FIRST SERVANT. Quick, quick, bring the dung-beetle his cake.
SECOND SERVANT. Coming, coming.
FIRST SERVANT. Give it to him, and may it kill him!
SECOND SERVANT. May he never eat a better.
FIRST SERVANT. Now give him this other one kneaded up with ass's dung.
SECOND SERVANT. There! I've done that too.
FIRST SERVANT. And where's what you gave him just now; surely he can't
have devoured it yet!
SECOND SERVANT. Indeed he has; he snatched it, rolled it between his feet
and boiled it.
FIRST SERVANT. Come, hurry up, knead up a lot and knead them stiffly.
SECOND SERVANT. Oh, scavengers, help me in the name of the gods, if you
do not wish to see me fall down choked.
FIRST SERVANT. Come, come, another made of the stool of a young
scapegrace catamite. 'Twill be to the beetle's taste; he likes it well
ground.[262]
SECOND SERVANT. There! I am free at least from suspicion; none will
accuse me of tasting what I mix.
FIRST SERVANT. Faugh! come, now another! keep on mixing with all your
might.
SECOND SERVANT. I' faith, no. I can stand this awful cesspool stench no
longer, so I bring you the whole ill-smelling gear.
FIRST SERVANT. Pitch it down the sewer sooner, and yourself with it.
SECOND SERVANT. Maybe, one of you can tell me where I can buy a
stopped-up nose, for there is no work more disgusting than to mix food
for a beetle and to carry it to him. A pig or a dog will at least pounce
upon our excrement without more ado, but this foul wretch affects the
disdainful, the spoilt mistress, and won't eat unless I offer him a cake
that has been kneaded for an entire day.... But let us open the door a
bit ajar without his seeing it. Has he done eating? Come, pluck up
courage, cram yourself till you burst! The cursed creature! It wallows in
its food! It grips it between its claws like a wrestler clutching his
opponent, and with head and feet together rolls up its paste like a
ropemaker twisting a hawser. What an indecent, stinking, gluttonous
beast! I know not what angry god let this monster loose upon us, but of a
certainty it was neither Aphrodité nor the Graces.
FIRST SERVANT. Who was it then?
SECOND SERVANT. No doubt the Thunderer, Zeus.
FIRST SERVANT. But perhaps some spectator, some beardless youth, who
thinks himself a sage, will say, "What is this? What does the beetle
mean?" And then an Ionian,[263] sitting next him, will add, "I think 'tis
an allusion to Cleon, who so shamelessly feeds on filth all by
himself."--But now I'm going indoors to fetch the beetle a drink.
SECOND SERVANT. As for me, I will explain the matter to you all,
children, youths, grown-ups and old men, aye, even to the decrepit
dotards. My master is mad, not as you are, but with another sort of
madness, quite a new kind. The livelong day he looks open-mouthed towards
heaven and never stops addressing Zeus. "Ah! Zeus," he cries, "what are
thy intentions? Lay aside thy besom; do not sweep Greece away!"
TRYGAEUS. Ah! ah! ah!
FIRST SERVANT. Hush, hush! Methinks I hear his voice!
TRYGAEUS. Oh! Zeus, what art thou going to do for our people? Dost thou
not see this, that our cities will soon be but empty husks?
FIRST SLAVE. As I told you, that is his form of madness. There you have a
sample of his follies. When his trouble first began to seize him, he said
to himself, "By what means could I go straight to Zeus?" Then he made
himself very slender little ladders and so clambered up towards heaven;
but he soon came hurtling down again and broke his head. Yesterday, to
our misfortune, he went out and brought us back this thoroughbred, but
from where I know not, this great beetle, whose groom he has forced me to
become. He himself caresses it as though it were a horse, saying, "Oh! my
little Pegasus,[264] my noble aerial steed, may your wings soon bear me
straight to Zeus!" But what is my master doing? I must stoop down to look
through this hole. Oh! great gods! Here! neighbours, run here quick! here
is my master flying off mounted on his beetle as if on horseback.
TRYGAEUS. Gently, gently, go easy, beetle; don't start off so proudly, or
trust at first too greatly to your powers; wait till you have sweated,
till the beating of your wings shall make your limb joints supple. Above
all things, don't let off some foul smell, I adjure you; else I would
rather have you stop in the stable altogether.
SECOND SERVANT. Poor master! Is he crazy?
TRYGAEUS. Silence! silence!
SECOND SERVANT (_to Trygaeus_). But why start up into the air on chance?
TRYGAEUS. 'Tis for the weal of all the Greeks; I am attempting a daring
and novel feat.
SECOND SERVANT. But what is your purpose? What useless folly!
TRYGAEUS. No words of ill omen! Give vent to joy and command all men to
keep silence, to close down their drains and privies with new tiles and
to stop their own vent-holes.[265]
FIRST SERVANT. No, I shall not be silent, unless you tell me where you
are going.
TRYGAEUS. Why, where am I likely to be going across the sky, if it be not
to visit Zeus?
FIRST SERVANT. For what purpose?
TRYGAEUS. I want to ask him what he reckons to do for all the Greeks.
SECOND SERVANT. And if he doesn't tell you?
TRYGAEUS. I shall pursue him at law as a traitor who sells Greece to the
Medes.[266]
SECOND SERVANT. Death seize me, if I let you go.
TRYGAEUS. It is absolutely necessary.
SECOND SERVANT. Alas! alas! dear little girls, your father is deserting
you secretly to go to heaven. Ah! poor orphans, entreat him, beseech him.
LITTLE DAUGHTER. Father! father! what is this I hear? Is it true? What!
you would leave me, you would vanish into the sky, you would go to the
crows?[267] 'Tis impossible! Answer, father, an you love me.
TRYGAEUS. Yes, I am going. You hurt me too sorely, my daughters, when you
ask me for bread, calling me your daddy, and there is not the ghost of an
obolus in the house; if I succeed and come back, you will have a barley
loaf every morning--and a punch in the eye for sauce!
LITTLE DAUGHTER. But how will you make the journey? 'Tis not a ship that
will carry you thither.
TRYGAEUS. No, but this winged steed will.
LITTLE DAUGHTER. But what an idea, daddy, to harness a beetle, on which
to fly to the gods.
TRYGAEUS. We see from Aesop's fables that they alone can fly to the abode
of the Immortals.[268]
LITTLE DAUGHTER. Father, father, 'tis a tale nobody can believe! that
such a stinking creature can have gone to the gods.
TRYGAEUS. It went to have vengeance on the eagle and break its eggs.
LITTLE DAUGHTER. Why not saddle Pegasus? you would have a more
_tragic_[269] appearance in the eyes of the gods.
TRYGAEUS. Eh! don't you see, little fool, that then twice the food would
be wanted? Whereas my beetle devours again as filth what I have eaten
myself.
LITTLE DAUGHTER. And if it fell into the watery depths of the sea, could
it escape with its wings?
TRYGAEUS (_showing his penis_). I am fitted with a rudder in case of
need, and my Naxos beetle will serve me as a boat.[270]
LITTLE DAUGHTER. And what harbour will you put in at?