(_By a Socialistic Loafer._)
[Illustration]
Besoide the worter in Sin Jimes's Pork,
I've stritched meself ter snooze hunder this ole tree--
But cawn't, fur all the keckle, screech, an' squork,
From these yere ducks an' swans, an' sim'lar poultry!
Them fowls is kep' up orf the Nytion's fun's;
If yer chucked stones at 'em there'd be a fuss mide;
They're reg'lar bustin' with the kikes an' buns
As they gits frowed by hevery kiddy's nuss-mide!
I'll lay a femily cud liv fur weeks
On arf the screps them lyzy hoidle ducks re-jecks
hevery hour, a-turnin' up their beaks,
An' wallerin' in comfit an' in lux'ry!
Whoy should the loikes o' them 'ave hall the luck,
Whoile sech as me----? It's skendalus, I s'y 'tis,
That--jest becos I ain't a bloomin' duck--
Sercoiety don't grub and board me grytis!
Some d'y we'll mike hour vices 'eard, in 'owls
O' ryge, an' s'y to--well, no matter _'oo_ it is--
"Ain't we more fit ter live nor worter-fowls?
We're yumin beans--not feathered sooperflooities!"
I'd cop thet one jess waddlin' hup the grorss,
An' twist 'is neck--'e's honly fit fur cookin';
I would, on _prinserple_, as bold as brorss--
If that there bloomin' Keeper wasn't lookin'!
* * * * *
"OH! LIZA."--Another subject for CHEVALIER. A special
meeting was held in Liverpool to protest against the presence of
Cockney costers who, it was asserted, seriously injured the business
of Liverpudlian "market-tenants." Mr. WALKER (is he of the
celebrated Hookey branch of the family?) averred that he had "seen a
coster with his barrow standing before the LORD MAYOR'S shop
for half-an-hour." Our sympathetic soul weeps at this gross injustice
to the worthy syndic, and we trust it will not cost-er him too much.
But, as the lawyer remarked, _de costibus non est disputandum_.
* * * * *
C. C. NEWS. LATEST (LAST THURSDAY) AS TO SCHOOL BOARD
SQUABBLES.--Mr. BOWIE wanted to have his Bowie-knife into
Mr. DIGGLE and others; but was prevented. A BOWIE,
not very sharp and without point, is rather a useless weapon in a fight.
* * * * *
"WURM WURK!"--At Bexhill-on-Sea the "Improvement
Committee"--(how wise of Bexhill-on-Sea to have instituted a
permanent "Improvement Committee," otherwise it might become
Bexhill-_at_-Sea!)--has engaged the exclusive services of Herr
WURM and his band. New motto for this new watering-place, "The
Early Beaks-'ll catch the Wurm." The musical _pabulum_ here provided
will be known as "the Diet of Wurm's." Band to play during every meal.
Likewise "Wurm Baths" with music. The eminent conductor will Wurm
himself into favour with everyone.
* * * * *
The _Daily Telegraph_ notifies a novelty in return tickets introduced
by the South London Electric Railway. "The return half of the ticket is
usable at any time." The idea being not "Go as you please," but "Go as
we (the Co.) please, and come back as you like."
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE EXTINCTION OF THE HORSE.
_Squire._ "ISN'T THAT THE MARE, COPER, YOU HOPED TO MAKE THREE
FIGURES OF AS A LADY'S HACK!"
_Local Dealer._ "YES, SIR, THIS IS HER, WORSE LUCK! SHE'LL HAVE TO
GO FOR A 'CABBER' NOW--UNLESS I BOIL HER DOWN FOR BICYCLE OIL!"]
* * * * *