Types That Should and Should Not Marry Each Other
"I am so sorry to hear the Browns are being divorced. I have known George
and Mary for years and they are as fine a man and woman as I ever saw.
But they just don't seem able to get along together."
How many times you have heard something like this. And the speaker got
nearer the truth than he knew. For the Georges and Marys everywhere are,
on the whole, fine men and women.
Married to the Wrong One
Each one is all right in himself, but merely married to the wrong
person--a fact we have recognized when both George and Mary made
successes of their second ventures and lived happily ever after.
Human happiness, as we have noted in the introduction to this volume, is
attained only through _doing what the organism was built to do, in an
environment that is favorable_. Marriage is only the attempt of two
people to attain these two ends individually, mutually and
simultaneously.
Difficulties of Double Harness
Now, since it is almost impossible for one to achieve happiness when
untrammeled and free, is it to be wondered at that so few achieve it in
double harness? For the difficulties to be surmounted are doubled and
the helps are halved by the presence of a running mate.
Mere Marriedness is not Mating
That "two can live on less than one" is not true--but it is nearer the
truth than that two can find ultimate happiness together easier than
either can find an approximation of happiness alone.
This is not saying that any one who is unmated can have happiness as
complete as that which comes to the rightly mated--for nothing else in
life can compare with that--but they must be RIGHTLY MATED, not merely
_married_.
No one who has observed or thought on this subject will deny that it is
a thousand times better not to be married at all than to be married to
the wrong person.
Secrets Told by Statistics
Surveys of the causes for divorce during the past ten years in the
United States have revealed some startling facts--facts which only prove
again that Human Analysis shows us the truth about ourselves as no
science has ever shown it to us before.
One of the most illuminating facts these surveys have revealed is that
_only those men and women can be happy together whose natures
automatically encourage each other in the doing of the things each likes
to do, in the way each likes to do them_.
Inborn inclination determines the things every human being prefers to
do, concerning all the fundamental activities of his life, and also the
manner in which he prefers to do them. These inborn inclinations, as we
have previously pointed out, are written all over us in the unmistakable
language of type.
When we know a man's type we know what things he prefers to _do_ in
life's main experiences and _how_ he prefers to do them. And we know
that unless he is permitted to do approximately what he _wants_ to do in
approximately the _way_ he prefers, he becomes unhappy and unsuccessful.
Infatuation No Guide
These biological bents are so deeply embedded in every individual that
no amount of affection, admiration, or respect, or passion for any other
individual suffices to enable any one to go through long years doing
what he dislikes and still be happy. Only in the first flush of
infatuation can he sacrifice his own preferences for those of another.
After a while passion and infatuation ooze away. Nature sees to that,
just as she sees to their coming in the first place. Then there return
the old leanings, preferences, tendencies and cravings inherent in the
type of each.
The Real "Reversion to Type"
Under this urge of his type each reverts gradually but irresistibly to
his old habits, doing largely what he prefers to do in the ways that are
to his liking. When that day comes the real test of their marriage
begins. If the distance between them is too great they can not cross
that chasm, and thereafter each lives a life inwardly removed from the
other.
They make attempts to cross the barrier and some of these are successful
for a short while. They talk to and fro across the void sometimes; but
their communings become less frequent, their voices less distinct, until
at last each withdraws into himself. There he lives, in the world of his
own nature--as completely separated from his mate as though they dwelt
on different planets.
We Can Know
"But how is one to know the right person?" you ask. By recognizing
science's recent discovery to the effect that certain types can travel
helpfully, happily and harmoniously together and that certain others
never can.
What Every Individual Owes to Himself
Every individual owes it to himself to find the right work and the
right mate, because these are fundamental needs of every human being.
Lacking them, life is a failure; possessing but one of them, life is
half a failure.
To obtain and apply the very fullest knowledge toward the attainment of
these two great requisites should be the aim of every person.
Neglected Subjects
Despite the fact that these are the most vital problems pertaining to
human happiness and that every individual's life depends for its glory
or defeat, joy or sorrow upon the right settlement of them--they are two
of the most neglected.
Divorce Courts
Our divorce courts are full of splendid men and women who are there
not because they are weak or wrong, but because they stepped into
nature's age-old Instinct trap without realizing where it would lead
them.
These men and women who pay so heavy a price for their ignorance and
blindness are _not_ to blame. Most of them have been taught that to be
legally bound together was sufficient guarantee of marital bliss.
But experience has shown us that there are certain kinds of people each
individual can associate with in harmony and that there are those with
whom he could never be happy though a hundred ministers pronounced them
mated for life.
Times Will Change
But the time is coming when we will select our mates scientifically,
not merely sentimentally. It is also coming when we will know what every
child is fitted to do by looking at him, just as we know better today
than to set a shepherd dog on the trail of criminals or a bloodhound to
herd sheep.
The Great Quest
Instead of beclouding the significance and the sanity of life's great
quest; instead of encouraging every manner of mismating as we do today,
we will some day arm our children with knowledge enabling them to wisely
choose their life work and their life mate.
Dolly's Dimple
The fact that Dolly has a dimple may make your senses whirl but it is
not sufficient basis for marriage. There are things of vastly greater
importance, though of course this does not seem possible to you at the
time.
Sammy's Smile
And though Sammy sports a smile the gods might envy, he may not be the
right man for Dolly. Even a smile that never comes off, great
lubricator that it undeniably is, is not sufficient foundation for a
"till-death-do-us-part" contract.
Little Things vs. Big Things
When we hear of a divorce we assume that it was caused by the
inability of those two people to agree upon fundamentals. We suppose
that they found within themselves wide divergences of opinion, feeling
or attitude regarding really worth while questions--social, religious,
political or economic. We are inclined to imagine that "the little
things" should take care of themselves and that only the "big things"
such as these should be allowed to separate two lives, once they have
been joined together.
What the Records Show
Yet the exact opposite is what happens, according to the divorce
records of the United States.
These records show that divorces do not arise out of differences in what
we have always called the big things of life, but out of those things
which we have always called the little ones.
Why He Can't Change
We do not expect a husband or wife to change his religion and take on
his partner's faith. We imagine this is an inherent thing more or less
deeply imbedded in him and not to be altered, while we consider it only
fair and right for John to give up his favorite sport, his hobby and
some of his habits for Mary's sake.
At the risk of shocking the supersensitive, it must be admitted that
most individuals get their religious leanings from external
sources--parents, teachers, ministers, friends and especially by the
accident of being born in a certain country, among a certain sect or
within a certain community.
On the other hand, one's preferences in the matter of diversions are
born in him, part and parcel of his very being and remain so to the end
of his life. Accordingly, just as it is easier to change the frosting on
a cake than to change the inside, it is easier to change a man's
religion than to change his activities.
Diversion and Divorce
Most of the divorces granted in America during the past ten years have
been demanded, not on grounds dealing with the so-called fundamentals,
but for differences regarding so-called unimportant things. And more
than seventy out of every hundred divorces every year in this country
are asked for on grounds pertaining to _diversion_.
In other words, more than seventy per cent of American divorces are
granted because husbands and wives can not adapt themselves to each
other in the matter of how they shall spend their LEISURE hours.
"People who can not play together will not work together long," said
Elbert Hubbard. Human Analysis, which shows that each type tends
automatically to the doing of certain things in certain ways whenever
free to act, proves that this is just as literal as it sounds.
The only time we are free to act is during our leisure hours. All other
hours are mortgaged to earning a living--in the accomplishment of which
we often have very little outlet for natural trends. So it is only
"after hours" and "over Sundays" that the masses of mankind have an
opportunity to express their real natures.
Uncongenial Work Affects Marriage
The less one's work permits him to do the things he enjoys the more
surely will he turn to them in the hours when this restraint is
removed. If such a one has a husband or wife who encourages him in the
following of his natural bents during leisure hours, that marriage
stands a big chance of being happy.
These two people may differ widely in their respective religious
ideas--one may be a Catholic, the other a Protestant, or one a Shaker
and the other a Christian Scientist--but they can build lasting
happiness together.
On the other hand, two people who agree perfectly as to religious,
social and political views but who can not agree as to the disposition
of their leisure hours are bound for the rocks.
As the honeymoon fades, each reverts to the kind of recreation congenial
to his type. If his mate is averse to his diversions each goes his own
way.
The Eternal Triangle
The tragedy of "the other man" and "the other woman" is not a mystery
to him who understands Human Analysis. It is always the result of
finding some one of kindred standards and tastes--that is, some one
whose type is congenial. The Eternal Triangle arises again and again in
human lives, not accidentally, but as the inevitable result of violating
inexorable laws.
Law of Marital Happiness
MARRIAGE SHOULD TAKE PLACE ONLY BETWEEN THOSE WHOSE FIRST
TYPE-ELEMENTS ARE SUFFICIENTLY SIMILAR FOR THEM TO ENJOY THE SAME
GENERAL DIVERSIONS, YET WHOSE SECOND TYPE-ELEMENTS ARE SUFFICIENTLY
DISSIMILAR TO MAKE EACH STRONG WHERE THE OTHER IS WEAK.
The application of the law to each of the five types will be explained
in the following sections of this chapter.
* * * * *
Part One
THE ALIMENTIVE IN LOVE
Just as each type reacts differently to all the other situations in
life, each reacts differently to love.
The Alimentive, as we have pointed out, is less mature than the other
types, with the Thoracic next, and so on down to the Cerebral which is
the most mature of all. Because the Alimentive has rightly been called
"the baby of the race;" because no extremely fat person ever really
grows up, this type prefers those love-expressions natural to the
immature.
The Most Affectionate Type
Caressing, petting, fondling and cuddling--those demonstrations not of
wild passion but of affection such as children enjoy--are most often
used by Alimentive men and women when in love.
Because they are inclined to bestow little attentions more or less
promiscuously, they often get the reputation of being flirtatious when
they are not. Such actions also are often taken by the one to whom they
are directed as indicating more than the giver means.
So beware of taking the little pats of fat people too seriously. They
mean well, but have the baby's habit of bestowing innocent smiles and
caresses everywhere.
Why They are Loved
Each type has traits peculiar to itself which tend to make others fall
in love with it. In the Alimentive the outstanding trait which wins love
is his sweet disposition.
The human ego is so constituted that we tend to like all interesting
people who do not offer us opposition. The Alimentive is amenable,
affable, agreeable. His ready smile, his tendency to promote harmony and
his general geniality bring him love and keep it for him while more
clever types lose it.
Millionaires Marry Them
"Why does a brilliant business man marry that little fat woman who is
not his equal mentally?" the world has asked many a time. Human Analysis
answers it, as it answers so many of the other age-long queries about
human eccentricities.
The little fat woman has a sweet disposition--one of the most soothing
of human attributes. The business man has enough of "brilliant" people
all day. When he gets home he is rather inclined to be merely the "tired
business man," and in that state nothing is more agreeable than a wife
with a smile.
As for fat husbands, many a wife supports them in preference to being
supported by another and less agreeable man.
The Prettiest Type
When a woman becomes engaged her friends all inquire, "What does he
do?" but when a man's engagement is announced every one asks, "What does
she look like?" So it is small wonder that men have placed prettiness
near the top of the list, and the Alimentive woman is the prettiest of
all types. This little fact must not be overlooked when searching for
the causes which have prompted so many of the world's wealthiest men to
marry them. Other men may have to content themselves with plain wives,
but the man of means can pick and choose--and every man prefers a pretty
wife to a plain one.
Feminine prettiness (not beauty) consists of the rose-bud mouth, the
baby eyes, the cute little nose, the round cheeks, the dimpled chin,
etc.--all more or less monopolized by the Alimentive type.
The "Womanly" Type
The fat woman's refusal to worry keeps the wrinkles away and as long
as she does not become obese she remains attractive. Her "clinging-vine"
ways make men call her the most "womanly" type, and even when she tips
the scales at two hundred and fifty they are still for her. Then they
say "she looks so motherly."
So the fat woman goes through life more loved by men than any other
type, and in old age she presents a picture of calmness and domestic
serenity that is appealing to everybody.
Marry Earliest and Oftenest
Being in demand, the Alimentive woman marries earlier than any other
type. As a widow the same demand takes her off the marriage market while
younger and brainier women pine their lives away in spinsterhood.
Look back and you will recall that it was the pretty, plump girls who
had beaux earliest, married earliest, and who, even when left with
several children, did not remain widows long.
Desirable Traits of Alimentive Wives
Next to her sweet disposition, the traits which make the Alimentive
wife most pleasant to get along with are serenity, optimism and good
cooking.
Her Weaknesses
Many an Alimentive wife loses her husband's love because of her too
easy-going habits. Unless controlled, these lead to slovenliness in
personal appearance and housekeeping.
The Alimentive Wife and Money
The Alimentive wife usually has her share of the family income because
she has the endearing ways that wring it out of hubby.
Sales people everywhere say, "We like to see a fat woman coming, for she
usually has money, spends it freely and is easy to please."
In Disagreements
What they do with their quarrels after they are through with them
determines to a great extent the ultimate success of any pair's
marriage. Alimentive husbands and wives bury the hatchet sooner than
other types and they avoid altercations.
Lives Anywhere
The Alimentive wife offers less resistance to her husband's plans than
any other. So when he announces they are moving to some other
neighborhood, city or state she acquiesces with better grace than other
types.
Family Friends
The responsibility of adding new friends to the family rests equally
upon each partner in marriage. The average husband, by reason of
mingling more with the world, has the greater opportunity, but every
wife can and should consider that she owes it to herself, her husband
and her children to contribute her quota.
Alimentive husbands and wives add their share of new acquaintances to
any marriage in which they are partners. The Alimentive wife always
enjoys having people in to dinner and the Alimentive husband enjoys
bringing them. The warmth of hospitality in Alimentive homes brings them
more friendships than come to other types.
Fat Man Also Marries Young
The fat man marries young, but for a different reason than the fat
woman. The fat man, as you will note, "gets a job" early in life. From
that time on his services seldom go begging.
He makes a good salary earlier than other types and is therefore sooner
in a position to marry.
The "Ladies' Man"
Just as the fat woman is "a man's woman," so the fat man is almost
invariably "a ladies' man." The fat man usually "knows women" better
than any other type and it is certain that the fat woman "knows men."
Her record proves it.
No Fat Bachelors
Just as there are few fat "old maids," there are few fat bachelors.
You can count on the fingers of one hand all the really overweight ones
you ever knew.
The Best "Provider"
Because he makes money easily through the various forms of his
superior business qualifications, the average fat man has plenty of
money for his family and likes to spend it upon them. He is the best
provider of all the types. Fat people are the most lenient parents and
usually over-indulge their children.
The husband who makes a habit for years of sending home crates of the
first strawberries, melons and oranges of the season is a fat one every
time.
Desirable Traits of Fat Husbands
His generous provision for his family and the fact that he is
essentially a "family man" are two desirable traits of the Alimentive
husband. He depends more on his home than other types, he marries young
to have a home and he is seldom farther away from it than he has to be.
It is unfortunate that the one type which makes the best "travelling
man" is more inconvenienced by the absence from home than any other type
would be. But he has not submitted silently. All the world knows what a
"hard life" the traveling salesman leads and how he misses "the wife,
the kids and the good home cooking."
Weaknesses of Alimentive Husbands
The Alimentive husband has but one weakness that materially endangers
his marital happiness. He is inclined to be too easy and extravagant,
and not to save money.
Mates for Alimentives
Because of his amenability the Alimentive can marry almost any type
and be happy. But for fullest happiness, those who are predominantly
Alimentive--that is, those in whom the Alimentive type comes
first--should marry, as a first choice, those who are predominantly
Muscular. The Muscular shares the Alimentive's ambition to "get on in
the world" and at the same time adds to the union the practicality which
offsets the too easy-going, lackadaisical tendencies of the Alimentive.
The second choice for the predominantly Alimentive should be the one who
is predominantly Thoracic. These two types have much in common. The
brilliance and speed of the Thoracic keeps the Alimentive "looking to
his laurels," and thus tends to prevent the carelessness which is so
great a handicap to the predominantly Alimentive.
The third choice of the predominantly Alimentive may be one who is also
predominantly Alimentive, but in that case it should be an
Alimentive-Muscular or an Alimentive-Cerebral.
The last type the pure Alimentive should ever marry is the pure
Cerebral.
* * * * *
Part Two
LOVE AND THE THORACIC
The Thoracic in love exhibits the same general traits which
characterize him in all his other relationships.
The Most Beautiful Woman
The Thoracic woman is the most beautiful type of all. She is not
"pretty" like the Alimentive, but her refined features and beautiful
coloring give her a distinctive appearance.
The Handsomest Man
The Thoracic is also the handsomest man of all. He is tall,
high-chested, wide-shouldered and has the masculine face resulting from
his high-bridged, prominent nose and high cheek bones.
The Thoracic Charmer
The Thoracic has more of that quality we call "charm" than any other
type. Charm is largely self-expression by tactful methods. Since this
type is the most self-expressive and the most tactful it possesses
naturally this invaluable trait.
Both men and women of this type have an elusive, attractive something in
their personalities that others do not have--a very personal appeal that
makes an immediate impression. It pierces farther beneath the surface of
strangers than other types do on much longer acquaintance. The Thoracic
does not seem a stranger at all. His own confidences, given to you
almost immediately upon meeting you, remove the barriers.
The Lure of the Thoracic
There is about the Thoracic person a lure that others seldom have. You
do not attempt to describe it. You say "he is just different," and he
is. No other type has his spontaneity and instantaneous responsiveness.
So while the Alimentive is always liked, it is in a more mild, easy,
comfortable way. The Alimentive does not stir the blood but has a
strong, tender, even hold on people. The Thoracic, on the other hand,
intrigues your attention, impales it, and holds it.
Love at First Sight
The Thoracics fall in love at first sight much more often than other
types. They also cause others to fall in love with them without
preliminaries, for they pursue the object of their affections with a
fire and fury that is almost irresistible.
Hundreds of persons marry each year who have known each other but a
few days or weeks. In every instance you will find that one of them is a
Thoracic--and usually both. No other type can become so hopelessly in
love on such short notice.
The Most Flirtatious
The Thoracic is a born philanderer.
He does not mean to mislead or injure, but flirtation is second nature
to him. This comes from the fact that flirtation, more than any other
human experience, contains that adventurous, thrilling element he
desires.
Overheard in Transit
We overheard the following conversation in the street car the other
day between two young women who occupied the seat in front of us: "I was
sorry to hurt him," explained the Thoracic. "I did love him last week
and I told him so, but I don't love him any more and I do love somebody
else now." She really loved him--last week!
Thoracics can have a severe case of love, and get just as completely
over it in a week as the rest of us get over the measles.
The Joy of Life
A joy in living expresses itself in almost everything the Thoracic
does, especially when he is young. Such people appear almost electrical.
These are traits of great fascination and the Thoracic uses them freely
upon others throughout his life.
Always Blushing
His over-developed circulatory system causes the Thoracic to blush
easily and often. This tendency has long been capitalized by women but
is not so much enjoyed by men.
Most Easily Hurt
Because of his supersensitiveness the Thoracic's feelings are more
easily hurt than those of other types, as every one who has ever had a
florid friend or sweetheart will remember.
They forgive quickly and completely, but every little thing said,
looked, or acted by the loved one is translated in terms of the
personal. Bony people especially find it difficult to understand or be
tolerant of this trait in the Thoracic, because it is the exact opposite
of themselves. They call the Thoracic "thin-skinned," and the Thoracic
replies that the bony man has "a skin like a walrus." And each is right
from his own viewpoint.
The Chivalrous Thoracic Man
With his keen intuitions, his sense of the fitness of things and his
trigger-like adeptness, the Thoracic man easily becomes an attentive and
chivalrous companion.
Where the bony man is often oblivious to the fine points of courtesy,
the Thoracic anticipates his friend's every wish and movement, picks up
her handkerchief almost before she has dropped it, opens doors
instantaneously and specializes in those graces dear to the heart of
woman.
He is likely to do as much for the very next lady he meets just as soon
as he meets her. These ready courtesies cost the Thoracic husband as
many explanations as the caressing habit costs the Alimentive.
Breaches of Promise
More bona fide breach of promise suits are brought against the
Thoracic man than any other. He thinks rapidly, speaks almost as quickly
as he thinks and about what he thinks.
Consequently many an honorable man has awakened some morning to find he
has to "pay the piper" for an impulsive proposal made to a girl he would
not walk across the street now to see.
Many a girl, too, when she is "in love with love" promises to marry, and
the next day wonders what made her do it.
This is the type of chameleon-like girl whose vagaries and "sweet
uncertainties" form the theme of many short stories, in most of which
she is pictured as "the eternal feminine."
She Gets Much Attention
Nevertheless, many a man prefers this creature of "a million moods" to
the staid and sedate girl of other types. So the Thoracic girl seldom
lacks for attention. She does not have as many intimate friends as the
fat girl, for she is less comforting, and comfort is one of the first
requisites of friendship. But she has a longer line of beaux dancing
attendance upon her, sending her flowers, candy and messages.
The Stunning Girl
Another reason why the Thoracic girl has more attention from men is
that she is the most smartly-gowned of all the types. The new, the
extreme, the "very latest" in women's clothes are first seen on the
Thoracic girl. She is the type men call "stunning."
Men prefer companions who appear well--whom other men admire. The
Thoracic woman demands the same of the men she goes about with, and for
these two reasons many Thoracics marry those in whom their own type
predominates.
The "Merry Widows"
Make a note of the "dashing widows," you have known--those who were
called "the merry widows"--and you will recall a large Thoracic element
in each.
For this type of woman, unlike the home-keeping Alimentive, enjoys being
a widow and remains one. She usually has many chances to remarry but her
changeable, gaiety-loving nature revels in the freedom, sophistication
and distinction of widowhood.
The appearance of endless youth given by her alive, responsive
personality deceives the most discerning as to her age. The woman of
fifty who enthralls the youths of twenty-five is usually of the Thoracic
type.
Refuses to Grow Old
This woman refuses to grow old, just as the Alimentive refuses to grow
up. She clings to her beauty as does no other type. She it is who
self-sacrificingly starves herself to retain her slenderness, who
massages and exercises and "cold-creams" herself hours a day before the
shrine of Eternal Youth. Her high color, "all her own," is a decided
asset in this direction.
This woman devotes as much attention to her grooming at sixty as the
Alimentive does at twenty. For this reason you may any day see two women
of forty together, one an Alimentive and the other a Thoracic--and take
the plump one to be several or many years older than the florid one.
Love the "Bright Lights"
Thoracic men and women care more about "the bright lights" than other
types. The Alimentive likes what he calls "a good time"--with fun and
plenty of "refreshments"--but the Thoracic's idea of a good time usually
includes a touch of "high life."
This all comes from his love of thrill and novelty and is innocent
enough. But it leads to misunderstandings and broken homes unless the
Thoracic marries the right type of person.
The Osseous, for instance, has nothing in his consciousness by which
to understand the desire for excitement which is so strong in the
Thoracic. We have all known good wives and loving mothers whose marital
happiness was destroyed because they could not compel themselves to lead
the drab existence laid out for them by their bony, stony husbands. In
many cases the wife, who only wanted a little innocent fun, was less to
blame than her unbending spouse.
Why She Went Insane
One day several years ago we drove up to a lonely farmhouse in Montana
just as a tragedy was enacted. The mother was being taken to the state
asylum for the insane. The seven little children watched the strange
performance, unable to understand what had happened. The father, a tall,
raw-boned, angular man was almost as mystified as the children.
"Crazy?" he said, "I don't believe it. Say, what did she have to go
crazy about? She hasn't seen anything to excite her. Why, she's not been
off this farm for twenty years!"
The "Gay Devil" Husband
The same thing happens every day between severe, bony wives and their
florid, frolicking husbands. "She is a perfect housekeeper and a good
wife" exclaim her friends--"why should her husband spend his evenings
away from home?" These questions will continue to be asked until we
realize that being "a good housekeeper and a good wife" does not fill
the bill with a Thoracic man. A wife who will leave the dinner dishes
in the kitchen sink occasionally and run away with him for a "lark" on a
moment's notice is the kind that retains the love of her florid husband.
A husband who is willing to leave his favorite magazine, pipe, and
slippers to take her out in the evening is the kind a Thoracic woman
likes. She even prefers a "gay devil" to a "stick"--as she calls the
slow ones.
Makes Him Jealous
The Thoracic man wants his wife to look well and be pleasing but no
husband wants his wife to be irresistibly attractive to other men. So it
often happens that the Thoracic woman causes her husband much jealousy.
Her youthful actions and distinctive dressing make her a magnet for all
eyes. If he happens to be too different in type to understand her
naturalness and pure-mindedness in this he often suffers keenly.
Sometimes he causes _her_ to suffer for it when they get home.
Human Analysis makes us all more tolerant of each other. It enables us
to know why people act as they do, and, best of all, that they mean well
and not ill most of the time.
Dislikes the Monotonous
The Thoracic, you will remember, dislikes monotony. Everything
savoring of routine, sameness--the dead level--wears on him.
Three meals a day three hundred and sixty-five days in a year, with the
same person, in the same room, at the same table, is unspeakably irksome
to him. He may love that other person with completeness and constancy,
but he occasionally demands what Bernard Shaw calls "domestic change of
air."
"My Wife's Gone to the Country," was the biggest song hit of its year
because there were so many florid men who understood just how that man
felt!
The florid wife is as loving as any other but she heaves a sigh of
relief and invites her women friends in for a party when John goes away
on business.
Not Easy to Live With
Thoracic husbands or wives are not as easy to live with as the
Alimentive. They are too affectable, too susceptible to sudden changes
of mood. They live alternately on the crest of the wave and in the
depths, and rob the home of that serenity which is essential to
harmony.
Impulsive tendencies which made the sweetheart adorable are less
attractive in the wife. And hubby's hair-trigger temperament she now
calls just plain temper.
Desirable Traits of Thoracics
That they are the most charming in manner, the most tasteful in dress
and the most entertaining of any type constitute the traits which make
the Thoracic husband or wife desirable and attractive.
Live Beyond Means
Husbands and wives of this type present this marital problem however:
they tend to live beyond their means. The husband in such a case seldom
confides the true state of his financial affairs to his wife while the
Thoracic wife, bent on making the best possible appearance, finds it
almost impossible to trim down expenditures to fit the family purse.
The habit of entertaining extravagantly and almost constantly also costs
the Thoracic household dear.
The desire on the part of a Thoracic husband or wife to move
frequently from that particular house, neighborhood, or city presents
another difficulty.
Should Marry Own Type
For the reasons stated above and throughout this work, the
predominantly Thoracic person should marry his own type as first choice.
No other can understand his impulsiveness.
His second choice should be a person predominantly of the Alimentive
type. The Alimentive is more like the Thoracic than any other, and in
the places where they differ the Alimentive gives in with better grace
than other types.
The third choice may be a predominantly Muscular person. In the latter
case, however, the Muscular should have either Thoracic or Alimentive
tendencies combined with his muscularity.
Because they are so different as to be almost opposites, and therefore
unable to understand each other, the last person the Thoracic should
marry is the Osseous.
* * * * *
Part Three
MARRIAGE AND MUSCULARS
The Muscular does not marry early like the Alimentive nor hastily like
the Thoracic. His is a practical nature and his practicality is
expressed here as in everything else. Back of his Marriage you will
often find some of the same practical reasons that prompt his other
activities.
Marries Between Twenty-five and Thirty-five
Most Musculars are still unmarried at twenty-five when their
Alimentive friends have families and when their Thoracic ones have had a
divorce or two. But few Musculars are unmarried at thirty-five, though
at that age their Osseous and Cerebral friends are often still single.
The Muscular does not marry on nothing, and as he does not star in any
line of work as early in life as the Alimentive or Thoracic he does not
have the means to marry as early in life as they. But he is a splendid
worker, gets something to do and does it fairly well.
The Alimentive spends too much on food and other comforts and the
Thoracic too much on luxuries, but the Muscular, while not mercenary,
saves a larger portion of his income.
Make "Sensible" Marriages
So at somewhere around thirty the Muscular is prepared to establish a
home. By that time he has lived past the rash stage and selects a mate
as much like himself as possible, in order not to be thwarted in his
aims for "getting somewhere in the world"--aims which dominate this type
all his life.
A Mate for Wearing Qualities
This type selects his mate as he selects his clothes--for wearing
quality. He prefers plain, simple people, for he is plain and simple
himself. They are not carried off their feet by impulse as are some of
the other types. They therefore choose wives and husbands whose lovable
qualities show signs of durability.
The Most Positive Lover
The Muscular makes love almost as strenuously as he does everything
else. He does not do it especially gracefully like the Thoracic, nor
caressingly like the Alimentive, but intensely and in dead earnest. He
does not cut short the courtship like the Thoracic, nor extend it for
years like the Osseous, but marries as soon as the practical
requirements can be met.
The Alimentive is the most affectionate in love and the Thoracic the
most flirtatious, but the Muscular is the most positive.
The Fatal Handicap
The Muscular has more strong traits than any other type from the
marital point of view, but he has one weakness of such magnitude that it
often counterbalances them. His pugnacity causes him to give way
frequently to violent outbursts of anger. In them he says bitter things
that are almost impossible to forgive.
This type's chief handicap in all his relations is his tendency to fight
too quickly, to say too much when angry, and thus to make enemies.
In marriage this is a serious handicap which loses many an otherwise
ideal husband or wife the chance for happiness.
Another Muscular trait which makes life difficult for his mate is his
tendency to be so generous with outsiders that his family suffers.
Also this type of husband or wife is inclined to sacrifice the social
side of family life to work and thus widen the distance between husband
and wife as the years go on.
Desirable Traits
Working capacity, generosity and squareness are qualities making for
the success of the Muscular marriage.
The Muscular wife, more often than any other, helps earn the living when
things go wrong financially.
The Muscular usually dislikes flirtations and gives his mate little
anxiety on this score.
Mates for Musculars
The Muscular has four choices in the selection of a mate. There is but
one type he should never marry and that is the Osseous. The stubborness
of the Osseous, when pitted against the Muscular's pugnacity, causes
constant warfare. The predominantly Muscular person should choose a mate
who is also predominantly Muscular. No other type aids him in the
practical affairs of the family's future. But it is well for him when
this Muscular has decided Cerebral tendencies. Second choice for the
Muscular is a mate predominantly Cerebral. The Muscular in this case
furnishes the brawn to work out the plans made by the brain of the
Cerebral, and the combination is one that stands a good chance of
happiness. Third choice is the Thoracic, and fourth choice the
Alimentive.
* * * * *
Part Four
THE OSSEOUS IN LOVE
Bring to mind all the men and women you have known who waited ten,
twenty or thirty years for the one they had given their hearts to. You
will recall that they all had large bones or large joints for their
bodies. Such people are always predominantly Osseous.
The loved one may marry but the bony man or woman remains faithful; it
must be the one they want or none.
The Riddle Solved
This fact accounts for some of the incongruous matches in middle or
later life of old friends who seem to be unfitted to each other. Often
one of them has waited many years for the other to consent, for children
to grow up, or for Death to clear the way.
One Lover Through Life
Osseous men and women are so constituted that it is practically
impossible for them to love many times during a lifetime.
Bony people, even when young, have fewer sweethearts than other types.
The large-boned boy or girl is usually ill at ease in the presence of
the other sex, avoids social affairs, and does not attract love as early
in life as other types do.
They suffer keenly from the near-ostracism resulting from this, but are
powerless to change it.
Live Apart from Others
Because they live more or less apart from their fellows, even as
children, and tend to withdraw into themselves, the Osseous see little
of the other sex, learn little about it and come to think of it as
unapproachable.
As we have seen, the Alimentive feels at ease with the other sex, the
Thoracic charms them, the Muscular cultivates them when he is in
earnest, but the Osseous avoids them. If he does not marry he becomes
more and more awkward in their presence as he grows older. Such a person
will often go a block out of his way to avoid meeting a person of the
opposite sex.
Marries Less Often
This naturally leads to the unmated life which characterizes so many
men and women of the Osseous type.
We asked you to recall the one or two Alimentive bachelors and
spinsters you ever knew, the three or four Thoracics and the not more
than half a dozen Musculars who didn't marry. But it will take some time
to enumerate the Osseous people you know who have never married. This
type constitutes a very large proportion of the unmarried.
Most Difficult to Live With
When the Osseous does marry he is the most difficult of all types to
live with, because he is inclined to be immovable and unbending.
To give and take has long been considered the secret of happy marriage
and certainly is one of them. But this type finds it almost impossible
to adapt himself to his mate. He wants everything in a certain way at a
certain time and for a certain purpose. Whoever opposes him is pretty
ruthlessly handled.
Another marital liability of this type is his disinclination and
inability to make new friends. He contributes to the family circle only
those few intimates he has had for years.
Likes to Dominate
The Osseous is inclined to dominate and often to domineer over his
mate and over his family in general. This is as true of the women as of
the men. As we have seen, type and not sex is what causes the big
distinctions between people.
The Hen-Pecked Husband
Whenever you see a hen-pecked husband look at his wife. You will
always find that she has either large joints, large bones or a square
jaw.
Many times we have heard men declare "they would show such a wife how to
act," but unless they could change her boniness they would find it
difficult to "show her" much of anything.
The reason the husband of such a woman seldom resists is because he is
nine times out of ten an Alimentive or a Cerebral--types that prefer to
be bossed rather than to boss.
The same combination is usually present when the husband dominates the
wife. He is almost invariably bony and she is either Alimentive or
Cerebral. And other women say, "I'd like to show such a husband what I
would do if he tried to tyrannize over ME as he does over her!" But such
a woman often prefers a husband who relieves her of the responsibility
of decisions, and two such people sometimes lead surprisingly happy
lives together.
Mates for the Osseous
Therefore the type best fitted to live in harmony with the
predominantly Osseous is the predominantly Alimentive. Second choice is
the predominantly Cerebral, for the reasons stated above. There is no
third choice.
The pure Osseous and pure Thoracic should not marry because they are too
far removed from each other in all their tendencies ever to understand
each other.
The one type the pure Osseous should never mate with is his own. Nothing
but trouble results when two of the extreme bony type marry, for each
has definite views, desires and preferences--and neither can give in.
* * * * *
Part Five
LOVE AND THE CEREBRAL
The Cerebral type takes most of his love out in dreaming. He is as
impractical about his affections as about all else and often nothing but
hopes come of it. Next to the Osseous he marries less frequently than
any other type.
Head and Heart in the Clouds
The Cerebral often remains single because he can not come down to
earth long enough to propose, or if he does he is so gentle and timid
about it the girl is afraid to trust her life to him.
Timidity His Curse
Timidity costs the Cerebral man most of the good things he could
otherwise get out of life. He is almost afraid to fall in love, afraid
to speak after he does and afraid to face the hostile world with two
lives on his hands.
Women Like Him
The average woman likes the Cerebral type of man but seldom loves or
adores him. His helplessness appeals to her motherly sympathy.
Can Not Buffet the World
But women are afraid to marry the extreme type even when the feeling
he prompts is more than mere protectiveness. They know he can not buffet
the world for them and their offspring.
So, even when they love him best they usually marry the fat salesman,
the Muscular worker who always has a good job, the Thoracic promoter
who promises luxury, or the Osseous man who won't take "No" for an
answer.
Always Leap Year for Him.
When this type of man does marry it is often due as much to her
proposal as his. He is especially aided in his courtship if "she"
happens to be a quick-spoken Thoracic, a straight-from-the-shoulder
Muscular, or one of those determined Osseous girls.
The Much-Loved Cerebral Woman
The Cerebral woman is more fortunate in achieving marriage than the
Cerebral man. The impracticality which so seriously handicaps him, since
the husband is supposed to support the family, is not quite so much of a
handicap to her.
Men who love her at all, love her for her tenderness, conscientiousness
and delicacy and deem it a pleasure to work for her, and she is one type
of woman who usually appreciates it.
The Cerebral's Weaknesses
The tendency to dream his life away instead of doing tangible things
that assist in the progress of the family is the greatest marital
handicap of the Cerebral type.
Inability to make money results directly from this, and since money is
so important in the rearing and educating of children, those who can not
get it are bound to face hardship and disillusionment.
The Saddest Sight
The most pathetic sight to be seen anywhere is that of the delicate,
intellectual man who loves his family dearly, has the highest ideals and
yet is unable to provide for them.
When Love Flies Out the Window
"When poverty comes in the door love flies out the window" is a saying
as old as it is sad.
And it is as true as it is both old and sad.
Despite the philosophers--who are all Cerebrals themselves!--love should
grow in sheltered soil, protected from the buffetings of wind and storm.
Without means no man can provide this protection. Happy marriage, as we
have seen, is based on the cultivation of the strong points and the
submergence of the weak ones of each partner. Poverty does more to bring
out the worst in people and conceal the best than anything else in the
world. So, although this type is high-minded, more idealistic in his
love than any other type and has fewer of the lower instincts, he makes
less of a success of marriage than any other type.
Mates for the Cerebral
Because he lives in his mind and not in his external world the
predominantly Cerebral must marry one who also is predominantly
Cerebral.
The reading of books, attendance at good plays, and the study of great
movements constitute the chief enjoyments of this type and if he has a
mate who cares nothing for these things his marriage is bound to be a
failure.
The Cerebral he marries should, however, be inclined to the Muscular
also.
Second choice for this type is the predominantly Muscular and third
choice is the Osseous. The firmness of the latter is often a desirable
element in the combination, for the Cerebral does not mind giving the
reins over to his Osseous mate; he does not like driving anyhow.
The last type of all for the pure Cerebral to marry is the pure
Alimentive because it is farthest removed from his own type. These two
have very little in common.
_Remember, in marriage, TYPE is not a substitute for LOVE. Both are
essential to ideal mating. People contemplating matrimony are like
two autoists planning a long journey together, each driving his own
car. Whether they can make the same speed, climb the same grades
"on high" and be well matched in general, depends on the TYPE of
these two cars. But it takes LOVE to supply the gas, the
self-starters and the spark plugs!_