Discourses on the road, and a description of the palace of
Death.
We were all silent for some minutes, till, being well shaken into our
several seats, I opened my mouth first, and related what had happened to
me after our separation in the city we had just left.
The rest of the company, except the grave female spirit whom our reader
may remember to have refused giving an account of the distemper which
occasioned her dissolution, did the same. It might be tedious to relate
these at large; we shall therefore only mention a very remarkable
inveteracy which the Surfeit declared to all the other diseases,
especially to the Fever, who, she said, by the roguery of the porters,
received acknowledgments from numberless passengers which were due to
herself. “Indeed,” says she, “those cane-headed fellows” (for so she
called them, alluding, I suppose, to their ticket) “are constantly
making such mistakes; there is no gratitude in those fellows; for I
am sure they have greater obligations to me than to any other disease,
except the Vapors.” These relations were no sooner over than one of the
company informed us we were approaching to the most noble building he
had ever beheld, and which we learned from our coachman was the palace
of Death. Its outside, indeed, appeared extremely magnificent. Its
structure was of the Gothic order; vast beyond imagination, the
whole pile consisting of black marble. Rows of immense yews form an
amphitheater round it of such height and thickness that no ray of the
sun ever perforates this grove, where black eternal darkness would reign
was it not excluded by innumerable lamps which are placed in pyramids
round the grove; so that the distant reflection they cast on the palace,
which is plentifully gilt with gold on the outside, is inconceivably
solemn. To this I may add the hollow murmur of winds constantly heard
from the grove, and the very remote sound of roaring waters. Indeed,
every circumstance seems to conspire to fill the mind with horror and
consternation as we approach to this palace, which we had scarce time
to admire before our vehicle stopped at the gate, and we were desired
to alight in order to pay our respects to his most mortal majesty (this
being the title which it seems he assumes). The outward court was full
of soldiers, and, indeed, the whole very much resembled the state of an
earthly monarch, only more magnificent. We passed through several courts
into a vast hall, which led to a spacious staircase, at the bottom of
which stood two pages, with very grave countenances, whom I recollected
afterwards to have formerly been very eminent undertakers, and were in
reality the only dismal faces I saw here; for this palace, so awful and
tremendous without, is all gay and sprightly within; so that we soon
lost all those dismal and gloomy ideas we had contracted in approaching
it. Indeed, the still silence maintained among the guards and attendants
resembled rather the stately pomp of eastern courts; but there was on
every face such symptoms of content and happiness that diffused an air
of cheerfulness all round. We ascended the staircase and passed
through many noble apartments whose walls were adorned with various
battle-pieces in tapistry, and which we spent some time in observing.
These brought to my mind those beautiful ones I had in my lifetime seen
at Blenheim, nor could I prevent my curiosity from inquiring where
the Duke of Marlborough’s victories were placed (for I think they were
almost the only battles of any eminence I had read of which I did not
meet with); when the skeleton of a beef-eater, shaking his head, told me
a certain gentleman, one Lewis XIV, who had great interest with his
most mortal majesty, had prevented any such from being hung up there.
“Besides,” says he, “his majesty hath no great respect for that duke,
for he never sent him a subject he could keep from him, nor did he ever
get a single subject by his means but he lost 1000 others for him.” We
found the presence-chamber at our entrance very full, and a buzz ran
through it, as in all assemblies, before the principal figure enters;
for his majesty was not yet come out. At the bottom of the room were two
persons in close conference, one with a square black cap on his head,
and the other with a robe embroidered with flames of fire. These, I was
informed, were a judge long since dead, and an inquisitor-general. I
overheard them disputing with great eagerness whether the one had hanged
or the other burned the most. While I was listening to this dispute,
which seemed to be in no likelihood of a speedy decision, the emperor
entered the room and placed himself between two figures, one of which
was remarkable for the roughness, and the other for the beauty of his
appearance. These were, it seems, Charles XII of Sweden and Alexander of
Macedon. I was at too great a distance to hear any of the conversation,
so could only satisfy my curiosity by contemplating the several
personages present, of whose names I informed myself by a page, who
looked as pale and meager as any court-page in the other world, but was
somewhat more modest. He showed me here two or three Turkish emperors,
to whom his most mortal majesty seemed to express much civility. Here
were likewise several of the Roman emperors, among whom none seemed so
much caressed as Caligula, on account, as the page told me, of his pious
wish that he could send all the Romans hither at one blow. The reader
may be perhaps surprised that I saw no physicians here; as indeed I
was myself, till informed that they were all departed to the city
of Diseases, where they were busy in an experiment to purge away the
immortality of the soul.
It would be tedious to recollect the many individuals I saw here, but
I cannot omit a fat figure, well dressed in the French fashion, who
was received with extraordinary complacence by the emperor, and whom I
imagined to be Lewis XIV himself; but the page acquainted me he was
a celebrated French cook. We were at length introduced to the royal
presence, and had the honor to kiss hands. His majesty asked us a few
questions, not very material to relate, and soon after retired. When we
returned into the yard we found our caravan ready to set out, at which
we all declared ourselves well pleased; for we were sufficiently tired
with the formality of a court, notwithstanding its outward splendor and
magnificence.