WELLINGTON
But the most important of the great men who at this time kept Britain
top nation was an Irishman called John Wesley, who afterwards became
the Duke of Wellington (and thus English). When he was still Wolseley,
Wellington made a great name for himself at Plassaye, in India, where he
“Fought with his fiery few and one,”
remarking afterwards, “It was the bloodiest battle for numbers I ever
knew.” It was, however, against Napoleon and his famous Marshals (such
as Marshals Ney, Soult, Davos, Mürren, Soult, Blériot, Snelgrove, Ney,
etc.) that Wellington became most memorable. Napoleon’s armies always
used to march on their stomachs, shouting: “Vive l’Intérieur!” and so
moved about very slowly (_ventre-à-terre_, as the French say), thus
enabling Wellington to catch them up and defeat them. When Napoleon
made his troops march all the way to Moscow on their stomachs they
got frozen to death one by one, and even Napoleon himself admitted
afterwards that it was rather a Bad Thing.
[Illustration: To march on their Stomachs]
GORILLA WAR IN SPAIN
The second part of the Napoleonic War was fought in Spain and Portugal
and was called the Gorilla War on account of the primitive Spanish
method of fighting. Wellington became so impatient with the slow
movements of the French troops that he occupied himself drawing
imaginary lines all over Portugal and thus marking off the fighting
zone; he made a rule that defeats beyond these lines did not count,
while any French army that came his side of them was out of bounds.
Having thus insured himself against disaster, Wellington won startling
victories at Devalera, Albumina, Salamanda, etc.
[Illustration: Gorilla Warfare]
WATERLOO
After losing this war Napoleon was sent away by the French, since
he had not succeeded in making them top nation; but he soon escaped
and returned just in time to fight on the French side at the battle
of Waterloo. This utterly memorable battle was fought at the end of
a dance, on the Playing Fields of Eton, and resulted in the English
definitely becoming top nation. It was thus a very Good Thing. During
the engagement the French came on in their usual creeping and crawling
method and were defeated by Wellington’s memorable order, “Up Jenkins
and Smashems.”
This time Napoleon was sent right away for ever by everybody, and stood
on the deck of a ship in white breeches with his arms _like that_.