My Daughter, Hearken Unto My Words, And attend diligently to my
counsel; for the understanding of _Man_ is the beginning of a good
income, and a knowledge of _his ways_ more profitable than a higher
education.
Behold, a woman delighteth to travel the path of love slowly and
through devious by-ways of flirtation and sentiment, but a man
_rusheth_ over it at the speed limit.
Unto a woman, the first kiss is but the _start_ in the love chase, but
unto a man it is ofttimes the _finish_.
Lo, when a woman weddeth a man, it is in order that she may _get_ him;
but when a man weddeth a woman, it is in order that he may prevent
_another_ from getting her.
Yea, verily, when a woman clingeth unto single blessedness, it is
because she hath met _no_ man with whom she could endure to live; but,
when a man remaineth a bachelor, it is because he hath met no woman
_without_ whom he _cannot_ live.
A man weddeth a woman in order to escape loneliness, and immediately
thereafter joineth a _club_ in order to escape the woman.
He marryeth a damsel because she appealeth to his “higher nature”, and
spendeth all the rest of his days seeking after those who appeal to his
lower nature.
A woman is cast down with doubts lest a man doth not love her; but a
man never troubleth his soul, as to whether or not a woman loveth him,
but as to whether or not he _wanteth_ her to love him.
Behold, an _honest_ woman may cheat at cards, but never at love; but he
considereth himself an “_honorable man_” that never cheateth at a game
of poker though he never playeth fair at the game of hearts.
Go to! Think no man _in love_ while he flattereth thee and extolleth
all thy ways; but, when he beginneth to _moralise_ and to criticise thy
_hats_, then mayest thou plan thy trousseau.
When he saveth thy life it may be for chivalry’s sake; but when he
carryeth an _umbrella_ to please thee it is for love’s sake.
Be not set up when a man giveth thee the key to his heart, for,
peradventure, upon the following day, he may _change the lock_!
Then, how shall a woman understand a man, since they are _all_ cut upon
the _bias_!
Verily, verily, by turning him around, my Daughter, and reading him
_backward_, even as a Chinese laundry ticket!