BLUFF KING HAL
Henry VIII was a strong King with a very strong sense of humour and
VIII wives, memorable amongst whom were Katherine the Arrogant, Anne of
Cloves, Lady Jane Austin and Anne Hathaway. His beard was, however, red.
In his youth Henry was fond of playing tennis and after his accession
is believed never to have lost a set. He also invented a game called
“_Bluff King Hal_” which he invited his ministers to play with him. The
players were blindfolded and knelt down with their heads on a block of
wood; they then guessed whom the King would marry next.
Cardinal Wolsey, the memorable homespun statesman and inventor of
the Wolsack, played this game with Henry and won. But his successor,
Cromwell (_not to be confused with Cromwell_), after winning on
points, was disqualified by the King (who always acted as umpire), and
lost.
[Illustration]
In the opinion of Shakespeare (the memorable play-writer and Top Poet)
his unexpected defeat was due to his failure to fling away ambition.
THE RESTORATION
Henry wanted the Pope to give him a divorce from his first wife,
Katherine. He wanted this because
(_a_) she was Arrogant.
(_b_) he had married her a very long time ago.
(_c_) when she had a baby it turned out to be Broody Mary, and Henry
wanted a boy.
(_d_) he thought it would be a Good Thing.
The Pope, however, refused, and seceded with all his followers from the
Church of England. This was called the Restoration.
HENRY’S PLAN FAILS
Curiously enough Henry had all the time had an idea about a new wife
for himself called Anne, who, he thought, looked as if she would be
sure to have a son. So when the Divorce was all over (or nearly) he
married her; but he was wrong about Anne, because she had a girl too,
in a way (see Elizabeth).
After this Henry was afraid his reign would not be long enough for any
more divorces, so he gave them up and executed his wives instead.[7] He
also got less interested in his wives and gave himself up to Diplomacy,
spending a great deal of his time playing tennis, etc., with the young
King of France in a field called the Field of the Crock of Gold.
END OF WOLSEY
Cardinal Wolsey, although (as is well known) he had not thought to shed
a tear about all this, did ultimately shed a memorable one. Having thus
fallen from grace (indeed he had already been discovered entertaining
some Papal Bulls) Wolsey determined to make a Pilgrimage to Leicester
Abbey, saying to himself: “If I had served my God as I have served my
King, I would have been a Good Thing.” Having thus acknowledged that
he was a Bad Man, and being in due course arrived at the Abbey, Wolsey
very pluckily expired after making a memorable speech to the Prior,
beginning, “Father Abbot, I come to lay my bones among you. Not to
praise them....”
THE MONASTERIES
One of the strongest things that Henry VIII did was about the
Monasteries. It was pointed out to him that no one in the monasteries
was married, as the Monks all thought it was still the Middle Ages. So
Henry, who, of course, considered marrying a Good Thing, told Cromwell
to pass a very strong Act saying that the Middle Ages were all over
and the monasteries were all to be dissolved. This was called the
Disillusion of the Monasteries.
FOOTNOTES:
[7] NOTE.--All except Anne of Cloves, whom he had on approval from
Belgium and sent back on discovering that she was really not a queen at
all but a “fat mare with glanders.”