The Courtship of Mr. Wiggins.
Among the very few fashionable foibles to which Mr. Wiggins was addicted,
was the smoking of cigars. Attracted by the appearance of a small box
marked 'Marylands--one penny each,' very much resembling lettuce-leaves
with the yellow jaundice, he walked into the chandler's shop where they
were displayed.
"Let us look at them cigars," said he, and then, for the first time,
glancing at the smart, good-looking mistress of the emporium, he added,
"if you please, ma'am--"
"Certain'y, sir."
A pretty little fist that, howsomever! thought Wiggins, as she placed the
box before him.
"Vill you have a light?"
"Thank'ye, ma'am," said he, ramming the cigar into his mouth, as if he
really intended to bolt it.
She twisted a slip of waste, and lighting it, presented it to her
admiring customer, for it was evident, from the rapt manner in which he
scanned her, that he was deeply smitten by her personal appearance.
She colored, coughed delicately, as the smoke tickled the tonsils of her
throat, and looked full at the youth. Such a look! as Wiggins asserted.
"I'm afeared as the smoke is disagreeable," said he.
"Oh! dear no, not at all, I assure you; I likes it of all things. I can't
abide a pipe no-how, but I've quite a prevalence (predilection?) for
siggers." So Wiggins puffed and chatted away; and at last, delighted
with the sprightly conversation of the lady, seated himself on the
small-beer barrel, and so far forgot his economy in the fascination of
his entertainer, that he purchased a second. At this favourable
juncture, Mrs. Warner, (for she was a widow acknowledging
five-and-twenty) ordered the grinning shop-boy, who was chopping the
'lump,' to take home them 'ere dips to a customer who lived at some
distance. Wiggins, not aware of the 'ruse,' felt pleased with the
absence of one who was certainly 'de trop' in the engrossing
'tete-a-tete.' We will pass over this preliminary conversation; for a
whole week the same scene was renewed, and at last Mrs. Warner and Mr.
Wiggins used to shake hands at parting.
"Do you hever go out?" said Wiggns.
"Sildom-werry sildom," replied the widow.
"Vos you never at the Vite Cundic, or the hEagle, or any of them places
on a Sunday?"
"How can I go," replied the widow, sighing, "vithout a purtector?"
Hereupon the enamoured Wiggins said, "How happy he should be," etc., and
the widow said, "She was sure for her part," etc. and so the affair was
settled. On the following Sunday the gallant Mr. Wiggins figged out, in
his best, escorted the delighted and delightful Mrs. Warner to that place
of fashionable resort, the White Conduit, and did the thing so
handsomely, that the lady was quite charmed. Seated in one of the snug
arbors of that suburban establishment, she poured out the hot tea, and
the swain the most burning vows of attachment. "Mr. Viggins, do you take
sugar?" demanded the fair widow. "Yes, my haingel," answered he,
emphatically. "I loves all wot's sweet," and then he gave her such a
tender squeeze! "Done--do--you naughty man!" cried she, tapping him on
the knuckles with the plated sugar-tongs, and then cast down her eyes
with such a roguish modesty, that he repeated the operation for the sake
of that ravishing expression. Pointing his knife at a pat of butter, he
poetically exclaimed, "My heart is jist like that--and you have made a
himpression on it as time will never put out!" "I did'nt think as you
were quite so soft neither," said the widow. "I ham," replied the
suitor--"and there," continued he, cutting a hot roll, and introducing
the pat, "I melts as easily afore the glance of your beautiful heyes!"
Resolved to carry on the campaign with spirit, he called for two glasses
of brandy and water, stiff, and three cigars! And now, becoming
sentimental and communicative, he declared, with his hand upon his heart,
that "hif there vos a single thing in life as would make him completely
happy, it vos a vife!"