Bertha had hardly proceeded a few steps from the hotel when it began to
rain. Under her open umbrella she seemed to herself to be protected
against unwelcome attentions from people she might meet. A pleasant
fragrance was diffused throughout the air, as if the rain brought with it
the aroma of the neighbouring woods, shedding it over the town. Bertha
gave herself up wholly to the pleasure of the walk; even the object of
her outing appeared before her mind's eye only vaguely, as if seen
through a mist. She had at last grown so weary as the result of the
profusion of her changing feelings that she no longer felt anything at
all. She was without fear, without hope, without purpose. She walked on
past the gardens, across the Ring, and rejoiced in the humid fragrance of
the elder-trees. In the forenoon it had completely escaped her notice
that everything was beautiful in an array of violet blossoms. An idea
brought a smile to her lips: she went into a flower shop and bought a
little bunch of violets. As she raised the flowers to her lips, a great
tenderness came over her; she thought of the train going homewards at
seven o'clock, and she rejoiced, as if she had outwitted some one.
She walked slowly across the bridge, diagonally, and remembered how she
had crossed it a few days ago in order to reach the neighbourhood of her
former home, and to see Emil's window again. The throng of traffic at the
bridge was immense; two streams, one coming from the suburb into the
town, the other going in the opposite direction, poured by in confusion;
carriages of all kinds rolled past; the air resounded with the jingling
of bells, with whistling and with the shouts of drivers. Bertha tried to
stand still, but was pushed forward.
Suddenly she heard a whistle quite close by. A carriage pulled up, a head
leaned out of the window ... it was Emil. He made a sign to her to come
over to him. A few people immediately became attentive, and seemed very
anxious to hear what the young man had to say to the lady who had gone up
to his carriage.
"Will you get in?" Emil asked in a low voice.
"Get in...?"
"Why, yes, it is raining, you see!"
"Really, I would rather walk, if you don't mind."
"Just as you like," said Emil.
He got out quickly and paid the driver. Bertha observed, with some alarm,
that about half a dozen people, who were crowding round her, were very
anxious to see how this remarkable affair would turn out.
"Come," said Emil.
They quickly crossed the road, and thereby got away from the whole
throng. They then walked slowly along a less frequented street by the
bank of the Wien.
"Why, Emil, you haven't brought your umbrella with you!"
"Won't you take me under yours? Wait a moment, it won't do like this."
He took the umbrella out of her hand, held it over both of them, and
thrust his arm under hers. Now she felt that it was _his_ arm, and
rejoiced greatly.
"The country, unfortunately, is out of the question," he said.
"What a pity."
"Well, what have you been doing with yourself all day long?"
She told him about the fashionable restaurant, in which she had had
her dinner.
"Now, why on earth didn't I know about that? I thought you were dining
with your cousin. We might, of course, have had such a pleasant lunch
together!"
"You have had so much to do, I dare say," she said, a little proud at
being able to infuse a slight tone of sarcasm into her voice.
"Yes, that's true, in the afternoon, of course. I had to listen to half
an opera."
"Oh? How was that, then?"
"There was a young composer with me--a very talented fellow, in
his own way."
She was very glad to hear that. So that, then, was the way in which he
spent his afternoons.
He stood still and, without letting go her arm, looked into her face.
"Do you know that you have really grown much prettier? Yes, I am quite
serious about it! But, tell me, first of all, tell me candidly, how the
idea came to you to write to me."
"Why, I have already told you."
"Have you thought of me, then, all this time?"
"A great deal."
"When you were married, too?"
"Certainly, I have always thought of you. And you?"
"Often, very often."
"But ..."
"Well, what?"
"You are a man, you see!"
"Yes--but what do you mean by that?"
"I mean that certainly you must have loved many women."
"Loved ... loved ... yes, I suppose I have."
"But I," she broke out with animation, as though the truth was too strong
to be restrained within her; "I have loved no one but you."
He took her hand and raised it to his lips.
"I think we might rather leave that undecided, though," he said.
"Look, I have brought some violets with me for you."
He smiled.
"Are they to prove that you have told me the truth? Anybody would think,
from the way in which you said that, that you have done nothing else
since we last met but pluck, or, at least, buy, violets for me. However,
many thanks! But tell me, why didn't you want to get into the carriage?"
"Oh, but you know, a walk is so nice."
"But we can't walk forever.... We are having supper together, though?"
"Yes, I shall be delighted--for instance, here in an hotel," she
added hastily.
At that time they were walking through quieter streets, and it was
growing dusk.
Emil laughed.
"Oh, no, we will arrange things a little more cosily than that."
Bertha cast her eyes down.
"However, we mustn't sit at the same table as strangers," she said.
"Certainly not. We will even go somewhere where there is nobody
else at all."
"What are you thinking of?" she asked. "I don't do that sort of thing!"
"Just as you please," he answered, shrugging his shoulders. "Have you an
appetite yet?"
"No, not at all."
They were both silent for a time.
"Shall I not make the acquaintance of your boy some day?" he asked.
"Certainly," she replied, greatly pleased; "whenever you wish."
She began to tell him about Fritz, and then went on to speak about her
family. Emil threw in a question at times, and soon he knew all that
happened in the little town, even down to the efforts of Klingemann, of
which Bertha gave him an account, laughingly, but with a certain
satisfaction.
The street lamps were alight; the rays glittered on the damp pavements.
"My dear girl, we can't stroll about the streets all night, you know,"
said Emil suddenly.
"No ... but I cannot come with you ... into a restaurant.... Just think,
if I should happen to meet my cousin or anyone else!"
"Make your mind easy, no one will see us."
Quickly he passed through a gateway and closed the umbrella.
"What are you going to do, then?"
She saw a large garden before her. Near the walls, from which canvas
shelters were stretched, people were sitting at tables, laid for supper.
"There, do you mean?"
"No. Just come with me."
Immediately on the right of the gate was a small door, which had been
left ajar.
"Come in here."
They found themselves in a narrow, lighted passage, on both sides of
which were rows of doors. A waiter bowed and went in front of them, past
all the doors. The last one he opened, allowed the guests to enter, and
closed it again after them.
In the centre of the little room stood a small table laid for three; by
the wall was a blue velvet sofa, and opposite that hung a gilt framed
oval mirror, before which Bertha took her hat off and, as she did so,
she noticed that the names "Irma" and "Rudi" had been scratched on the
glass. At the same time, she saw in the mirror Emil coming up behind
her. He placed his hands on her cheeks, bent her head back towards
himself, and kissed her on the lips. Then he turned away without
speaking, and rang the bell.
A very young waiter came in at once, as if he had been standing outside
the door. When he had taken his order he left them, and Emil sat down.
"Well, Bertha!"
She turned towards him. He took her gently by the hand and still
continued to hold it in his, when Bertha had taken a seat beside him on
the sofa. Mechanically she touched her hair with her other hand.
An older waiter came in, and Emil made his choice from the menu. Bertha
agreed to everything. When the waiter had departed, Emil said:
"Mustn't the question be asked: How is it that all this hasn't happened
before to-day?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Why didn't you write to me long ago?"
"Well, I would ... if you had got your Order sooner!"
He held her hand and kissed it.
"But you come to Vienna fairly often!"
"Oh, no."
He looked up.
"But you said something like that in your letter!"
She remembered then, and grew red.
"Well, yes ... often ... Monday was the last time I was here."
The waiter brought sardines and caviar, and left the room.
"Well," said Emil; "it is probably just the right time."
"In what way?"
"That we should have met again."
"Oh, I have often longed for you."
He seemed to be deep in thought.
"And perhaps it is also just as well that things _then_ turned out as
they did," he said. "It is on that very account that the recollection is
so charming."
"Yes, charming."
They were both silent for a time.
"Do you remember ..." she said, and then she began to talk of the old
days, of their walks in the town-park, and of her first day at the
Conservatoire.
He nodded in answer to everything she said, held his arm on the back of
the sofa, and lightly touched the lock of hair, which curled over the
nape of her neck. At times he threw in a word. Then Emil himself
recalled something which she had forgotten; he had remembered a further
outing: a trip to the Prater one Sunday morning.
"And do you still recollect," said Bertha, "how we ..." she hesitated to
utter it--"once were almost in love with each other?"
"Yes," he said. "And who knows ..."
He was perhaps about to say: "It would have been better for me if I had
married you"--but he did not finish the sentence.
He ordered champagne.
"It is not so long ago," said Bertha, "since I tasted champagne. The last
time was about six months ago, at the party which my brother-in-law gave
on the occasion of his fiftieth birthday."
She thought of the company at her brother-in-law's, and it was amazing
how remote from the present time it all seemed--the entire little town
and all who lived there.
The young waiter brought an ice-tub with the wine. At that moment it
occurred to Bertha that Emil had certainly been there before, many a
time, with other women. That, however, was a matter of tolerable
indifference to her.
They clinked glasses and drank. Emil embraced Bertha and kissed her. That
kiss reminded her of something ... what could it have been, though?... Of
the kisses she had received when a young girl?... Of the kiss of her
husband?... No.... Then it suddenly occurred to her that it was exactly
like the kisses which her young nephew Richard had lately given to her.
The waiter came in with fruit and pastry. Emil put some dates and a bunch
of grapes on a plate for Bertha.
"Why don't you say something?" she asked. "Why do you leave me to do all
the talking? And you know you could tell me so much!"
"I?..."
He slowly sipped the wine.
"Why, yes, about your tours."
"Good Heavens, one town is just like all the others. You must not, of
course, lose sight of the fact that I only rarely travel for my own
pleasure."
"Quite so, of course."
During the whole time she had not given a thought to the fact that it was
Emil Lindbach, the celebrated violin virtuoso, with whom she was sitting
there; and she felt bound to say:
"By the way, you are playing in Vienna soon. I should be very glad to
hear you."
"Not a soul will hinder you from doing so," he replied drily.
It passed through her mind that it would really be very much nicer for
her to hear him play, not at the concert, but for herself alone. She had
almost said so, but then it occurred to her that that would have meant
nothing else than: "I will come with you"--and, who could say, perhaps
very soon she would go with him. It would be as easy for her as ever, if
she had had some wine.... Yet, not so, the wine was affecting her
differently from usual--it was not the soft inebriation which made her
feel a little more cheerful; it was better, lovelier. It was not the few
drops of wine that made it so; it was the touch of his dear hand, as he
stroked her brow and hair. He had sat down beside her and he drew her
head onto his shoulder. How gladly would she have fallen asleep like
that.... Yes, indeed, nothing else did she desire.... Then she heard him
whisper: "Darling."... She trembled softly.
Why was this the first time? Could she not have had all this before? Was
there a grain of sense in living as she did?... After all, there was
nothing wicked in what she was doing now.... And how sweet it was to feel
the breath of a young man upon her eyelids!... No, not--not the breath of
a young man... of a lover....
She had shut her eyes. She made not the slightest effort to open them
again, she had not the least desire to know where she was, or with whom
she was.... Who was it, after all?... Richard?... No.... Was she falling
asleep, then?... She was there with Emil.... With whom?... But who was
this Emil?... How hard it was to be clear as to who it was!... The breath
upon her eyelids was the breath of the man she had loved when a girl ...
and, at the same time, that of the celebrated artist who was soon to
give a concert ... and, at the same time, of a man whom she had not seen
for thousands and thousands of days ... and, at the same time, of a
gentleman with whom she was sitting alone in a restaurant, and who, at
that moment, could do with her just as he pleased.... She felt his kiss
upon her eyes.... How tender he was ... and how handsome.... But what did
he really look like, then?... She had only to open her eyes to be able to
see him quite plainly.... But she preferred to imagine what he was like,
without actually seeing him.... No, how funny--why, that was not in the
least like his face!... Of course, it was the face of the young waiter,
who had left the room a minute or two before.... But what did Emil look
like, after all?... Like this?... No, no, of course, that was Richard's
face.... But away ... away.... Was she then so low as to think of nothing
but other men while she ... was with him?... If she could only open her
eyes!... Ah!
She shook herself violently, so that she almost pushed Emil away--and
then she tore her eyes wide open.
Emil gazed at her, smiling.
"Do you love me?" he asked.
She drew him towards her and kissed him of her own accord.... It was the
first time that day that she had given him a kiss of her own accord, and
in doing so she felt that she was not acting in accordance with her
resolve of the morning.... She tried to think what that resolve had
been.... To compromise herself in no way; to deny herself.... Yes, there
had certainly been a time when that had been her wish, but why? She was
in love with him, really and truly; and the moment had arrived which she
had been awaiting for days.... No, for years!
Still their lips remained pressed together.... Ah, she longed to feel his
arms about her ... to be his, body and soul. She would not let him talk
any more ... he would have to take her unto himself.... He would have to
realize that no other woman could love him so well as she did....
Emil rose to his feet and paced up and down the little room a few times.
Bertha raised her glass of champagne to her lips again.
"No more, Bertha," said Emil, in a low tone.
Yes, he was right, she thought. What was she really doing? Was she going
to make herself drunk, then? Was there any need for that? After all, she
was accountable to no one, she was free, she was young; she was
determined to taste of happiness at last.
"Ought we not to be thinking of going?" said Emil.
Bertha nodded. He helped her to put on her jacket. She stood before the
mirror and stuck the pin through her hat. They went. The young waiter was
standing before the door; he bowed. A carriage was standing before the
gate; Bertha got in; she did not hear what instructions Emil gave the
driver. Emil took his seat by her side. Both were silent; they sat
pressing closely against each other. The carriage rolled on, a long, long
way. Wherever could it be, then, that Emil lived? But, perhaps, he had
purposely told the driver to take a circuitous route, knowing, no doubt,
how pleasant it was to drive together through the night like this.
The carriage pulled up. Emil got out.
"Give me your umbrella," he said.
She handed it out to him and he opened it. Then she got out and they both
stood under the shelter of the umbrella, on which the rain was rattling
down. Was this the street in which he lived? The door opened; they
entered the hall; Emil took a candle which the porter handed to him.
Before them was a fine broad staircase. When they reached the first floor
Emil opened a door. They passed through an ante-chamber into a
drawing-room. With the candle which he held in his hand Emil lighted two
others upon the table; then he went up to Bertha, who was still standing
in the doorway, as though waiting, and led her further into the room. He
took the pin out of her hat, and placed the hat upon the table. In the
uncertain light of the two feebly-burning candles, Bertha could only see
that a few coloured pictures were hanging on the wall--portraits of the
Emperor and Empress, so it appeared to her--that, on one side, was a
broad divan covered with a Persian rug and that, near the window, there
was an upright piano with a number of framed photographs on the lid.
Over the piano a picture was hanging, but Bertha was unable to make it
out. Yonder, she saw a pair of red curtains hanging down beside a door,
which was standing half open and through the broad folds something white
and gleaming could be seen within.
She could no longer restrain the question:
"Do you live here?"
"As you see."
She looked straight before her. On the table stood a couple of little
glasses, a decanter containing liqueur and a small epergne, loaded with
fruit and pastry.
"Is this your study?" asked Bertha.
Mechanically her eyes sought for a desk such as violin players use. Emil
put his arm round her waist and led her to the piano. He sat down on the
piano stool and drew her on to his knees.
"I may as well confess to you at once," he said to her, simply and almost
drily, "that really I do not live here. It was only for our own sake ...
that I have ... for a short while ... I deemed it prudent ... Vienna, you
know, is a small town, and I didn't want to take you into my house at
night-time."
She understood, but was not altogether satisfied. She looked up. She was
now able to see the outlines of the picture which was hanging above the
piano.... It was a naked female figure. Bertha had a curious desire to
examine the picture, close at hand.
"What is that?" she asked.
"It is not a work of art," said Emil.
He struck a match and held it up, so as to throw the light on the
picture. Bertha saw that it was merely a wretched daub, but at the same
time she felt that the painted woman, with the bold laughing eyes, was
looking down at her, and she was glad when the match went out.
"You might just play something to me upon the piano," said Emil.
She wondered at the coldness of his demeanour. Didn't he realize that
she was with him?... But, on the other hand, did she herself feel any
special emotion?... No.... A strange sadness seemed to come welling
forth from every corner of the room.... Why hadn't he rather taken her
to his own house?... What sort of a house was this, she wondered.... She
regretted now that she had not drunk more wine.... She wished that she
was not so sober....
"Well, won't you play something to me?" said Emil. "Just think how long
it is since I have heard you."
She sat down and struck a chord.
"Indeed, I have forgotten everything."
"Oh, do try!"
She played very softly Schumann's Albumblatt, and she remembered how, a
few days before, late in the evening, she had improvised as she was
sitting at home, and Klingemann had walked up and down in front of the
window. She could not help thinking also of the report that he had a
scandalous picture in his room. And involuntarily, she glanced up again
at the picture of the naked woman over the piano, but now the figure
seemed to be gazing into space.
Emil had brought a chair beside Bertha's. He drew her towards him and
kissed her while her fingers first continued to play, and at length
rested quietly upon the keys. Bertha heard the rain beating against the
window-panes and a sensation as of being at home came over her.
Then she felt as though Emil was lifting her up and carrying her. Without
letting her out of his arms he had stood up and was slowly bearing her
out of the room. She felt her right arm graze against the curtain.... She
kept her eyes closed; she could feel Emil's cool breath upon her hair....