I was so tired of everybody talkin’ at me--
Oh I don’t want to tell you any more--
I’m crazy with her hollerin’.
You know the rest--I squeezed his eyes out--
’Cause he was lookin’ at me
When I let him in--after his hammerin’--
Then they brought me here--
Doctor, I’ve told you everything.
Doctor, let me out!
Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
_HER SECRET_
My secret and I stand here in front of the glass.
We are bedecking ourselves for an evening of gayety.
We look down and make our lips smile--
We look up and make ourselves laugh,
And then we turn and look into the glass again
To see if others will believe that our eyes are smiling too.
How long will it last, the evening?
It will be three hours at least, maybe four.
There will be music and bright dresses and clinking and chattering
And everybody will laugh; there will be a great deal of laughter.
Everybody will go about with smiling lips,
But if you stop and look
You will see that everybody’s eyes are hungry.
None of them shall know my secret
No one knows that--
Not any one in all the world.
There was one other knew
But he is dead.
I heard that he was dead just now--
A little while ago--
Just a few minutes ago by the clock.
I was putting on my beautiful dress
When I heard a list read out from the paper, many names,
A long, long list.
I went on fastening my embroidered slippers
While they read and read--
It came while I was buttoning my gloves, my long gloves;
There are a number of buttons.
No one shall guess my secret.
There is a woman somewhere,
I do not know where she is;
But all her friends are hastening,
Coming from all about
To surround her with their melancholy faces.
Soon they will get for her a black dress and a long black veil.
They will lead her faltering to a church,
Her two wondering children held to her side, one by each hand.
She will be very important.
They will say beautiful things about him--
Beautiful sad things--
And all the time, hid by her long black veil,
Her eyes will be smiling--smiling.
And what have I of him?
What shall I take with me to the party?
Only the memory of that last dawn
When I gave him all and bade him go.
_A LITTLE GIRL_
I
I see a little girl sitting bent over
On a white stone door-step.
In the street are other children running about;
The shadows of the waving trees flicker on their white dresses.
Some one opens the door of the house
And speaks to the child on the steps.
She looks up and asks an eager question.
The figure shakes her head and shuts the door.
The child covers up her face
To hide her tears.
II
Three children are playing in a garden--
Two boys and an awe-struck little girl;
They have plastered the summer-house with clay,
Making it an unlovely object.
A grown-up person comes along the path.
The little girl runs to her and stops,
Asking the same question--“Where is my Mother?”
The grown-up person does not make any answer.
She looks at the summer-house and passes along the path.
The little girl goes slowly into the house
And climbs the stairs.
III
The little girl is alone in the garden.
A white-haired lady of whom she is afraid
Comes to find her and tell her a joyful thing.
The little girl runs to the nursery.
The young nurse is doing her hair in front of the glass.
The little girl sees how white her neck is
And her uplifted arms.
Tomorrow they will be gone--they will not be here--
They are going to find--Her.
The young nurse turns and smiles
And takes the little girl in her arms.
IV
The little girl is travelling on a railway train,
Everything rushes by very fast,--
Houses, and children in front of them,
Children who are just staying at home.
The train cannot go fast enough,
The little girl is saying over and over again,
“My Mother--My onliest Mother--
I am coming to you, coming very fast.”
V
The little girl looks up at a great red building
With a great doorway.
It opens and the little girl is led in,
Looking all about her.
A Lady in a white dress and white cap comes.
After a long time
A man in a black coat comes in.
He says “She is not well enough, I am afraid.”
The little girl is led away.
She always remembers the words
The man in the black coat said.
VI
The little girl is waiting in the big hallway,
In the house of the white-haired lady.
At the end of the path she can see the summer-house
With its queer grey cover.
The hall clock ticks very slowly.
The hands must go all around again
Before the mother will come.
Now it is night.
The little girl is lying in her bed.
There is a piano going somewhere downstairs.
She is telling herself a story and waiting.
Soon She will come in at the door.
There will be a swift shaft of light
Across the floor.
And She will come in with a rustling sound.
She will lie down on the bed
And the little girl will stroke her dress and crinkle it
To make the sound again.
Pretty soon the mother will step slowly and softly to the door,
And quietly turn the handle.
The little girl will speak and stop her,
Asking something she has asked many times before,--“My Father?”
But the mother has never anything to answer.
VII
The mother and the little girl are sitting together sewing.
Outside there is snow.
A woman with a big white apron
Comes to the door of the room and speaks.
The mother drops her work on the floor
And runs down the stairs.
The little girl stands at the head of the stairs
And cries out “My Father!” but no one hears.
They pass along the hall--
The little girl creeps down the stairs,
But the door is closed.
VIII
The little girl is held and rocked,
Held so tightly it hurts her.
She moves herself free.
Then quickly she puts her face up close,
And there is a taste of salt on her tongue.
IX
In a bed in an upper chamber,
A bed with high curtains,
A woman sits bowed over.
Her hair streams over her shoulders,
Her arms are about two children.
The older one is trying to say comforting things,
The little girl wants to slip away,--
There are so many people at the foot of the bed--
Out of the window, across the yellow river
There are houses climbing up the hillside.
The little girl wonders if anything like this
Is happening in any of those houses.
X
Many children and grown-up people
Are standing behind their chairs around a bright table
Waiting for the youngest child to say grace.
It is very troublesome for the youngest child
To get the big words out properly.
The little girl interrupts and says the grace quickly.
The white-haired lady of whom the little girl is afraid
Is angry.
The little girl breaks away and runs
To the room of the bed with the high curtains.
She rushes in--
The room is empty.
She comes back to the table,
But she does not dare to ask the question.
She remembers the great red building
With the great doorway.
XI
The little girl is trying to read a fairy story.
There is nobody in the garden.
There is nobody in the house but the white-haired lady.
Someone comes to tell her her father is there--
She does not want to see him,
She is afraid.
XII
The front door is open.
There is rain, leaves are whirling about.
A carriage with two horses
And a coachman high up, holding a long whip,
Stands waiting in front of the door.
The little girl is holding onto the banisters.
They take away her hands from the banisters
And lead her to the carriage in front of the door.
Someone gets in behind her,
The carriage door is shut,
The little girl draws herself to the far corner.
They drive away.
The little girl looks back out of the window.
XIII
The little girl is in a strange house
Where there are young men called uncles
Who talk to her and laugh.
A large lady sits by the table and knits and smiles,
In her basket are different coloured balls of wool,
Pretty colours, but not enough to make a pattern.
There is a curly soft little black dog
That hides under the table.
The uncles pull him out,
And he tries to hold onto the carpet with his claws.
The little girl laughs--
But at the sound she turns away
And goes up to her room and shuts the door.
Pretty soon the large lady comes to her
And takes her on her lap and rocks and sings.
* * * * *
XIV
The little girl has grown taller,
She is fair and sweet and ready for love,
But over her is a great fear
As she remembers her mother’s weeping.
THE END