty may not rest wholly with the husband. Even
where a man seems in good bodily vigor and enjoys excellent health, the
sperm may be devoid of those characteristics which are essential to the
production of life. This condition can only be determined by a competent
physician with the aid of the microscope and other means. It is also
asserted by reliable medical authority that miscarriage may take place
so early after conception that the wife may never suspect the real
condition, but imagine herself sterile.
The cause of the barrenness of not a few women is clearly traceable to
the fact that because of the impure life of the husband, either before
or after marriage, he contracted gonorrhA"a, and although at the time he
may have thought it a small matter, and soon regarded himself as
entirely cured, this terrible disease left its trace behind it, and
perhaps two or three years afterward, when he entered the marriage
relation, he imparted the hidden remnants of this disease to his
innocent and unsuspecting wife, and in whom, perchance, the real disease
has never been recognized at all, but the inflammation which it caused
extended from the vagina to the womb, and then out through the tubes to
the ovaries, and the delicate organs of reproduction were so injured as
to result in permanent barrenness.
The cure for barrenness is found in remedying the cause. To discover
what that cause is often requires the consultation and advice of a
thoroughly competent physician, and to arrive at the most reliable
conclusion a physical examination of the wife or the husband, or of
both, may be necessary.
Where no means have been used to prevent conception, and the young wife
has remained childless for a period of three years, there is adequate
ground for a reasonable fear that causes exist, either in the husband or
in the wife, which are likely to result in permanent sterility, and then
no time should be lost to discover and remove the cause or causes.
The earlier years of married life are usually more fruitful than the
years later on. Even where marriage is contracted after twenty-five
years of age, the tendency towards sterility is easily perceptible.
Marriage, either at too early or too late a period, tends to barrenness.
Upon the part of the female the years from eighteen to twenty-four are
likely to be the best years for marriage and maternity. Sometimes there
is barrenness for a period of years, and this is followed by a period of
quite frequent childbearing.
Barrenness may frequently be remedied by the exercise of great care upon
the part of both the husband and the wife in the matter of diet and
proper physical exercise. Sometimes a period of separation, varying
from a few weeks to several months, is necessary to effect such physical
changes as are requisite to the desired result. Single beds and separate
apartments are sometimes essential, not only in order to secure
conception, but to protect the beginnings of life from such disturbing
influences as tend to produce the abnormal ejection of the embryo from
its place of retention and growth in the womb.