1. YOUR forgiving our son at my request for having married a wife
without your knowledge I attribute to your natural affection rather
than to your regard for me; for it is better that natural affection
should have gained this from you than any one’s request. Assuredly it
is in the triumph of virtue that the priest’s petition has its chief
success, for he then obtains most when virtue is powerful, his petition
must always coincide with the dictates of natural affection. And
nature and your son obtained the more fully their request, in that the
consideration of requests is usually a brief matter, whereas the habit
of virtue is lasting and natural affection permanent.
2. It was indeed worthily done to recognize yourself to be a father,
particularly since your cause for indignation was a just one; for I
prefer to admit the fault, so that your fatherly indulgence may gain
higher praise; for it was as a father that you were offended; since you
had a claim to exercise the choice of your judgment as to one to whom
you were to become a father, and who was to be to you in the place of
a daughter. For we obtain children either by nature or adoption; in
nature it is a matter of chance; in adoption, of judgment; and we are
more liable to blame in the case of our adopted than of our natural
offspring; because it is ascribed to nature if our children by birth
should happen to be degenerate, but that those who become ours by
adoption or other such tie should prove unworthy of it is ascribed to
our own mistake. You had therefore cause of displeasure against your
son in this his choice of a wife to himself; you have also reason for
forgiving him. For you have obtained a daughter for yourself without
the danger of making a selection for yourself; if he has married well,
he has obtained for you this advantage; if he has been deceived, you
will make them better by receiving them into favour, but worse by
disowning them.
3. It is with riper judgment that a father chooses a bride for his
son, but when she is brought by the son to his father, when she enters
her father-in-law’s roof as the chosen of her husband, their purpose
of obedience is stronger, the son fearing lest his election should
be disapproved, the daughter-in-law that her attentions may not be
acceptable. While the distinction of the paternal choice elevates the
one, the other is humbled by the fear of giving offence and bowed down
by modesty. The son will not be able to throw blame on the wife, as
if he himself were not answerable for any of those causes of offence
which are wont to occur; on the contrary he will strive more diligently
to obtain approbation of his judgment in regard of his wife, of his
obedience in regard of himself.
4. You have therefore acted the part of a good parent and pardoned
readily, but still upon supplication; before this was made, you would
have been not pardoning but sanctioning. When this was done, to defer
pardon any longer would have been unprofitable to them and very painful
to yourself, for your paternal affection could no longer have held out.
Sidenote: Gen. xxii. 6.
5. Determined by motives of high devotion, Abraham, obeying the
oracle of God, offered his son for a whole burnt sacrifice; and, as
if destitute of natural affection, drew his sword, that no delay might
obscure the brightness of the offering. But when he was commanded to
spare his son he willingly sheathed his sword, and he who with this
faithful intention was hastening to offer up his only son with still
more zealous piety hastened to substitute a ram as a sacrifice.
Sidenote: Ib. xliv. 15.
♦7. Joseph also, in order to get his younger brother to him, feigned
anger against his brethren on the plea that they had concerted an act
of fraud. But when Judah, one of his brethren, fell at his feet, while
the others wept, he was moved and overcome by fraternal affection and
was no longer able to maintain his assumed severity, but sending away
all witnesses he told them they were his brethren, and he that very
Joseph whom they had sold. He added that he remembered not his own
wrong, making brotherly excuses for the malice of their betrayal of
him, and referring what was so blameworthy to higher and deeper causes;
forasmuch as by the providence of God it must needs so have been, to
the end that by passing over into Egypt he might supply his kindred’s
need of provisions from another country, and in the time of dearth
assist in supporting his father and his father’s sons.
Sidenote: 2 Sam. xiv. 22.
8. And what shall I say of holy David, who at the petition of one woman
suffered his mind to be softened, and with paternal compassion received
into his house his degenerate son, stained with his brother’s blood?
Sidenote: S. Luke xv. 22.
9. So that father in the Gospel, when the younger son had spent all
the substance he had received from his father by riotous living, yet
when he returned confessing that he had sinned against him, moved by
the humility of a single sentence, gave him an affectionate greeting,
fell upon his neck, commanded the best robe and a ring and shoes to be
brought forth, and having thus honoured him with a kiss, and loaded him
with gifts, entertained him with a sumptuous banquet.
10. You have become an imitator of these by that parental affection
whereby we approach nearest to the Divine likeness, and therefore
I have exhorted our daughter that, though it be winter, she should
undertake the toil of the journey, for that she will pass the winter
more commodiously not only in the mansion, but also in the bosom of her
father, now that wrath has given place to pardon. Moreover, that you
may fully assimilate yourself to the likeness and pattern of the saints,
you have accused those who by concocted falsehoods endeavoured to
excite your mind against your son.
Farewell; love me, for I also love you.