_Interested Patron._ So I see you lost an arm in the battle.
_An Atkins ("back from the Front")._ Ay, sir, and my companion here
_(indicating Atkins No. 2)_ he lost a leg.
_Patron._ And your Colonel--in the same battle, eh?
_Atkins No. 2._ Ah! he was worse off than either of us, sir; he lost his
head.
* * * * *
ARMY CHAPLAINS.--Wouldn't they be all doubly serviceable in time of war
if they were all canons?
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Bluejacket (in charge of party of sightseers)._ "Here
Nelson fell."
_Old Lady._ "An' I don't wonder at it, poor dear. Nasty slippery place!
I nearly fell there myself!"]
* * * * *
"THE BLACK WATCH"
The Black Watch will go night and day.
The Black Watch can be depended upon in any climate.
The Black Watch always keeps time.
The Black Watch is never out of gear.
The Black Watch wants no "winding up."
The Black Watch can be warranted for any period.
* * * * *
_Historian of the War (to Private of the Dublin Fusiliers)._ Now tell
me, my man, what struck you most at the battle of Colenso?
_P. of D. F._ Begorra, sorr, fwhat shtruck me mosht was the shower of
bullets that missed me.
* * * * *
A MYSTERY FROM SHOEBURY.--When does the cannon ball? When the
Vickers-Maxim.
* * * * *
"Yes, my dear Lavinia," says Mrs. Ramsbotham, rather annoyed with her
niece, "I _do_ know perfectly well what a soldier's 'have-a-snack' is.
It is so-called because he carries his lunch in it. No, my dear, I am
not so ignorant as you may think."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Fond Mother (reading letter from only son at the
front)._ "Charlie says our Generals are perfect idiots!"]
* * * * *