I have some material here I wish to exchange—I say I have—Will you
kindly wait on me?—Busy?—I have some—Now, I must be waited on; I’m in
a great hurry! Oh, very well. I have some material here I wish to
exchange. It’s marquisette, but it isn’t the right shade. Not
marquisette?—Chiffon marquisine? Well, I don’t care if it’s
linsey-woolsey! I want to exchange it, or rather, return it. No, I don’t
have a charge account; I want the money back. Please give it to me
quickly. I’m going to a matinée—What! You can’t take it back here? I
must go to the desk? Why, I bought it here, right at this counter, of
that thin girl with the hectic flush. She doesn’t look well, does she?
She ought to go to some good sanatorium. Well, you see this chiffon, or
whatever it is, is the wrong shade. I asked for elephant’s breath, and
this is more on the shade of frightened mouse. It doesn’t match my satin
at all.—Oh, dear, how unaccommodating you are! Well, where is the desk?
Ask the floor-walker? Oh, very well!—Please direct me to the desk. What
desk? I don’t know, I’m sure! Any desk will suit me. I want to return
some goods that doesn’t match my own material, and you know, this
season, if—Near the rear door?—Of course they’d put it as far away as
possible!
Is this the exchange desk? Well, I want to return this piece of
goods—Oh, no! It isn’t soiled! That’s the original color. Frightened
mice often look soiled when they’re not at all! Yes, that is the name!
No, it isn’t taupe, nor mode, nor steel common, it’s just frightened
mouse. I can carry colors in my eye just like an artist. Now it doesn’t
matter what color it is, anyway, for it’s the wrong color!—Cut off the
piece? Of course it’s cut off the piece! There’s two yards and a half of
it—Remnant? No, it was not! I don’t buy leftovers!—Then you can’t
change it? Well, come to think, maybe it was a remnant! Yes, I believe
it was! I don’t often get them, but this just matched my satin,—I mean
it didn’t match my satin, and that’s why I bought it. No, I mean—well,
anyway, I want to return it.—Had it a long time? Well, I couldn’t help
that! The dressmaker disappointed me,—that is, I had to go to some
bridge parties and things unexpectedly, so I had to put her off. But the
minute she pinned it on the pattern I saw it was the wrong shade.
Pinholes in it? Nonsense! They don’t show. Of course we had to pin it.
Seems to me you’re making a lot of fuss about a simple exchange—I mean
a return. I’d like the money back at once. A credit check? No, I want
the money; I haven’t any with me, because I depended on getting this.
What! You don’t give back the money? Why, it says in your
advertisements, “Satisfaction given or money refunded.” Some other shop?
Well, I’m sure I thought it was this shop that did that or I’d never
have bought the stuff here! Rules? Regulations? Oh, dear! Well, then,
take it and give me a credit check. Yes, I’ll sign my name! Dear me,
what a lot of red tape! I suppose you have to go through all this to
keep from being swindled—Yes, that’s my name and address.
Now, can I get anything in the store for this check? Why, that’s rather
fun! Seems as if you were giving it to me for nothing! Oh, how pretty
that chiffon looks as you hold it up to the light! Do you know, it
doesn’t match my satin, but it would go beautifully with my voile gown,
and I want that made over. I do believe I’d better keep it. It was a
good bargain, I remember. I wonder if it would match it. I’m sure it
would,—I carry colors in my eye so well,—and it’s a lovely quality. I
think, if you please, I’ll take it back. What, sign my name again? Well,
there, I’ve signed off again. My! it’s like going to law or a divorce
court,—not that I’ve ever done either, and, after this experience, I
hope I never shall! But just hold that stuff up again. Oh, now that
they’ve turned on the electrics, it’s a totally different shade! Oh, I
don’t want it now at all! Can’t you turn off the lights again? I’d no
idea it was getting so late!—Oh, well, if you’re going to be
disagreeable, I’ll take it, then. The value is nothing at all to me! My
husband is a prosperous broker. Yes, I’ll take it. Please send it home
for me, and if I don’t like it when I get it, I’ll send it back.