Old stories tell how Hercules
A dragon slew at Lerna,
With seven heads and fourteen eyes,
To see and well discern-a.
But our Laidly worm, who can wriggle and squirm,
Our health long time hath _un_done;
And it's oh! for a knight, or some man of might,
To demolish the Dragon of London!
This dragon hath two horrid heads,
For forage and for foison;
The one's all jaw, and devouring maw,
Whilst the other breathes forth poison.
Monopolist Greed is the one, indeed,
Whilst the other means Pollution;
And a hide of iron doth environ
Each scaly convolution.
You've heard, of course, of the Trojan horse;
Well, this Dragon is thrice as big, Sir!
With the mouth of a hog, or a Pollywog,
Or Egyptian Porcupig, Sir!
Like the Snapping Turtle he'll hustle and hurtle,
And gulp like the Gobbling Grampus;
And smite and shock, like the Jabberwock,
Or the Chawsome Catta-Wampus!
On the river's banks he plays his pranks,
An Amphibious Amphisbaena;
By the Thames and the Lea his coils you'll see,
A-stretch--like a concertina.
For the Thames to him, from brim to brim,
Is a sort of a private Pactolus,
In whose sands of gold this Dragon bold
Can roll and wallow--_solus!_
With one head he grabs L. S. D.
(Like a Nibelungen Treasure),
With t'other, whose breath means disease and death,
He befouls it beyond measure.
And those two heads o'er the watersheds
Of the Thames and Lea do hover,
Till a noxious brewage of slime and sewage
Is the draught of the water-lover.
Where's the "More of More Hall with nothing at all,"
To bring swift retribution,
And put the gag on this two-headed Dragon
Of Greed and of Pollution?
Hurroo! Hooray! Some have had their say
(And their counsels have been various).
But there looms in sight a "peerless knight,"
Which his name is "Sir AQUARIUS."
This Public Water Examiner,
"With legal right of entry,"
Should right the wrong of this Dragon strong,
And o'er river-rights stand sentry.
More of More Hall was nothing at all
For a balladist to brag on,
Compared with our Knight of the Watering Pot--
_If he'll slay our River Dragon!_
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[Illustration: "QUITE AT HOME."
_Podgers (who is somehow managing to spend his holiday at a Country
House for the shooting)._ "WELL, SPEAKING OF BOOTS, SIR JOHN, YOU SEE
THESE SHOES I HAVE ON. THEY COST ME EXACTLY FOUR-AND-SIXPENCE. _NOW I
DARE SAY YOU GAVE TWICE AS MUCH FOR YOURS?_"]
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STRICTLY ENTRE NOUS (_communicated by Sir Ben Trovato_).--Quite
recently Mr. CONDIE STEPHEN had the honour of dining with Her Majesty
at Balmoral. He expressed himself highly pleased with a certain port
wine at dessert. Sir ALGERNON "of that ilk" suggested that a bin of
it should be put by in the Royal cellars, to be kept specially for Mr.
STEPHEN'S visits, and labelled "_Condie's Fluid_."
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