Between four and five years after my sanctification, on a certain time,
an impressive silence fell upon me, and I stood as if some one was about
to speak to me, yet I had no such thought in my heart.—But to my utter
surprise there seemed to sound a voice which I thought I distinctly
heard, and most certainly understand, which said to me, “Go preach the
Gospel!” I immediately replied aloud, “No one will believe me.” Again I
listened, and again the same voice seemed to say—“Preach the Gospel; I
will put words in your mouth, and will turn your enemies to become your
friends.”
At first I supposed that Satan had spoken to me, for I had read that
he could transform himself into an angel of light for the purpose of
deception. Immediately I went into a secret place, and called upon the
Lord to know if he had called me to preach, and whether I was deceived or
not; when there appeared to my view the form and figure of a pulpit, with
a Bible lying thereon, the back of which was presented to me as plainly
as if it had been a literal fact.
In consequence of this, my mind became so exercised, that during the
night following, I took a text and preached in my sleep. I thought
there stood before me a great multitude, while I expounded to them the
things of religion. So violent were my exertions and so loud were my
exclamations, that I awoke from the sound of my own voice, which also
awoke the family of the house where I resided. Two days after I went
to see the preacher in charge of the African Society, who was the Rev.
Richard Allen, the same before named in these pages, to tell him that I
felt it my duty to preach the gospel. But as I drew near the street in
which his house was, which was in the city of Philadelphia, my courage
began to fail me; so terrible did the cross appear, it seemed that I
should not be able to bear it. Previous to my setting out to go to see
him, so agitated was my mind, that my appetite for my daily food failed
me entirely. Several times on my way there, I turned back again; but
as often I felt my strength again renewed, and I soon found that the
nearer I approached to the house of the minister, the less was my fear.
Accordingly, as soon as I came to the door, my fears subsided, the cross
was removed, all things appeared pleasant—I was tranquil.
I now told him, that the Lord had revealed it to me, that I must preach
the gospel. He replied, by asking, in what sphere I wished to move in?
I said, among the Methodists. He then replied, that a Mrs. Cook, a
Methodist lady, had also some time before requested the same privilege;
who, it was believed, had done much good in the way of exhortation, and
holding prayer meetings; and who had been permitted to do so by the
verbal license of the preacher in charge at the time. But as to women
preaching, he said that our Discipline knew nothing at all about it—that
it did not call for women preachers. This I was glad to hear, because it
removed the fear of the cross—but no sooner did this feeling cross my
mind, than I found that a love of souls had in a measure departed from
me; that holy energy which burn ed within me, as a fire, began to be
smothered. This I soon perceived.
O how careful ought we to be, lest through our by-laws of church
government and discipline, we bring into disrepute even the word of life.
For as unseemly as it may appear now-a-days for a woman to preach, it
should be remembered that nothing is impossible with God. And why should
it be thought impossible, heterodox, or improper for a woman to preach?
seeing the Saviour died for the woman as well as for the man.
If the man may preach, because the Saviour died for him, why not the
woman? seeing he died for her also. Is he not a whole Saviour, instead of
a half one? as those who hold it wrong for a woman to preach, would seem
to make it appear.
Did not Mary _first_ preach the risen Saviour, and is not the doctrine of
the resurrection the very climax of Christianity—hangs not all our hope
on this, as argued by St. Paul? Then did not Mary, a woman, preach the
gospel? for she preached the resurrection of the crucified Son of God.
But some will say that Mary did not expound the Scripture, therefore, she
did not preach, in the proper sense of the term. To this I reply, it may
be that the term _preach_ in those primitive times, did not mean exactly
what it is now _made_ to mean; perhaps it was a great deal more simple
then, than it is now—if it were not, the unlearned fishermen could not
have preached the gospel at all, as they had no learning.
To this it may be replied, by those who are determined not to believe
that it is right for a woman to preach, that the disciples, though they
were fishermen and ignorant of letters too, were inspired so to do. To
which I would reply, that though they were inspired, yet that inspiration
did not save them from showing their ignorance of letters, and of man’s
wisdom; this the multitude soon found out, by listening to the remarks of
the envious Jewish priests. If then, to preach the gospel, by the gift of
heaven, comes by inspiration solely, is God straitened: must he take the
man exclusively? May he not, did he not, and can he not inspire a female
to preach the simple story of the birth, life, death, and resurrection
of our Lord, and accompany it too with power to the sinner’s heart. As
for me, I am fully persuaded that the Lord called me to labor according
to what I have received, in his vineyard. If he has not, how could he
consistently bear testimony in favor of my poor labors, in awakening and
converting sinners?
In my wanderings up and down among men, preaching according to my
ability, I have frequently found families who told me that they had not
for several years been to a meeting, and yet, while listening to hear
what God would say by his poor female instrument, have believed with
trembling—tears rolling down their cheeks, the signs of contrition and
repentance towards God. I firmly believe that I have sown seed, in the
name of the Lord, which shall appear with its increase at the great day
of accounts, when Christ shall come to make up his jewels.
At a certain time, I was beset with the idea, that soon or late I should
fall from grace and lose my soul at last. I was frequently called to the
throne of grace about this matter, but found no relief; the temptation
pursued me still. Being more and more afflicted with it, till at a
certain time, when the spirit strongly impressed it on my mind to enter
into my closet and carry my case once more to the Lord; the Lord enabled
me to draw nigh to him, and to his mercy seat, at this time, in an
extraordinary manner; for while I wrestled with him for the victory over
this disposition to doubt whether I should persevere, there appeared
a form of fire, about the size of a man’s hand, as I was on my knees;
at the same moment there appeared to the eye of faith a man robed in a
white garment, from the shoulders down to the feet; from him a voice
proceeded, saying: “Thou shalt never return from the cross.” Since that
time I have never doubted, but believe that God will keep me until the
day of redemption. Now I could adopt the very language of St. Paul, and
say, that nothing could have separated me from the love of God, which is
in Christ Jesus. Since that time, 1807, until the present, 1833, I have
not even doubted the power and goodness of God to keep me from falling,
through the sanctification of the spirit and belief of the truth.