GEORGE TURNS THE TABLES ON THE PROFESSORS
“Now who,” said Yram, “is this unfortunate creature to be, when he is
brought up to-morrow morning, on the charge of poaching?”
“It is not necessary,” said Hanky severely, “that he should be brought up
for poaching. He is a foreign devil, and as such your son is bound to
fling him without trial into the Blue Pool. Why bring a smaller charge
when you must inflict the death penalty on a more serious one? I have
already told you that I shall feel it my duty to report the matter at
headquarters, unless I am satisfied that the death penalty has been
inflicted.”
“Of course,” said George, “we must all of us do our duty, and I shall not
shrink from mine--but I have arrested this man on a charge of poaching,
and must give my reasons; the case cannot be dropped, and it must be
heard in public. Am I, or am I not, to have the sworn depositions of
both you gentlemen to the fact that the prisoner is the man you saw with
quails in his possession? If you can depose to this he will be
convicted, for there can be no doubt he killed the birds himself. The
least penalty my father can inflict is twelve months’ imprisonment with
hard labour; and he must undergo this sentence before I can Blue-Pool
him.
“Then comes the question whether or no he is a foreign devil. I may
decide this in private, but I must have depositions on oath before I do
so, and at present I have nothing but hearsay. Perhaps you gentlemen can
give me the evidence I shall require, but the case is one of such
importance that were the prisoner proved never so clearly to be a foreign
devil, I should not Blue-Pool him till I had taken the King’s pleasure
concerning him. I shall rejoice, therefore, if you gentlemen can help me
to sustain the charge of poaching, and thus give me legal standing-ground
for deferring action which the King might regret, and which once taken
cannot be recalled.”
Here Yram interposed. “These points,” she said, “are details. Should we
not first settle, not what, but who, we shall allow the prisoner to be,
when he is brought up to-morrow morning? Settle this, and the rest will
settle itself. He has declared himself to be the Sunchild, and will
probably do so again. I am prepared to identify him, so is Dr. Downie,
so is Mrs. Humdrum, the interpreter, and doubtless my father. Others of
known respectability will also do so, and his marks and measurements are
sure to correspond quite sufficiently. The question is, whether all this
is to be allowed to appear on evidence, or whether it is to be
established, as it easily may, if we give our minds to it, that he is not
the Sunchild.”
“Whatever else he is,” said Hanky, “he must not be the Sunchild. He
must, if the charge of poaching cannot be dropped, be a poacher and a
foreign devil. I was doubtless too hasty when I said that I believed I
recognized the man as one who had more than once declared himself to be
the Sunchild--”
“But, Hanky,” interrupted Panky, “are you sure that you can swear to this
man’s being the man we met on Thursday night? We only saw him by
firelight, and I doubt whether I should feel justified in swearing to
him.”
“Well, well: on second thoughts I am not sure, Panky, but what you may be
right after all; it is possible that he may be what I said he was in my
sermon.”
“I rejoice to hear you say so,” said George, “for in this case the charge
of poaching will fall through. There will be no evidence against the
prisoner. And I rejoice also to think that I shall have nothing to
warrant me in believing him to be a foreign devil. For if he is not to
be the Sunchild, and not to be your poacher, he becomes a mere
monomaniac. If he apologises for having made a disturbance in the
temple, and promises not to offend again, a fine, and a few days’
imprisonment, will meet the case, and he may be discharged.”
“I see, I see,” said Hanky very angrily. “You are determined to get this
man off if you can.”
“I shall act,” said George, “in accordance with sworn evidence, and not
otherwise. Choose whether you will have the prisoner to be your poacher
or no: give me your sworn depositions one way or the other, and I shall
know how to act. If you depose on oath to the identity of the prisoner
and your poacher, he will be convicted and imprisoned. As to his being a
foreign devil, if he is the Sunchild, of course he is one; but otherwise
I cannot Blue-Pool him even when his sentence is expired, without
testimony deposed to me on oath in private, though no open trial is
required. A case for suspicion was made out in my hearing last night,
but I must have depositions on oath to all the leading facts before I can
decide what my duty is. What will you swear to?”
“All this,” said Hanky, in a voice husky with passion, “shall be reported
to the King.”
“I intend to report every word of it; but that is not the point: the
question is what you gentlemen will swear to?”
“Very well. I will settle it thus. We will swear that the prisoner is
the poacher we met on Thursday night, and that he is also a foreign
devil: his wearing the forbidden dress; his foreign accent; the
foot-tracks we found in the snow, as of one coming over from the other
side; his obvious ignorance of the Afforesting Act, as shown by his
having lit a fire and making no effort to conceal his quails till our
permit shewed him his blunder; the cock-and-bull story he told us about
your orders, and that other story about his having killed a foreign
devil--if these facts do not satisfy you, they will satisfy the King that
the prisoner is a foreign devil as well as a poacher.”
“Some of these facts,” answered George, “are new to me. How do you know
that the foot-tracks were made by the prisoner?”
Panky brought out his note-book and read the details he had noted.
“Did you examine the man’s boots?”
“One of them, the right foot; this, with the measurements, was quite
enough.”
“Hardly. Please to look at both soles of my own boots; you will find
that those tracks were mine. I will have the prisoner’s boots examined;
in the meantime let me tell you that I was up at the statues on Thursday
morning, walked three or four hundred yards beyond them, over ground
where there was less snow, returned over the snow, and went two or three
times round them, as it is the Ranger’s duty to do once a year in order
to see that none of them are beginning to lean.”
He showed the soles of his boots, and the Professors were obliged to
admit that the tracks were his. He cautioned them as to the rest of the
points on which they relied. Might they not be as mistaken, as they had
just proved to be about the tracks? He could not, however, stir them
from sticking to it that there was enough evidence to prove my father to
be a foreign devil, and declaring their readiness to depose to the facts
on oath. In the end Hanky again fiercely accused him of trying to shield
the prisoner.
“You are quite right,” said George, “and you will see my reasons
shortly.”
“I have no doubt,” said Hanky significantly, “that they are such as would
weigh with any man of ordinary feeling.”
“I understand, then,” said George, appearing to take no notice of Hanky’s
innuendo, “that you will swear to the facts as you have above stated
them?”
“Certainly.”
“Then kindly wait while I write them on the form that I have brought with
me; the Mayor can administer the oath and sign your depositions. I shall
then be able to leave you, and proceed with getting up the case against
the prisoner.”
So saying, he went to a writing-table in another part of the room, and
made out the depositions.
Meanwhile the Mayor, Mrs. Humdrum, and Dr. Downie (who had each of them
more than once vainly tried to take part in the above discussion)
conversed eagerly in an undertone among themselves. Hanky was blind with
rage, for he had a sense that he was going to be outwitted; the Mayor,
Yram, and Mrs. Humdrum had already seen that George thought he had all
the trumps in his own hand, but they did not know more. Dr. Downie was
frightened, and Panky so muddled as to be _hors de combat_.
George now rejoined the Professors, and read the depositions: the Mayor
administered the oath according to Erewhonian custom; the Professors
signed without a word, and George then handed the document to his father
to countersign.
The Mayor examined it, and almost immediately said, “My dear George, you
have made a mistake; these depositions are on a form reserved for
deponents who are on the point of death.”
“Alas!” answered George, “there is no help for it. I did my utmost to
prevent their signing. I knew that those depositions were their own
death warrant,--and that is why, though I was satisfied that the prisoner
is a foreign devil, I had hoped to be able to shut my eyes. I can now no
longer do so, and as the inevitable consequence, I must Blue-Pool both
the Professors before midnight. What man of ordinary feeling would not
under these circumstances have tried to dissuade them from deposing as
they have done?”
By this time the Professors had started to their feet, and there was a
look of horrified astonishment on the faces of all present, save that of
George, who seemed quite happy.
“What monstrous absurdity is this?” shouted Hanky; “do you mean to murder
us?”
“Certainly not. But you have insisted that I should do my duty, and I
mean to do it. You gentlemen have now been proved to my satisfaction to
have had traffic with a foreign devil; and under section 37 of the
Afforesting Act, I must at once Blue-Pool any such persons without public
trial.”
“Nonsense, nonsense, there was nothing of the kind on our permit, and as
for trafficking with this foreign devil, we spoke to him, but we neither
bought nor sold. Where is the Act?”
“Here. On your permit you were referred to certain other clauses not set
out therein, which might be seen at the Mayor’s office. Clause 37 is as
follows:-
“It is furthermore enacted that should any of his Majesty’s subjects
be found, after examination by the Head Ranger, to have had traffic of
any kind by way of sale or barter with any foreign devil, the said
Ranger, on being satisfied that such traffic has taken place, shall
forthwith, with or without the assistance of his under-rangers, convey
such subjects of his Majesty to the Blue Pool, bind them, weight them,
and fling them into it, without the formality of a trial, and shall
report the circumstances of the case to his Majesty.”
“But we never bought anything from the prisoner. What evidence can you
have of this but the word of a foreign devil in such straits that he
would swear to anything?”
“The prisoner has nothing to do with it. I am convinced by this receipt
in Professor Panky’s handwriting which states that he and you jointly
purchased his kit from the prisoner, and also this bag of gold nuggets
worth about £100 in silver, for the absurdly small sum of £4, 10s. in
silver. I am further convinced by this handkerchief marked with
Professor Hanky’s name, in which was found a broken packet of dried
leaves that are now at my office with the rest of the prisoner’s kit.”
“Then we were watched and dogged,” said Hanky, “on Thursday evening.”
“That, sir,” replied George, “is my business, not yours.”
Here Panky laid his arms on the table, buried his head in them, and burst
into tears. Every one seemed aghast, but the Mayor, Yram, and Mrs.
Humdrum saw that George was enjoying it all far too keenly to be serious.
Dr. Downie was still frightened (for George’s surface manner was
Rhadamanthine) and did his utmost to console Panky. George pounded away
ruthlessly at his case.
“I say nothing about your having bought quails from the prisoner and
eaten them. As you justly remarked just now, there is no object in
preferring a smaller charge when one must inflict the death penalty on a
more serious one. Still, Professor Hanky, these are bones of the quails
you ate as you sate opposite the prisoner on the side of the fire nearest
Sunch’ston; these are Professor Panky’s bones, with which I need not
disturb him. This is your permit, which was found upon the prisoner, and
which there can be no doubt you sold him, having been bribed by the offer
of the nuggets for--”
“Monstrous, monstrous! Infamous falsehood! Who will believe such a
childish trumped up story!”
“Who, sir, will believe anything else? You will hardly contend that you
did not know the nuggets were gold, and no one will believe you mean
enough to have tried to get this poor man’s property out of him for a
song--you knowing its value, and he not knowing the same. No one will
believe that you did not know the man to be a foreign devil, or that he
could hoodwink two such learned Professors so cleverly as to get their
permit out of them. Obviously he seduced you into selling him your
permit, and--I presume because he wanted a little of our money--he made
you pay him for his kit. I am satisfied that you have not only had
traffic with a foreign devil, but traffic of a singularly atrocious kind,
and this being so, I shall Blue-Pool both of you as soon as I can get you
up to the Pool itself. The sooner we start the better. I shall gag you,
and drive you up in a close carriage as far as the road goes; from that
point you can walk up, or be dragged up as you may prefer, but you will
probably find walking more comfortable.”
“But,” said Hanky, “come what may, I must be at the banquet. I am set
down to speak.”
“The Mayor will explain that you have been taken somewhat suddenly
unwell.”
Here Yram, who had been talking quietly with her husband, Dr. Downie, and
Mrs. Humdrum, motioned her son to silence.
“I feared,” she said, “that difficulties might arise, though I did not
foresee how seriously they would affect my guests. Let Mrs. Humdrum on
our side, and Dr. Downie on that of the Professors, go into the next room
and talk the matter quietly over; let us then see whether we cannot agree
to be bound by their decision. I do not doubt but they will find some
means of averting any catastrophe more serious--No, Professor Hanky, the
doors are locked--than a little perjury in which we shall all share and
share alike.”
“Do what you like,” said Hanky, looking for all the world like a rat
caught in a trap. As he spoke he seized a knife from the table, whereon
George pulled a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and slipped them on to
his wrists before he well knew what was being done to him.
“George,” said the Mayor, “this is going too far. Do you mean to Blue-
Pool the Professors or no?”
“Not if they will compromise. If they will be reasonable, they will not
be Blue-Pooled; if they think they can have everything their own way, the
eels will be at them before morning.”
A voice was heard from the head of Panky which he had buried in his arms
upon the table. “Co-co-co-compromise,” it said; and the effect was so
comic that every one except Hanky smiled. Meanwhile Yram had conducted
Dr. Downie and Mrs. Humdrum into an adjoining room.