INSANITARY DUST-BINS.--That your servants should have thrown half a
lobster, several potted meat-tins, an uneatable rabbit-pie, and all the
vegetable refuse of your household, into your dust-bin, and that it
should not have been "attended to" for upwards of two months, is quite
sufficient to account for the intolerable odour of which you and all
your neighbours on that side of the street have had reason to complain;
but, as you seem to think nothing but an epidemic fever, caused by the
nuisance, will rouse the Authorities, you might, by throwing in a pound
or two of phosphate of lime, the same quantity of copper shavings, and a
gallon or so of nitric acid, as you suggest, create such an intolerable
stench, that something would have to be done, and that without delay, to
preserve your entire neighbourhood from a visitation of the plague. Try
it, by all means. In the meantime have a notice, as you propose, put in
your kitchen window, to the effect that a champagne luncheon, and
half-a-crown a head, will be provided for the dustmen if they will only
call. Failing this, you might take the steps you seriously contemplate,
with a view to marrying into the dust-contractor's family. This,
perhaps, coupled with a series of urgent letters to the _Times_, would
be your wisest course. But, in the present unsatisfactory state of the
law, it is difficult to know how to advise you for the best. Your idea,
if the worst comes to the worst, and you cannot get the Vestry to attend
to it, of blowing up your dust-bin yourself with gunpowder, you might
resort to as a last expedient; but, as you seem to think it might bring
down your portico, and possibly the whole front of your house as well,
we should advise you not to put it into execution till _quite_ assured
that your attempts to get your dust-bin emptied by some less violent
means have all hopelessly failed. Anyhow, try the copper shavings and
nitric acid first. We think you will find, if steadily persevered in,
that they will, coupled, possibly, with some legal proceedings, settle
the matter for you.
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MORE GLORY.--The fall of a fragment of a chandelier has shed an
additional lustre--or a portion of a lustre--on the _Brav' Général_.
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QUITE THE FIRST BRIDGE.--The Forth Bridge.
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[Illustration: THE GRAND OLD UNDERGRAD.
MR. GLADSTONE'S VISIT TO OXFORD.--It has been stated in
several papers that Mr. GLADSTONE intends to reside at
All Souls' College, Oxford, of which he is an Honorary
Fellow, from January 30, till the meeting of Parliament,
on February 11. Mr. GLADSTONE, who, we believe, is going
up for quiet study, will occupy a set of College rooms.]
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[Illustration: "ANNALS OF A QUIET PARISH."
_The Vicar's Wife_ (_to Country Tradesman_). "NOW,
HOSKINS, AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF OUR LIBERAL PATRONAGE,
IT WAS REALLY TOO BAD OF YOU TO SEND US SUCH A
GLOBE--CRACKED FROM TOP TO BOTTOM----!"
_Vicar_ (_calling from the Study-door at end of
passage_). "MY DEAR, DID YOU RECOLLECT TO SEND FOR
HOSKINS ABOUT THE GLOBE YOU HAD THE LITTLE ACCIDENT WITH
LAST WEEK!"]
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