Having notified to my good friend Sir Roger that I
should set out for London the next day, his horses were
ready at the appointed hour in the evening; and attended
by one of his grooms, I arrived at the county town at
twilight, in order to be ready for the stage-coach the day (174: 5)
following. As soon as we arrived at the inn, the servant
who waited upon me inquired of the chamberlain, in my
hearing, what company he had for the coach. The fellow
answered, "Mrs. Betty Arable, the great fortune, and the
widow, her mother; a recruiting officer,--who took a (10)
place because they were to go; young Squire Quickset,
her cousin,--that her mother wished her to be married
to; Ephraim, the Quaker, her guardian; and a gentleman
that had studied himself dumb from Sir Roger de
Coverley's." I observed, by what he said of myself, that (15)
according to his office, he dealt much in intelligence;
and doubted not but there was some foundation for his
reports of the rest of the company, as well as for the
whimsical account he gave of me.
The next morning at daybreak we were all called; and
I, who know my own natural shyness, and endeavour to
be as little liable to be disputed with as possible, dressed
immediately, that I might make no one wait. The first
preparation for our setting out was, that the captain's (175: 5)
half-pike was placed near the coachman, and a drum
behind the coach. In the meantime the drummer, the
captain's equipage,[124] was very loud that none of the captain's
things should be placed so as to be spoiled; upon
which his cloak bag was fixed in the seat[125] of the coach; (10)
and the captain himself, according to a frequent though
invidious[126] behaviour of military men, ordered his man to
look sharp that none but one of the ladies should have
the place he had taken fronting to the coach-box.
[124] Humorously used of the captain's one attendant, the drummer.
[125] _I.e_. in the box under the seat.
[126] Presuming, offensive because presuming.
We were in some little time fixed in our seats, and (15)
sat with that dislike which people not too good-natured
usually conceive of each other at first sight. The coach
jumbled us insensibly into some sort of familiarity, and
we had not moved above two miles when the widow asked
the captain what success he had in his recruiting. The (20)
officer, with a frankness he believed very graceful, told
her that indeed he had but very little luck, and had suffered
much by desertion, therefore should be glad to end
his warfare in the service of her or her fair daughter.
"In a word," continued he, "I am a soldier, and to be (25)
plain is my character; you see me, madam, young, sound,
and impudent; take me yourself, widow, or give me to
her; I will be wholly at your disposal. I am a soldier of
fortune, ha!" This was followed by a vain laugh of his
own, and a deep silence of all the rest of the company.
I had nothing left for it but to fall fast asleep, which I did (176: 5)
with all speed. "Come," said he, "resolve upon it, we
will make a wedding at the next town: we will wake this
pleasant companion who has fallen asleep, to be the bride-man,
and,"--giving the Quaker a clap on the knee,--he
concluded, "this sly saint, who, I'll warrant, understands (10)
what's what as well as you or I, widow, shall give
the bride as father."
The Quaker, who happened to be a man of smartness,[127]
answered, "Friend, I take it in good part that thou hast
given me the authority of a father over this comely and (15)
virtuous child; and I must assure thee that if I have the
giving her, I shall not bestow her on thee. Thy mirth,
friend, savoureth of folly; thou art a person of a light
mind; thy drum is a type of thee,--it soundeth because
it is empty. Verily, it is not from thy fullness, but thy (20)
emptiness, that thou hast spoken this day. Friend, friend,
we have hired this coach in partnership with thee, to carry
us to the great city; we cannot go any other way. This
worthy mother must hear thee if thou wilt needs utter
thy follies; we cannot help it, friend, I say; if thou wilt, (25)
we must hear thee: but, if thou wert a man of understanding,
thou wouldst not take advantage of thy courageous
countenance to abash us children of peace. Thou
art, thou sayest, a soldier; give quarter to us, who cannot
resist thee. Why didst thou fleer at our friend, who
feigned himself asleep? He said nothing, but how dost
thou know what he containeth? If thou speakest improper
things in the hearing of this virtuous young virgin, consider (177: 5)
it is an outrage against a distressed person that
cannot get from thee: to speak indiscreetly what we are
obliged to hear, by being hasped up with thee in this
public vehicle, is in some degree assaulting on the high
road." (10)
[127] Acuteness, quick wit.
Here Ephraim paused, and the captain, with an happy
and uncommon impudence,--which can be convicted
and support itself at the same time,--cries, "Faith,
friend, I thank thee; I should have been a little impertinent
if thou hadst not reprimanded me. Come, thou (15)
art, I see, a smoky[128] old fellow, and I'll be very orderly
the ensuing part of the journey. I was going to give
myself airs; but, ladies, I beg pardon."
[128] Quizzical, humorous: "to smoke" one, in the slang of the day, was
to quiz or ridicule. See the word in No. XXIX, page 199.
The captain was so little out of humour, and our company
was so far from being soured by this little ruffle, that (20)
Ephraim and he took a particular delight in being agreeable
to each other for the future, and assumed their different
provinces in the conduct of the company. Our
reckonings, apartments, and accommodation fell under[129]
Ephraim; and the captain looked to all disputes on the (25)
road,--as the good behaviour of our coachman, and the
right we had of taking place as going to London of all
vehicles coming from thence.
[129] Fell under the charge of.
The occurrences we met with were ordinary, and very
little happened which could entertain by the relation of
them; but when I considered the company we were in, I (178: 5)
took it for no small good fortune that the whole journey
was not spent in impertinences, which to one part of us
might be an entertainment, to the other a suffering.
What, therefore, Ephraim said when we were almost
arrived at London, had to me an air not only of good (10)
understanding, but good breeding. Upon the young
lady's expressing her satisfaction in the journey, and
declaring how delightful it had been to her, Ephraim
delivered himself as follows: "There is no ordinary part
of human life which expresseth so much a good mind, (15)
and a right inward[130] man, as his behaviour upon meeting
with strangers, especially such as may seem the most
unsuitable companions to him: such a man, when he
falleth in the way with persons of simplicity and innocence,
however knowing he may be in the ways of men, (20)
will not vaunt himself thereof; but will the rather hide
his superiority to them, that he may not be painful unto
them. My good friend," continued he, turning to the
officer, "thee and I are to part by and by,[131] and peradventure
we may never meet again; but be advised by a (25)
plain man; modes and apparel are but trifles to the real
man, therefore do not think such a man as thyself terrible
for thy garb, nor such a one as me contemptible for
mine. When two such as thee and I meet, with affections
as we ought to have towards each other, thou
shouldst rejoice to see my peaceable demeanour, and I
should be glad to see thy strength and ability to protect
me in it." T. (179: 5)
[130] Genuine.
[131] Shortly, presently.
XXVI. SIR ROGER AND SIR ANDREW IN
ARGUMENT
[No. 174. Wednesday, Sept. 19, 1711. STEELE.]
Haec memini et victum frustra contendere Thyrsin.