WILLIAMANMARY. ENGLAND RULED BY AN ORANGE
Williamanmary for some reason was known as The Orange in their own
country of Holland, and were popular as King of England because the
people naturally believed it was descended from Nell Glyn. It was on
the whole a good King and one of their first Acts was the Toleration
Act, which said they would tolerate anything, though afterwards it went
back on this and decided that they could not tolerate the Scots.
[Illustration: The Answer]
A DARIEN SCHEME
The Scots were now in a skirling uproar because James II was the last
of the Scottish Kings and England was under the rule of the Dutch
Orange; it was therefore decided to put them in charge of a very fat
man called Cortez and transport them to a Peak in Darien, where it was
hoped they would be more silent.
MASSACRE OF GLASCOE
The Scots, however, continued to squirl and hoot at the Orange, and
a rebellion was raised by the memorable Viscount Slaughterhouse (the
Bonnie Dundee) and his Gallivanting Army. Finally Slaughterhouse was
defeated at the Pass of Ghilliekrankie and the Scots were all massacred
at Glascoe, near Edinburgh (in Scotland, where the Scots were living
at that time); after which they were forbidden to curl or hoot or even
to wear the Kilt. (This was a Good Thing, as the Kilt was one of the
causes of their being so uproarious and Scotch.)
BLOOD-ORANGEMEN
Meanwhile the Orange increased its popularity and showed themselves to
be a very strong King by its ingenious answer to the Irish Question;
this consisted in the Battle of the Boyne and a very strong treaty
which followed it, stating
(_a_) that all the Irish Roman Catholics who liked could be
transported to France,
(_b_) that all the rest who liked could be put to the sword,
(_c_) that Northern Ireland should be planted with Blood-Orangemen.
These Blood-Orangemen are still there; they are, of course, all
descendants of Nell Glyn and are extremely fierce and industrial and
so loyal that they are always ready to start a loyal rebellion to the
Glory of God and the Orange. All of which shows that the Orange was a
Good Thing, as well as being a good King.
After the Treaty the Irish who remained were made to go and live in a
bog and think of a New Question.
THE BANK OF ENGLAND
It was Williamanmary who first discovered the National Debt and had
the memorable idea of building the Bank of England to put it in. The
National Debt is a very Good Thing and it would be dangerous to pay it
off, for fear of Political Economy.
Finally the Orange was killed by a mole while out riding and was
succeeded by the memorable dead queen, Anne.
TEST PAPER IV
UP TO THE END OF THE STUARTS
1. Stigmatize cursorily (_a_) Queen Mary, (_b_) Judge Jeffreys’s
asides. (Speak out.)
2. Outline joyfully (1) Henry VIII, (2) Stout Cortez.
3. Who had what written on whose what?
4A. What convinces you that Henry VIII had VIII wives? Was it worth
it?
4B. Conjugate briefly Ritzio and Mary Queen of Scots.
5. In what ways was Queen Elizabeth a Bad Man but a Good Queen?
6. “To the exercise of Despotic Monarchy the Crown is more essential
than the Throne.” (Refute with special reference to anything you
know.)
7A. Which do you consider was the stronger swimmer, (_a_) The Spanish
Armadillo, (_b_) The Great Seal?
7B. Who was in whose what, and how many miles awhat?
7C. Cap’n, art thou sleeping there below?[9]
8. Deplore the failure of the Gunpowder Plot, stating the day and
month (but not, of course, the year) usually assigned to it.
9. Examine the state of mind of
(1) Charles I, half an hour after his head was cut off.
(2) Charles II, half a moment after first sighting Nell Gwyn.
10. Why on earth was William of Orange? (Seriously, though.)
11. How can you be so numb and vague about Arabella Stuart?
12. Estimate the medical prowess of the period with clinical
reference to (_a_) Pride’s Purge, (_b_) The Diet of Worms, (_c_)
The Topic of Capricorns.
FOOTNOTES:
[9] N.B.--Do not attempt to answer this question.