LAMBERT SIMNEL AND PERKIN WARBECK
English History has always been subject to Waves of Pretenders. These
have usually come in small waves of about 2--an Old Pretender and a
Young Pretender, their object being to sow dissension in the realm, and
if possible to confuse the Royal issue by pretending to be heirs to the
throne.
Two Pretenders who now arose were Lambert Simnel and Perkin Warbeck,
and they succeeded in confusing the issue absolutely by being so
similar that some historians suggest they were really the same person
(i.e. the Earl of Warbeck).
Lambert Simnel (the Young Pretender) was really (probably) himself,
but cleverly pretended to be the Earl of Warbeck. Henry VII therefore
ordered him to be led through the streets of London to prove that he
really was.
Perkin Warbeck (the Older and more confusing Pretender) insisted that
he was himself, thus causing complete dissension till Henry VII had him
led through the streets of London to prove that he was really Lambert
Simnel.
The punishment of these memorable Pretenders was justly similar, since
Perkin Warmnel was compelled to become a blot on the King’s skitchen,
while Perbeck was made an escullion. Wimneck, however, subsequently
began pretending again. This time he pretended that he had been
smothered in early youth and buried under a stair-rod while pretending
to be one of the Little Princes in the Tower. In order to prove that
he had not been murdered before, Henry was reluctantly compelled to
have him really executed.
[Illustration: Punishment of Lamnel (or Wermkin)]
Even after his execution many people believed that he was only
pretending to have been beheaded, while others declared that it was not
Warmneck at all but Lamkin, and that Permnel had been dead all the time
really, like Queen Anne.
POYNING’S LAW
Henry VII was very good at answering the Irish Question, and made a
Law called Poyning’s Law by which the Irish could have a Parliament of
their own, but the English were to pass all the Acts in it. This was
obviously a very Good Thing.
AGE OF DARING DISCOVERIES
The reign of Henry VII marks the end of the Middle Ages. These were
succeeded by an age of daring discoveries, such as when Caprornicus
observed the Moon while searching the skies with a telescope, thus
causing the rotation of the Earth, crops, etc. Emboldened by this,
Caprornicus began openly discussing the topic of capricorns, for which
he was unanimously put to death.
The greatest of these discoverers, however, was St. Christophus
Columba, the utterly memorable American, who, with the assistance of
the intrepid adventurers John and Sebastian Robot, discovered how to
make an egg stand on its wrong end. (Modern History is generally dated
from this event.)
TEST PAPER III
UP TO THE END OF HENRY VII
1. Contract, Expand and Explode
(_a_) The Charters and Garters of the Realm.
(_b_) The Old Suspender.
2. How did any _one_ of the following differ from any one of the
other?
(1) Henry IV, Part I.
(2) Henry IV, Part II.
3. “The end of the closing of the 2nd stage of the Treaty of Bretigny
marks the opening of a new phase in the 1st stage of the
termination of the Hundred Years War.” (Confute.)
4. “Know ye not Agincourt?” (Confess.)
5. “Uneasy lies the head that wears a Throne.”
(_a_) Suggest remedies, or
(_b_) Imitate the action of a Tiger.
6. Intone interminably (but inaudibly)
i The Pilgrims’ Grace.
ii “Cuccu.”
7. Do not draw a skotch-map of the Battle of Bannockburn, but write
not more than three lines on the advantages and disadvantages of
the inductive historical method with special relation to
ecclesiastical litigation in the earlier Lancastrian epochs.
8. How would you confuse
(1) The Wars of the Roses?
(2) Lamnel Simian and Percy Warmneck?
(3) The Royal issue?
9. Why do you picture John of Gaunt as a rather emaciated grandee?
10. Describe in excessive detail
(_a_) The advantages of the Black Death.
(_b_) The fate of the Duke of Clarence.
(_c_) A Surfeit.
N.B.--Candidates should write on at least one side of the paper.