About the middle of February, 1839, I started back for Fayette
County, Illinois, with my family, in company with Brother Levi
Stewart and Riley Helm, two of my old Illinois neighbors. While
traveling through Missouri we were kindly treated by most of the
people; many of them requested us to stop and settle down by
them. I refused to do so, for I knew there was no safety for a
true Saint in that State at that time.
When we crossed the Mississippi River at Quincy, and touched
Illinois soil, I felt like a new man, and a free American citizen
again. At this place I found many of the Saints who had preceded
us camped along the river. Some had obtained employment; all
appeared happy in the faith and strong in the determination to
build up the Kingdom. Here I parted with Riley Helm, as his team
had given out and he could go no farther. I gave him twenty-five
cents in money - all that I had in the world - and twelve pounds
of nails, to buy food with until he could get aid from some other
quarter. I had laid in enough provisions at Brother Morris' to
last me until I could reach my old home again. I started from
Quincy by way of Mr. Vanleven's, the man I sold my cattle to,
taking his note, when going to join the Saints.
Without meeting with any remarkable adventures, I arrived at Mr.
Vanleven's house and was kindly received by him. He had the money
ready for me, and paid me in full all he owed on the cattle. I
now saw that some honesty yet remained in the world. I took two
hundred dollars and left the rest of it with my friend and
banker, so that it would be safe in case I met another storm of
oppression. I then went to Vandalia, Illinois, and put up with my
wife's sister's husband, Hickerson. He was in good circumstances.
I left my wife with her sister, after laying in a supply of
provisions for her and our child. I then commenced preparing for
a mission. I did not know where I was to go, but I felt it my
duty to go forth and give my testimony to the truth of the gospel
as revealed by Joseph, the prophet of the everlasting God.
Brother Stewart was to go with me, he having made arrangements
for the comfort of his family during his absence.
The time I started on my first mission was about the 1st of
April, 1839. I bade adieu to my little family and started forth,
an illiterate, inexperienced man, without purse or scrip. I could
hardly quote a passage of Scripture, yet I went forth to say to
the world that I was a minister of the gospel, bearing a message
from on High, with the authority to call upon all men to repent,
be baptized for the remission of their sins, and receive the Holy
Spirit by the laying on of hands. I had never attempted to preach
a discourse in my life. I expected trials, and I had them to
undergo many times.
Brother Stewart and myself started forth on foot, with our
valises on our backs. We walked about thirty miles the first day,
and as night was approaching we called at a house for lodging.
They had been having a log rolling there that day, and quite a
number of people were around the house. We asked for lodging and
refreshments.
Our request was carried back to the supper-room to the man of the
house, and we stood at the gate awaiting the reply. Presently the
man came out and said that no Mormon preacher could stay in his
house; and if we wished to save our scalps we had better be
making tracks lively.
Brother Stewart took him at his word, and started off at a double
quick. I followed, but more slowly. We made no reply to that
man's remarks. A mile further on we again called for lodging.
The man could not keep us, as he was poor, and his family sick;
but he directed us to a house half a mile from the traveled road,
where he said a man lived that was an infidel, but would not turn
a hungry man from his door.
We went to the house and asked for entertainment. The man said he
never turned a man from his door hungry, but would as soon
entertain horse thieves as Mormon preachers; that he looked upon
all Mormons as thieves, robbers, and scoundrels. There was
determination in his voice as he addressed us in this manner. He
held his rifle in his hand while speaking. Then he said:
"Walk in, gentlemen. I never turn the hungry away." He addressed
his wife, a very pretty, unassuming lady, and said, "Get these
men some supper, for I suppose they feel pretty lank."
There was a good supper soon on the table; but I could not eat.
Brother Stewart ate his supper, and soon was enjoying himself
talking to the family. He was a great talker; liked to hear
himself talk. They requested me to eat, but I thanked them, and
said rest would do me more good than eating. I soon retired, but
did not sleep. I was humiliated; my proud spirit was broken and
humbled; the rough words used toward me bad stricken me to the
heart. At daylight we were on our way again.
About ten o'clock we arrived at a little town, and went to the
public pump to get a drink. While there a woman came to the pump
and asked us if we were Mormon preachers. We told her we were,
but had never preached yet. She invited us to her house, saying
she owned the hotel; that she was a widow; that she would inform
the people of the town we were there, and as it was the Sabbath
we could preach in her house, for she wished to hear the strange
doctrine. We consented to remain, and went home with her and had
something to eat.
At 11 o'clock, a. m., I made my debut to quite an attentive
audience. I both quoted and made Scripture. I had been fasting
and praying until I had become as humble as a child. My whole
mind and soul were swallowed up in the gospel. My most earnest
desire was to impart to others the knowledge that I had of the
truths of the gospel.
When I began to speak I felt an electric thrill through my whole
system. I hardly knew what I said, but the people said I spoke
from inspiration; none of the audience noticed my mistakes in
quoting Scripture.
After dinner my companion, Stewart, proposed to travel on, and, I
agreeing with him, we left the town, although the people wished
us to stay and preach again. I had but little confidence in
myself, and concluded to preach but seldom, until I got over my
timidity or man-fearing feeling that most beginners are subject
to. But I have now been a public speaker for thirty-five years,
and I have not yet entirely gotten over that feeling.
We started for Cincinnati, and traveled two days and a half
without food. My boots hurt my feet and our progress was quite
slow. The third night we applied to a tavern keeper for lodging
and food. He said we were welcome to stay in his house free, but
he must have pay for what we eat.
We sat in the hall all night, for we were much reduced by hunger
and fatigue. That was a miserable night indeed. I reflected the
matter over and over again, scrutinized it up one side and down
the other. I could not see why a servant of God should receive
such treatment - that if I was in the right faith, doing the will
of God, He would open up the way before me, and not allow me to
perish under the sore trials then surrounding me. I had seriously
considered the propriety of walking back to where the kind
landlady gave us our last meal, but was soon comforted, for these
words came into my mind:
"He that putteth his hands to the plow, and then looketh back, is
not fit for the Kingdom of Heaven;" "If ye were of the world,
then the world would love its own, but because I have chosen you
out of the world, the world persecuteth you;" "Ye, and all who
live godly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer persecution, while evil
men and seducers wax worse and worse, deceiving and being
deceived."
The Son of God Himself, when He entered upon the duties of His
mission, was led into the wilderness, where He was tempted forty
days and nights, and when He was hungry and asked for bread He was
told, substantially, that if His mission was of God that God would
feed Him, that if hungry He could turn the stones to bread and eat.
I remembered that similar sayings had been thrown into our teeth.
These thoughts passed through my frame like electricity - or to use
the language of one of the old prophets, it was like fire shut up in
my bones; I felt renewed and refreshed from head to foot, and
determined to trust in the Arm that could not be broken; to conquer
and subdue the passions of my nature, and by the help of God to try
and bring them in subjection to the will of the Spirit, and not of
the flesh, which is carnal, sensual, and devilish. I determined that
there should be no lack on my part.
Daylight came at last, and we renewed our journey. I put a double
guard over those evil passions that were sown thickly in my
sinful nature. The passion most dreaded by me was the lust of the
flesh; that I knew to be the worst enemy to my salvation, and I
determined to master it, I have walked along in silence for
hours, with my heart lifted up to God in prayer, pleading with
Him to give me power over my passions and sinful desires, that I
might conquer and drive from my mind those besetting sins that
were continually warring with the Spirit, which, if cherished or
suffered to remain, would wound and grieve the Spirit and drive
it away. It is written, "My Spirit will not dwell in an unholy
temple." Jesus said to His followers that their bodies were the
temples of the Living God; that if they who had charge of those
temples, or bodies, allowed them to become unholy, He would
destroy that body; while to those who guarded their temples, and
kept them pure and holy, He and His Father would come and take up
their abode and dwell with them as a constant companion forever,
even unto the end, guiding them in all truth and showing them
things past, present, and to come. From day to day I kept my mind
in a constant strain upon this subject. Notwithstanding, the
tempter was ever on the alert, and contested every inch of ground
with me.
Often, while I was in the most solemn reflections, the tempter
would place before me some lovely female, possessing all the
allurements of her sex, to draw my mind from the contemplation of
holy things. For a moment humanity would claim the victory; but
quick as thought I would banish the vision from my mind and plead
with God for strength and power to resist the temptations that
were besetting me and enable me to cast aside the love of sinful
pleasures. The words of the Apostle Paul were appropriate for me
at that and in future time, when he declared that he died daily
to crucify the deeds of the flesh. So it was with me. I was
convinced that I could not serve two masters, God and Mammon.
When I tried to please the one I was certain to displease the
other. I found that I must give myself up wholly to God and His
ministry and conduct myself as a man of God, if I would be worthy
of the name of a messenger of salvation. I must have the Spirit
of God accompany my words and carry conviction to the honest in
heart. In this way I grew in grace from day to day, and I have
never seen the hour that I regretted taking up my cross and
giving up all other things to follow and obey Christ, my Redeemer
and Friend. I do most sincerely regret that I ever suffered
myself to be captivated by the wiles of the devil, contrary to my
better judgment.
Brigham teaches that the will and acts of the people must all be
dictated by him, and delights in hearing the apostles and elders
declare to the people that he, Brigham, is God. He claims that
the people are answerable to him as to their God, that they must
obey his every beck and call. It matters not what he commands or
requests the people to do, it is their duty to hear and obey. To
disobey the will of Brigham is a sin against the Holy Ghost, and
an unpardonable sin to be wiped out only by blood atonement. I
must now resume my narrative, but I will hereafter speak of
Brigham more at length.
We left the Fasting Hotel, as I called it, and traveled to
Hamilton, Ohio, then a neat little town. As we arrived in the
center of the town I felt impressed to call at a restaurant, kept
by a foreigner. It was then noon. This was the first house we had
called at since morning.
As we entered the proprietor requested us to unstrap our valises
and sit down and rest, saying we looked very tired. He asked
where we were from, and where we were going. We answered all his
questions. He then offered us refreshments; we informed him that
we had no money, and had eaten nothing for three days. He said it
made no difference to him; that if we had no money we were more
welcome than if we had plenty of it. We ate a hearty meal, and he
gave us a drink of cider. He then filled our knapsacks with buns,
cheese, sausages, and other things, after which he bid us
godspeed.
We traveled on with hearts full of gratitude to God, the
bountiful Giver Who had opened the heart of the stranger that had
just supplied our wants, and we felt grateful to and blessed the
man for his generous actions. While passing through Cincinnati we
were offered refreshments by a lady that kept an inn. We crossed
the Ohio River at Cincinnati, and stopped over night at a hotel
on the Kentucky side of the river. We then traveled through
Kentucky and into Overton and Jackson counties, Tennessee. I now
bear testimony, though many years have passed since then, that
from the moment I renewed my covenant to deny myself to all
unrighteousness and live the life of a man devoted to God's work
on earth, I have never felt that I was alone, or without a Friend
powerful to aid, direct, and shield me at all times and during
all troubles.
While in Tennessee I stopped with my friend Levi Stewart at the
houses of his relatives in Overton and Jackson counties, and
preached several times. My friend Stewart was blessed with a
large bump of self-esteem. He imagined that he could convert all
of his relatives at once; that all he had to do was to present
the gospel, and they would gladly embrace it. He appeared to
forget that a prophet was not without honor, save in his own
country and among his own kinfolk.
Brother Stewart, though I was his superior in the Priesthood, if
not in experience and ability, looked upon me as a cipher, fit
for nothing. The rough treatment and slights that I received from
him were more than humiliating to a man of fine feelings and a
spirit such as I possessed. I said nothing to him, but I poured
out my soul in secret prayer to my Heavenly Father, asking Him to
open the door for my deliverance, so that my proud spirit, which
was bound down, might soar in a free element.
One Sunday we attended a Baptist meeting. We sat facing the
preacher, but at the far side of the house. My mind was absorbed
in meditating upon my future labors. Gradually I lost consciousness
of my surroundings, and my whole being seemed in another
locality. I was in a trance, and saw future events. What I then
saw was to me a reality, and I will describe it as such. I
traveled in a strange land and among a people that I had never
seen. I was kindly received by the people, and all my wants were
supplied without my having to ask for charity. I traveled on,
going over a mountainous country. I crossed a clear, handsome
river, and was kindly received by the family of the owner of the
ferry at that river. I stayed with this family for some days. I
then recrossed the river and called at a house, where I asked for
a drink of water, which was given me. I held quite a conversation
with two young women. They informed me that there was no minister
in the neighborhood; also that their father had gone in pursuit
of a Mormon preacher who had passed that way a few days before. A
few days passed, and I saw myself in the midst of a congregation,
to whom I was preaching. I also baptized a large number and
organized a flourishing branch of the Church, and was in charge
of that people. I was very popular with, and almost worshiped by,
my congregation. I saw all this, and much more, when my vision
closed. My mind gradually changed back, and I found myself
sitting in the meetinghouse, where I had been just forty minutes
before.
This was an open-day vision, in which the curtains of heaven were
raised and held aside from futurity to allow me to look into the
things which were to come. A feeling of heavenly rapture filled
my being, so much so that, like the apostle who was caught up
into the third heaven, I did not know whether I was in the body
or out of it during my vision. I saw things that it would be
unlawful for men to utter. While the vision lasted my soul was
lighted up as if illuminated with the candle of God. When the
vision closed the hallowed influence gradually withdrew, yet
leaving sufficient of its glorious effect upon my soul to justify
me in feeling and knowing that I was then chosen of God as a
servant in His earthly kingdom; and I was also made to know, by
my sensations, that my vision was real, and would soon be
verified in every particular.
At the close of the church services we returned to our lodgings.
Brother Stewart asked me if I was sick. I said:
"No, I am not sick, but I feel serious; yet I am comfortable."
That evening, after I had given some time to secret prayer, I
retired to rest. Very soon afterwards the vision returned, though
somewhat varied. I was in the midst of a strange people, to whom
I was propounding the gospel. They received it with honest
hearts, and looked upon me as a messenger of salvation. I visited
from house to house, surrounded by friends and kindred spirits
with whom I had once been familiar in another state of existence.
I was in the spirit, and communing with the host of spirits that
surrounded me; they encouraged me to return to the body and
continue to act the part that my Master had assigned me. No
person, except those who have entered by pureness of heart into
constant communion with God, can ever enter into the joyous host
with whom I then, and in after life, held intercourse.
When I came to myself in the morning I determined to travel until
the end of time to find the people and country that God had shown
me in my vision; and I made my arrangements to start forth again,
knowing that God now went with me. I started off after having a
talk with Brother Stewart. He tried to dissuade me from going,
saying I had little experience, not sufficient to warrant my
traveling alone; that we had better remain together where we
were for a season, for we had a home there, and could study and
inform ourselves more thoroughly before starting out among
strangers. I told him that in and of my own strength I was but a
weak vessel; but my trust was in God, and unless He would bless
my labors I could not accomplish much. That I was God's servant,
engaged in His work, therefore I looked to Him for strength and
grace sufficient to sustain me in my day of trial. That I trusted
in the arm of God alone, and not in one of flesh. I started off
in a southwesterly course, over the Cumberland Mountains, and
went about seventy miles through a heavily timbered country. I
found many species of wild fruit in abundance along the way.
Springs of pure, cold water were quite common. I passed many
little farms and orchards of cultivated fruit, such as cherries,
peaches, pears, and apples. As I proceeded the country became
familiar to me, so much so that I soon knew I was on the very
ground I had seen in my vision in the Baptist church. I saw the
place where I had held my first meeting, and my joy was great to
behold with my eyes what I had seen through a glass darkly. I
turned aside from the road, and beneath the spreading branches of
the forest trees I lifted my heart with gratitude to God for what
He had done for me. I then went to the house where I had seen the
multitude assembled when I was preaching.
There I saw the two young women that I had beheld in my vision.
They appeared to me as though I had known them from infancy, they
so perfectly accorded with those whom I had seen while God
permitted me to peer into futurity. Yes, I saw the women, but
their father was gone from home. I asked for a drink of water,
and it was handed to me, as I had seen it done in my vision. I
asked them if there had ever been any Mormon preachers in that
country. They said there had not been any there. The young women
were modest and genteel in behavior. I passed on to the
Cumberland River, was set over the river by the ferryman, and
lodged in his house.
So far all was as God had shown me; but I was still at the outer
edge of my familiar scenery. I stayed about a week with the
ferryman. His name was Vanleven, a relative of my friend and
banker in Illinois. I made myself useful while there. I attended
the ferry and did such work as I could see needed attending to. I
also read and preached Mormon doctrines to the family.
On the fifth day after reaching the ferry I saw five men
approaching. I instantly recognized one of them as the man I had
seen in my vision - the man that took me to his house to preach.
My heart leaped for joy, for God had sent him in answer to the
prayers I had offered up, asking that the man should be sent for
me. I crossed the men over and back again, and although I talked
considerably to the man about what was uppermost in my mind, he
said nothing about my going home with him. I was much disappointed.
I retired for secret prayer, and asked God, in the name of His
Son, Jesus Christ, to aid me, and to send the man whom I had seen
in my vision back for me. Before I left my knees I had evidence
that my prayer was answered.
The next morning at daylight I informed my friends that I must
depart in search of my field of labor. They asked me to stay
until breakfast, but I refused. One of the negroes put me over
the river, and directed me how to cross the mountains on the
trail that was much shorter than the wagon road. I stopped in a
little cove and ate a number of fine, ripe cherries. I then went
on until I reached what to me was enchanted ground. I met the two
sisters at the gate, and asked them if their father was at home.
"No, he is not at home," said the ladies, "he has gone to the
ferry to find a Mormon preacher, and see if he can get him to
come here and preach in this neighborhood."
They then said I must have met him on the road. I told them that
I had come over the mountain trail, and said I was probably the
man he had gone for. They replied:
"Our father said that if you came this way, to have you stop and
stay here until his return, and to tell you that you are welcome
to preach at our house at any time."
This was on Friday. I took out my pencil and wrote a notice that
I would preach at that place on the following Sunday, at 10
o'clock, a. m. I handed it to the girls. They agreed to have the
appointment circulated. I passed on and preached at a place
twelve miles from there, and returned in time for my appointment.
When I arrived within sight of the place of meeting I was filled
with doubt and anxiety. I trembled all over, for I saw that a
vast concourse of people had come to hear an inexperienced man
preach the gospel. I went into the grove and again prayed for
strength and assistance from my Father in Heaven, to enable me to
speak His truth aright. I felt strengthened and comforted. As I
arose from prayer these words came into my mind:
"Truth is mighty and will prevail."
Thereafter I waited until the hour arrived for preaching; then I
approached the place where I had once been in a vision.
This meeting place was in a valley, near a cold, pure spring; on
either side was a high, elevated country; in the center of this
valley there stood a large blacksmith and wagon shop, surrounded
with a bower of brushwood to protect the audience from the sun.
This bower, in which I was to preach, would seat one thousand
people.
In the center of the bower they had erected a framework or raised
platform for a pulpit. I took my place and preached for one hour
and a half. My tongue was like the pen of a ready writer. I
scarcely knew what I was saying. I then opened the doors of the
Church for the admission of members. Five persons joined the
Church, and I appointed another meeting for that night. I again
preached, when two more joined the Church.
The next day I baptized the seven new members. I then arranged to
hold meetings at that place three times a week. I visited around
the country, seeking to convert sinners. The first converts were
leading people in that county.
Elisha Sanders and his wife and daughter were the first to
receive the gospel. Sanders was a farmer; he had a large flour
mill, owned a woodyard, and was engaged in boat building on the
Cumberland River. Caroline C. Sanders had volunteered to publish
the appointment of my first meeting, which I left with the
daughters of Mr. Smith. I labored at this place two months, and
baptized twenty-eight persons, mostly the heads of families. I
then organized them into a branch of the Church.
Brother Sanders fitted up a room very handsomely for me, in which
I could retire for study, rest, and secret prayer. I was made to
feel at home there, and knew that God had answered my prayers. I
had the knowledge that God's Spirit accompanied my words,
carrying conviction to the hearts of sinful hearers, and giving
me souls as seals to my ministry.
Brother Stewart soon preached himself out in his relatives'
neighborhood. He heard of my success, and came to me. He said
that the people where he had been preaching were an unbelieving
set. I introduced him to the members of my congregation, and had
him preach with me a few times, which gratified him very much.
One Sunday we were to administer the ordinance of baptism.
Several candidates were in attendance. Brother Stewart was quite
anxious to baptize the people. I was willing to humor him. So I
said:
"My friends, Brother Stewart, a priest of the New Dispensation,
will administer the ordinance of baptism."
The people stood still; none would come forward for him to
baptize them. They said they would not be baptized until I would
baptize them myself. I told them I would act if they desired it.
So I baptized the people, and Brother Stewart was much offended
with them. He had not yet learned that he that exalteth himself
shall be cast down, and he that humbleth himself shall be
exalted. I then called on the people for a contribution, to get
some clothing for Brother Stewart. I had concluded to have him
return home, and wished to reclothe him before he started, for he
was then in need of it. The contribution was more liberal than I
expected.
After Brother Stewart departed I stayed there some three weeks.
Then I made up my mind to go home and visit my family. Brother
Sanders invited me to go to Gainsborough with him, whore he
presented me with a nice supply of clothing. Sister Sanders
presented me with a fine horse, saddle, and bridle, and twelve
dollars in money. The congregation gave me fifty dollars, and I
had from them an outfit worth over three hundred dollars. I at
first refused to accept the horse, but Sister Sanders appeared so
grieved at this that I finally took it. I left my congregation in
charge of Elder Julien Moses, and started for my family about the
1st of October, 1839. I promised to call on my flock the next
spring, or send a suitable minister to wait upon them.
When I reached Vandalia I found my family well. God had raised up
friends for them in my absence. The Saints were then gathering at
Commerce, that is to say Nauvoo, Hancock County, Illinois. I
visited my sister's family that fall; they then lived about one
hundred miles north of Vandalia. I preached often through Central
Illinois, and that fall I baptized all of my wife's family,
except her father. He held out and refused the gospel until he
was on his deathbed; then he demanded baptism, but being in a
country place he died ere an elder could be procured to baptize
him. By the rules of our Church a person can be baptized for the
dead, and later he was saved to eternal life by the baptism of
one of his children for the salvation of his soul.