The _Times_ has an article this morning upon the quality of Virginia
tobacco. It speaks with great respect of the authority of Ex-Governor
HENRY A. WISE upon that subject.
Mr. GLADSTONE was affected last night with a severe pain in his stomach.
On going to his place in the House, he was overheard to say, "It must
have been that cabbage." This morning he is better.
10 A.M. Mr. GLADSTONE did not say, "It was that cabbage;" but, "It was
those beans."
12 A.M. Right Hon. Mr. GLADSTONE is not any better. It is now doubtful
whether it was the beans or the cabbage.
2 P.M. The Right Hon. W.E. GLADSTONE is a little better, but ate only a
light dinner. Mr. BRIGHT thinks it was the beans.
Now, my dear PUNCHINELLO, by this time I began to think it _must be_ the
beans, and so I sent word to my despi-telegraphic correspondent that
_that would do_. And so it will, also, from your correspondent,
--PRIME.
* * * * *
Women's Rights, Again.
Denver is said to be all agog about a performer named ANNIE CORELLA, who
plays solos on the cornet. This is the latest manifestation of the
Women's Rights movement, brass instruments having hitherto been played
exclusively by masculine lips and lungs. "Blowing" through brass is very
characteristic of the advocates of Women's Emancipation; and the next
thing we shall hear, perhaps, is that the ladies of the _Revolution_
have organized themselves into a brass band, and taken to serenading
HORACE GREELEY.
* * * * *
Latest Fashionable Intelligence from the Plains,
INDIANS' war-(w)hoops.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PNEUMATIC TUBE.
EX-PRESSURE OF THE FUTURE.
THEY SAY THE SPHERES MUST BE TIGHTLY PACKED, AND THIS HOW IT IS
GOING TO BE--WHEN THEY CARRY PASSENGERS.]
[Illustration: PROPHETIC VIEW OF THE INTERIOR.]
* * * * *
Our Future.
PUNCHINELLO believes in a future. He believes in it first for himself,
second for his country, and third for other people. He considers his own
future very good and gorgeous, of course. He considers that of his
country as very hopeful. It has room to grow, and grows. It has appetite
to eat by day and to sleep by night. It eats and sleeps. It rises in the
morning refreshed and lively. It washes its face in the Atlantic, and
its feet in the Pacific. It raises great eagles, great lakes and rivers,
and has a very large, and wise, and honest Congress. Its members of
Congress are all pure, unsullied men. Not a stain rests on their proud,
marble-like brows--not much. The future of PUNCHINELLO will be, to
borrow from the poet, a "big thing." Its genial, mellow, shining face
will continue to beam through uncounted ages--as long as beams can be
procured, at whatever cost. Its good things will be household words as
long as households are held. It will keep its temper very sweet, its age
very green, and its flavor very sparkling. It will help the country to
get on in its future, and be always glad to give government a good turn.
If government wants any money, it will be PUNCHINELLO'S pleasure and
privilege to launch it out. PUNCHINELLO has faith in countries and
governments, and thinks if such matters were not in existence, its own
prosperity would be affected. It therefore says to government, "Go
on--be good, and you'll be happy. Grow up in the way you are bent, and
when you get old, you'll be there." It sees a gigantic future for the
country. It sees the Polar sea running with warm water, the North Pole
maintaining a magnificent perpendicularity, and the Equinoctial Line
extended all around the earth, including Hoboken and Hull. It sees its
millions of people happy in their golden (greenback and currency)
prosperity, and also happy in a full supply of PUNCHINELLO to every
family. It sees its favorite Bird of Freedom spread its wings from Maine
to Oregon; from Alaska to the Gulf, and it trusts its wings will not be
hurt or lose a single feather in the spread. It sees
itself--PUNCHINELLO, not COLUMBIA--enter upon its thousandth volume as
youthful and pretty as a June rose, and as vigorous as a colt. It sees
the time when one Fourth of July will not go round the national family,
and from two to half a dozen will have to be provided.
* * * * *
Mind your P's and Q's.
Committees of State Legislatures are apt to use very slip-shod English
in drafting their bills. This should not be. How can they expect to
Parse a bill unless it is couched in grammatical language?
* * * * *
Taking a Senator's Measure.
Apropos of a recent debate in the Senate at Washington, a paragraph
states that "CARPENTER made SUMNER seem very small." The carpenter who
made SUMNER is not to blame for this. In the first place, Mr. SUMNER'S
Measures are very difficult to take. In the second place, the best
Cabinet-makers have failed to make Mr. SUMNER appear very large. In the
third and last place, Ebony, which is the only wood with which Mr.
SUMNER has any affinity, is a mighty hard material to work, even when
treated with the application of a Fifteenth Amendment.
* * * * *
The Maine Question in Massachusetts.
If New-York has had but little skating during the past winter,
Massachusetts just now displays a good deal of backsliding. Her
legislators have "gone back on" their liquor-bill, which they have
modified to suit their habits, and, should it become law, the druggists
of the Bay State will be at liberty to sell Bay and every other kind of
rum in quantities to suit purchasers. _Sic semper_ Massachusetts! the
English of which is, that Massachusetts will always keep Sick so long as
liquor is to be had for physic.
* * * * *
Trying to the Patients.
It is widely stated, though we cannot vouch for it as a fact, that the
poultices used in St. Luke's Hospital are supplied from the too
celebrated pavement of Fifth Avenue.
* * * * *
"Cometh up as a Flower."
It is stated that Père HYACINTHE is about to take a wife.
That's right--Pair, HYACINTHE.
* * * * *