An account of the wheel of fortune, with a method of
preparing a spirit for this world.
We now proceeded on our journey, without staying to see whether he
fulfilled his word or no; and without encountering anything worth
mentioning, came to the place where the spirits on their passage to the
other world were obliged to decide by lot the station in which every
one was to act there. Here was a monstrous wheel, infinitely larger than
those in which I had formerly seen lottery-tickets deposited. This was
called the WHEEL OF FORTUNE.
The goddess herself was present. She was one of the most deformed
females I ever beheld; nor could I help observing the frowns she
expressed when any beautiful spirit of her own sex passed by her, nor
the affability which smiled in her countenance on the approach of any
handsome male spirits. Hence I accounted for the truth of an observation
I had often made on earth, that nothing is more fortunate than handsome
men, nor more unfortunate than handsome women. The reader may be perhaps
pleased with an account of the whole method of equipping a spirit for
his entrance into the flesh.
First, then, he receives from a very sage person, whose look much
resembled that of an apothecary (his warehouse likewise bearing an
affinity to an apothecary’s shop), a small phial inscribed, THE PATHETIC
POTION, to be taken just before you are born. This potion is a mixture
of all the passions, but in no exact proportion, so that sometimes one
predominates, and sometimes another; nay, often in the hurry of making
up, one particular ingredient is, as we were informed, left out. The
spirit receiveth at the same time another medicine called the NOUSPHORIC
DECOCTION, of which he is to drink ad libitum. This decoction is an
extract from the faculties of the mind, sometimes extremely strong and
spirituous, and sometimes altogether as weak; for very little care is
taken in the preparation. This decoction is so extremely bitter and
unpleasant, that, notwithstanding its wholesomeness, several spirits
will not be persuaded to swallow a drop of it, but throw it away, or
give it to any other who will receive it; by which means some who were
not disgusted by the nauseousness drank double and treble portions.
I observed a beautiful young female, who, tasting it immediately from
curiosity, screwed up her face and cast it from her with great disdain,
whence advancing presently to the wheel, she drew a coronet, which
she clapped up so eagerly that I could not distinguish the degree; and
indeed I observed several of the same sex, after a very small sip, throw
the bottles away. As soon as the spirit is dismissed by the operator,
or apothecary, he is at liberty to approach the wheel, where he hath a
right to extract a single lot: but those whom Fortune favors she permits
sometimes secretly to draw three or four. I observed a comical kind of
figure who drew forth a handful, which, when he opened, were a bishop,
a general, a privy-counselor, a player, and a poet-laureate, and,
returning the three first, he walked off, smiling, with the two last.
Every single lot contained two more articles, which were generally
disposed so as to render the lots as equal as possible to each other; on
one was written, EARL, RICHES, HEALTH, DISQUIETUDE; on another, COBLER,
SICKNESS, GOOD-HUMOR; on a third, POET, CONTEMPT, SELF-SATISFACTION; on
a fourth, GENERAL, HONOR, DISCONTENT; on a fifth, COTTAGE, HAPPY LOVE;
on a sixth, COACH AND SIX, IMPOTENT JEALOUS HUSBAND; on a seventh,
PRIME MINISTER, DISGRACE; on an eighth, PATRIOT, GLORY; on a ninth,
PHILOSOPHER, POVERTY, EASE; on a tenth, MERCHANT, RICHES, CARE. And
indeed the whole seemed to contain such a mixture of good and evil, that
it would have puzzled me which to choose. I must not omit here that
in every lot was directed whether the drawer should marry or remain in
celibacy, the married lots being all marked with a large pair of horns.
We were obliged, before we quitted this place, to take each of us an
emetic from the apothecary, which immediately purged us of all our
earthly passions, and presently the cloud forsook our eyes, as it doth
those of Aeneas in Virgil, when removed by Venus; and we discerned
things in a much clearer light than before. We began to compassionate
those spirits who were making their entry into the flesh, whom we had
till then secretly envied, and to long eagerly for those delightful
plains which now opened themselves to our eyes, and to which we now
hastened with the utmost eagerness. On our way we met with several
spirits with very dejected countenances; but our expedition would not
suffer us to ask any questions. At length we arrived at the gate of
Elysium. Here was a prodigious crowd of spirits waiting for admittance,
some of whom were admitted, and some were rejected; for all were
strictly examined by the porter, whom I soon discovered to be the
celebrated judge Minos.