By the canal in Flanders I watched a barge's prow
Creep slowly past the poplar-trees; and there I made a vow
That when these wars are over and I am home at last
However much I travel I shall not travel fast.
Horses and cars and yachts and planes: I've no more use for such;
For in three years of war's alarms I've hurried far too much;
And now I dream of something sure, silent and slow and large;
So when the War is over--why, I mean to buy a barge.
A gilded barge I'll surely have, the same as Egypt's Queen,
And it will be the finest barge that ever you have seen;
With polished mast of stout pitch pine, tipped with a ball of gold,
And two green trees in two white tubs placed just abaft the hold.
So when past Pangbourne's verdant meads, by Clieveden's mossy stems,
You see a barge all white-and-gold come gliding down the Thames,
With tow-rope spun from coloured silks and snow-white horses three,
Which stop beside your river house--you'll know the bargee's me.
I'll moor my craft beside your lawn; so up and make good cheer!
Pluck me your greenest salads! Draw me your coolest beer!
For I intend to lunch with you and talk an hour or more
Of how we used to hustle in the good old days of war.
* * * * *
The Vicar of a country parish was letting his house to a _locum
tenens_, and sent him a telegram, "Servants will be left if desired."
Promptly came back the reply, "Am bringing my own sermons." And now
each is wondering what sort of man the other is.
* * * * *
"Young Man to help weigh and clean widows at chemist's shop."
--_Sheffield Daily Telegraph._
To any young man who should be inclined to apply we commend the advice
of _Mr. Weller, senior_, "Sammy, beware of the vidders."
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN ADAMLESS EDEN.
_The Seated Lady_. "THE GREAT CHARM OF THIS PLACE IS ITS ABSOLUTE
LONELINESS. DAY AFTER DAY ONE HAS THESE LOVELY SANDS AND SEA AND ROCKS
AND SKY ALL TO ONESELF."
_The Other_. "REALLY. AND HAVE YOU BEEN HERE LONG?"
_Seated Lady_. "SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK."
_The Other_. "AND ARE YOU GOING TO STAY IN THIS DELIGHTFUL PLACE MUCH
LONGER?"
_Seated Lady_. "ANOTHER TEN DAYS--UNLESS MY LANDLADY WILL LET ME OFF
THE LAST WEEK."]
* * * * *