ON THE CONTEMPT OF SELF: HOW IT IS ACQUIRED: ITS PROFIT TO THE SOUL
The more truly a man knows his own misery, the more fully and clearly
does he behold the majesty of God. The more vile he is in his own eyes
for the sake of God, of truth, and of justice, the more worthy of esteem
is he in the eyes of God.
Strive earnestly, therefore, to look on thyself as utterly contemptible,
to think thyself unworthy of any benefit, to be displeasing in thine own
eyes, but pleasing to God. Desire that others should regard thee as
vile and mean.
Learn not to be troubled in tribulations, afflictions, injuries; not to
be incensed against those that inflict them, nor to entertain thoughts
of resentment against them. Try, on the contrary, sincerely to believe
thyself worthy of all injuries, contempt, ill-treatment and scorn.
In truth, he who for God's sake is filled with sorrow and compunction
dreads to be honoured and loved by another. He does not refuse to be an
object of hatred, or shrink from being trodden under foot and despised
as long as he lives, in order that he may practise real humility and
cleave in purity of heart to God alone.
It does not require exterior labour or bodily health to love God only,
to hate oneself more than all, to desire to seem little in the eyes of
others: what is needed is rather repose of the senses, the effort of the
heart, silence of the mind.
It is by labouring with the heart, by the inward aspiration of the soul,
that thou wilt learn to forsake the base things of earth and to rise to
what is heavenly and Divine.
Thus wilt thou become transformed in God, and this the more speedily if,
in all sincerity, without condemning or despising thy neighbour, thou
desirest to be regarded by all as a reproach and scandal--nay, even to
be abhorred as filthy mire, rather than possess the delights of earth,
or be honoured and exalted by men, or enjoy any advantage or happiness
in this fleeting world.
Have no other desire in this perishable life of the body, no other
consolation than unceasingly to weep over, regret and detest thy
offences and faults.
Learn utterly to despise thyself, to annihilate thyself and to appear
daily more contemptible in the eyes of others.
Strive to become even more unworthy in thine own eyes, in order to
please God alone, to love Him only and cling to Him.
Concern not thyself with anything except thy Lord Jesus Christ, Who
ought to reign alone in thy affections. Have no solicitude or care save
for Him Whose power and Providence give movement and being to all
things.[76]
It is not now the time to rejoice but rather to lament with all the
sincerity of thy heart.
If thou canst not weep, sorrow at least that thou hast no tears to shed;
if thou canst, grieve the more because by the gravity of thy offences
and number of thy sins thou art thyself the cause of thy grief. A man
under sentence of death does not trouble himself as to the dispositions
of his executioners; so he who truly mourns and sheds the tears of
repentance, refrains from delight, anger, vainglory, indignation, and
every like passion.
Citizens and criminals are not lodged in like abodes; so also the life
and conduct of those whose faults call for sighs and tears should not
resemble those of men who have remained innocent and have nothing to
expiate.
Were it otherwise, how would the guilty, great though their crimes may
have been, differ in their punishment and expiation from the innocent?
Iniquity would then be more free than innocence. Renounce all,
therefore, contemn all, separate thyself from all, that thou mayest lay
deep the foundations of sincere penance.
He who truly loves Jesus Christ, and sorrows for Him, who bears Him in
his heart and in his body, will have no thought, or care, or solicitude
for aught else. Such a one will sincerely mourn over his sins and
offences, will long after eternal happiness, will remember the Judgment
and will think diligently on his last end in lowly fear. He, then, who
wishes to arrive speedily at a blessed impassibility and to reach God,
counts that day lost on which he has not been ill-spoken of and
despised.
What is this impassibility but freedom from the vices and passions,
purity of heart, the adornment of virtue?
Count thyself as already dead, since thou must needs die some day.
And now, but one word more. Let this be the test of thy thoughts, words,
and deeds. If they render thee more humble, more recollected in God,
more strong, then they are according to God. But if thou findest it
otherwise, then fear lest all is not according to God, acceptable to
Him, or profitable to thyself.