Seven Years of Preparation
Although God had given me a very clear, definite call to the ministry, and
had made very plain his purpose in regard to me, yet he did not immediately
send me out to preach the gospel. Nearly seven years elapsed between the
call and the sending--years in which the Lord led me and in which occurred
a number of incidents that had a very important influence on my life. These
together with some other incidents connected with them, which occurred in
after years, will be related in this chapter.
About the time of my call to the ministry, but whether shortly before or
soon afterwards, I do not remember, I was again confined to my bed from
September to March. During a part of this time I was entirely helpless; but
oh, with how much greater fortitude did I bear my sickness now than I did
in my fifteenth year! God in his infinite love and mercy had brought about
a wonderful change. Instead of being tortured and tormented, and in
desperation wishing myself dead, the nearer I approached death, the happier
I became. At times it seemed that the angels were hovering over me. One
night I dreamed that my time had come and that I swooned away, falling into
my sister's arms. I thought I heard Sister say, "Mother, she is dying."
"Sister," I asked, "do you call this death?" "Yes," was the reply. "If this
is death," I answered, "I could die always; it is so sweet, so heavenly, so
satisfying."
But my couch at this time was not altogether a bed of roses. I suffered
greatly and was easily discouraged. I realized that I needed much help and
wished that God would in some way send me consolation. The voice of God's
Spirit spoke directly to my soul, "If I send you consolation in a dream,
will you accept it?" I answered, "Yes, Lord, any way."
That night I dreamed that I was in Father's yard, under a shade tree.
Looking around me, I saw some things that were not pleasant; but when it
occurred to me to look at myself, I found that I was robed in pure white.
My soul was stirred as by heavenly music. Although I had never been able to
sing, yet now I felt as though I could not keep from trying. My voice rang
out like the clear notes of a nightingale; and all at once I was joined by
a myriad of heavenly voices. The air was full of music. Peal after peal of
the heavenly anthem struck upon my ear, and in my dream I exclaimed, "Is
heaven so near the earth as this? Surely I hear the angels singing! Such
music I have never heard upon earth!" Then I awoke with this scripture
sounding in my ears: "The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that
fear him and delivereth them." Without a doubt, the angels were around me.
The strength and comfort I received in my soul that night were like
Elijah's meal, in the strength of which he went forty days. Even now, the
thought of my experience sends a thrill of heavenly encouragement to my
soul.
One evening when I was about twenty-three years old, we were having family
worship, and all the saved members of the family had prayed; I felt
impressed that if we should have a second season of prayer, God would do
something unusual for us. As the different members of the family were
praying the second time, my youngest Brother, George, ten years old, was
being deeply wrought upon by the Spirit of God. He arose from his knees and
started to my chair. As he was in his stocking feet, and moved noiselessly
across the floor, nobody saw him. Before he got to my chair his heart
failed him, and he went back to where he had been kneeling. Again the
Spirit of God worked upon his heart stronger than before; he came to where
I was kneeling and said, "Mary, I want to be saved too." We immediately
called upon God in his behalf; the Lord wonderfully saved him; and after
that he took part in family worship.
God had now given me such a love for my younger brothers that when they got
into their little troubles they would come to me for help and consolation,
as Mother with her large family and many cares had but little time to
devote to their spiritual welfare. This small burden that God placed on me
was doubtless for my good. When the boys got into little quarrels, they
would come to me, and I would say to them, "Do you know the scripture,
'Only by pride cometh contention'?" "Yes." "Do you know what the matter is
then?" "Yes, I am up a little." "Do you know what you have to do?" "Yes, to
get down." And soon their difficulty would be settled. God wonderfully
blessed my soul in thus helping my younger brothers; and all unaware to
myself, I was being prepared for my future work.
I believe that I, as much as most children, always honored my father; and,
after I was saved, I believe I honored him as much as God required. In the
incidents I am now about to relate, I mean to cast no reflection upon the
memory of my father, now many years gone to his final reward; but I tell
them that they may prove a blessing to others.
My father was not living a Christian life satisfactory even to himself;
and, as a result, the enemy could at times use him as his instrument.
Nervous and afflicted as I was in my childhood days, I was afraid of Father
when he yielded to the enemy; but after I was saved the Lord gave me much
help on this line. At times however, when Father was much under the
influence of the enemy, the trials were so severe that Mother and I
frequently had to seek God for help two or three times a day. The Lord
always came to our rescue and lifted us above the trial. When Father showed
his better self, he was very dear to all of us.
When my brother Harley was about fourteen years of age, he was saved and
living as true a Christian life as one would expect of a boy his age. It
seemed at this time that the enemy was especially operating through Father
to crush and discourage the child. God stirred up my soul to protect him
and to keep him from giving way entirely. One day Harley went on an errand
for Father and the mule that he rode accidentally got his ankle hurt. When
he returned, Father was very much displeased, and said to my brother, "If
you can do no better than that, you had better go to bed."
This was in the evening. I picked up the family Bible, walked across the
room to my father and said, "We are all willing to go to bed, but we
usually have family worship first. Won't you read and pray?" "You can read
and pray yourself if you want to," said he. So I sat down and read, and
then we knelt down and prayed; God's power came like a mighty wave from the
glory world, filling the room. When we arose from our knees Father had
disappeared.
A few minutes later, when one of my brothers went to the barn, Father said
to him, "What is that noise at the house?" My brother answered, "God has
given us the victory, and Mary is shouting." "Well," said Father, "that
won't do the mule any good;" but the boy answered quickly, "Well, we
weren't praying for the mule," and Father never said anything more about
the injury to the mule.
At another time Harley was lying very sick, and the enemy stirred Father up
to treat him cruelly. He told my brother that if he didn't get up, he would
give him a good whipping. He started to get the whip. In the meanwhile, my
soul was stirred to its limit; God seemed to move my very being to protect
the child. I knew that he was really sick and that the enemy was using
Father for his own purpose.
I went into the room where my brother was lying and stood near him. When
father returned, he could see me standing by the head of the old-fashioned
bedstead near one of its high posts. He knew by my looks that I was there
to shield the sick boy. He ordered me out, but I made no reply. He tried to
remove me by force from where I was standing; but I held on to the bedpost
until finally by a strong jerk he succeeded in loosing my hold and gave me
a push that threw me across the floor a number of feet away, where I fell
and went to praying. God answered prayer, and gave us the victory, and
Father left the room without another word. Before beginning to resist
Father, I had made up my mind to take the whipping myself, rather than see
my sick brother imposed upon; but God intervened, and I did not have to
suffer. Every time I interfered, Father seemed to realize that it was not
I, but God who was reproving him.
I was now about twenty-four or twenty-five years of age and I felt that the
Lord wanted me to make a few suggestions to Father about his treatment of
me. I told him that he should be careful lest he lay himself liable to the
law. He answered me harshly, but it seemed that God put his fear on him,
for that was the last time Father became violent toward me.
Shortly before my healing, which will be described in the next chapter, I
had a very peculiar dream in which I saw the whole family sitting at the
table eating. Father held in his hand an iron mallet which he began to
motion in a threatening way toward Mother. I thought that he intended to
take her life with the mallet. Then I thought, "Mother has been so good and
kind to me that I can not bear to stay in the room and see this deed done."
I started for the door. As I went, God spoke to me, saying, "Pray; ask for
the strength of a Samson, if need be; and I will give it." I began praying
and God answered. His strength and power came over me. I can not express
how strong I felt as I went to my father, took the iron mallet out of his
hand. He was like a little child in my hands. I held him until he promised
he would never do so again; and all the while his face was twitching with
fear, and he was trembling like a leaf.
When I was healed, God put much of his divine power into both my soul and
body. It seemed that I was just filled with God and that I thrilled with
his presence, until at times I was not on earth, but rather in heaven. At
one such time Father began to bring false accusations against Harley. His
unkind manner, as well as the false charges, showed that he was actuated by
a wrong spirit. God seemed to again stir my soul to speak in behalf of the
boy. At first Father did not comprehend that God was talking through me,
and spoke roughly; but he soon realized that God was using my lips of clay;
the fear of the Lord came upon him, and he trembled like a leaf. I saw that
God had fulfilled my dream, that he had helped me to take the iron mallet
out of Father's hand. So far as I know, Father never acted so cruelly
toward my brother again.
I wish to warn children who read this narrative not to use this incident to
their own shame. If the Spirit of the Lord should ever lead you to resist
your father or mother, he will give you the power to win a victory for
truth and righteousness; but, if, on the other hand, you resist your
parents in your own strength, or for selfish purposes, you will bring upon
yourself shame and confusion. Even if you should succeed in having your own
way, either through force of will or through your parents' meekly yielding
to you, God will make you feel the shame of your wrong-doing.
In my personal dealings with Father, God manifested himself and showed
himself mighty in caring for me. Once as we were going to meeting, the team
became frightened and hard to hold and I became so frightened that I had a
spasm after we got to meeting. Father was ashamed because I had had a spasm
in public. He seemed to think he was disgraced, and concluded that in the
future I should stay at home. I was now saved and sanctified and enjoyed
very much attending public services, so Mother and I prayed earnestly that
God would put it into Father's heart to let me attend meetings again. Our
prayers were answered and I had no more difficulty until sometime
afterwards. At that time I had been to a meeting several miles from home
and had remained over night with some friends without asking permission. As
a punishment, Father again refused to allow me to go to church.
Again Mother and I sought the Lord with prayer and fasting, and the Lord
soon showed me that we had gained the victory. We felt impressed, however,
to spend another day in fasting and prayer. Although Father did not know
that we were praying, he came to me and said, "Mary, you can go to
meeting"; and from that time he never kept me at home from services.
Father owned the farm on which we lived in Pettis County, Missouri. It
contained 244 acres of fairly good land and was sufficiently stocked.
Although, in a financial way, father was doing as well as his neighbors, he
had for a number of years been growing discontented. These periods of
discontentment seemed especially to trouble him in the spring before farm
work began. At such times he wanted to mortgage his farmland and to move
out of the country.
Every spring for a number of years, Mother and I would get on our knees and
pray earnestly to God that he would overrule Father's roving disposition
and make him content to stay at home. Again and again the dear Lord was
gracious and answered our petition. Things would go on well for a while,
but with the coming of the next spring, we would again have the same
experience.
One spring when we took to our knees as usual to pray in behalf of Father,
the Lord gave me to understand that our petition would not be answered,
that Father would have his own way. This seemed almost unbearable, and I
cried and prayed for Father until I almost lost my voice. God answered my
petition with this suggestion: "If nothing else but to go among strangers
and have a hard time will bring your father to the Lord are you willing
that he should go?" I answered, "Lord, from this standpoint, but from no
other." From that time the burden left me. Father went, and the Lord said
to me, "Now you have no excuse for not going into gospel work." Father had
been unwilling for me to go, and with his going my last excuse was removed.
Father went first to Oregon, but some years later came back as far as
Wymore, Nebraska, where he bought property and settled. A few years later
he came and stayed with us at home for one winter.
In a meeting that my brother George, Sister Lodema Kaser, and I held in
Wymore, Father sought the Lord and seemed to get a real experience of
salvation.
Later he had some little difficulty in retaining his experience. He got
tried at some of the brethren and thought he would leave the church, as he
had formerly done in sectarianism. He found, however, that in leaving the
church he was leaving God, since people can get out of the church of God
only through sin. Soon after this he began to be troubled with heart
failure. He lived only a few months. My sister who cared for him in his
last illness, informed me that at the time of his death he was fully
restored to the fellowship of the church and that for some months before he
died, he showed every sign of being prepared. God assured me that Father
was saved, yet as by fire. This seemed a real miracle as much of the time
Father's religious experience had not been satisfactory. We serve a mighty
God who works miracles: some of Father's children had been praying so
earnestly for him that God would not let them be disappointed. I believe I
shall meet him in the glory world.
At the time my youngest brothers were saved, and shortly afterwards I was
an invalid and unable to go to meeting on Sunday. They took turn about
staying with me, while my parents went to meeting. As soon as the rest of
the family were gone, we would take down the family Bible and ask the Lord
to help us to turn to some scripture that would be good for us. Then we
would read. Whenever we came to a promise, we would ask the Lord to help us
claim that promise and to get out of it all the benefit that God had in it
for us. After reading, we would get down and pray asking God to help us
retain what we had read and to make it a blessing to us.
When the family would come home from meeting, Mother would tell us all she
could remember of the sermon, as she was anxious to get to me all the
encouragement she could. As we listened to Mother's account of the
services, we realized that we had had the best meeting.
This fact became so noticeable that whenever they wanted George to go to
meeting, he would say, "No, I want to stay with Mary." After the others
were gone, he would say, "Mary, let us read as we did the other Sunday."
"George," I would answer, "I feel so weak this morning; I don't feel able
to hold the Bible" (it was a very large book), "Mary, I will hold the
Bible, if you will do the reading." Weak as I was, I could not refuse, and
we would begin, asking God to direct us, stopping to claim each promise,
and asking God to bless the Word to our good, and to help us to remember
all that would be helpful to us. We continued this practise until I was
healed and able to attend the meetings again. I shall never be able to tell
the profit that I derived from this little Bible school.
God himself was our teacher, and through this responsibility he was
preparing me for greater usefulness.
It was during this period of apparent inactivity that God gave me my first
experience of divine healing. At that time I think I was about twenty-five
years of age. I was ignorant that the Lord is as willing and as able to
heal our bodies as he is to save our souls. I was suffering greatly with a
swelling on the inside of my jaw that entirely closed my mouth. The doctor
said he would not dare to lance the swelling as the tendons and arteries
lay so near that such an operation would be dangerous. He prescribed a
poultice, and said that the swelling would probably break in about three
days.
I went home suffering greatly: I felt that I could not endure any more. I
told my two youngest brothers, who knew how to pray and cast their burdens
on the Lord, to call on God earnestly that he would either relieve me of
the suffering or give me grace to bear it. Soon they came to my room: one
said, "I prayed for the Lord either to relieve you or give you grace to
bear the pain," and the other said, "I prayed the Lord to relieve you." In
ten minutes every bit of suffering was gone. A sweet calm settled over my
body; and to my happy surprise, I found that the swelling had broken. It
was soon gone. I suffered no more pain, and next day was able to go to
meeting.
About a year later I made the acquaintance of a young man to whom I soon
became greatly attached. After a time we became engaged. As I had learned
to seek the mind of the Lord in all things, I did not find it hard to
submit the question of matrimony to his will. The fact that I had had my
own way so long, made me feel sure that the Lord was going to let me have
my own way about my marriage. But this consideration did not at all affect
my consecration, either at this time or when I sought God for healing. When
I sought God for healing, he showed me that he wanted my entire service,
and that I must seek his benefits for his glory only. It was wholly for
God's glory, therefore, that I sought healing.
Perhaps some of the young ministers and workers who read this book will
wonder at the long period of inactivity, as some might call it, between my
call to the ministry and the time when I actually began gospel work. I now
look back upon this period as a time filled with blessed experiences that
moulded my character, established my faith and peculiarly fitted me for the
work to which God had called me. I have always been glad that the Lord had
his way. This time was not lost. Like Joseph in prison, whom God was
educating to be a prince, I was being prepared in God's own way for future
usefulness.
During this time of which I am now speaking, God laid it upon my heart to
read the many good books, which now fell into my hands, such as Phoebe
Palmer's Works--"Faith and Its Effects," "Sanctification Practical," and
"Tell Jesus." The last named book was especially helpful in forming my
Christian character, containing as it does so many precious experiences of
trusting in God. I had the privilege also of reading the works of Mrs.
Fletcher, Hester Ann Rodgers, and John Wesley. For the privilege of reading
all these, I give God thanks. I put the experiences of which I read to a
practical test, thus proving that what God had done for others, he would do
for me also. After the test these narrations of God's marvelous dealings
were no longer stories in a book, but they had become my own personal
experiences.
At different times I have hunted awhile for some lost article, when the
Lord would come with these words: "Tell Jesus." I would tell him and soon I
would find the missing article. He would even direct me to the very spot
where it lay concealed. Soon after I read the book, "Tell Jesus," I took my
sewing machine apart thinking that I could clean it and put it together
again, just as one of my lady friends had done. I soon found that I was not
skilful enough, told Jesus, and obtained help to get the machine together
all right.
Sometimes when I was not near a jeweler, my watch would get out of repair,
and I would earnestly ask the Lord to fix it for me, provided he could do
so without my becoming fanatical or being led wrong. A number of times he
answered my prayer.
One time I remember, I let my watch fall and it was greatly damaged; but I
could not get to a jeweler to have it repaired. As I felt the need of the
watch very much, I asked the Lord earnestly to please fix it for me. The
watch soon began running. I intended to take the watch to a jeweler later;
but as it kept perfect time I did not need to take it.
During all these years God was teaching me as rapidly as he could, lessons
of faith and trust. In every severe trial or test, no matter what its
nature, I would earnestly lay my trouble before God and he would
marvelously lift me up and give me victory. At such times he would give me
precious promises such as these: "When the enemy comes in like a flood, the
Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him;" "The desire of
the righteous shall be granted;" "They that trust in the Lord shall not be
confounded, and shall not lack any good thing."
From the beginning, my spiritual life was one of trials; but thank God, the
trials were always followed by triumphs. "Thanks be to God who giveth us
the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." In such experiences, I learned
what has been verified to me again and again throughout the course of my
life, that it pays to cast all our cares and burdens upon him who has
promised to bear them for us; to leave everything with him; to lay
ourselves and all we possess at his feet, tiusting him to care for us and
to carry our sorrows. God wants just such an opportunity. He is a wonderful
God, a very present help at all times. "They that trust in the Lord shall
be as Mount Zion, which can not be moved, but abideth forever." "As the
mountains are round about Jerusalem, so is the Lord round about his people
from henceforth even forever."
Dear young ministers and workers, God may call you to his work and send you
forth at once into the field; but do not be impatient or discouraged if the
Lord sees fit to have you tarry awhile after he has called you. Remember,
you are implements in the hands of the Lord. As workers called of the Lord,
you should be like clay for the Master's use. Be careful, however, lest you
become marred in God's hands as was the vessel that Jeremiah saw in the
hands of the potter.
Do not get in God's way and so spoil his design. Remember that Jesus at
twelve years old knew that he must be about his Father's business; but he
was thirty before he began his ministry. Remember that John the Baptist
tarried in the wilderness for a long time before he began preaching on the
banks of Jordan. Remember that the disciples spent ten days in the upper
room before power came upon them from on high. You know this; nor do you
think that these times of tarrying were wasted. Neither will your time of
waiting be lost. Abide God's time; then, when you do enter upon your
ministry, you will go, sustained by his power and by his blessing.