Go to the _lemon grove_, oh, thou Scholarette! For no woman with
_brains_ hath ever plucked a peach in the Garden of Matrimony.
Nay, it is not given unto one woman to possess both real ability and a
real husband.
For unto a successful woman an husband is but an adjunct; and no man
yearneth to be an _annex_!
Alas! He preferreth soft, sweet things, and unto him a woman that
knoweth her own mind is an abomination.
Verily, verily, a woman with _nerves_ affecteth a man as a mosquito
that buzzeth throughout a summer night. She wearieth him.
But a woman with _nerve_ is as a cold bath on a winter morning. She
shocketh him!
Lo, an intelligent _opinion_ in the mouth of a woman horrifieth a man
even as the scissors in the mouth of a babe.
And a wife with _judgment_ which exceedeth his own is more uncanny than
a pet parrot which saith the appropriate thing at the right moment. She
appalleth him!
My Daughter, in all the land dost thou know of one clever woman who
hath been happily married?
Nay! For I say unto thee there can be but one mind, one opinion, and
one _throne_ in an household; and every man claimeth these for himself.
Then, oh, thou Temperamental One, whatsoever thou receivest in the
_love game_, accept it gladly and rejoice thereat.
For, whether it be a babe torn from the cradle or an octogenarian
spared from the grave; whether it be a left-over bachelor, or an
hand-me-down widower; though thou weddest fourscore times, thou shalt
do _no better_!
Verily, verily, in the life of every woman, there cometh a season when
she yearneth for _sentiment_, and neither the love of her “art” nor the
adoration of a poodle dog is sufficient.
And a little unhappiness _with_ an husband is more to be desired than
great loneliness _without_ one.
Go to! Life without one of these is as spaghetti without sauce and more
insipid than bouillon without salt.
Therefore, my Daughter, gather in the Lemon which Fate awardeth thee
and let thine heart be comforted.
For though wine is desirable, yet lemonade is not to be despised; and
even an Highbrow shall find an husband an agreeable distraction from
_serious_ things!