THE INDUSTRIAL REVELATION
During these Wars many very remarkable discoveries and inventions were
made. Most memorable among these was the discovery (made by all the
rich men in England at once) that women and children could work for
25 hours a day in factories without many of them dying or becoming
excessively deformed. This was known as the Industrial Revelation and
completely changed the faces of the North of England.
THE TRACTARIAN MOVEMENT
The Industrial Revelation would never have occurred but for the wave of
great mechanical Inventors, e.g. Arkwright, who invented the Spinning
Jenny, or unmarried textile working girl; subsequently, however, this
kind of work was done by mules, the discovery of a man called Crompton.
Other benefactors were Sir Isaak Watts who invented steam-kettles, Sir
Robert Boyle who had them legalized,[10] and finally Robert Louis
Stevenson, who put wheels on to them, thereby inventing Railway trains,
steam-rollers and other tractarian engines.
[Illustration: Mr. Arkwright’s Invention]
FACTORY ACTS
The new situation created by the Industrial Revelation was boldly met
by the statesmen of the day with a wave of Acts, such as Tory Acts,
Factory Acts, Satisfactory Acts and Unsatisfactory Acts. The most
soothing of these enacted that children under 5 years of age who worked
all day in factories should have meals (at night). This was a Good
Thing, as it enabled them to work much faster.
ENCLOSURES
At the same time there was an Agricultural Revelation which was caused
by the invention of turnips and the discovery that Trespassers would
be Prosecuted. This was a Good Thing too, because previously the Land
had all been rather common, and it was called the Enclosure movement
and was the origin of Keeping off the Grass. The movement culminated in
the vast Royal Enclosure at Ascot which nobody is allowed on except His
Majesty the King (and friend).
THE COMBINATIONS LAW
[Illustration: Combinations Law]
All this gave rise to considerable discontent, but it was not until
the memorable Combinations Law was passed that the people were roused
to fury. This unjust law said that Combinations (or Union suits) were
legal, or (in some cases) illegal, both for employers and employees,
and resulted in the
BLANKESTER MASSACRE
Gradually the people had become so discontented with the Combinations
Law that they had begun wearing Blankets, especially in the North of
England; this was, of course, sedition, and resulted in a battle near
Manchester, in which all the people in blankets were accidentally
massacred.
The Government then very cleverly passed the famous Six Acts, all
of which said that it was quite all right for people in blankets to
be massacred. Since which the people in the North have ceased to be
seditious, and even wear bowler hats for lunch, bathing, etc.
MUNROE DOCTRINE
Meanwhile in foreign affairs, Canning, the memorable foreign minister,
started a new anti-English or Liberal policy by saying that he had
“called the New World into existence to upset the Balance of the Old.”
This was known as the Munroe Doctrine and proves that it is wrong for
anyone to have wars in North or South America (except the United States
Marines).
FOOTNOTES:
[10] Boyle’s Law: (“Watts pots never boyle”).