Lo, while a man courteth a maiden he faith unto her:
“Beloved, _I adore_ the waves and frivols of thy hair! The neatness of
thy waistline is my delight; and what _is_ that subtile sachet which
maketh thee to remind me always of the rose of morning?”
But in his heart he saith:
“Yet, when we are married, then shall _I teach_ her not to wear false
ringlets, and the imported complexion which she now putteth on shall
she abjure.
“Verily from the using of that _awful scent_ shall I break her, and
from the wearing of corsets shall I rescue her! For we shall then be
_one_, and I shall be _that one_!”
And while a damsel seeketh to allure a man she saith unto him:
“Thou art _so_ sensible. Yea, I pray thee, continue to wear a
_comfortable_ collar always; for why shalt thou suffer for style’s
sake? Lo, thy beard and thy mustache, they are so _characteristic_; and
in a soft hat thou hast _real personality_!”
But in her heart she muttereth:
“Go to! When I have him _safe_, then shall I entice him to put on a
high collar, even unto _four inches_; and the shaving of his face will
require but two weeks! Yea, and that quaint top-piece shall he exchange
for a derby within the first month. For I know _just_ what he needeth!”
Verily, verily, even in the hour of their courtship, do they prepare
for _war_!
Even while she poureth his wine, doth she determine that he shall
become a teetotaler! Even while he passeth her the sweetmeats doth he
plan to put her on a _diet_, ’ere she acquire embonpoint.
As enemies before the battle, do they exchange civilities, saying “_How
congenial_ we are!”
For every woman thinketh to make a man over after a _pattern_, and
every man thinketh to remodel a woman according to a _stock_ ideal.
Yea, after the honeymoon each seeketh to trim the other down and to add
all the _modern improvements_.
Then give them the fruit of their labors, which is a _mutual_ shock!