(_Purely Imaginary._)
_First Week._--Now let me see what I have to do. I will leave out of
consideration my extra-parliamentary utterances--they will take care of
themselves. Shan't forget _them_. But other matters. Well, I have to
turn the works of my dear old friend ALF TENNYSON into Greek--of course,
omitting certain highly injudicious lines of a reactionary character.
Then I must read through the last edition of the _Encyclopædia
Britannica_. No skipping, but go through _every_ article thoroughly and
conscientiously. Then, of course, there is Grand Day at Gray's Inn. Must
_not_ forget that. Should like, above all things, to be present. Now let
me see that I have got the date all right. Yes, I remember. Grand Day,
Hilary Term. Falls on a Thursday. I shan't forget.
_Second Week._--Translation of TENNYSON into Greek going on famously.
Not had time to cut down any trees, so busy have I been. Got as far as
"Foghorn" in _Encyclopædia Britannica_. New edition a very good one.
Glad I made up my mind to read it. Let me see, anything else? Why, to be
sure, Grand Day at Gray's Inn! Rather cut off my hand or even my head,
than forget _that_! Treasurer particularly nice man. So are all the
Benchers. So are all the Barristers and the Students. Excellent fellows,
all of them--yes, excellent. So must not forget Grand Day at Gray's Inn.
To be sure. Falls on a Thursday.
_Third Week._--_A. T._ progressing nicely. Little difficulty about the
translation of the _Northern Farmer_. Rather awkward to give the proper
weight of a country dialect in Greek. However, it reads very well,
indeed! Think my dear old friend ALF will be pleased with it; he should
be, as it has given me a good deal of trouble. However, all's well that
ends well. _E. B._ also satisfactory. Got into the "D's." Article upon
the "Docks," scarcely exhaustive enough to please me, so have been
reading some other books upon the same subject. Forgotten nothing? No,
because I remember I have to dine at Gray's Inn. Yes, to be sure--23rd
of January. Grand Day. Hilary Term. Falls on a Thursday. Would not
forget it to save my election! Looking forward to the port. Excellent
port at Gray's Inn, I am told. Well, well, I shall be there! I don't
believe much in artificial memory, but to assist my recollection, I have
tied knots in all my pocket-handkerchiefs. Wouldn't forget the fixture
for a kingdom. Falls on a Thursday.
_Fourth Week._--Finished Greek translation of TENNYSON'S Poems. Very
pleased with the result. Must send a copy to dear old ALF. Perhaps it
might suggest to him that it would be a graceful compliment in return to
translate all my speeches into Latin verse. Dear old friend! There is
not another man to whom I would entrust such a task with equal
heartiness. He would do it _so_ well. Must look up my earlier orations.
If ALF does _any_ of it, he should do it _all_. I do not believe in half
measures. Nearly finished the _E. B._ Article upon "Music" very
interesting. "Pigs" not so good; however "Wheel-barrows" excellent and
exhaustive. Rather angry to find knots in my handkerchiefs, &c., until I
suddenly remembered they were to remind me of my engagement to dine at
Gray's Inn. To be sure. Grand Day, Hilary Term. Falls on a Thursday.
Sure to be a delightful evening. Several of my young Irish friends are
members of the Society. I am looking forward to it _so_ much. Useful
things, knots. Remembered it at once! Tie them again. Also put _grey_
wideawake hat over clock in my study. That will remind me of _Gray's_
Inn. Falls on a Thursday!
_Last Week._--There, now I can come to this book with a clear
conscience. Done everything. Greek translation of TENNYSON ready for
press. Finished letter "Z" last night, in final volume of the
_Encyclopædia Britannica_. Nothing omitted. Rather annoyed to find
someone has been tying knots in my handkerchief. Hate practical jokes!
Careless person, too, has been hanging my old grey wideawake on the
clock in my study. Rather a liberty! Don't like liberties. Always
courteous to _everybody_--consequently, expect _everybody_ to be
courteous to _me_! Still, can't help smiling. It _was_ a quaint idea to
hang my old wideawake on the clock in my study. I wonder what put such a
freak into the joker's head! Now let me look at the paper that has just
reached me from London. Dear me, "The Vacant Chair." That seems a good
title. And all about Gray's Inn! Now, I like Gray's Inn--a most
excellent place; everyone connected with it great friends of mine. And
writing of Gray's Inn, that reminds me--Good gracious! Why, last night
was Thursday, and I forgot to be there!!!
* * * * *
[Illustration: REFRESHMENTS IN VOGUE.
"QUININE OR ANTIPYRINE, MY LADY?"]
* * * * *