A Memorandum containing a list of rules to be observed during the autumn
manoeuvres has just been issued. By some strange mistake, the
following regulations (which evidently must have appeared in the
original document) have been omitted. They are now published for the
first time:--
1. Recruits of tender years will not be allowed to draw their bayonets.
This rule does not apply to fine growing lads of twelve years old.
2. Buglers will not sound their bugles except by special command of
Generals of Divisions. The above-mentioned officers are reminded (for
their instruction and guidance) that copper is expensive and should be
used as little as possible.
3. Boots will not be worn by the infantry on any march exceeding three
miles. Commanding officers are cautioned that shoe-leather has recently
greatly increased in value.
4. In the event of two members of the umpire staff being unable to come
to an agreement about the respective colours of black and white, they
will "draw lots;" _id est_, one of them will throw into the air a coin
of the realm, and before the coin is able to reach the ground, the other
will give the word either "heads" or "tails." The choice of cries will
be optional. Gold coins will be used by general officers, silver by
field officers, and halfpence by all other ranks.
5. Dismounted cavalry will not be allowed to pursue retiring infantry on
horseback, unless so ordered by the Commanding Officers of the 83rd
(County of Dublin), 85th (the King's County Down), the Connaught
Rangers, and the Royal Irish Fusiliers.
6. Should a regiment of infantry halt within two hundred yards of six
hostile batteries of artillery to watch the practice, or for any other
purpose of instruction, one-tenth of the battalion will be marched to
the rear, and will be considered _hors de combat_ during the remainder
of the campaign.
7. A village containing one pioneer, one drummer (or bugler) and a
quarter-master-sergeant, will be considered fully garrisoned. It will be
seen that rules of war are to be followed in every particular, down to
the very smallest details, by all concerned in the campaign.
8. As in the previous series of autumn manoeuvres, _at least_, "five
minutes' notice" will be given when the army is required to march five
miles, or to perform any other military duty requiring zeal, steadiness,
and an intimate acquaintance with "Field Exercises, Edition of 1874,
Part I."
* * * * *
SOLVED AT LAST.--_Jawkins._ Why do they always call sailors "tars"?
_Pawkins._--Because they're so accustomed to the pitching of the ship.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Bluejacket_ (_who has been hauled twice round the sick
bay, yelling inarticulately, by the surgeon with the forceps_). "Why,
you 'ad me by the tongue!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A VERBAL DIFFICULTY.
_Irritable Captain._ "Your barrel's disgracefully dirty, sir, and it's
not the first time; I've a good mind to----"
_Private Flannigan._ "Shure, sor, I niver----"
_Captain_ (_Irish too_). "Silence, sir, when you spake to an officer!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ROYAL SALUTE.--_Officer in charge of battery_ (_in a
fever lest the time of firing should be a second late_). "Why, what are
you about, No. 6? Why don't you serve the sponge?"
_Bombardier McGuttle._ "Hoots toots! Can na' a body blaw their nose?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: TACTICS.
_Instructor._ "Well, gentlemen, I have endeavoured to explain to you the
theoretical principles governing the movements of the various portions
of a combined force; but I must warn you, that, in practice on an
ordinary field-day, you will probably find it result in hopeless
confusion; while on active service it will be ten times worse!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: CONCLUSIVE!
_Volunteer Colonel_ (_swell brewer_). "I'm afraid, Mr. Jenkins, you had
been indulging in potations that were too strong for you!"
[_Private J. was being "called over the coals" for insubordination at
the inspection._]
_Private Jenkins_ (_who is still wearing his bayonet on the wrong
side_). "Oh, I couldn't have been drunk, sir, for I never had no more
than one pint o' your ale all the blessed day!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Register-keeper._ "Major Jones first to count. A
miss--nothing."
_Major Jones._ "I say, sergeant, that's almost an Irish bull, I fancy!"
_Register-keeper._ "No, sorr, just a simple English miss!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: OUR YEOMANRY.
_Sergeant Major._ "Number three, where's your sword?"
_Recruit_ (_who finds practice very different from theory_). "On the
ground. Carn't see 'un?"]
* * * * *