How long, oh thou Credulous One, wilt thou continue to marry for a
_change_; and the lawyers delight in their fees, and the neighbors in
their “I-said-so’s”?
For lo, though there be many varieties of men, there is but _one_ kind
of husband!
Yea, though a man wed seven times seven times, he maketh not the _same_
mistake twice.
But the woman who weddeth a second time, _repeateth_ her own history.
Verily, verily, if thou wilt but close thine eyes, thou canst not
perceive from his words, neither from the cloves upon his breath, nor
the ardor of his greeting, whether it be thy _first_ or thy _second_
husband, that kisseth thee.
For one man’s chin is as rough as another’s, and one man’s lies are as
smooth as another’s.
One man’s razor is as sacred as another’s, and one man’s excuses are as
old as another’s.
One man roareth, like unto another, when he is hungry.
One man growleth, like unto another, when he is fed.
One man groaneth, like unto another, when he hath over-eaten.
One man looketh as uncanny as another without a collar, and as weird as
another without a shave.
One man streweth his cigar ashes upon the carpet, and leaveth his stubs
in the pin-tray, even as another.
One man burieth himself in the pillows in the morning, and in the
newspapers in the evening, and refuseth to be torn therefrom--even as
another.
One man offereth up the morning and evening growl, and celebrateth the
Sunday forenoon grouch as regularly as another.
Why, then, wilt thou continue to hearken unto their promises? For,
before marriage, _all_ men are _promising_; but matrimony is a chemical
which transmuteth each and every one of them from a lover into a
critic, from an admirer into a scoffer, from an adorer into a judge,
and from a slave into a sultan.
Verily, verily, there is this difference only in husbands:
That the first maketh thee weep;
The second maketh thee wonder;
But the third maketh thee weary!